A humour thread

[accuracy]

The new Belly Overalls aren't for pregnant chicks naymore but for sexy beer guts for men too


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/belly_overalls.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-inappropriate-sponge-name-fail1.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-faucet-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-wheelchair-fail.jpg

[rixxmixxhell]

i literally lol at the stress relief one! :d:d:d

Me too. :D :D :D

[accuracy]

http://www.sikkertrafik.dk/moduler/speedbandits/Speedbandit%20side%201.jpg

http://www.speedbandits.dk/

[accuracy]

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

http://www.jokesy.com/images/washed-cat.JPG

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl...


2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.


3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.


4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.


5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.



6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.


7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.


8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.


9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.




Yours Sincerely,


http://www.jokesy.com/images/dog-laughing.JPG

The Dog

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-wanking-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/gunna_leave_a_mark.jpg

[accuracy]

Drew Peacock will grow up hating his parents and himself


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/drew_peacock.jpg

[accuracy]

Fart to The Beat

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize � you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down� and that�s when you realize� you have been listening to your ipod.

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-pickle-boys.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-sad-bra.jpg

On second thought, I’d rather not know…

[accuracy]

http://70.32.82.161/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pictures-sexy-kitty-tubtimes.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-target-entrance-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-fairy-tale-9111.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-laundry-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/so_thirsty.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/dolphin_tiger.jpg


In this photo provided by Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, Mavrick, a 14-month-old male Atlantic bottlenose dolphin, blows a mass of bubbles while checking out Akaasha, a six-month-old female Bengal tiger at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, Calif. on Thursday, March 5, 2009. Park animal staff strolled by the dolphin exhibit as they escorted the tiger cubs on their daily walk around the park.
Photo/Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, Nancy Chan

[boots]

this was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

http://www.jokesy.com/images/washed-cat.jpg

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl...


2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.


3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.


4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.


5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.



6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.


7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.


8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.


9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.




Yours sincerely,


http://www.jokesy.com/images/dog-laughing.jpg

the dog


lmao.

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-happy-meal-toy-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/barbie-cake.jpg

French pastry chef Jean-Michel Raynaud unveils a 2.1 meter high 'Barbie doll' chocolate mud cake which was made to mark the 50th anniversary of the world's most popular doll on the foreshores of Sydney Harbour. Barbie unrolled the pink carpet Monday to celebrate her 50th birthday at a life-sized version of the doll's Malibu Dream House.
Photo/Torsten Blackwood

[nofuture]

http://retiredtimes.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/hitler_hippy.jpg

The times they are a-changing?

[onourwayto2012]

Feng Shui


This is without a doubt one of the nicest messages you will read. Hope it works for you -- and me!



http://www.jokesy.com/images/feng-shui1.jpg


There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious.



ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.



TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.



THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.



FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.



FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.



SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.



SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.



EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.



NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.



TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.



ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.



TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.



THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'



FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.



FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.



SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.



SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.



EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.



NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.



TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice



TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.


that's worth a re-visit!

[onourwayto2012]

"Rimmer, you're a smeg-head!"
.....not sure if I get it....but it sounds utterly revolting!

[onourwayto2012]

god bless america

http://img2.abload.de/img/1209937464977up8.gif

Do other countries have the American equivalent of rednecks/trailer trash/ Walmart loving/ obese spandex wearing smoking 48oz pepsi guzzling or mullet wearing smoking emaciated meth addicts who talk loud in Walmart or the video store and yell at their wild little offspring incessantly rather than doing something effective and drive cars that look just like you would expect them to drive......and before I get too involved....yeah...I'm not a racist but I am a redtrashist....... geez...it is SOO fucking obvious..... they build the Walmart right on the fringe of the "red-trash part of town and then hire about 3/4 of their employees from the same stock... and then of course the majority of the customers are that as well..... don't believe me....just go there....any day of the f*cking week....... and you see multi generalization as well.... bringing gramma along with the feral grandkids..... holy class bias Batman!... not even sure how I got into this quasi-rant but now you know... I am a classist??....oh yeah....so do other countries have these??

