A humour thread

[pumma]

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/6652/270915355c8b9ae48e6bv7.jpg

[auron]

http://renkinjutsu.animeblogger.net/wp-content/uploads/mikuru.jpg

[accuracy]

VIP Seats

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/vip039seait5.jpg

[accuracy]

A Miracle

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[accuracy]

Surgery

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled
and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern
medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for
medium, and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a large,
but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he
made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

[auron]

http://www.wallpaperbase.com/wallpapers/other/funny/funny_1.jpg

[auron]

http://images.bigoo.ws/content/image/funny/funny_1.jpg

[auron]

http://www.sonofthesouth.net/uncle-sam/images/funny-office-poster.jpg

Who me?? :D

[accuracy]

Mass Move

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/mass022move.jpg

[accuracy]

Rawr!

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/Hm2KsX0B.jpg

[auron]

http://www.woot.com/Images/sale/contest/95-wonderstew.gif

[auron]

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e101/King_Goomba/1hilarious.jpg

[auron]

http://gorillamask.net/razorbackphoto11.jpg

[auron]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i315/teddygross/Despair/cluelessness.jpg

[auron]

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/wulfweard/Jan%2007/masterbait.jpg

:D

[auron]

http://www.kevhead.com/images11/31105-funny_sign_no_target_practice.jpg

[auron]

http://www.humorhour.com/pictures/Fun3287fh98f82ffiti.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img28.picoodle.com/img/img28/8/7/8/f_polvotslashm_41699f5.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img36.picoodle.com/img/img36/8/7/8/f_911truthholm_11db442.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img38.picoodle.com/img/img38/8/7/8/f_albinopeacom_f483fcc.jpg

http://img37.picoodle.com/img/img37/8/7/8/f_albinopeacom_903917a.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img39.picoodle.com/img/img39/8/7/8/f_anacondm_be46c19.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img40.picoodle.com/img/img40/8/7/8/f_chippedamerm_22420e2.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/8/7/8/f_condi666m_057dfd2.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img30.picoodle.com/img/img30/8/7/8/f_condimonsm_37fb0a9.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/8/7/8/f_elephmnm_665aa9c.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img31.picoodle.com/img/img31/8/7/8/f_foxwashdeesm_b9b5c03.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img29.picoodle.com/img/img29/8/7/8/f_iluminatiflm_213f243.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img36.picoodle.com/img/img36/8/7/8/f_poppysm_4206362.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img26.picoodle.com/img/img26/8/7/8/f_trynetrem_779fc3b.jpg

[auron]

http://www.badongo.com/t/640/800547.jpg

[accuracy]

Tiny Mechanic

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/ne9383mecanic2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/ton71107.gif

[accuracy]

Nervous Stomach Fans

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/ner0393stomsd8.jpg

[accuracy]

Going Out

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm
going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''

The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''

The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

[chandrakavi]

Maxim's of Osho:D:):)

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS:eek:

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE A WOMAN'S MIND ,AGREE WITH HER!:p

IN ANY ORGANIZATION THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ONE PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON. THIS PERSON MUST BE FIRED.:rolleyes:

TO ERR IS HUMAN, BUT TO MAKE A REAL MESS OF THINGS YOU NEED A COMPUTER.;)

DON'T EVER PROPHESY, FOR IF YOU PROPHESY WRONG NO ONE WILL FORGET IT, AND IF YOU PROPHESY RIGHT NO ONE WILL REMEMBER.:D

[accuracy]

Parking Brakes

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/park39park98.jpg

[accuracy]

Snoring Problems

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can�t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right," she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and carefully ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place."

[accuracy]

Good Luck

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.

Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."

His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Carribean?"

He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."

[accuracy]

Marriage Lies


There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

[accuracy]

Bird In Cereal Prank

Guy puts a dead bird inside his roommate's box of cereal. The reaction is priceless, it scares the crap out of him.


http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/NDS52srZ.jpg

Watch it:

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1184151123/Bird_In_Cereal_Prank

[chattanova]

http://img34.picoodle.com/img/img34/9/7/15/f_libertym_7a71ac1.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/animals/images/zzzhugz.jpg

[accuracy]

Bras Don't Work That Way!

http://media1.yourdailymedia.com/images/h8rU2ZGN.jpg

[chattanova]

Bird In Cereal Prank

Guy puts a dead bird inside his roommate's box of cereal. The reaction is priceless, it scares the crap out of him.


http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/NDS52srZ.jpg

Watch it:

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1184151123/Bird_In_Cereal_Prank

Good one:D:D:D

[accuracy]

Very funny cat video compilation!!!

