pacoquerak
06-09-2008, 09:36 AM
But oh the flavor of loving this world i have tasted i love so much!
This is a short and sweet story of my life. I left a lot of gaps, but i think it's not bad for my first time writing my life story, i just kinda ranted this one out and there isn't a lot of structure but i think you will like it.
When i was young and in school (8) my parent's started to notice changes for the worse in me. When i was 7 i got strep throat and had to take hardcore antibiotics for a month, i was allowed no dairy, stuff was liquid and tasted like fake strawberries. Ever since then i was sick off and on often, vommiting, soar throats, runny nose were all fairly common throughout the year. But as i was saying when i was 8 my parent's started to notice i did not have the energy i used to. My voice was becoming softer and raspy and i had little endurance and could not run very fast. Late 8 or early 9 i can't quite remember i was taken to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. It was decided there could be something wrong with my vocal cords so they decided to examine them with a camera. Sure enough there was HPV growing on them and it was decided they must be removed by laser. The surgeon expressed hope that it would go away, claiming that about half go away soon after puberty. However every year of my life until i was 17 i had to be put to sleep to be operated on to remove them. Every year my voice got worse and i was so raspy kids would call me robot kid! When it started i beleive there were not many more than 10'000 reported cases of my particular condition. At some point in my life i became a vegetarian i think 15. I also played a lot of video games and watched a lot of movies. I was again often sick, vomiting, sore throats, etc. especialy at highly stressful times. I did horrible in school i belive my columative gpa was 1.78 out of 4.0 possible. People made endless fun of me and i had little to no real friends for a very long time. I believe being a vegetarian was really harmful for me as i could not absorb the nessisary vitamins and minerals i needed. Though i ate tons of spinach and took many iron suplements i was enemic for atleast a year and often had dizzy spells. Life really seemed dismal to me, i hated most things, was angry. But i had something, i could smile and smile at whatever they through at me. I read in science fiction the laughing god who despite being the least powerful of all the gods and constantly forced to flee and hide and his people were relentlessly slaugtered he would never stop laughing and confounding his enemies. This became my defense, if someone made fun of me, i would laugh and i would make myself seem even wierder until people feared me. At a certain point because of my great height i found i could intimidate people into some kind of distance where they were somewhat afraid to make fun of me and i would have just laughed at them anyways. Couldn't whipe the shit eating grin off my face, i was always sad, always angry, crazy huh? I should have mentioned before. Ever since i was very little i hated the united states. Why? when so many people feel so opposed to this viewpoint? did it come from my parents? NO! I read about the Indians who lived here before us and this beautiful land of endless wilderness was destroyed and turned into ugly houses with ugly lawns.. Yes my father was an outdoors man and we would often go fishing... Even though i lived in the city and played video games and watched tv i did love nature abd every summer i would go to visit my grandma and catch and eat fish with my father, i believe i would not have survived without this. But what made me really hate this country? That pure beauty was stolen from honest people with tricks... and THat i had to pledge alegence to a flag??!??! this had no meaning to me! it was anthisma to what i believed was good so in this way the seeds were sown in my mind. But i lived in the city, i hated everything about it, i hated my bipolar mother (did not know what was wrong with her at the time) It was a real crying shame, i wasn't even becoming any kind of "success" as far as society deems it.
But then something amazing happened. I was offered a joint. I tried to smoke it but failed but i followed my best friend (another wierdo outcast like myself that i had met that year on my 17th) and he showed miraculous happiness and joy when he was normaly so sullen. So the next chance i got i inhailed as much as i could and i was stoned at this science fiction convention and i felt truly happy watching all the crazy people and recording them with my video camera. I liked weed a lot, then another awsome thing happened. I met a friend who had a dad who was a drug dealer. After knowing him for some time he found his dad's massive marijuana stash under his matress and there was sooo much that he could take any amount and his father would never be the wiser!
well sounds kinda pointless so far but.. People started to notice how much better my voice sounded. Infact the next time i went to that scifi convention one of the people said "hey robot kid how come when you started smoking weed your voice started getting better?" At the time i just thought it was jokes and i was still doomed for another surgery right? but when they took the noodle nose camera down my nose again they found that it had shrunk in size! it was going away! Though i was still often sick and had all the other usual problems my disease was actualy leaving me! But the real change was yet to come. from when i was 17 til i was 20 i was pursuing the arts. I dropped out of highschool and my photo portfolio booked me a ticket of 18k to go to the art intitute of chicago and i went there for a year. But i was gonna go back to my favorite place that year. And something had happened since i had started smoking weed. I began to wonder again about the evil of this country. I don't even remember how but i read david icke's book I am Me I am free. Now the gears were really in motion. But what would happen next, what would i do in a place where nothing was going on? i had fun in college but i really couldn't afford it even with the 18k a year schollarship but the winter before i had enquired about a job at.. an organic farm!
