space monkey
13-06-2007, 07:02 AM
The following was written by a one Amandakat, who posted on the old Icke forum where this orginaly appeared. Read on, it's hysterical...
"Message from Professor Decimus Rex, First of the Zionist Fraternity
Once again Christmas is almost upon us like a betinselled hate-filled cadaver, ripping at our soft and fleshy bodies with the unholy fervour of a thousand Kilroy audience members. Thankfully we here at the ZF long ago had any family members or friends who might expect a dose of season’s goodwill boiled to death in mulled wine and impaled upon Dr. Gigantos’ festive holly display. Holiday atrocities aside (though only temporarily, The Mindspool has just perfected its latest batch of Agent Oranges) Christmas can’t be all rat poison and nail bombs, sometimes it has to be about family, goodwill and obese chimney-dwelling paedophiles, for if we forget these things our advertising revenues drop by almost a quarter and the cattle start to get curious about our metallic scuttle drones and just what they’re doing to their children’s eyes at night.
News and Updates
We’re glad to report that the Consumer Safety department has dropped its legal case against us concerning the Facehugger content of our “Whispers of the Dead” cereal.
Last month’s lecture by Dr. Moriarty was well attended and we’re happy to inform our members that he will be returning in the spring to publicise his latest novel “Holmes and Me, a love far from elementary”.
The Zionist Fraternity has defeated and assimilated the Global Criminal Cabal, you may find yourself working with an ex-GCC members, do not attack them or attempt to revenge the deaths of any family members. We have taken from them more than you ever could.
The testing of Baron Kronos’ Mk III time machine was a success, the Baron completed his leap to 1812 and back again with the only slight side effect of being completely disintegrated in the process.
Kronos labs are looking for willing volunteers to test their new generation of time machines, if you have any willing volunteers you’d like to trade please contact Baron Kronos II at Phluxxcapacitors@Mindspool.dom.
Fourth Quarter Itinerary
As usual, we will be organising many events for our members/employees/prisoners to enjoy/endure. Kids! Decode the message to Field Operative Sabina Caescuvez and win an official ZF baseball cap!
November 8th
Dr. Carmen Sandiego will be giving a short talk on global theft in the Machiavelli Hall. Attendees will be invited to peruse her extensive collection of monuments.
November 21st
The Human Incendiary memorial parade will be taking place at 9 AM and will continue through to 12 PM, participants will then douse themselves with kerosene and run headfirst into the specially prepared ‘Chamber o’ Sparks’ in a faithful recreation of Incy’s last crowd-pleaser.
November 30th
Night of the spinning knives. Do not ask questions, if you are not taken, be thankful.
December 5th
Caescuvez, your position has been compromised. Combine tincture A with powder 13 and consume. Your work for us was adequate.
December 12th
Zionist Fraternity pantomime. This year we will be performing Moonraker in the Mammon theatre. Zobviest Grey will be playing Hugo Drax, The Turncoat will be playing Jaws, Assorted captured members of The League of Decency and their bodily organs will be playing 007/007 suspended on razorwire/007 after swallowing live grenade/007 penetrated with assorted shrapnel/007 being hacked apart by Widow Twanky, Mindspool Drone #17B will be playing Dr. Holly Goodhead and Dr. Decimus Rex will be again reprising his role of Widow Twanky.
December 20th
Man Vs. The Mindspool. Yet again members of the ZF are invited to watch our enemies pit their feeble wits against the world’s most evil computer. Laugh as you watch previously intelligent and sane resistors soil themselves on stage and gibber about giant space lizards, cry when you realize that the same will happen to you if you so much as think of turning on us.
December 24th
The real nativity. In accordance with tradition the ZF will be performing its ever-popular nativity recreation. This year we’re lucky to have Kang of the “Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles” playing the role of Baby Jesus and Oscar Wilde’s preserved brain returning as Rich Man #3.
December 25th
Ceremonial burning of Karl Marx effigy, caroller hunting.
December 31st
As usual the ZF will be crowning the monarch of the New Year; the monarch of the Old Year will be served in the main foyer as a selection of delicious snack treats prepared by Shago-Shago the Unforgiving.
Obituaries
We’re sad to report the loss of some fine agents over the past few months, most will be replaced by clones or unwilling blood relations, of course. But it’s never quite the same.
Dr. Anne Guish
The good doctor was one of our best cryogenics researchers, in her seven years with the ZF she didn’t produce a single piece of new technology but she did leave an awfully large number of her test subjects crippled or dead. And we mean a huge number, staggering. Old Anne must’ve only slept a few hours a night to get through the simply biblical proportions of people she did. Dr. Guish died of natural causes (well, as natural as being stabbed through the heart with a frozen shard of what was formerly your arm can be).
Luther Princip
Luther was a low level operative who got in our way. He is survived by a wife and two beautiful daughters, though not for long.
