A humour thread

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/laser-eyes-kid%20-%20Copy.jpg

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/nommm-nommmm-nommmm-boobs.jpg

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http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129151491252297539.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129147057241289144.jpg

[coco]

A group of 40 year old ladies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there are young and have really
great bodies!

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group, once again discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group, once again discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group, once again, discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group, once again, discusses where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they have never been there before.

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http://www.allhatnocattle.net/129143694316332681.jpg

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http://www.allhatnocattle.net/condom_promo.jpg
A person dressed as a giant condom walks past visitors standing in a queue to visit the Red Ribbon express train, background, at a railway station in Hyderabad, India, Thursday, April 15, 2010. The Red Ribbon express train is traveling across the country as part of a campaign to spread awareness on HIV and AIDS. Oddly, you would never see this in the United States.
Photo/Mahesh Kumar

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/to-the-moon.jpg

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/Bison-Tongue.jpg

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http://cheezprobablybadnews.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129151492570760353.jpg

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http://www.b3tards.com/u/ee710610c25fad6113eb/katy1.jpg

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This new Aussie flag brings a tear to my eye.



http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/5840/aussieflag.jpg

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Coffee and Women

http://www.jokesy.com/images/things-i-like-about-coffee.jpg

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT COFFEE.

» Coffee is hot.
» Coffee makes me excited.
» Coffee is good enough to have every day.
» Coffee smells good.
» Coffee makes you nervous sometimes.
» Coffee gives you warm & fuzzies.
» Even when coffee is too strong or too weak, it's still good.


THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU.

» Pretty much the same as coffee.
» And who knows, maybe you taste good & keep me up all night too.

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An easy way to download from your computer... maybe not.



http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/downloading.jpg

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That dog is SO freaking out right now


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/omg.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129152252031828841.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129149736720156848.jpg

[martg]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129149736720156848.jpg

lmao :d

[noewhan]

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=451&pictureid=7000

[nofuture]

http://twitchfilm.net/news/AnnaAndIGetMarried_MarkHogancamp.jpg

[noewhan]

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=451&pictureid=7002

[accuracy]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129151831571146869.jpg

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1253.jpg
This is just a public service announcement from PoWM: Ladies and gentlemen warm weather is starting to grace our presence and as we move into the summer, the temperature is rising so is the unfortunate “Swamp Ass” epidemic. So be aware and try to stay dry!

Louisiana

[nofuture]

http://gallery.seloc.org/albums/userpics/10380/IdiotFishing.png

[lewi]

http://www.moolf.com/images/stories/Amazing/Strange-statues/Strange-statues4.jpg:eek::eek::eek::eek:

[ozpixie]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1253.jpg

There must be a vaccine out there to stop it LOL :D

[accuracy]

I'm pretty sure this is a scam...



Warn your friends




http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/1020/mammogramscam.jpg

[merlincove]

5253

[merlincove]

5254

[merlincove]

5255

[neutrino]

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/5/7/4/574429a7700222b9604ed8b9fa575ef9.gif

[neutrino]

http://gallery.seloc.org/albums/userpics/10380/IdiotFishing.png

I hate to put a downer on that image you've posted but he's actually talking/typing in a complete Yorkshire accent/dialect. How he is typing there is the exact same way I speak because I too am from Yorkshire.
Since the Yorkshire dialect is a form of English they're not actually in a way "wrong".

Just thought I'd add a bit of none general knowledge there. :p

Yorkshire translation:

I ate ta pud a darner on that image thaz posted but iz actually talkin/typin in a complete yorksha accent/dialect. Are iz typin thear is the exact same way I spake because I too am from yorksha.
Since Yorksha dialect is a forma English the not akchally in a way "wrong".

Just thaw ad add a bita none general knowledge thear.

[coco]

I'm pretty sure this is a scam...



Warn your friends




http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/1020/mammogramscam.jpg

.

