Does this make me one of them?

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Last night, I came to realize how much someone I love truely means to me.

This morning, I had a few ideas for photographs I'd like to make for artistic purposes. And what I like to do, is kinda sketch out what I want to see. And one of them, was a class photo of 8 year old kids dressed in uniform. But all the girls were wearing plastic wolves masks.

At first I didn't think anythiny of it. But then I realized that I only want the girls in wolf masks. Not the boys. Then I realized, that whenever my girlfriend is refusing to tell me something, I start thinking that she's lying. That's she's cheating on me. However, when a male friend doesn't tell me something, I take it normally. But I don't think women are lower than men. I'm not a sexists.. It jsut occured to me, after thinking about all the things I've learned about women from the women around me, that I don't trust women.

I found allot of them to be liars, and wolves, that will only hurt you. I know this isn't true. But it's what I feel sometimes..

But as I countinued to reflect. I realized how dominate I am. How hungry for information I am. I like to know EVERYTHING. I want everything..

Then I started to realize how fucked up the world is. And while doing so, a lyric from a song came into my head. From Stone Sour, the line was:

I don't want to be an angel, I just want to be God.

And I know exactly what he means.. If there was a god, I would spit in his face for screwing up like he did, and I, like lucifer, would try and take his place...


After admitting this to myself, I realized how wrong that sounds...


Does this make me one of them? :confused:

[jimijams]

Last night, I came to realize how much someone I love truely means to me.

This morning, I had a few ideas for photographs I'd like to make for artistic purposes. And what I like to do, is kinda sketch out what I want to see. And one of them, was a class photo of 8 year old kids dressed in uniform. But all the girls were wearing plastic wolves masks.

At first I didn't think anythiny of it. But then I realized that I only want the girls in wolf masks. Not the boys. Then I realized, that whenever my girlfriend is refusing to tell me something, I start thinking that she's lying. That's she's cheating on me. However, when a male friend doesn't tell me something, I take it normally. But I don't think women are lower than men. I'm not a sexists.. It jsut occured to me, after thinking about all the things I've learned about women from the women around me, that I don't trust women.

I found allot of them to be liars, and wolves, that will only hurt you. I know this isn't true. But it's what I feel sometimes..

But as I countinued to reflect. I realized how dominate I am. How hungry for information I am. I like to know EVERYTHING. I want everything..

Then I started to realize how fucked up the world is. And while doing so, a lyric from a song came into my head. From Stone Sour, the line was:

I don't want to be an angel, I just want to be God.

And I know exactly what he means.. If there was a god, I would spit in his face for screwing up like he did, and I, like lucifer, would try and take his place...


After admitting this to myself, I realized how wrong that sounds...


Does this make me one of them? :confused:

No it just makes you human.:)

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

No it just makes you human.:)

But being human is just so...



MEH!

I don't like being human.. :(

[roxanna]

Your post rings a bell for me, so here is what I think on it;

Its good you are realizing and admitting harsh stuff about yourself. Not easy to do. Also I would like to point out there are wolves and liars in both sexes. And have you never lied? Not once? Maybe not for malicious reasons but to avoid an unnessary scene perhaps or protect anothers feeling? Think about that before you next feel inclined to throw a stone in your glass house and end up hurting not just another but yourself as well, both of whom are undeserving of it. Be positive. Cheers

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Your post rings a bell for me, so here is what I think on it;

Its good you are realizing and admitting harsh stuff about yourself. Not easy to do. Also I would like to point out there are wolves and liars in both sexes. And have you never lied? Not once? Maybe not for malicious reasons but to avoid an unnessary scene perhaps or protect anothers feeling? Think about that before you next feel inclined to throw a stone in your glass house and end up hurting not just another but yourself as well, both of whom are undeserving of it. Be positive. Cheers

I admited aswell that I know it's not true. Yes, I have lied. Cheated, stealed.

Killed is not one I want on my list. But I know nothing of the future.

Anyways, I'm not throwing stones. I'm fessing up to the sin that perhaps the reason why I hate illuminati so much, is because they have what I want. Absolute power. Or is that just something they are programming me to think?

[rachel88]

After admitting this to myself, I realized how wrong that sounds...


Does this make me one of them? :confused:

nope, coz you're thinking objectivly about it .... 'one of them' is simply someone who has put those ideas to use and is being destructive on a huge scale.. simply entertaining those thoughts is wise because you can prepare yourself so that you dont do anything silly if they come again at full force .. you'l be prepared because you will have thought about it

-my opinion

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

nope, coz you're thinking objectivly about it .... 'one of them' is simply someone who has put those ideas to use and is being destructive on a huge scale.. simply entertaining those thoughts is wise because you can prepare yourself so that you dont do anything silly if they come again at full force .. you'l be prepared because you will have thought about it

-my opinion

....
















I like the way you put it for some reason. Thanks. :)

[lumukanda]

there is an alchemical path that states that one must first truly face oneself in order to progress, conngratulations, it seems your on the path, just learn from what you're doing is all, i too have had to face some really ugly things about myself (the inside of a prison cell will do that to you), and after some time i really do think i am better for it.

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

there is an alchemical path that states that one must first truly face oneself in order to progress, conngratulations, it seems your on the path, just learn from what you're doing is all, i too have had to face some really ugly things about myself (the inside of a prison cell will do that to you), and after some time i really do think i am better for it.

I don't get it.. Could you be more specific?

[rachel88]

I like the way you put it for some reason. Thanks. :)

lol no problemo

[rachel88]

there is an alchemical path that states that one must first truly face oneself in order to progress, conngratulations, it seems your on the path, just learn from what you're doing is all, i too have had to face some really ugly things about myself (the inside of a prison cell will do that to you), and after some time i really do think i am better for it.

hmm.. i think what is ment is:
>before one can improve oneself, he must first realise everything about himself.
>then he says:
>congrads of learning abit more about yourself. (that you dont trust women) .. >congrads because now you can progress perhaps.