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_deliverance-two.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-musical-monstrosit.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-six-pack.jpg

[debs67gb]

lol that 6 pack is amazing ;-)

[debs67gb]

http://i420.photobucket.com/albums/pp287/sarahkatherine_83/Funny_bush.jpg

[debs67gb]

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n212/hollylgilmore/funny.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/safe-sex.jpg

Indian youth, obviously unaware of how silly they look, wear cutouts of condoms during an event to encourage people to use condoms in New Delhi on March 5. People are forgetting to practice safe sex because they no longer fear dying from HIV/AIDS, says the doctor who won the Nobel prize for helping discover the virus.
Photo/Raveendran

[debs67gb]

http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd164/tylerlover07_2007/funny shit/comedy.jpg

[emerald]

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an ---hole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido: All talk and no action.

11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

12. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

[lewi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFKHaFJzUb4

[quester123]

Yorkshire Airlines :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VLYpKGVBUg

[clozaril]

Yorkshire Airlines :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VLYpKGVBUg

class that

got a joke


man walks into a resaturant sits down and he gets a prawn cocktail thrown at his head.......................


a voice shouts and thats just for starters !

:D:D

[kiwimaj]

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/1/13254/10_2008/Has_Been_Seen.preview.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bus_stop_ahead.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-shopping-cart.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-fireman.jpg

[nofuture]

http://www.nightcharm.com/imagesblog/2009/03/image001.jpg

[clozaril]

http://www.nightcharm.com/imagesblog/2009/03/image001.jpg




:D

i'll have to get one of them

[nofuture]

It would look good on a girl.

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-landmark-fail1.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/arnold-schwarzenegger_iris-Kyle.jpg

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger congratulates Iris Kyle after she won the Miss International body building competition during the Arnold Sports Festival Friday, March 6, 2009, in Columbus, Ohio.
Photo/Jay LaPrete

[biblegirl]

As a full time worker, i just do not have the time to focus on other forum's,
as it's very time consuming and here i am telling my friends and family i contriibute daily in the have a laugh section at a conspiracy forum.

It's great to have a shower next morning before work and have a fucking laugh thinking of the posts.

Accuracy:)

Thank you accuracy :D! Although I get funny looks from people when I spontaneously burst out laughing thinking about some of these posts :p!

[nofuture]

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/all_pass_out.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/wtfail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/wtf_pics-fireman.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-pimp-fail1.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-top-heavy-sled.jpg

[accuracy]

http://img22.imageshack.us/img22/3554/pic23275.jpg

[nofuture]

http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/2921/funnyr.jpg

[janhus]

If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year only two banks will be operational, The Blood Bank and The Sperm Bank.
Then these 2 banks will merge and it will be called 'The Bloody Fucking Bank'


:D

[rixxmixxhell]

:D

i'll have to get one of them

BWWAAhahahah ahahahahah

[rixxmixxhell]

http://img22.imageshack.us/img22/3554/pic23275.jpg

I have an itch....can't...reach....:eek:

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-breakfast-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/303allbabo33.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/remiain223dead.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/st-pats-day.jpg

[accuracy]

Drunk Robbery

A drunk had 14 shots of tequilla. After he decides to go home.

2 minutes later the drunk runs back in the bar. He asks the bartender for the phone, and the drunk calls 911, "Is there a problem, sir," asks the operator. "Yes," replies the drunk replies,"someone broke into my car, they stole the stearing wheel, the brake pedal, the accelerator and even the dashboard."

Minutes later police arrive on the scene.

The drunk goes up to the head officer and says, "nevermind, i got into the backseat by mistake."

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-vader-water-filter.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-cats-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-extreme-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

The Pope Gets A Sponsor

http://www.jokesy.com/images/pope-sponsor-kfc.jpg

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/name_calling.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/the_80s.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/wtf_pics-grandma-death.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-blue-lady-and-mupp.jpg

The unemployment line looks much better in Japan

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-warning-fail11.jpg?w=475&h=381

[clozaril]

http://www.b3tards.com/u/9387e280261e8f505271/gazzabestwank.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/school_field_trip.jpg

[accuracy]

Try to take off her bra smarty pants!


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/rubiks_bra.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/119honestconstructionsign119.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-soap-fail1.jpg?w=470&h=373

[evillive]

Im new here in forums. Ive been looking this topic for 2 days now and laughin my face off :D

[onourwayto2012]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/wtf_pics-grandma-death.jpg

scary!!!