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bwaiiiinz.jpg

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/warning-alcohol-impairs-judgment.jpg

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fun_bags.jpg

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Chinese Man in Australia :D

http://www.jokesy.com/images/chinese-man.JPG

Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of Living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near to Mt Isa. A few Days after moving in the friendly Aussie neighbours decides to go across And welcome the new guy to the region, so he goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese Customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about To knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last Go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull Down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the bull's Bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese Man and says 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, And drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that Bull's bum, it could just about shit on you.'

The Chinese man is very taken back and says 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I doing, these Australia Customs.'

'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren’t Australian customs.'

'Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinese Man,' He say to become true Australian, I learn chase chicks, Drink piss, And listen to bull-shit'

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129131763911435915.jpg

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1261.jpg
Tim Burton would scream at this version of Alice in Wonderland.

Oregon

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1262.jpg

FYI: Just because it has color doesn’t mean it isn’t see through….especially when it’s stretched out, but that’s a whole different discussion.

Texas

[merlincove]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bwaiiiinz.jpg

awesome :D

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Weird Picture of the Day

Some people just have too much time on their hands.


http://www.bartcop.com/cow-in-field.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129140906070516738.jpg

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1268.jpg
Ummm, I think you might need something more than the pine tree air freshener. It’s a start, not where I would have started, but it’s a start.

California

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Kate Hudson's lovely breasts

Rumor has it she got implants

http://www.bartcop.com/Kate-Hudson-implants.jpg

If this is an "after" pic, she should get a refund

[ozpixie]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fun_bags.jpg

Anyone else agree the plastic surgeon who did that needs to be struck off?

[pound]

Kate Hudson's lovely breasts

Rumor has it she got implants

http://www.bartcop.com/Kate-Hudson-implants.jpg

You gotta be sh*ttin' me...lol

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/moderation-for-bunny.jpg

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Fishing Jokes

http://www.jokesy.com/images/fishing-cartoon.gif

I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife
...best trade I ever made."


A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?"


A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.

After about a half-mile the fella stopped and stooped over, with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath, and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped.

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "but, my friend back there - Well, he don't have one."


A blonde guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up toward the sky and thinks to himself, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again. The voice bellowed again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Then the guy yells, "God, is that you?"

The voice answered, "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."



You know you are a fisherman when...

1. You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2. Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3. You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4. Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5. You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6. You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7. Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8. You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9. You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10. You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11. You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12. You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13. You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14. Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15. You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16. Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129151516328559075.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129147167165029435.jpg

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1276.jpg
Although not our intention, many of you will automatically look at the fact that there are people in the scooters. For that reason we normally do not post these types of pictures. However, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I didn’t share with everyone a mullet fit only for the Gods!

Iowa

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Another moron, another hilarious yahoo question

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/is-my-son-gay.jpg

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http://www.jokesy.com/images/fishing-cartoon.gif

"I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife
...best trade I ever made."


A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?"


A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.

After about a half-mile the fella stopped and stooped over, with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath, and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped.

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "but, my friend back there - Well, he don't have one."


A blonde guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up toward the sky and thinks to himself, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again. The voice bellowed again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Then the guy yells, "God, is that you?"

The voice answered, "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."


You know you are a fisherman when...

1. You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2. Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3. You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4. Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5. You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6. You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7. Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8. You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9. You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10. You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11. You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12. You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13. You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14. Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15. You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16. Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

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http://mariopiperni.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/grondahl.jpg

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A Tribute To Doing It Wrong

I’ve often laughed at infomercials where the most menial task is made to look impossibly difficult to perform. Here’s a great compilation.


As Seen on TV - a tribute to doing it wrong - YouTube

[noewhan]

Hehe, just saw the Steven hawking on Aliens thread, thought I'd add this to the have a laugh section somewhere.

Steven Hawking Micallef - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OybWtyXPfE

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129148009979001937.jpg

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/why-are.jpg

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Being Unfriendly
One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his wife in bed with his best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends."