(i dont think that you: 'not trusting women' means you need to progress though ... it just means the women you meet need to be more trustworthy!!)

maybe

[mari]

there is an alchemical path that states that one must first truly face oneself in order to progress, conngratulations, it seems your on the path, just learn from what you're doing is all, i too have had to face some really ugly things about myself (the inside of a prison cell will do that to you), and after some time i really do think i am better for it.

This SO rings a bell in me, too. There is a passage in M Scott Peck's 'Further Along the Road Less Travelled' (grrrreat series!) thats states (more or less) that if you're feeling smug about things, then its a good idea to check your dungeon
I've just been brought face to face with one of my 'inmates' & It was painful. Yes, we have to face our shadow side as well as crowing about how 'enlightened' we're becoming.I don't think we can progress at all until we've experienced the dark.
I'm still in a state of flux after confronting the inmate of my particular dungeon, so I haven't yet truly felt 'better' for knowing about her, but I guess I will.

[bigus_dickus]

if you want to know everything, you will always miss something.

because you will always have to go looking for knowledge. you only want something that you don't already have.

that's a belief system. for example, you need to include god and other theoretic entities in your reality to justify everything. that way you are not responsible for almost anything, some theoretical entity is responsible for you and you have no say to anything, just complain about what it made you be.

it will take a little time to alter your belief system. maybe it would help to leave god out of it. you can't limit god into such small concepts, you will always arrive to wrong conclusions and confusion, so better leave him out of any thoughts.

on the other hand, if you really feel that god plays an important role on your life, the only way to keep it safe and your mind sane, is to keep it close to your heart. don't think of it, just feel it. god should be the greatest and best idea that you currently have about yourself. it can't be otherwise.

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Ok, towards the Indigo:

I know what you mean about dreaming of taking over the world. However...

I would never want to really take over the world. I would destroy it because man doesn't deserve it. Then again, I understand the fact that, I too, am faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect. So my dreams just stay little thoughts that I had at a younger age.

Towards the Dickus dude:

I lost my faith at a young age because I know it was nonsense. I know everything that happens, happens for a reason, and because I allowed it to happen.
What I don't get, is why do I keep letting the bad things happen? Fear?
Most likely.

I've seen many of my inner demons. I can't stand being in control of a situation. I become very violent when I feel physically threatened, and then cry about it because I know hurting that person was wrong.

I know right from wrong. But I think it's more of a choice of the time, that says who you are.
Sometimes, I'm the jealous type...


I'm getting too personal.

Basically, I know my inner demons. I've faced many of them, and some, I still battle with. But, because I have these inner demons, and they are very strong ones. Does this mean I could become just as bad as the illuminati?

I can face them, but they're still there.

[lumukanda]

hmm.. i think what is ment is:
>before one can improve oneself, he must first realise everything about himself.
>then he says:
>congrads of learning abit more about yourself. (that you dont trust women) .. >congrads because now you can progress perhaps.


(i dont think that you: 'not trusting women' means you need to progress though ... it just means the women you meet need to be more trustworthy!!)

maybe

i'd also like to add, unless you're learning something from these realisations, there is no point, you have to learn from these things.

@mari, check your dungeons! excellent, i'll remember that one.

[john white]

Embracing and owning the darkness within us is part of embracing the light

But it is not the light of illuminated mind that liberates us:

It is the lightness of the soul: to become innocent of the weight of ego

[bigus_dickus]

you'll be ok. what you are feeling is a change, i've been there too. it happens to you after some great emotional frustration. i have had all the thoughts you are describing here, you are like describing myself a few years back.
there is nothing to worry about and nothing to fear. just be careful.

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

So basically, I have to except that:
1: There are certain things about my self that I will not like
2: Some of them I can change
3: some I can not change
4: Some of the women I have known are untrustworthy
5: I'm just going through changes


I agree with all of them I guess..


Alright.. So, I won't become some illuminati puppet someday? :)

[roxanna]

So basically, I have to except that:
1: There are certain things about my self that I will not like
2: Some of them I can change
3: some I can not change
4: Some of the women I have known are untrustworthy
5: I'm just going through changes


I agree with all of them I guess..


Alright.. So, I won't become some illuminati puppet someday? :)

Bingo, you hit it you are on a path and I applaud your courage to really look at the dark in yourself, that is so hard to do but the only way. And as for the last bit you wrote, I would really doubt you would ever be a puppet. You are on the path to embracing all of the sides of yourself and by doing that you are owning yourself becoming your own man. Cheers

[mari]

Quote: Alright.. So, I won't become some illuminati puppet someday? :)[/QUOTE]

No you certainly wont! Because you're aware of your faults - your 'humaness'

[mari]

you'll be ok. what you are feeling is a change, i've been there too. it happens to you after some great emotional frustration. i have had all the thoughts you are describing here, you are like describing myself a few years back.
there is nothing to worry about and nothing to fear. just be careful.

It certainly seems to me that I'm going through a 'great emotional frustration', as you put it. It is hell. You seem to imply that this will pass. My probs stem from the Ego - its always tripping me up.

[neondestiny]

I lost my faith at a young age because I know it was nonsense. I know everything that happens, happens for a reason, and because I allowed it to happen.
What I don't get, is why do I keep letting the bad things happen? Fear?
Most likely.
Fear or lessons?
Just a thought, I have gone through some personal horrendous situations in my life, but rather than discard them as just bad things happening to me I have embraced both the light and the dark in my inner and outter world as forms of higher lessons.
If I had not gone through the dark tunnels I doubt I would be where I am now ;)
Bright blessings
neon