Any tips most welcome...

[kitchenmatt]

I have been practicing meditation daily for about a year. I mainly use the focus on the breath techniqhue but more recently I have also been trying a bit of Chris Hyatt's methodology from his book 'Undoing Yourself'. I have found that I have most definately become more calm and less anxious generally.

Some days I think i'm making progress and that I have left all that self cherishing and need to be respected and loved behind. There are times when I feel that I am letting go and really being myself and not caring about what people think. I always try to think of others feeling and attempt to put them ahead of my own......... but then it hits me and I realise that I'm still the same old ego driven person that i was a year ago.

ll give you a brief example: I am chatting away to a colleague (peers are the bane of my life) when I notice that I am not getting the type of reaction to something I am saying that I expected. I then realise that I am being rather insulting to a lot of people who may or may not be within earshot. The person I am talking to slinks off behind me and I hear giggling from another colleage who has been listening to what I said.

SO, a long story short - i know I shouldnt have said what I did. it was silly and I should have thought about it a bit before opening my gob. BUT now I have the idea spinning round in my head that my reputation amongst my work colleagues has suffered.... and its hurting a great deal.

I know totoally that it shouldnt. I am learning that you cannot control everything and that not all poeple see that same reality etc etc but sometimes my ego will not put something down.

I'm even considering drinking the pain away. Something that I used to resort to all the time.

the long and short of it is:

I still suffer badly from paranoia about what other people think of me.

Can anyone suggest techniques or meditations that i could use to try to clear up this particular problem?:)

[clozaril]

one of richard bandlers mantras is 'shut the fuck up'

you will come to a point when you won't give a shit anymore. thorugh a combination of not giving energy away, realising it's a waste of time thinking that shit or touching inside an infinite energy perhaps even a transendence

a useful technique to use if it is one specific person is to imagine that person stood in front of you naked or in a clown suit or cross-dressing

have them say all the put downs and degrading shit you can think of and laugh and laugh and laugh at them and say how stupid they look.

then the next real encounter with this person go back to the image of them naked or in a clown suit or cross-dressing and imagine them like that whilst they are speaking to you

i'm sure there are plenty of other ways of overcoming/embracing this

[amandaooo]

You are coming up with the solution yourself. If you don't want to feel others are judging you, you have to give up the judgement of others in yourself. Drinking only makes you say things you shouldn't say in the long run too - so not the best of answers.

I suggest you read - the seat of the soul by gary zukav on things like addiction/power etc. Very good read.

Do not worry when you feel tempted as that is when you are at your highest level of choice. And get rid of trying to be perfect and embrace yourself and have no shame because you are in process like the rest of us:)

EDIT - you know there is nothing wrong in caring what other people think about you. It's knowing intentions that are important and trying to sort out if they are jealous, or angry or rude or in fact really caring for you. In which case you can look at what they say and do an evaluation of yourself as objectively as you can. Try not to be too defensive if someone says something downright nasty to you. Understand that the ugliness is coming from their lips and has nothing whatsoever to do with your own character. Rather, how you react to the ugliness can make you, in comparason a shining light whom people admire.

You should hold your reputation in high regard and if someone tries to put it/you down then it is perfectly natural that you should feel strongly about this. But the people I admire most of all are the ones who have been alcoholics, messed up big time, came through it and now help others. Or who could not leave their house as they were so nasty to neighbours who now see them smiling at them. It can take a while, but bridges can be rebuilt. If you tend to be a bit of a gossip (goodness knows, we all are from time to time) - learn who to gossip to and really think about why you are gossiping about that person etc. When you said that the people whom you were talking about - you were not sure if they could hear or not - HMMMM... Be honest with yourself here - are you SURE you never knew that they might be listening? It sounds like you were being a tad passive aggressive? Like you never cared either way - or is that you just looking back at it? Chances are you could have been acting manipulative in that situation. If not, it could have APPEARED that way. - AGAIN, please note my intention is to say this without judgement of you, only asking you to look at yourself really closely - which it looks like you are doing. I wish you the best.

[kitchenmatt]

Thanks for taking the time to get back to me, its much appreciated. I can always count on this forum for a bit of help and advice when I need it. Don't know what I would do without you all.

Never heard of Richard Bandler Before. i'll have a bit of a read up.

"you will come to a point when you won't give a shit anymore." I certainly hope so. it must be amazingly freeing when it happens.

"You are coming up with the solution yourself." Always good to hear, thanks for that. More looking at myself closely required. That sound very self centred and introspective but you cant help anyone else if you're fucked up too right?.

Work was a non event today and as it happens, i was worrying over absolutely nothing as per usual. no one even remembers anything about last weeks incident. it all seems to have happened inside my own head....its amazing that i still cant see this after the amount of times it occurs.

I dont know, some days I feels like im in a pit and I cant escape and the next minute im on top of the world with no worries. Can't help thinking that there is a middle ground somewhere that I need to find. GERONIMO!

[cafetimes1991]

one of richard bandlers mantras is 'shut the fuck up'

you will come to a point when you won't give a shit anymore. thorugh a combination of not giving energy away, realising it's a waste of time thinking that shit or touching inside an infinite energy perhaps even a transendence

a useful technique to use if it is one specific person is to imagine that person stood in front of you naked or in a clown suit or cross-dressing

have them say all the put downs and degrading shit you can think of and laugh and laugh and laugh at them and say how stupid they look.

then the next real encounter with this person go back to the image of them naked or in a clown suit or cross-dressing and imagine them like that whilst they are speaking to you

i'm sure there are plenty of other ways of overcoming/embracing this

:)