[nofuture]

http://i.imgur.com/E5YDF.gif

[coco]

A Tribute To Doing It Wrong




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08xQLGWTSag

Lol! I like those commercials where they can't crack an egg or cut brownies. They're all too funny though. :)

[suthseaxan]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129147167165029435.jpg

amazing

[suthseaxan]

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=728&pictureid=7058

[suthseaxan]

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=728&pictureid=7057









http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=726&pictureid=7059

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http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bear-cures-cancer.jpg

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People of Walmart RAP - YouTube

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February 06, 2010 — People of Walmart RAP 2. J Dirty is back with a new tale of the same story. All images found on www.peopleofwalmart.com. ENJOY Get J Dirty CDs

People of Walmart RAP 2 - YouTube

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http://humorpix.com/images/e17bcd738b5c4ef2fa8cbab461ad4b4a/Get_your_own0-size-600x0.jpg

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http://humorpix.com/images/db867f1442b30ff1d3265dcd2a54e78d/Firefox_has_Frozen0-size-600x0.jpg

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:rolleyes:

http://humorpix.com/images/6382b0510f94532325ca3de956e9648a/Facebook_20-size-600x0.jpg

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http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/glossy_pants.jpg

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http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129163597951472323.jpg

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Newsflash: Frederick’s of Hollywood is Not a Clothing Store

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129149167565398150.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129158224062364745.jpg

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http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1290.jpg
That is a great playpen! It’s free, high enough that sketchy characters won’t even notice an unwatched kid, plus there is a ton of diapers in case he needs to go. Throw him up there with a bag of doritos and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew and you could take a nice long weekend without paying a babysitter.

Florida

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Deadly Animals (Come to Australia) - YouTube

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Alibi
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."

[accuracy]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129158480152824548.jpg

[nofuture]

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0oc14ea3z1qzaeeso1_500.png
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad81/Bifferboy/sayler.jpg

[coco]

Necessity is the mother of invention. Genius is always found in simplicity.

FROM THE RED GREEN SHOW - BEER HOLDERS - YouTube

[lateral_v]

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0oc14ea3z1qzaeeso1_500.png


:D

[coco]

How to create an exotic, European style, luxury sedan. If you're doing this in metric, best of luck to ya. :D

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[dangermouse]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RjMSWhGWak

i must sat i find it quite catchy lol :D

[martg]

The Original Farmer's Daughter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqxa03Abo3U

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129159305600320478.jpg

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The Newest Form Of Relaxation And Exercise :rolleyes:


http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/129126442612441557.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129161818624415541.jpg

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http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129159119773712579.jpg

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Indiana's Crazy Laws


# One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.

# Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

# All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

# Moustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

# Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

# State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

# Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.

# A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

# It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.

# Drinks on the house are illegal.

# It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.

# A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural colouring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanour. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)

# Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.

# Liquor stores may not sell milk.

# Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.

# Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.

# You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.

# Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.

# No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.

# Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.

# You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The waiter or waitress has to do it.

# "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.

# You are required to pour your drink into a glass.

# It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.

# If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Immoral Practices.

# Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.

# A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.

# The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415. (Repealed)

[accuracy]

http://allhatnocattle.net/hoover-dam-bypass.jpg

In this photo taken April 26, 2010, construction workers use climbing equipment as they work on the Hoover Dam Bypass over the Colorado River. Completion is expected late 2010 and will result in a bridge spanning 900 feet above the Colorado River between Arizona and Nevada.
Photo/Kingman Daily Miner, JC Amberlyn

[suthseaxan]

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

[suthseaxan]

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.


Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.


Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.


Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.


Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.


Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.


Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.


Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.


Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

[suthseaxan]

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

[nofuture]

http://img.moronail.net/img/5/7/3857.jpg

[coco]

Post #4605 = excellent!

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1308.jpg
A+ for accessorizing with baby shoes! A++ for the balls! I was wondering the baby’s gender and that’s just an unexpected touch of class.

Alabama

[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[pumma]

http://img.skitch.com/20100502-n1yp9thfccp6yf5jipb4hbg7mx.gif

[suthseaxan]

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=728&pictureid=7064

[accuracy]

http://seopetriii.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/pasta72513547687938328gom.jpg

What a scary pic!!!!!!!!!