[accuracy]

Im new here in forums. Ive been looking this topic for 2 days now and laughin my face off :D


It's my pleasure my new "friend"

[accuracy]

You could be my wingman anytime!

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-be-my-wingman.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/PopeEggsBenedictxvi2.jpg

[nofuture]

http://binarniladin.bloguje.cz/kinderhitler.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/mechanic_fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9O2ZTDbJNo&feature=player_embedded

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-barstool-win.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-handicap-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzqwFAVsbKo&feature=player_embedded

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/166texas893778256.jpg

[accuracy]

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
"My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

[accuracy]

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesy.com/images/tool-jokes.jpg


To the uninitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned cleco calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh*t!"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding< /SPAN> heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bum per.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[accuracy]

Darwin ABC Learning centre have upgraded their facilities with lots of vibrant colour and friendly staff.



http://triton.imageshack.us/Himg246/scaled.php?server=246&filename=abcdarwin.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=480

[accuracy]

Darwin ABC Learning centre have upgraded their facilities with lots of vibrant colour and friendly staff.



http://triton.imageshack.us/Himg246/scaled.php?server=246&filename=abcdarwin.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=480

It questions this pic, and many more i posted at their site, just helpng them the out, i get kicked in the ass for it! :cool:

He WAS very quickl deleting my response.

[accuracy]

.I just went there, as it was linked to Icke's newsletter and was treated badly, by Adam Davis.

[accuracy]

.i just went there, as it was linked to icke's newsletter and was treated badly, by adam davis.

please cancel my account at you inferior website, i have asked repeatedly, but you seem to enjoy to 'use' my name in the have a laugh section.

[accuracy]

please cancel my account at you inferior website, i have asked repeatedly, but you seem to enjoy to 'use' my name in the have a laugh section.

This site is MUCH worse than the UHM.:rolleyes:

[accuracy]

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/pics/Low_Budget_Valentine_G.jpg

[accuracy]

And now a slow jam, for all you lovebirds out there


http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-traveling-band.jpg

[accuracy]

........children............... it makes perfect sense.:D

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-book-title-win.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/fail-owned-rizzle-sizzle-amen-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/canada_exotic_pets.jpg

British Columbia Environment Minister Barry Penner (C) discusses the new restrictions controlling the owning and breeding of exotic animals during a news conference as Pisco the boa constrictor looks on at the aquarium in Vancouver, British Columbia March 17, 2009. The provincial government has introduced new regulations on several species, including types of mammals, amphibians and reptiles that are a risk to public safety.
Photo/Andy Clark

[accuracy]

http://www.worth1000.com/web/media/17/avatars/eye.gif

[nofuture]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/02/19/article-1150138-03955E0E000005DC-700_468x500.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/ooch38h.jpg

[accuracy]

Self-Referencing jokes are a particular variety of humour that some find much funnier than others. Especially males it seems.

Here is a self reference collection for you:


I'm the humblest person I know.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling.

Anyone who visits a psychiatrist ought to have their head examined.

We never make misteaks.

87.5% of all statistics are made up.

Here, take this placebo.

The technical term for "being unable to remember the word you want" is, uh ...

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.

The two rules for success are:
1. Never tell them everything you know.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

We Poms hate being called whingers.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

There should be a rule that we don't talk about politics.

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/fail-owned-water-utmost-quality-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nIpKSRAS7Q&feature=player_embedded

[nofuture]

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/godlistenstoslayer.jpg

[nofuture]

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/qgib8terijhymbafffiowpbxo1_500.jpg

[accuracy]

Everyone loves a good top 10 list. Here are some of the best!


http://www.jokesy.com/images/top-ten-lists.jpg


Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...

10. Hey! Now there's a gift!

9. Well, well, well...

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. I really don't deserve this.



Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents...

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.

8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?

7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.

5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

4. Can you believe it! Those shit heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!

3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.



Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Is Having A Cyber Affair...

10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers.

4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!"

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass.

1. Lipstick on the mouse.



Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Unzipped...

1. The cucumber has left the salad.

2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

6. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".

8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

10. Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis




Top Ten Things Not To Say In Court

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He's one hard judge!

8. Counsellor, let's do it in chambers.

7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

1. Think you can get me off?




Top Ten Things Only Women Understand...

10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

1. OTHER WOMEN



Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Real Estate Agent When You Go To Settlement On Your New Home...