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/animals/thumbnails/tnzflyingkitty.jpg

A must watch! :D

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/videos/animals/pages/2.htm

[pumma]

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8083/invisiblekaraokete8.jpg

[auron]

http://www.prankabuddy.com/files/crazytattoo.jpg

[auron]

http://www.wayodd.com/funny-pictures2/funny-pictures-new-mcdonalds-ad-zXj.jpg

[auron]

http://www.toofunnyjokes.com/images/funny-photos/funny-photo035.jpg

[auron]

http://www.route79.net/fotos/1028.jpg

[auron]

http://mahopa.de/bilder/funny-forum-pictures/funny-room.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sign16.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sign15.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sign03.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sign01.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sign13.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/WomenLiveLonger2.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/WomenLiveLonger4.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/It's%20a%20boy.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/yeah_its_a_woman.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/H2%20looks%20tough.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Mating2.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/LostMyJobToday4.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/LostMyJobToday1.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/AirMaint.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/9/7/17/f_BUSHIEm_f942246.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/9/7/17/f_digm_fc3ad60.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/9/7/17/f_enemym_0cf531f.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/9/7/17/f_flushm_f8a0c9f.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img30.picoodle.com/img/img30/9/7/17/f_flushm_79d4161.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/9/7/17/f_hammeredm_772549b.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img35.picoodle.com/img/img35/9/7/17/f_infom_251f761.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img38.picoodle.com/img/img38/9/7/17/f_levlm_85d794b.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/9/7/17/f_outm_d040e68.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img31.picoodle.com/img/img31/9/7/17/f_powm_878d219.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img36.picoodle.com/img/img36/9/7/17/f_qonm_be70825.gif

[chattanova]

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/9/7/17/f_stopaskingm_f8c83e0.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img31.picoodle.com/img/img31/9/7/17/f_thirtm_00ea4d2.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img28.picoodle.com/img/img28/9/7/17/f_TIAm_36d5e9a.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img39.picoodle.com/img/img39/9/7/17/f_usflagzionm_b92bcc6.jpg

[auron]

http://www.mypsace.org/Comments_2/Everyday_Comments/Funny_Comments/images/Funny-Sayings-20.gif

[auron]

http://www.mypsace.org/Comments_2/Everyday_Comments/Funny_Comments/images/Funny-Sayings-16.gif

[auron]

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/armyranger%5B1%5D.jpg

[auron]

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/28-funny-warning.jpg

[auron]

http://images.bigoo.ws/content/image/funny/funny_0.jpg

[auron]

http://www.myblam.com/Media/pictures/thumbnails/655-funny-lama.jpg

[auron]

http://www.sportssmile.com/images/funny.jpg

[auron]

http://fumblingtowardsislam.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/funny_sign01.jpg

[auron]

http://www.funny-jokes.net/funny-pictures/imgs/240.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/CessnaTakes%20Swim.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/CockPit.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/learn2fly.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Aztec%20at%20Tamimiami%20after%20Andrew.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/No%20Xmas.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/SpeedEnforcement1.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/SpeedEnforcement2.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/stay%20off.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Sub_aground3.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/NoRoad1.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Nosedive.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Nothing_Changes.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/on_the_face.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/QantasNote.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/JerryC-IRCHA-04.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/wyoming_windsock.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/short-landing.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/Catting%20a%20Ford.jpg

[fuknut]

http://www.micom.net/oops/African%20preflight.jpg

[auron]

http://www.chaosquake.de/files/temp/i-cant-see-shit.jpg

[gordonfreeman]

This happens, if you don't look below while driving in a deer-populated road.

http://oopslist.com/Deer%20vs%20Durango2.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img38.picoodle.com/img/img38/9/7/18/f_chemtrailsdm_89917b4.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/9/7/18/f_fluoridedeem_4c4a61b.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img37.picoodle.com/img/img37/9/7/18/f_mercurydeesm_aee12c3.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img34.picoodle.com/img/img34/9/7/18/f_trainnelsonm_7374f7f.jpg

[fuknut]

Brokeback Mountain Self Test:

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.



2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.



3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits.. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.



4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.





5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.



6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.



7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.