:eek:

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/110dog0292.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.funnypictures.dk/data/media/1/babyeatskitten.jpg

[accuracy]

March 29, 2006 — turn on the volume for the funniest mime ever! good oldie..


hilarious mime - YouTube

[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bird-toilet.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.motivationalz.com/pictures/you_are_next.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.motivationalz.com/pictures/stalkerx.jpg

[lateral_v]

http://www.motivationalz.com/pictures/you_are_next.jpg

haha!!! :D

[accuracy]

http://www.funnypictures.net.au/images/worst-video-game-covers-of-all-time.jpg


http://www.funnypictures.net.au/images/video-game-covers-21.jpg

http://www.funnypictures.net.au/images/video-game-covers-5.jpg

[coco]

Post 4627: Lol! I'm saving that!

[accuracy]

Post 4627: Lol! I'm saving that!

It's a classic alright!
:D

[pound]

http://www.motivationalz.com/pictures/you_are_next.jpg

Thanks for the laugh.......Thats a classic

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

Can You Imagine How Annoying That Guy Has Got To Be If Tanks Are Being Called Against Him

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129165193130825307.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1325.jpg
Well it’s about time! I was so sick of seeing everyone’s knees out in public. Thank you for covering them up young man, at least you have a sense of common decency.

Florida

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1326.jpg
Are you trying to sneak that kid out of the store or something? Well, now that I think of it, if it’s not your kid then that’s not a bad idea I guess. I don’t know, I don’t steal kids anymore.

Arkansas

[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[ozpixie]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/rat_slippers.jpg

:D Thank you for this light relief.

[accuracy]

:D Thank you for this light relief.

You're welcome ozpixie :D:)

[accuracy]

I have just been sacked from my new job in the

Wines and Spirits section

At Woolworths.



A Muslim man came in and asked if I could recommend a good port.



I said

Try Kuwait - now Fuck off !

[accuracy]

Giving Up Wine


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'


http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/1603/givingupwine.gif

You're gonna send it on - aren't you?

[accuracy]

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all the misbehaving that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?


http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/5791/holyemail.jpg

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either....

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fact-of-life.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/very-thirsty-dog.jpg

[accuracy]

Dog's Telegram


An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

[accuracy]

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[passing]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/very-thirsty-dog.jpg

Ha ha marvellous :D

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

One Dollar To Look At It, Two Dollars To Touch It

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1336.jpg
You get the first peek for free, just to get you hooked and coming back for more. That’s how crack dealers operate.

Ohio

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/superman_bad_day.jpg

A man walks past a Superman sculpture by Marcus Wittmers entitled "Even Heroes have Bad Days" that is part of the "Heroes, Freaks and Superrabbis" exhibition at the Jewish Museum in Berlin May 6, 2010. The exhibition explores the role of Jewish artists in comics and graphic novels and runs until August 8.
Photo/Thomas Peter

[lateral_v]

One Dollar To Look At It, Two Dollars To Touch It

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1336.jpg


Say NO to Crack! :D

[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[evillive]

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[nofuture]

http://www.dockera.com/pics/fun/tourdefrance.jpeg
http://dl.ziza.ru/other/062008/10/pics/048_pics.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_PjGfmnuBdMo/RiUVly_FvPI/AAAAAAAAACM/5R2ew8wmE94/s400/hitchhikers.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/kids-nowadays.jpg

[accuracy]

Finally, an equation that explains women


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/women.jpg

[accuracy]

Interesting Employment Test Question

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:


1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.


2. An old friend who once saved your life.


3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS................

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.


Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'



HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


God, I just love happy endings!

[accuracy]

Baby Delivery

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.


Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."

"Once is all it takes," he said.
When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.

He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least it doesn't bark!"

[ellis_deatrip]

http://problemwithwomentoday.blogspot.com/2009/12/problem-with-women-today-what-in-hell.html
Very funny, worth a look.:D

An amnesiac walks into a bar...Asks the bartender,"Hey, do I come here often?"
lol. nevermind..

