Children That Witnessing Domestic Violence

[siliconpsychosis]

Hi everyone,

As part of an assignment I have to debate the issue of the effects on children of witnessing domestic violence. I will be debating from the standpoint that witnessing domestic violence does NOT significantly impact on a child's life, whilst my 'combatant' has the far easier task of arguing the opposite view.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to support the viewpoint I have been assigned - that witnessing domestic violence does not have a significant impact on a child's life.

One angle I was thinking of using was on the possibility that the media exaggerate the negative impact of domestic violence to make enemies out of ordinary people while far bigger evils take place instigated by the worlds elite, such as wars.

Furthermore, since children witness violence elsewhere in the world, either for real in their social life, through television or games, witnessing domestic violence may merely be viewed by a child as being another example of this violent world they live in.

Has anyone got any thoughts or suggestion?

[penguin]

[QUOTE=siliconpsychosis;935870]Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to support the viewpoint I have been assigned - that witnessing domestic violence does not have a significant impact on a child's life.

QUOTE]

Sorry mate it does.
I am speaking from first hand experience, 23 years on I still carry the pain and misery.
I dont trust anyone, and I am unable to acept compliments, I actualy feel comfortable with insults, I know where I stand with them.

[skunksmash]

well, i can safely say .....domestic violence DOES affect children deeply. :(

here's a little story....... 3 nights ago me & my GF got into a row over my kids betimes, all 4 of us were at the table, i mentioned moving theyre bedtimes an hour later (from 7pm to 8pm) as they just arnt tired....

i think i should mention at this point my GF has anger management issues, which stems FROM HER CHILDHOOD, her dad used to beat her badly, followed by violent boyfriend who also beat her)

anyway after the idea going backwards & forwards across the table she then said....''i dont wanna hear anymore, just leave me alone'', she then started crying..??, i said...''if your gonna cry do it in the kitchen away from the kids...

well, with that she picked up her dinner plate & threw it against the wall, then threw her chair straight at the table, which in turn caused a glass to jump off the table & catch the 1yo in the head :mad::mad::mad:

it was like a scene out of the exorcist, the kids were screaming, the food was everywhere, had i been a lesser man i would of knocked her out for scaring my kids like that....no f**ker does that to my kids & lives...:(

but long story short.....the kids will store that scene from hell in they're heads for the rest of they're lives, & it makes me feel physically sick thinking about the look of sheer terror on they're faces..

the early years are the most important for the little ones.....IMO




:)SK

[lewi]

Alcohol fuels domestic violence which affects around 5 million children world wide one of the reasons its legal no doupt ! http://www.lobsangrampa.org/drugs.html !

[mistress_medusa]

the kids will store that scene from hell in they're heads for the rest of they're lives, & it makes me feel physically sick thinking about the look of sheer terror on they're faces..

That sounds crazy but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, matey.
I remember things like that from my childhood but only because I'm reading this thread..I don't dwell on it and I never have. I remember the good parts rather than the bad - I turned out alright!

I think it depends on the person.

My Dad had a shitty upbringing - violence, abuse, etc but he was the best Father I could have ever wished for so yes, that did change him but only in a good way.
However, on the other hand he wasn't the best Husband to my Mum and although I never witnessed it first hand, I know that he was violent with her and a lot of his problems were caused by the things he witnessed and went through as a child.

I'm conflicted on this issue!

[diamondgeezer]

well, i can safely say .....domestic violence DOES affect children deeply. :(

here's a little story....... 3 nights ago me & my GF got into a row over my kids betimes, all 4 of us were at the table, i mentioned moving theyre bedtimes an hour later (from 7pm to 8pm) as they just arnt tired....

i think i should mention at this point my GF has anger management issues, which stems FROM HER CHILDHOOD, her dad used to beat her badly, followed by violent boyfriend who also beat her)

anyway after the idea going backwards & forwards across the table she then said....''i dont wanna hear anymore, just leave me alone'', she then started crying..??, i said...''if your gonna cry do it in the kitchen away from the kids...

well, with that she picked up her dinner plate & threw it against the wall, then threw her chair straight at the table, which in turn caused a glass to jump off the table & catch the 1yo in the head :mad::mad::mad:

it was like a scene out of the exorcist, the kids were screaming, the food was everywhere, had i been a lesser man i would of knocked her out for scaring my kids like that....no f**ker does that to my kids & lives...:(

but long story short.....the kids will store that scene from hell in they're heads for the rest of they're lives, & it makes me feel physically sick thinking about the look of sheer terror on they're faces..