8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous c'est le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too.

:D:D

[auron]

http://ghettolanparty.org/graphics/funny/wtf-lightning.jpg

[auron]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/at-the-carinval.jpg

[auron]

http://www.kronikgrl.co.uk/bleh/bleedin-precious.jpg

[auron]

http://paulstamatiou.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/kitten_fix.jpg

[auron]

http://www.adsblog.co.uk/blog/images/funny_air_conditioning.jpg

[chattanova]

http://www.adsblog.co.uk/blog/images/funny_air_conditioning.jpg

:D good one :D

[auron]

http://www.frenchfriends.info/files/funny_soccer.jpg

[auron]

http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/300W/fs7.deviantart.com/i/2005/247/b/a/omfg_wtf_by_KatzMotel.jpg

[auron]

http://www.cjcc.com/Images/funny%20picts/When%20Your%20SysAdmin%20Is%20Bored.jpg

[auron]

http://www.newriffs.com/images/cumrag.jpg

[chattanova]

This is actually painted on the wall and ground to look 3D.

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/9/7/22/f_grafittim_1b76f5f.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img40.picoodle.com/img/img40/9/7/22/f_bigloadm_ffb7f0f.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img31.picoodle.com/img/img31/9/7/22/f_2346m_4a1197e.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img39.picoodle.com/img/img39/9/7/22/f_2368m_0d6b3e8.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img36.picoodle.com/img/img36/9/7/22/f_2345m_926b3cb.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/9/7/22/f_dietwaterm_78d21f7.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/9/7/22/f_2322m_8af1e2f.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img33.picoodle.com/img/img33/9/7/22/f_2366m_624b531.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/1913/drowningtheboyfriendtc5.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/2135/gaack9.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/7310/2294ri5.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/8140/2316yx2.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/2553/2337tv7.jpg

[accuracy]

First Class Cruise

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/first39calsscrui9.jpg

[accuracy]

Extreme Drive Thru

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/dri49thru332.jpg

[accuracy]

Toilets Advertisement

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/toil309ads.jpg

[accuracy]

Very Thoughtful

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/beng9thoughtful.jpg

[accuracy]

Putting It In

A guy enters confessional and says to the priest with guilt, "I had an affair...almost."

The priest says, "What do you mean ’almost?’"

The guy says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped."

"In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in," says the priest. "For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $20 in the poor box."

The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.

The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, "You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"

The guy stops and says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, that’s the same as putting it in."

[accuracy]

Camel Urges

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

[chattanova]

http://img39.picoodle.com/img/img39/9/7/23/f_talkaboutthm_dec0601.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img35.picoodle.com/img/img35/9/7/23/f_2148m_ae7e9c8.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/9/7/23/f_doghogm_7c233cd.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img26.picoodle.com/img/img26/9/7/23/f_eyem_633fecd.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img39.picoodle.com/img/img39/9/7/23/f_screwdriverm_cbecf25.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/9/7/23/f_2230m_29d8163.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img29.picoodle.com/img/img29/9/7/23/f_dicefromanom_de2a2df.jpg

[accuracy]

Nuns Off-Duty

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/356nuns903827890375903.jpg

[accuracy]

Magnum XL condoms

She didn't get those round lips by whistling

http://www.freshpictures.net/data/media/1/416.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.freshpictures.net/data/media/1/407.jpg

[accuracy]

Goldfish Burial

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/kids/images/zgoldfish.jpg

[accuracy]

Men Problems

http://www.veryfunnypics.com/cartoons/gender/images/xmen.jpg

[accuracy]

Funny Male Sex Toy

http://media1.yourdailymedia.com/images/rPzY1m5r.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media1.yourdailymedia.com/images/L7xGJtUR.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media1.yourdailymedia.com/images/PF8qsA0r.jpg

[accuracy]

http://img473.imageshack.us/img473/4788/parisafashion235afd4.jpg

[accuracy]

About Men

1. Why is man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
So he can tell if he's coming (cumming) or going.

2. Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to put them in.