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1335.jpg
Should I be surprised that it’s a child putting the stroller together?

Alberta, Canada

[accuracy]

http://problemwithwomentoday.blogspot.com/2009/12/problem-with-women-today-what-in-hell.html
Very funny, worth a look.:D

An amnesiac walks into a bar...Asks the bartender,"Hey, do I come hare often?"
lol. nevermind..

A brilliant site! :D

[ellis_deatrip]

Two dogs are at the veterinarian's awaiting a procedure, One dog asks the other ,"what are ya in here for ?"
the other dog replies, "I've been fuckin all the bitches in the neighborhood, my master is being forced to clip my snot-bags"
"wow, thats a drag,man." , said the other dog
"so what are you in here for?" inquires the soon-to-be-castrated dog.
"well, lemme tell ya what happened, My owner, she's a smokin' blonde. Incredible rack, perfect ass, all that. So, the other day as she was getting out of the shower , I couldn't resist.I Had to have it. So,I ran in, mounted her, and got me some of that!"
"Wow, that sucks, they're puttin' you down, eh? Inquires the dog...

"NAW!" He says, "She's getting my nails clipped!"

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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http://www.orble.com/images/1804712392681135401584393016305750838190708n.jpg

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/EarlyWarningSign.jpg

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[nofuture]

http://www.derelictlondon.com/201240dd0.jpg

[accuracy]

Fitness For over 40’s


http://www.jokesy.com/images/computer-fitness-program1.jpg


I tried it, I liked it, you will too!!

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.


Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!



SCROLL DOWN.............







































NOW SCROLL UP..



That’s enough for the first day. Great job!

Have a glass of wine!!!

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/golden-cue.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129167289101639239.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1348.jpg
Well the good news is that we were able to crown our top mother from Mother’s Day! Congratulations?

Washington

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/hummus-world-record.jpg

Lebanese chefs celebrate around the largest plate of hummus after setting a new Guinness world record in Beirut, Lebanon on Saturday claimed another victory in the continuing battle with Israel over which country can make the largest plate of the chickpea delicacy hummus -- with a 10-tonne broadside.
Photo/Anwar Amro

[coco]

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers... Suddenly, an angry
passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the
counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST
CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able
to work something out."

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU
HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice
heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate
14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his
identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth, and said, " ---- You!". Without
flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in
line for that, too."

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[suthseaxan]

Impossible motion: magnet-like slopes - YouTube

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/boys.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/amazing-parking-job.jpg

[accuracy]

Sexiest Pencil Sharpener!


http://www.orble.com/images/472188588557869884206928691753054817634n.jpg

[accuracy]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129171093119519660.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1357.jpg
I can’t decide which is more disgusting. I would probably have to give the slight edge to Miss Flaming Lips on the right.

Arkansas

[accuracy]

Am going away for a few days, will be back soon. :)
accuracy

[coco]

Cheers sir! Looking forward to your return.

[theqleaner]

Am going away for a few days, will be back soon. :)
accuracy

L8R Accuracy..

[accuracy]

Thanks guys. ;)

[accuracy]

It happenes as soon as the wedding is over


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/marriage2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129150492267434833.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/wtf-pics-boba-fett.jpg

[accuracy]

Save on Dental Bills

http://www.jokesy.com/images/dentist-smile-mask1.jpg

One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

“$800,” the dentist says.
“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $600.”

Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!”

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $200.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.” “Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $100.”

“Marvellous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1370.jpg
I was gonna say she is someone who looks at the glass as half full, but obviously it’s just completely empty.

Louisiana

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

It's sad but so very true


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/waiting-for-the-toaster.jpg

[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

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[accuracy]

Things To Do On A Bus

When someone asks you what your favourite mode of transit is, it most likely isn’t taking the bus! However, if you are stuck on a long bus ride, we are pleased to provide you with a list of things to do to pass away the time…

1. Eat nothing but gas inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to ‘share the wealth’ with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentucky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC…)

2. Repeat #1, only engage in a ‘cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a ‘cuppy’ is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)

3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doing it until the bus driver turns the heat up to full blast just to shut you up, then wait a few minutes for it to get really hot and start to complain about it.