I worked my ass off and my boss liked me quite a bit. The intern there was very cute and i liked her a lot, we would talk about all kinds of conspiracy and she would tell me all about healthy kinds of foods. She told me that she thought i needed meat and i began eating lots of the eggs that were grown at the farm. I quickly fell madly in love with her... and it was pain and agony from early may til the end of june. Something unusual happened. It wasn't unusual until you look at it today however. Because it's the last time i have been sick since. I had a fever and by the middle of the day i knew i could no longer work. She gave me some elderberries and i mixed some with some kombucha that i had stumbled across randomly (actualy i never even realized it was a cultured drink until that day when she told me, i thought it was just a spicy ginger drink) and the next day i came to work. She said i didn't look good but i didn't respond. By the end of the day i felt almost fine besides a little runny nose! I was off on saturday but she was working and i wanted to go visit her, we were planning on making kim-chi. So i came over and sat up on the huge concret ledge to talk to her in the barn, and she came over with her book and pressed her hips up against my legs in a very sexual way (belive it or not this is the first sexual experience i have had and i was 20!)
We had a thing for a while, i was mad for her, she might of just been horny haha i'm not really sure now, as she is my ex and i have not talked to her in some time (it broke up in the winter really awkwardly and she left me alone to cry by myself and i was never truly sure why but i have some idea now just recently) but if there is one thing i believe it's that she saved my life. I really do love her. She taught me about fermenting foods and what foods i had to encorperate into my repitour. I'm not gonna go into detail too much more heh.
But I know how i fucked up. I was so darn happy that i failed to realize that there was still something wrong with me, i was physicaly almost totaly healed but not so for the mental case. I'm still not perfect now but i realize what i must do and i think! Now she is gone and i am alone and lonely but i look to the future as my life as a farmer, creating a new world based on the ones that were made by our predecesors in the ways that are most conducive to life. There is so much future ahead of me! I see how i was cheated before!
Things are different now, i love my mother who i am bringing back to the planet and she too is becoming healed. But my father... he has become poisoned somehow and i don't know how, he is remairied to a unhappy woman and they shop at wallmart and they are always upset with the rest of my family and my dad and his sister hardly ever talk and they told me that people are controling my mind because i suggested that there were bombs planted in the world trade centers.
I am so alone, it seems like many people avoid me i can't figure it out. But this one girl who unfortunatly is attached to someone else, i knew she was afraid of me because i actualy saw her hide behind someones car and slip inside it so i wouldn't notice and didn't say hello to me when she saw me sitting in a open doorway even though we both have the same friend etc.. anyways long story short... I showed her how great i am and that she has no reason to fear me. she was so close to becoming a true friend i believe (i have had one of those and she is also in this abridged story). sadly she went off to europe with my other friend and i am all alone in my cabin up in the woods without hardly any friends who are all around 15-20 miles away and i hardly see. I am very lonely but i have so much hope!
I am banishing the fear from my mind and body and accepting the love and giving love. Big things are coming my way! I decided there is nothing in this society i desire, i just want to do my own thing without control from any form of government and restore the earth and feed people and have fun and make wild love to beautiful girls and oh my goodness life could be amazing just around the corner haha!
Thank you antonia, for saving me when no one else would. Thank you David Icke for revealing to me how sinister the world around us truly is, that it's not only unfair but absolutly diabolic! Thank you Jordan Maxwell for in the past 2 months you have given me knew vision which i never dreamed, as he says i am finding the more you seek the truth you find that there are lies everywhere but when you seek the truth and when you know the truth the truth will set you free. This doesn't just apply to learning about secret societies and conspiracy you know like you got to find the truth about what is great in the world! we need a conspiracy theorist who reveals the truth about the true greatness of the world that is lieing just bellow the surface of all the LIES!