3. Why did God make men before women?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

4. Why did God make man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

5. Why did God make men smarter than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

6. Why does it take one sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop to ask directions.

7. How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
Don't know, it never happened.

8. Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

[accuracy]

He said it! The stupidest paintball stunt ever. With aftermath shots.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/qB8yq8SX.jpg

Video clip: watch it

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1185291163/Paintball_Dare_Devil

[accuracy]

This has got to be one of the funniest gym accidents I've seen.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/MVBiYUzQ.jpg

Watch the video clip

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1185187673/Workout_Mishap

[chattanova]

http://img29.picoodle.com/img/img29/9/7/26/f_godsdeesm_206338e.jpg

[accuracy]

Strange British Signs

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/115baddog115.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/169womandriver8923457.jpg

[accuracy]

Vampire Blood

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

[accuracy]

Annual Physical

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back
with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and
do you have a good relationship with your God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's
fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
(poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when
I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said,
"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in
awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night
and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes
off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"

[accuracy]

Brand New Outfit

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled, "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/dea000endw.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/23hospitality.jpg

[accuracy]

Signs That You're Broke

At communion you go back for seconds.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.

McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

[accuracy]

The tomato garden

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo - I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, Papa.

A few days later he received a letter from his son...

Dear Papa - I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie.

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa - Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie.

[accuracy]

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/pics/cops_first_day.jpg

[accuracy]

Some people teach their dogs to sit or shake, others...

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/pics/dog_stunt_pisser.jpg

[accuracy]

Beer Beer Beer

http://img.youtube.com/vi/b-faA4SblZQ/default.jpg

This is Rob Manuel's ( director of http://www.b3ta.com/ ) sing-a-long,
now posted at youtube video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YnqB1_BG10

[accuracy]

Superman & Wonderwoman

Superman is flying around Metropolis horny as hell. He spots wonder-woman on the roof of a building butt-naked taking a sun tan. He says"I have to fly down here get me some wonder pussy." So he flies down quickly and fucks her so fast and flies off. She gets up and says"what the fuck was that" and the invisible man says"I don't know but my ass is killing me."

[auron]

http://www.funnyjunksite.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/funny_cat_pictures_094.jpg

[auron]

http://www.aacc.net/email/images/funny_bike.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/337phat069890638590823.jpg

[accuracy]

Halloween Party

A black couple was invited to attend a Halloween costume party. The husband asked his wife to get him a costume. The first day she came home with a Batman costume. "Woman", he said, "you know there has never been a black Batman! I can't wear this! Get me something more suitable for this party." So the next day, he came home to find a Superman costume for him. "Woman", he said again. "There has never been a black Superman either. People will laugh at me if I wear this. Now get me something I can wear!" On the third day he came home to find 3 large cottonballs, a white belt, and a 2x4. "What is this?" he asked. Politely, she said, "You can attach those cottonballs and go as a domino, you can wrap that belt around your waist and go as an Oreo cookie, or you can shove that 2x4 up your ass and go as a fudgesickle!"

[accuracy]

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/PEUsuG7t.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/1hTCq47t.jpg

[texdallas]

George Bush goes to a primary
school to talk to the kids to get
some good PR.

After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

" Stanley ," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley ?"

"I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without
the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got
more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin
Laden?" Fourth,

why are we so worried about gay-marriage when ½ of all Americans

don't have health insurance?

Just then, the bell rings for break.

George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after

break. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh,
that's

right, It's question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and

asks him his name. "Little Johnnie" he responds.

"And what is your question, Little Johnnie?"

"Actually Sir, I have 6 questions: First, why did the
USA invade

Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you
President

when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to
Osama

Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when

1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth,
why did

the break bell go off 20 minutes early? And sixth, what the

fuck happened to Stanley ?"

[accuracy]

http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/1825/ouchql7.jpg

http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/9541/ouch1jc6.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/160sucked9237849.jpg

[auron]

:D Classic!

[auron]

http://www.funnyjokepics.com/funnypics/458f6503a0344f761c262a112264a5dcSpeedLimit.jpg

[auron]

http://blog.maniac.nl/images/heavyfine.jpg

[auron]

http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/drink_water.jpg

[auron]

http://www.munsplace.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/FunnySign1_small.jpg

[auron]

http://www.2bloghumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/funny_signs_001.jpg

[auron]

http://zulfiedu.gov.sa/up/uploads/3cd842a725.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/sopisf03jack3.jpg

[accuracy]

The Value Of Ten Dollars

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

[chattanova]

http://img36.picoodle.com/img/img36/9/8/6/f_bedom2m_e6a612d.png

[accuracy]

Woolworths Checkout chicks

A man was in a long line at his local Safeway store. As he got to
the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the
checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, "What size condoms?"