5. Two words: Water Pistol

6. Two more words: Paper Airplanes

7. Make racing car noises constantly, occasionally announcing your progress along the ‘racetrack’ in an announcer voice. When anyone comes up to you and asks what the fuck you are doing, look at them funny and ask how they got in your NASCAR.

8. Eat nothing but really noisy foods, such as bags of chips, nachos, tacos, individually wrapped candies and unwrap them as loudly as possible. Also eat them noisily, chewing with your mouth open and making the loudest possible slopping noises.

9. Purchase a megaphone, ‘nuff said.

10. Engage in some hot, wild sex at the back of the bus with one or more passengers.

11. Sit at the back of the bus, turning off all the lights around you and keeping the blinds down, keep a black briefcase on your lap at all times, wear a black trench coat and a black hat, look really nervous, don’t talk to anybody and keep glancing at your watch.

12. Walk up and down the aisle, claiming out loud that you are Jesus and blessing everyone with a half-eaten leg of Kentucky Fired Chicken.

13. When the bus is driving all alone on a long stretch of highway, preferably completely devoid of life of any sort, suddenly jump up and start running up and down the aisle, flailing your arms and screaming as loud and you can….

14. Then after 30 seconds or so, sit down at your seat and act like nothing happened.

15. When the bus stops for a food break, instead of following the other passengers to a restaurant, sit outside in front of the big picture window on the ground with a struggling burlap sack. Open the sack and remove some small, live animal (cat, squirrel, rat, pigeon, etc) and eat it like a feral dog would, in the view of everyone else. Make lots of growling noises, snarl and snap at people who get too close.

16. Use the bathroom often, for disturbingly long periods of time. Make lots of grunting and straining noises, loud enough for everyone to hear. Occasionally drop an orange into the bowl from a good height.

17. When in the bathroom, wait for the bus to hit a huge pothole or bump, then scream for help, claiming you are now shitting on your head.

18. Get on the bus first, pick the seat right behind the bus driver, as everyone gets on, greet each one of them with a hug and a kiss.

19. At night when everyone is sleepy and unsuspecting, suddenly start barking as loud as possible, feel free to use megaphone.

20. Play with knives, just like Bishop on Aliens!

21. Clean a .357 Magnum, if that doesn’t get peoples attention, cleaning the rest of your on board hand collection will.

22. When someone is in the toilet, bang on the door and yell at them to get out as quickly as possible. Then just as they open the door, put a strained look on your face and say “Never mind”…then drive the point home by farting.

23. Musical chairs, using your 200 watt boom box.

24. Come onto the bus with a beanie on, sit down and put your walkman headphone buds up your nose. When the person sitting beside you looks at you like you are from mars, say “Mishap during an operation, Doctors just aren’t the same these days.”

25. When sitting down in your seat, pull out a small collection of vomit bags, look through them and ask the person beside you “If I run, out do you have any paper or plastic bags? I’m not picky, either would be fine…”

[accuracy]

Landing Announcement

The jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport in Toronto on its final approach.

The pilot comes on over the intercom and says, "Ladies and gentlemen. This is Capt. Johnson speaking. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto."

Unknowingly, the pilot forgets to switch off the intercom and the entire plane can now hear the conversation in the cockpit.

The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, Captain, what are you gonna do here in Toronto?"

By now, all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.

"Well," says the Captain, "First, I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a nice, long crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper. You know, the cute one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, then take her back to my room, and then I'm gonna make love to her all night long."

Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

She's so embarrassed, she runs from the back of the plane to get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes, flat on her face.

The old lady leans over to her and says calmly, "No need to run, dear. He said he's gotta take a shit first!"

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/129139472793458162.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129161817539238456.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.bartcop.com/truck-island.jpg

Never irritate a woman
who can operate a backhoe...