Aeturnus the Undying
Aeturnus was defeated in battle by the Pillars of Light. He is survived by Aeturnus the Undying."
"Message from Professor Decimus Rex, First of the Zionist Fraternity
Once again Christmas is almost upon us like a betinselled hate-filled cadaver, ripping at our soft and fleshy bodies with the unholy fervour of a thousand Kilroy audience members. Thankfully we here at the ZF long ago had any family members or friends who might expect a dose of season’s goodwill boiled to death in mulled wine and impaled upon Dr. Gigantos’ festive holly display. Holiday atrocities aside (though only temporarily, The Mindspool has just perfected its latest batch of Agent Oranges) Christmas can’t be all rat poison and nail bombs, sometimes it has to be about family, goodwill and obese chimney-dwelling paedophiles, for if we forget these things our advertising revenues drop by almost a quarter and the cattle start to get curious about our metallic scuttle drones and just what they’re doing to their children’s eyes at night.
News and Updates
We’re glad to report that the Consumer Safety department has dropped its legal case against us concerning the Facehugger content of our “Whispers of the Dead” cereal.
Last month’s lecture by Dr. Moriarty was well attended and we’re happy to inform our members that he will be returning in the spring to publicise his latest novel “Holmes and Me, a love far from elementary”.
The Zionist Fraternity has defeated and assimilated the Global Criminal Cabal, you may find yourself working with an ex-GCC members, do not attack them or attempt to revenge the deaths of any family members. We have taken from them more than you ever could.
The testing of Baron Kronos’ Mk III time machine was a success, the Baron completed his leap to 1812 and back again with the only slight side effect of being completely disintegrated in the process.
Kronos labs are looking for willing volunteers to test their new generation of time machines, if you have any willing volunteers you’d like to trade please contact Baron Kronos II at Phluxxcapacitors@Mindspool.dom.
Fourth Quarter Itinerary
As usual, we will be organising many events for our members/employees/prisoners to enjoy/endure. Kids! Decode the message to Field Operative Sabina Caescuvez and win an official ZF baseball cap!
November 8th
Dr. Carmen Sandiego will be giving a short talk on global theft in the Machiavelli Hall. Attendees will be invited to peruse her extensive collection of monuments.
November 21st
The Human Incendiary memorial parade will be taking place at 9 AM and will continue through to 12 PM, participants will then douse themselves with kerosene and run headfirst into the specially prepared ‘Chamber o’ Sparks’ in a faithful recreation of Incy’s last crowd-pleaser.
November 30th
Night of the spinning knives. Do not ask questions, if you are not taken, be thankful.
December 5th
Caescuvez, your position has been compromised. Combine tincture A with powder 13 and consume. Your work for us was adequate.
December 12th
Zionist Fraternity pantomime. This year we will be performing Moonraker in the Mammon theatre. Zobviest Grey will be playing Hugo Drax, The Turncoat will be playing Jaws, Assorted captured members of The League of Decency and their bodily organs will be playing 007/007 suspended on razorwire/007 after swallowing live grenade/007 penetrated with assorted shrapnel/007 being hacked apart by Widow Twanky, Mindspool Drone #17B will be playing Dr. Holly Goodhead and Dr. Decimus Rex will be again reprising his role of Widow Twanky.
December 20th
Man Vs. The Mindspool. Yet again members of the ZF are invited to watch our enemies pit their feeble wits against the world’s most evil computer. Laugh as you watch previously intelligent and sane resistors soil themselves on stage and gibber about giant space lizards, cry when you realize that the same will happen to you if you so much as think of turning on us.
December 24th
The real nativity. In accordance with tradition the ZF will be performing its ever-popular nativity recreation. This year we’re lucky to have Kang of the “Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles” playing the role of Baby Jesus and Oscar Wilde’s preserved brain returning as Rich Man #3.
December 25th
Ceremonial burning of Karl Marx effigy, caroller hunting.
December 31st
As usual the ZF will be crowning the monarch of the New Year; the monarch of the Old Year will be served in the main foyer as a selection of delicious snack treats prepared by Shago-Shago the Unforgiving.
Obituaries
We’re sad to report the loss of some fine agents over the past few months, most will be replaced by clones or unwilling blood relations, of course. But it’s never quite the same.
Dr. Anne Guish
The good doctor was one of our best cryogenics researchers, in her seven years with the ZF she didn’t produce a single piece of new technology but she did leave an awfully large number of her test subjects crippled or dead. And we mean a huge number, staggering. Old Anne must’ve only slept a few hours a night to get through the simply biblical proportions of people she did. Dr. Guish died of natural causes (well, as natural as being stabbed through the heart with a frozen shard of what was formerly your arm can be).
Luther Princip
Luther was a low level operative who got in our way. He is survived by a wife and two beautiful daughters, though not for long.
Aeturnus the Undying
Aeturnus was defeated in battle by the Pillars of Light. He is survived by Aeturnus the Undying."