1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden."

2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."

3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it."

4. "One bleeding toilet doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted."

5. "Your neighbour has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees."

6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property."

7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity."

8. "Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?"

9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder."

10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-soon-fat-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

please cancel my account at you inferior website, i have asked repeatedly, but you seem to enjoy to 'use' my name in the have a laugh section.


Thank you, i'm banned from that website!!! :cool:

http://www.truthmovementaustralia.com.au/

[accuracy]

Smart Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

[evillive]

........children............... it makes perfect sense.:D

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-book-title-win.jpg

Im gonna buy this book for my lil sister:p

[evillive]

:o
http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5095/fatfreepersmwebcp5.jpg

[evillive]

:confused: epic failure by NWO:)

http://insultants.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/epic-fail2.jpg

[evillive]

:eek:

http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/funny-pictures-this-cat-is-melting.jpg

[evillive]

:)
http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r99/rockgirl2212/white-trash-barbie.jpg

[evillive]

:cool:
http://funwithinsomnia.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/slap-bitch-demotivational-poster-funny-odd.jpg

[evillive]

:eek:

http://www.evangelicalright.com/bush_evil.jpg

[accuracy]

Subject: Old Age...





'Sixty is the worst age to be,' said the 60-year-old man. 'You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.'

'Ah, that's nothin,' said the 70-year-old. 'When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!'

'Actually,' said the 80-year -old, 'Eighty is the worst age of all.'

'Do you have trouble peeing, too?' asked the 60-year old.

'No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.'

'So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?'

'No, I have one every morning at 6:30.'

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, 'You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?'

'I don't wake up until 7:00.'

[accuracy]

Largest Drug Bust In U.S. History..



A News Report Stated That

Police Have Raided A House And

Discovered A Room

Containing

2 Tons Of Crack !




http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/8291/att0017813.jpg

[accuracy]

:D

[accuracy]

http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/1113/65db714108aa495db63b3c0.jpg

LOSING A FRIEND


This is a very touching story about life, death and friends. �

It's certain to strum your�heartstrings and touch your soul.��

I normally don't send out mushy e-mails to everyone, but this one below I couldn't help. ... I'm still choked up over it.

�

�

��

�

�

��

�

�

�

�

�

�

�

�

�



http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/6227/49aed098970546e2a97fe9b.jpg

[accuracy]

HOW CLEVER IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?



You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!



1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are a nutter!.......)

and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.



2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

[accuracy]

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/barstool_motorized.jpg


In this photo released Tuesday, March 31, 2009, by the Newark (Ohio) Police Department, a motorized bar stool is shown. Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4 2009, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Police say Kile Wygle, 28 was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. AHNC wonders how many miles per gallon this baby gets!
Photo/Newark (Ohio) Police Department

[evillive]

:)

http://www.photobasement.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/its-not-cheating.jpg

[evillive]

:o

http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/Bg_Jokes/fail-owned-newspaper-infidelity-911.jpg

[evillive]

:p

http://www.motivationalposter.us/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/1204314009551.jpg

[evillive]

:eek:

http://www.nobeliefs.com/politics/BushChimp.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/154police09324987.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/67cans2397849257.jpg

[accuracy]

Useless Facts

http://www.jokesy.com/images/useless-facts-coca-cola-logo.jpg


The 3 most valuable brand names on earth are:-
Malboro, Coca-Cola and Budweiser - in that order.

Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

No word in the English dictionary rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no-one knows why.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

A pack-a-day smoker will on average lose 2 teeth, every 10 years.

When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop...even your heart.

Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.

[accuracy]

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools.

It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a condom and put it on their cigs. The blonde says �what are you doing?� - and they say �we�re saving it for later!�

Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says �What size? small, medium, or large?� She said �I dont know� one to fit a camel?�

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-old-granny.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-title-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/baconlube.jpg


Via baconsalt.com

Love bacon and all its goodness? Want to spice things up in the bedroom? Well, you’re sure to love this new product, baconlube™ . baconlube is a delicious personal lubricant designed to “keep it sizzlin’”. Now you can have your cake and eat it too.


Please note that the product is still undergoing FDA testing, although the makers feel confident that it will be fast-tracked given that pigs have been using something very similar to this as a breeding enhancer for years with no ill effects.