The customer replied that he didn't know.

She asked him to drop his pants.

He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the
intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most ofus,
was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the
checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she
could have some brought to the register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked
him to drop his pants.

He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box
ofmedium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen
was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a
live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the
register he told her he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a
quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...

(you'll love this one...................)





"Mop and bucket to register 5"

[accuracy]

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/6047/priceless3wq2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/24.jpg

[accuracy]

Old Fingers

An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.

"Oh honey", said the young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?"

"No", said the old man, "It means you can take your pick."

[accuracy]

Explaining Condoms

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March." one for March."

[accuracy]

Pizza Order In The Future

Does Windows VistaPro2010 look similar to Windows 98 or is it just me?

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/ZaCXcefF.jpg

Watch the video clip:

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1186501570/Pizza_Order_In_The_Future

[accuracy]

http://media1.yourdailymedia.com/images/7Gy7Feaz.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/40700/1186430893/colgate1080.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/48949/1186335258/thumb.durexunsafe.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/lolipoplady.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/am92moving3.jpg

[accuracy]

Room Service

A man calls room service at his hotel. "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee,watery orange juice and cold, hard, unbuttered toast", asks the man.

"Why the hell would you want a terrible breakfast like that?", asks the room service guy.

"I'm homesick", replies the man.

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/stoners_inn.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/328mirrors9805986904863.jpg

[accuracy]

ATR

An inquisitive young man was on a flight to hawaii and was having a few drinks to celebrate his upcoming vacation so he was quite alarmed to discover that the mens room was under repair so he asked the stewardess for admittance to the ladies room "certainly" she replied "as long as you dont touch the WW ,PP,or the ATR buttons of course the young man agreed no sooner had he relieveed himself than his curiosity git the best of him he pressed the WW button and enjoyed the sensation of warm water being sprayed on his rear this first experiment was so pleasant he decided to try the PP button and was reewarded by the feel of a soft powder puff on his rear much emboldened by the first two tries he pressed the ATR button next thing he knew he was waking up in a bright white room with nurses all around him"what happened"he asked "did you push the WW button" said the nurse"yes""and the PP button""yes" "did you push the ATR button""yes why"ATR stands for automatic tampon removal by the way your penis is on your pillow"

[accuracy]

Superball Fever

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in
the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear
Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows
off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and
makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the
empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is
anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again
inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right
mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?" The man
replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't
been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

[auron]

Good one mate!!

http://www.lifeshore.com/smiley/data/media/2/3D_emoticon_40.gif

[auron]

http://www.visualjokes.com/funny/funny%20pictures%20lost-dog.jpg

[auron]

http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/img/funny-bar-signs.jpg

[auron]

http://img387.imageshack.us/img387/8830/funny10oo4.jpg

[accuracy]

5 Surgeons


Five surgeons are discussing who has the best
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think
librarians are the best; everything inside them is in
alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like
construction workers. Those guys always understand
when you have a few parts left over at the end,
and when the job takes longer than you said it
would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he
observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest
to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no
brains and no spine, and there are only two moving
parts, the mouth and the asshole - and they are
interchangeable.

[accuracy]

Fatty Ruins Summer

And that's how you ruin a wal-mart pool for the season.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/i/u/wYCJFtwf.jpg

Watch it:
http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1186998950/Fatty_Ruins_Summer

[auron]

http://s133702574.onlinehome.us/pictures/blog/hotdoggirl.jpg

[pollock]

http://s133702574.onlinehome.us/pictures/blog/hotdoggirl.jpg

I dont even need to know what is accually going on there!

F

[pollock]

http://img2.putfile.com/thumb/8/22604163163.jpg (http://www.putfile.com/pic.php?img=6312468)

F

[lydia78]

http://www.visualjokes.com/funny/funny%20pictures%20lost-dog.jpg

Love it.....Britany spears et al, in a few months from now..LOL

[auron]

http://moronland.net/media/pictures/FunnyGal1.jpg

[auron]

http://www.zooweekly.co.uk/pub/21publish/grif/funny-pictures45.jpg

[auron]

http://www.imagesofeyes.com/images/namibia3.jpg

[auron]

http://www.justcomments.com/files/6ec2a8a7f549.jpg

[auron]

http://www.net-games.biz/funny-pictures/pictures/1035.jpg

[lydia78]

204

205

206

[accuracy]

http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/3236/viewsg6.jpg

[accuracy]

Divorce



Div-orce



Divo-rce




It doesn’t matter how you try to split it, its never equal

[accuracy]

Here is a picture of Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) taken when he was doing the play Equus



http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/4505/harrypotterequused6.jpg

[accuracy]

> FLOODING IN IRELAND - MAY 2007

>

> If this doesn't tug at your heart strings nothing will.

