verse on a song im rewriting-Winter wonderland

[leviathanstaar]

In the meadow we can build a baphomet, and pretend that he is just a clown. He'll say "Anu Mary?" And we'll say "no man", "but you should likely speak to Gordon Brown!" Later on we'll conspire,maybe set, the reichstag fire. To face unafraid, Leviathan's blade. Walking in a pagan wonderland.

[yubtvoia]

You'd be better off without a, and, the in the obvious places. They are unnecessary and screw up the meter. Get that right, and you are onto something. Good idea, well executed.

[leviathanstaar]

I appreciate your critique

I lack motivation.

I am wasted potential incarnate.

I should try to change that.