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/the-morning-after.jpg

[accuracy]

He just hasn’t found his perfect manicorn.

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129172395436628572.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/129165497843459850.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/rima-fakih.jpg
Miss Michigan Rima Fakih competes in the swimsuit portion of the 2010 Miss USA pageant at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada May 16, 2010. Fakih was later crowned Miss USA 2010. Photo/Steve Marcus

[accuracy]

Don't judge a book by it's cover, this baby is dangerous



http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/thats-right-ice-man.jpg

[accuracy]

Some Reasons Why Chuck Norris is a Badass

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

[accuracy]

baby-loves-fake-farts


baby-loves-fake-farts.wmv - YouTube

[accuracy]

What Time Does the Bar Open


http://www.jokesy.com/images/bar-closed.jpeg

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.

“It opens at noon” answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.

“What time does the bar open?” he asks.

“Same time as before… Noon.” replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered “Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?”

The clerk then answers, “It opens at noon, but if you can’t wait, I can have room service send something up to you.”

“No… I don’t wanna git in… Ah wanna git OUT!!!”

[accuracy]

http://www.photographytips.com.au/images/a-goal-funny-photo-weird-bizarre.jpg
An African penguin stands near a miniature soccer goal and ball during an event at Hakkeijima Sea Paradise aquarium in Yokohama, south of Tokyo, May 20, 2010. The special event started on Thursday ahead of the 2010 FIFA Soccer World Cup.

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/391laptop3490840.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129174528874330543.jpg

[coco]

http://i46.tinypic.com/33xkk86.jpg

[coco]

Redneck Skeet Shooting

Redneck Skeet Shooting 1 - YouTube

[turquoisefire777]

http://goodtimescomics.com/comics/2008-03-01-I_don%27t_remember_pac_man_being_so_agressive.jpg
http://goodtimescomics.com/comics/2008-03-01-I_don%27t_remember_pac_man_being_so_agressive.jpg

PAC-MAN 30th Birthday Doodle with PAC-MAN

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gohLX1mLB94&feature=related

Google Celebrates Pac-Man 30th Anniversary (It's his birthday!)

Google Celebrates Pac-Man 30th Anniversary (It's his birthday!) - YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZsrSAwaz-s

http://i.imgur.com/OPrIa.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/OPrIa.jpg

http://www.yousaytoo.com/postonly_image/pic/5057/medium/pacman2.gif
http://www.yousaytoo.com/postonly_image/pic/5057/medium/pacman2.gif

http://www.keirinberlin.de/user/files/misc/pac_man_bikers.jpg

http://www.keirinberlin.de/user/files/misc/pac_man_bikers.jpg

http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/29/129013315048725893.png
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/29/129013315048725893.png

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/Functionality.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1390.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129174864583801947.jpg

[accuracy]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129180285338383500.jpg

[merlincove]

The Simpsons - Gun Shop - YouTube

[merlincove]

Homer Simpson tries to vote for Obama - YouTube

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/here-fishy-fishy-fishy.jpg

[accuracy]

My hair like Jesus wore it, how I adore it
BETH WILSON
April 11, 2010


When did hirsuteness become so unacceptable?
Beth Wilson ponders why we loathe our follicles.