[accuracy]

http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/political-pictures-space-station-women-gravity.jpg

[accuracy]

Image Challenge » Phone-box call cards for their Lordships


http://www.b3tards.com/u/a609ede35986cfd048a1/lord-tart-card-3.jpg

http://www.b3tards.com/u/a609ede35986cfd048a1/p2p-450.jpg

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/73209/1234328742/thumb.lordphoneboothcardkhawaga.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s4.b3ta.com/host/creative/55730/1233835639/totalperv.jpg


http://www.heady.co.uk/b3ta/racy_ermine.jpg

http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/yesindeedladeezandgentlemen.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/11946/1233779928/bb.jpg

http://www.b3tards.com/u/140f53149919acfbe5b4/the-eyes-have-it.gif

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/55730/1234295893/lusty.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.b3tards.com/u/04d821dabf7fcbecc84b/lords.jpg

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/46786/1233778344/thumb.PhoneboxCard01.jpg

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/44577/1234286270/mandelson2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s4.b3ta.com/host/creative/55730/1233957744/servants.jpg

http://www.b3tards.com/u/3a857564539b27252fdd/backbench.jpg

http://www.b3tards.com/u/c62383b2fb0dc7237700/lords.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/56041/1233861257/chat.jpg

http://www.b3tards.com/u/baa16edb85ebab44e23c/royal_queen.jpg

http://www.bloggerheads.com/images/Lord_Taylor_of_Blackburn.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/11946/1233786061/bb3.jpg

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/68533/1234221761/maggyb3ta.jpg

http://www.bloggerheads.com/images/Lewis_Moonie.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s2.b3ta.com/host/creative/38966/1233835894/morelords.jpg

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/28160/1233834219/lords.jpg

http://heady.co.uk/b3ta/mark_thomas_rough_trade.gif

[accuracy]

http://www.b3tards.com/u/1e3fefba2cdd1c6b908b/moonie_poker.jpg


http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/46933/1233831843/wanklord.jpg

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/36999/1233796349/commons.jpg

[accuracy]

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/24337/1233791695/peercard.jpg

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/21340/1233791304/lordtaylor.jpg

http://s4.b3ta.com/host/creative/38966/1233786170/lordsforsale.jpg

End of slideshow.................................!

[accuracy]

http://s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/48648/1234729414/floatyfail.gif

[accuracy]

During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.

A lady stood up and came forward.

She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord."

"Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed."

"The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain."

"We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation."

"They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my beautiful blonde wife, the word is 'sternum."

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf_pics-naked-tandem-duo.jpg

[rhydra]

http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/4956/cartoonjid.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/animal-compilation.jpg

[accuracy]

"No clergyman shall tell a funny story from the pulpit" (West Virginia).


In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.


Federal law forbids recycling used eyeglasses in the United States.


Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.


Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. (North Carolina)


"Dancing cheek-to-cheek is prohibited" (California).


It was proposed in the Rhode Island legislature in the 1970s that there be a $2 tax on every act of sexual intercourse.


"It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing." (Texas)


An ancient law in Indonesia prohibited men from masturbating. The punishment was decapitation.


It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (Alabama)


In ancient Rome, people found guilty of murdering their fathers were executed in a bizarre manner. The punishment was to be put in a sack with a rooster, a viper, and a dog, then drowned along with all three animals.


In Colombia, if a Goajiro woman is successful in tripping a man during a ceremonial dance, he's required to have intercourse with her.


When gentlemen in medieval Japan wished to seal an agreement, they urinated together, crisscrossing their streams of urine.


In Arkansas, law states that the name must be pronounced "Arkansaw".


Early in 1975, the U.S. Senate actually voted on the following:
"A motion to table a motion to reconsider a vote to table an appeal of a ruling that a point of order was not in order against a motion to table another point of order against a motion to bring to a vote the motion to call up the resolution that would institute a rules change."


It's illegal in Newcastle, WY to have sex in a butcher shop's meat freezer.


"It is illegal to give a drink of water to anyone unless you have a permit" (New York).


"It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water." (Arizona)


It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.


In July 1981, a tortoise was sentenced to death for murder. Tribal elders in Kyuasini, a village in Kenya, formally condemned the tortoise because they suspected it of causing the death of six people, apparently through magic. However, because none of the villagers was prepared to risk the tortoise's wrath by carrying out the execution, it was instead chained to a tree. The tortoise was later freed after the government promised an official inquiry into the deaths.