Get shut of her mate, pronto. Before any more damage is done. Fact is, although your GF's issues are not necessarily her fault, you won't be able to change her or them, and sooner or later these cracks in your relationship will become too much for it. Sad but true.

Your kids (I'm assuming from the wording of your post that they are your kids from a previous relationship, not hers?) are so young that the memory of that incident shouldn't stay with them, so I wouldn't worry too much. When they get a bit older though, that kind of shit will scar them.

[skunksmash]

sorry....... no they're ''our'' kids :D, & she has got issues but since awakening so to speak, i think maybe she is my mission in life....to correct the errors in her..??, if there truly are no coincidences then i was meant to be here & b/c im quite a tolerant person, maybe in some way were meant to help each other... (who knows)

i lover her & the kids need us both, so it needs to be worked at, but believe me your suggestion is always in the back of my head...;)


obviously the lvl of domestic violence is also a large factor, my situation seemed very bad to me but they may well forget it after i have to tell them off for something :p

sexual abuse is scarring ....... i believe this is so traumatic it actually changes the way their brains work...

so its always gonna be a possibility....JUST DON'T DO IT....:D





:)SK

[diamondgeezer]

sorry....... no they're ''our'' kids :D, & she has got issues but since awakening so to speak, i think maybe she is my mission in life....to correct the errors in her..??, if there truly are no coincidences then i was meant to be here & b/c im quite a tolerant person, maybe in some way were meant to help each other... (who knows)

i lover her & the kids need us both, so it needs to be worked at, but believe me your suggestion is always in the back of my head...;)


;)No fair enough, if they're both your kids its not that simple. I thought by 'my kids' you meant your kids.

:Dlol With a 1yr old, you would have had to be a fast mover eh..

Anyway, stick with it & good luck:)

[alfrmo]

When a child witnesses domestic violence in the home it is devastating for them, for while we live in an increasingly violent world, indeed where violence is packaged in games etc every child should feel safe in their own homes. The pressures of modern day living, along with drug and alcohol abuse contribute massively to domestic violence, but once a relationship comes to this, and it is seen by the children it is time to split, for no child should be subjected to witnessing the people he or she loves hurting each other, and it will mess them up, and on-one has the right to do that.

[scatlond]

My earliest image is domestic violence , my Mother and father fighting, she has a big knife, No damage. but the memory is still there and would probably stay fresh for a while at that age, I would calculate I would be between 2 and 3, im 45 now, I have experienced a violent life victim and aggressor. Its peaceful now thankfully.

[wise haven]

well, i can safely say .....domestic violence DOES affect children deeply. :(

here's a little story....... 3 nights ago me & my GF got into a row over my kids betimes, all 4 of us were at the table, i mentioned moving theyre bedtimes an hour later (from 7pm to 8pm) as they just arnt tired....

i think i should mention at this point my GF has anger management issues, which stems FROM HER CHILDHOOD, her dad used to beat her badly, followed by violent boyfriend who also beat her)

anyway after the idea going backwards & forwards across the table she then said....''i dont wanna hear anymore, just leave me alone'', she then started crying..??, i said...''if your gonna cry do it in the kitchen away from the kids...

well, with that she picked up her dinner plate & threw it against the wall, then threw her chair straight at the table, which in turn caused a glass to jump off the table & catch the 1yo in the head :mad::mad::mad:

it was like a scene out of the exorcist, the kids were screaming, the food was everywhere, had i been a lesser man i would of knocked her out for scaring my kids like that....no f**ker does that to my kids & lives...:(

but long story short.....the kids will store that scene from hell in they're heads for the rest of they're lives, & it makes me feel physically sick thinking about the look of sheer terror on they're faces..

the early years are the most important for the little ones.....IMO




:)SK

Domestic violence - It can really affect your children.

Much more than most people can imagine; especially those that haven't experienced it themselves as children. It can poison your child and ruin their, much needed, innocence and force them to reach adulthood much earlier than is good for their own mental wellbeing.
Contrary to popular belief; domestic violence is just as readily committed by women as it is pre-supposed that it is committed by men.
In fact, seeing a woman or mother committing violence is much more devastating when witnessed by a child because the child has also been conditioned to see their mother as passive rather than aggressive and when this is contradicted the damage is much more profound.
Get some support - and address this problem before it becomes much more serious.......for your children's sake .