http://www.jokesy.com/images/girl-underarm-hair.jpeg

I'M READING the biography of Rufus Wainwright, There Will Be Rainbows. I'm not so much interested in Rufus who, talented though he is, is far too young to have a biography written about him. I'm more interested in his family, the wonderful McGarrigle sisters Anna and Kate (sadly, Kate died recently) and his father, musical satirist Loudon Wainwright III. Loudon, who had only one hit record, Dead Skunk (in the Middle of the Road), is quoted in the book as saying: ''I was in love with Maria Muldaur … She was the first woman I ever saw who didn't shave under her arms. I remember at the Newport Folk Festival 1963 looking up around the fence and seeing the Kweskin Jug Band. She was 23 years old. Had this shirt on with nothing up her arms and she kinda leaned up to scratch her head and I saw this … incredible tuft of black hair. Aaargh. Most erotic thing I ever saw in my life.''
So what has happened since 1963? Why has body hair come to be seen as such a problem? Girls and women, and increasingly men, are paying huge amounts of money to denude themselves of all body hair. A cameraman told me his friend, who is in his late 30s, has ''never been with a woman who had any hair on her body''. Treatments to remove hair include creams, buffers, shaving, lasers, IPLs and waxing. Most treatments hurt like hell and many clients are burnt and scarred. They also inflict deep wounds on purses and wallets.
Media images of the perfect woman, hairless, curve-less, airbrushed and artificial, have been influential in making women dissatisfied with their bodies. The deluge of beauty propaganda begins with children, and I don't think Barbie ever revealed any short and curlies.
Roberta Honigman and David Castle in Living with Your Looks document how body image is adversely affected by idealised figures of beauty in the media. Body image is described as ''the picture of the size, shape and form of our bodies that we see in our mind's eye''. While it might be considered ''normal'' to be concerned about our body image, contemporary Western society seems obsessed with trying to achieve physical perfection and this in turn distorts body image.
Ironically, while women are being told to remove body hair, balding men are being urged to replace it. Back in 1991, dermatologist Peter Berger warned in his book Skin Secrets: ''Artificial hair implantation is another method which I, however, strongly discourage. It consists of single synthetic fibres being implanted into the scalp using a fine needle. Each 'fibre' has a loop at the end around which tissue grows because of the irritation it causes, thus holding the ''hair'' in place. The problem with this method is that an allergic reaction to the artificial fibre is usually set up in the scar, resulting in inflammation, infection and frequently scarring around the fibre.'' Other surgical methods of hair transplantation are more successful, but are also expensive and painful; a fruitless fight against ageing and, frankly, plugs look like plugs.
During the Christmas break I was walking with a friend in his 60s and a seven-year-boy named Liam. Liam was prattling away happily as children do, skipping over a number of subjects, when he suddenly said to my friend: ''You've got a comb-over. My dad says comb-overs always look ridiculous. My dad says if you're going bald and you don't like it, you're better off just shaving your head.'' Fair comment, Liam.
A beautician once told me she had given ''Sally'' a complimentary Brazilian as a wedding present. Sally had never previously had any hair removed from her body. When the beautician uncovered Susie's lower body she screamed, ''What have you got down there? A dead possum?'' The offending pubes were vanquished and who knows what happened on the honeymoon. While the beautician's intentions were well meant, perhaps Susie's new husband wouldn't have minded and might have loved her just as she was. We'll never know.
When I was a youngster learning about sexuality I read, in one of those sex manuals, that body hair is an extremely sensitive transmitter of sexual sensation. Susie dipped out on that score too.
When did hair become so loathsome? Remember the 1970s rock-musical Hair, which celebrated political activism and sexual revolution? Could it be that today's society can't handle the eroticism that Maria Muldaur's sleek, hairy underarms generated in Loudon Wainright III all those years ago? Lady Gaga, on the other hand, would be even scarier if she sported a bit of groin kelp or hairy armpits. Have we been conned by the advertising industry and capitalism into denouncing our own sexuality? Perhaps someone should write a radical rock musical called Hairless. Nah, doesn't do anything for me.

Beth Wilson is the Health Services Commissioner for Victoria.

[accuracy]

She can and will hurt you if you mess up


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/she-will-hurt-you.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.beachcreeps.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/cute-dimples.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/OMG_WTF_LOL_351.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/OMG_WTF_LOL_34.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/OMG_WTF_LOL_30.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/OMG_WTF_LOL_22.jpg

[accuracy]

http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/OMG_WTF_LOL_7.jpg

[accuracy]

http://thereifixedit.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129187581422764709.jpg

[accuracy]

http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/wtf-pics-balloon-guy.jpg

[merlincove]

World's Smallest Horse - Graham Norton Show - BBC Two - YouTube

[multiverse]

Make sure to watch to the end!

Turski film - YouTube