In Turkey during the 16th and 17th centuries, anyone caught drinking coffee was put to death.


An Athens legislator named Solon passed a law in the 6th century that let fathers sell their fornicating daughters into slavery.


It was the law in Scotland in 1288 that for each year known as "lepe yeare" any maiden lady could ask the man she liked to be her husband. If he refused and didn't have a good excuse he would be "mulcted of ye sum of one pound or less" (essentially, he would owe her a dollar). France enacted a similar law a year later.


At one time, there was a law in India that forbade lower-caste people from casting their shadows on a member of the Brahman (the upper class).


After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. (Maine)


In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become one year older on New Year’s Day.


'Turtle racing is prohibited within the city limits" (Florida).


Citizens of Monaco are prohibited from gambling in Monte Carlo, but they're exempt from taxation.


It's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle in London.


"It is illegal to lasso a fish" (Tennessee).


In 1659, the General Court of Massachusetts ordered that anybody caught feasting or laying off from work, or in any other way goofing off on any other day other than Christmas, would be fined five shillings for each such offense.


Rapists in Nambia can choose either castration or 20 years of hard labor.


"It is against the law to advertise on tombstones" (Virginia).


"Dogcatchers are required to be psychoanalyzed by a psychiatrist to determine if they are qualified to chase stray mutts" (Texas).


Up until the early 20th century, New Jersey and Wisconsin had laws allowing the castration of epileptics.


Belgium is the only country that has never imposed censorship for adult films.

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-dead-things-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

Please don't forget to vote for a new moderator, closing this wednesday.

See ( one of ) my signature for this sites link.

[blondina1]

http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/celebrity-pictures-spongebob-squarepants-angelina-enough.jpg
Angelina! You have enough kids! PUT HIM BACK!!

[pinkfreud]

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice.

He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"


The man shakes his head.


"No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

[pinkfreud]

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.

He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.

Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.



"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"


:D

[pinkfreud]

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks."

The crowd agrees.

The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head.

The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed.

Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

It's a woman.



"I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

[pinkfreud]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”



The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

:D

[nofuture]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_h7CJteTPowo/ScBEbwVCuSI/AAAAAAAAJUw/3HNbTR-tuLg/s400/Gordon_Brown_Hitler.jpg

Gordon Brownshirt?

[accuracy]

"This male ballerina has a secret, a big one "


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/package.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/no_babies_please.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf_pics-scuba-horse.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fail-owned-spare-fail.jpg

[boots]

A dark and stormy night






In the House. http://www.davidicke.com/forum/cid:E24F8C44-E02E-4AB4-B0C4-60415FD5665A
Just the two of them.



It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly






And http://www.davidicke.com/forum/cid:E24F8C44-E02E-4AB4-B0C4-60415FD5665A
Each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
Wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her
From the storm.
http://www.davidicke.com/forum/cid:E24F8C44-E02E-4AB4-B0C4-60415FD5665A
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and
Expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on... http://www.davidicke.com/forum/cid:E24F8C44-E02E-4AB4-B0C4-60415FD5665A
They knew it was wrong...
Their families would never understand... So consumed were
They in their FEAR that they heard no opening
Of doors...just the faint click of a camera......
[img=http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/3631/cid26437edee2b54b43925d.jpg] (http://img150.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cid26437edee2b54b43925d.jpg)

[nofuture]

A guy was driving around when he saw a sign in front of a house,

'Talking Dog for Sale .'

He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there.

'You talk?' he asked.

'Yes,' the Lab replied.

'So, what's the story?'

The Lab looked up and said, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.'

'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy was amazed. He goes back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.

'Ten euros.' the man said.

'Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shite '

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-meat-sign-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wtf_pics-karate-kid.jpg

[accuracy]

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new jeans. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild In your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once and f * cked a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my other son.'


http://www.jokesy.com/images/peacock-hair-style.jpg

[onourwayto2012]

A guy was driving around when he saw a sign in front of a house,

'Talking Dog for Sale .'

He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there.

'You talk?' he asked.

'Yes,' the Lab replied.

'So, what's the story?'

The Lab looked up and said, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.'

'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy was amazed. He goes back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.