[skyfish]

it was like a scene out of the exorcist, the kids were screaming, the food was everywhere, had i been a lesser man i would of knocked her out for scaring my kids like that....no f**ker does that to my kids & lives...:(

SK

That's a really great attitude - because the sight of their dad knocking out a woman wouldn't have impacted on them at all now would it? Tosser.

[skunksmash]

ahh.....that must be my problem, i knew something weren't quite right....

im a Tosser :rolleyes:


fool..... do you even have a grasp on family life, or are you still awaiting puberty..??

i would NEVER hit a woman.... & if you actually read the quote you'd see that.





:)SK

[skyfish]

ahh.....that must be my problem, i knew something weren't quite right....

im a Tosser :rolleyes:


fool..... do you even have a grasp on family life, or are you still awaiting puberty..??

i would NEVER hit a woman.... & if you actually read the quote you'd see that.





:)SK


Actually I grew up with an alcoholic maniac who used to hit us and hit my mum. It scarred me for life. Given that this woman you're with has serious emotional baggage akin to some of the shit I've been thru myself, and given that the glass jumping off the table was an accident I judge you for even thinking about 'knocking her out'. Partly because she may be stuck in a cycle where she expects or even invites violence since that is what she is familiar with. I take back calling you a tosser, it was a knee-jerk response because I find men who even contemplate violence against women abhorrent in the extreme.

[skunksmash]

Actually I grew up with an alcoholic maniac who used to hit us and hit my mum. It scarred me for life. Given that this woman you're with has serious emotional baggage akin to some of the shit I've been thru myself, and given that the glass jumping off the table was an accident I judge you for even thinking about 'knocking her out'. Partly because she may be stuck in a cycle where she expects or even invites violence since that is what she is familiar with. I take back calling you a tosser, it was a knee-jerk response because I find men who even contemplate violence against women abhorrent in the extreme.

no worries......;)






:)SK

[christophera]

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to support the viewpoint I have been assigned - that witnessing domestic violence does not have a significant impact on a child's life.

Has anyone got any thoughts or suggestion?

A facetious argument that ordinary TV commercials have more impact and that violent cartoons can carry more meaningful messages for kids who have witnessed DV.
It will be an entertaining debate with an interesting twist that feeds into an understanding of media violence conditioning.

[siliconpsychosis]

Thanks to everyone for the replies regarding the effects of witnessing domestic violence on children. I understand many people find the subject matter provoking, and wish to share their accounts of the damaging effects on children. However, the stance i have been assigned is that the effects on children are minimal and for that reason I am seeking arguments to support this view opposed to the more obvious view that domestic violence is damaging.

If anyone wishes to contribute to the stance I am obliged to take as part of my assignment feel free to express your views. Heres some guidelines as to what i am looking for and that others may be able to elaborate on....

What factors DECREASE the chance that children are affected by witnessing domestic violence.

How is witnessing domestic violence different to the other forms of violence that children may witness ie. through the media and computer games.

Is domestic violence continually highlighted by the powers that be to distract people from far more damaging mass violence ie wars. In other words are the small minority of men that beat women or children being used as a distraction from far greater levels of violence happening in the world?

Please remember this is an assignment, so I do not particularly need passionate replies condemning my argument. Im really looking for constructive arguments to support the view I have been assigned by my tutor. I wont get a good mark if I simply say, domestic violence does harm children and there is no counterargument.

Thanks.

[brainfreeze]

I think you're on the losing end of the debate mate and I suspect you know it ;)

Violence (domestic or not) creates fear which in turn creates insecurities, and this is why it can not be argued that domestic violence does not have a negative effect on the children.

Good luck with arguing the opposite point though, let us know how you fair. :)

[unusual_suspect]

Hmm, my sons father was from a family where domestic violence was rife, towards his mother and him. I had enough of him by the time my son was 18 months old. Love for a child is unconditional as far as I'm concerned, but not for another adult.

He is an extremely damaged person, full of vitriol and hatred, incapable of lifting himself out of it. Many people have tried to help him, myself included and he just fucks it up every time. He is hell bent on destroying himself.

Incidentally, I used to think my purpose was to "rescue" him and felt responsible for him. I don't now, I just see him for what he is, and incredibly selfish and fucked up wanker.

I feel sorry for him, because he has even managed to alienate himself from his 10 year old son, who cannot be bothered with his flakeyness.

He doesn't know how to have a loving relationship with anyone, cause he never had that as a role model when he was a child.