>

> We've all seen the faces of those ravaged by the floods of Sri Lanka

> and New Orleans....

>

> This "award-winning" photograph of the recent flood waters rising in

> Ireland captures the horror and suffering there.

>

> Keep these people in your thoughts and prayers.


http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/797/floodsinirelandlocalspaua4.jpg

[lydia78]

OMG!!:)
Whose's is that?! Is it some sort of yogis??hahahaha


http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/3236/viewsg6.jpg

[accuracy]

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/5072/23992howtoruinafamilyphzo4.jpg

[chattanova]

http://img28.picoodle.com/img/img28/9/8/19/f_diebold2deem_52da55a.jpg

[accuracy]

Love you're signature,chattanova

:)

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/104goal1-239.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/bado93nrighborring.jpg

[accuracy]

Health Tips

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal,
mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger
and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress
yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want
a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!

[chattanova]

Love you're signature,chattanova

:)

;)

[firevixen06]

Two crocodiles were siting at the side of the swamp near Ottawa river.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,"I Can't understand how
you can be so bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids.
I just don't get it."
"Well said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?"
"POLITICIANS, same as you,"replyed the small 'Croc.
"Hmm. Well, were do you catch them?"
"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliment
Buildings."
"Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?"
"Well, i crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door.
Then i jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big Crocadile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase."

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/388german03806.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/blo2039access.jpg

[accuracy]

Subject: goin' golfin'

> A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is
> synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course.
> What's your secret?"
> Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"
> ----------------------------------------------
> Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5 iron
> standing over a lifeless man. The detective! asks, "Ma'am, is that your
> husband?"
> "Yes" says the woman.
> "Did you hit him with that golf club?"
> "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands
> on her face.
> "How many times did you hit him?"
> "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."
> -----------------------------------------------
> The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was
> standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
> She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here"?
> He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is
> it?"

[accuracy]

http://img463.imageshack.us/img463/473/att00001111lu2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/231drunk39812749.jpg

[accuracy]

Polish Construction Worker

Three construction workers were down town working on a high-rise. A black guy, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Come lunch time, the three sit down together on a beam and open their lunchboxes. The black guy opens his box and finds chicken wings and grits. "Man, I hate this crap. I've been eating this stuff since I was a kid."
The Mexican opens his box and finds burritos and rice. "Me too man. I've had to eat this shit since I was little too."
The Polish guy opens his box and finds a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. I've been eating this stuff for way too long."

A week later, the three workers were up on the 30th floor. Come lucnch time, the three sit down together on the beam and open thier lunchboxes. The black guy opens his, and sure enough, chicken wings and grits. "Son of a bitch. I swear, if I get this crap one more time, I'm jumping."
The Mexican opens his box, and there it is, burritos and rice. "Me too man. I'm sick of this crap. If I get this crap again, I'm jumping too."
The Polish guy opens his box, and sure enough, a PB&J sandwich. "I'm with you guys. If I get another one of these damn sandwiches, I'm jumping with you two."

A week passes, and the three are working on the 50th floor. Lunch time comes, and the three sit down together. The black guy opens his box, sees the chicken wings and grits. Standing up, he says goodbye to his friends and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his box, and sure enough, burritos and rice. Saying goodbye to his friend, he too, jumps to his death.
The Polish guy opens his box, sees the PB&J sandwich, and jumps to his death as well.

A few days later at the funeral, the wives of the three workers were standing around and condoling each other. "I just don't get." the black guy's wife said. "He never told me he didn't like chicken wings or grits."
"I know," the Mexican's wife said. "He never told me about the burritos or rice. I would have gladly made him something else."

As the two talked, they noticed that the Polish guy's wife was still crying her eyes out. "There, there, dear. It'll be alright." they said to her.
"I-I just don't understand it," she cried. "I mean, each day he made his own damn lunch."

[auron]

http://www.premierphotographer.com/funny_animal_pics_5.jpg

[fresco]

http://www.funnypicturesworld.com/img/funny/funny0175.jpg