'Ten euros.' the man said.

'Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shite '

hahahahaha....that was funny!

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/519nudist34896.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/142car_les43532134234.jpg

[accuracy]

30 Years Difference

What a difference 30 years makes:

1973: Long hair
2003: Longing for hair

1973: The perfect high
2003: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1973: KEG
2003: EKG

1973: Acid rock
2003: Acid reflux

1973: Moving to California because it's cool
2003: Moving to California because it's warm

1973: Growing pot
2003: Growing pot belly

1973: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2003: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1973: Seeds and stems
2003: Roughage

1973: Popping pills, smoking joints
2003: Popping joints

1973: Killer weed
2003: Weed killer

1973: Hoping for a BMW
2003: Hoping for a BM

1973: The Grateful Dead
2003: Dr. Kevorkian

1973: Going to a new, hip joint
2003: Receiving a new hip joint

1973: Rolling Stones
2003: Kidney Stones

1973: Being called into the principal's office
2003: Calling the principal's office

1973: Screw the system
2003: Upgrade the system

1973: Disco
2003: Costco

1973: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2003: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1973: Taking acid
2003: Taking antacid

1973: Passing the drivers' test
2003: Passing the vision test

1973: Whatever
2003: Depends

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/leave_a_comment.jpg

Do NOT listen to this cretin.

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-genital-fail.jpg

[nofuture]

http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd135/noddyneeds/goodysouvenier.jpg

[kiwimaj]

http://beercouncil.us/image5.jpg

:D

[kiwimaj]

A ham sandwich walks into the bar and says to the bartender,

"give me a shot of whiskey."

and the bartender says,

"hey buddy we don't serve food in here"

:D

[kiwimaj]

It was mealtime during a flight on Blonde Airlines. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.


A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?"
"ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "alright take one"
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?"

:D

[accuracy]

I think it's time for me to move ..................on. bye bye.

[vril]

I think it's time for me to move ..................on. bye bye.

Sorry to see ya go accuracy! :( BIG THANKS for all the laughs! I've always loved waking up in the morning to see your new posts on this thread! :D

Take care buddy!

[evillive]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-candle-fail.jpg?w=338&h=500

[evillive]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2009/4/8/128836591377769649.jpg

[evillive]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2009/4/8/128836583541463180.jpg

[evillive]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2009/4/9/128837597193212519.jpg

[accuracy]

Sorry to see ya go accuracy! :( BIG THANKS for all the laughs! I've always loved waking up in the morning to see your new posts on this thread! :D

Take care buddy!


Thank you, over and out.:)

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-free-hugs.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-discretion-fail2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/egg_smashing_kid.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/0big2.jpg

[accuracy]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesy.com/images/who-wears-the-trousers.jpg

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side
'When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said. 'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.
'I told her, 'of course they're too big.. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.'



Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on..
Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
'Exactly,' replied Jack. 'I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.'
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. 'Try these on,' she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
'I can't possibly get into your knickers,' said Jack.
'Exactly,' replied Jill. 'And if you don't change your f*kn attitude, you never will.'

[evillive]

:)

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-life-choice-fail.jpg?w=380&h=500

[accuracy]

:)

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-life-choice-fail.jpg?w=380&h=500

What a clasiic!! :D:D

[accuracy]

http://blog.seedsofdoubt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/destonio_melpassion.jpg

[accuracy]

http://blog.seedsofdoubt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/destonio_gibsonwant.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesy.com/images/swearing-at-work1.JPG


Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?

2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter
Instead Of: She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch

3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of: F*** off a*se- hole

5. Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole

6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with..
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f***.

7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: Not my f***ing problem.

8. Try Saying: That's interesting.
Instead Of: What the f***?

9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No f***ing chance mate.

10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.

12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Oi, f*** face

13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/0022.jpg

[accuracy]

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

[accuracy]

Products that should never have been approved for sale

http://rookery2.viary.com/storagev12/924500/924703_5022_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314585_df2c_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314500_5ec1_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1309500/1309958_48d4_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1313000/1313217_46f7_625x1000.jpg


http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1315000/1315020_9056_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1313000/1313294_8204_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314727_167c_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1312500/1312603_38a7_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1311000/1311013_f0c5_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314721_b4de_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314000/1314468_072c_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314972_4465_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1311000/1311192_f627_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1313500/1313951_397b_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1312500/1312559_423c_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314737_875e_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1313000/1313385_b5f2_625x1000.jpg

[accuracy]

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1311000/1311108_0fa6_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314860_352e_625x1000.jpg

http://rookery3.viary.com/storagev12/1314500/1314754_1371_625x1000.jpg

End of slide show. :D

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-accordian-gas.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-who-watching-dad.jpg

[accuracy]

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head."

Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

[nofuture]

If George Romero painted "the last supper"
http://i439.photobucket.com/albums/qq116/As_you_hang/jesus_supper_zombie.jpg


http://zombietools.net/images/accessories/zombie_che_400x400.jpg

[evillive]

:)
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-temporary-tattoo-fail.jpg?w=499&h=364

[evillive]

:eek:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-id-age-fail.jpg?w=500&h=375

Lol accuracy...keep the good stuff coming:) (i mean pictures rofl...not the other good stuff)

[nofuture]

http://www.idi.ntnu.no/%7Ealeks/oswald.jpg

[nofuture]

http://i40.tinypic.com/2dt42ea.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-id-age-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://blog.seedsofdoubt.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/destonio_melnet2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/blonde30lock3.jpg

[accuracy]

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line!"

[accuracy]

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the freeway. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so Life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my life like men. And of course, traffic started backing up.
Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he
Was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what the are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Hello-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers."


http://www.jokesy.com/images/emergency-falshers.gif

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-i-control-chicken.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-tmnt-daddy.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-limo-fail2.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/wrestling_is_kinda_gay.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-baby-jumper.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-death-in-tiny-town.jpg

[alzee]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueNaorC0G2o

[alzee]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SXNAtwYMBw

[alzee]

*A modern Orthodox Jewish couple,preparing for a religious wedding meets
with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last
questions. *
**
*Before they leave. the man asks, 'Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for
men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the
reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together, like the
rest of the world.' *

* 'Absolutely not,' says the rabbi. 'It's immodest. Men and women always
dance separately.' *

* 'So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?' *

* 'No,' answered the rabbi. 'It's forbidden.' *

*'Well, okay,' says the man, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?' *

* 'Of course!' replies the rabbi. 'Sex is a mitzvah a good thing within
marriage, to have children!' *

* 'What about different positions?' asks the man *

* 'No problem,' says the rabbi 'It's a mitzvah!' *

* 'Woman on top?' the man asks. *

* 'Sure,' says the rabbi. 'Go for it! It's a mitzvah!' *

*'Doggy style?' *

* 'Sure! Another mitzvah!' *

* 'On the kitchen table?' *

* 'Yes, yes! A mitzvah!' *

* 'Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of
vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?' *

* 'You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!' *

* 'Can we do it standing up?' *

* 'No.' says the rabbi.' *

* 'Why not?' asks the man.*
*
It could lead to dancing!'

[accuracy]

THE NEW PASSWORD

http://www.jokesy.com/images/computer-password-penis.gif

A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, told him he would now need to enter a password..
Something he would use to log-on.
Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:



P...

E...

N...

I...

S....

His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD INVALID............NOT LONG ENOUGH***

[accuracy]

Please note readers that the "colour" selection has been reduced to black and white. And, no, i won't post anything in white. :D

I was just using the colours because it was there.:)

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf-pics-car-in-driver-ed.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-kid-sign-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwDigWvNBTA&feature=player_embedded

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-book-iq-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/baseball_in_the_face.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/good_balance.jpg

[accuracy]

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot annouces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him.

"Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here you go, you crazy bitch, iron this."

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/Brommm_nom_nom.jpg

[accuracy]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-ad-car-fail.jpg

[accuracy]

http://pictureisunrelated.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/wtf_pics-death-of-a-clown.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/bassejn.jpg

[accuracy]

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife
sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with
self-hypnosis. And, to her joy, everything got much better.

However, she could not help but notice that each night, early
into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the
bathroom for several minutes.

This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.
There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this
therapeutic technique: "She's not my wife... She's not my
wife...She's not my wife..."

[accuracy]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/super_parking.jpg

[accuracy]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/9a1.jpg

[accuracy]

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still
shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

[accuracy]

Who is your real friend?


http://www.jokesy.com/images/dog-or-wife.JPG

This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?