Thanks for those who read my story, i truly believe that the true power lies in us the people, not in our masters of war and lies, not in our economy or our government or or ways of thinking or religions or any of that fucking bullshit, it's all in us and it's beautiful and we can rebuild the great forests and the fertil meddows and we can make it sustain us more healthily than mankind has ever been before and we can do all of this right noW! we don't have to wait around! the only reason why i am waiting is that i have a lot of catching up to do! I haven't done my homework yet, i gotta learn i gotta find a way and another way and another way until all the ways are clearly marked and the path is easy to follow!
I have so much love to give and I am ready to help anyone who needs it! i have a footon in my cabin anyone nice who wanted to keep me company could stay in and anyone who just wants to talk could email me at pacoquerak@gmail.com or pacoquerak is my aim or just message me here! post here please tell me about something positive that can be done!
GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK! -emil
This is a short and sweet story of my life. I left a lot of gaps, but i think it's not bad for my first time writing my life story, i just kinda ranted this one out and there isn't a lot of structure but i think you will like it.
When i was young and in school (8) my parent's started to notice changes for the worse in me. When i was 7 i got strep throat and had to take hardcore antibiotics for a month, i was allowed no dairy, stuff was liquid and tasted like fake strawberries. Ever since then i was sick off and on often, vommiting, soar throats, runny nose were all fairly common throughout the year. But as i was saying when i was 8 my parent's started to notice i did not have the energy i used to. My voice was becoming softer and raspy and i had little endurance and could not run very fast. Late 8 or early 9 i can't quite remember i was taken to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. It was decided there could be something wrong with my vocal cords so they decided to examine them with a camera. Sure enough there was HPV growing on them and it was decided they must be removed by laser. The surgeon expressed hope that it would go away, claiming that about half go away soon after puberty. However every year of my life until i was 17 i had to be put to sleep to be operated on to remove them. Every year my voice got worse and i was so raspy kids would call me robot kid! When it started i beleive there were not many more than 10'000 reported cases of my particular condition. At some point in my life i became a vegetarian i think 15. I also played a lot of video games and watched a lot of movies. I was again often sick, vomiting, sore throats, etc. especialy at highly stressful times. I did horrible in school i belive my columative gpa was 1.78 out of 4.0 possible. People made endless fun of me and i had little to no real friends for a very long time. I believe being a vegetarian was really harmful for me as i could not absorb the nessisary vitamins and minerals i needed. Though i ate tons of spinach and took many iron suplements i was enemic for atleast a year and often had dizzy spells. Life really seemed dismal to me, i hated most things, was angry. But i had something, i could smile and smile at whatever they through at me. I read in science fiction the laughing god who despite being the least powerful of all the gods and constantly forced to flee and hide and his people were relentlessly slaugtered he would never stop laughing and confounding his enemies. This became my defense, if someone made fun of me, i would laugh and i would make myself seem even wierder until people feared me. At a certain point because of my great height i found i could intimidate people into some kind of distance where they were somewhat afraid to make fun of me and i would have just laughed at them anyways. Couldn't whipe the shit eating grin off my face, i was always sad, always angry, crazy huh? I should have mentioned before. Ever since i was very little i hated the united states. Why? when so many people feel so opposed to this viewpoint? did it come from my parents? NO! I read about the Indians who lived here before us and this beautiful land of endless wilderness was destroyed and turned into ugly houses with ugly lawns.. Yes my father was an outdoors man and we would often go fishing... Even though i lived in the city and played video games and watched tv i did love nature abd every summer i would go to visit my grandma and catch and eat fish with my father, i believe i would not have survived without this. But what made me really hate this country? That pure beauty was stolen from honest people with tricks... and THat i had to pledge alegence to a flag??!??! this had no meaning to me! it was anthisma to what i believed was good so in this way the seeds were sown in my mind. But i lived in the city, i hated everything about it, i hated my bipolar mother (did not know what was wrong with her at the time) It was a real crying shame, i wasn't even becoming any kind of "success" as far as society deems it.
But then something amazing happened. I was offered a joint. I tried to smoke it but failed but i followed my best friend (another wierdo outcast like myself that i had met that year on my 17th) and he showed miraculous happiness and joy when he was normaly so sullen. So the next chance i got i inhailed as much as i could and i was stoned at this science fiction convention and i felt truly happy watching all the crazy people and recording them with my video camera. I liked weed a lot, then another awsome thing happened. I met a friend who had a dad who was a drug dealer. After knowing him for some time he found his dad's massive marijuana stash under his matress and there was sooo much that he could take any amount and his father would never be the wiser!
well sounds kinda pointless so far but.. People started to notice how much better my voice sounded. Infact the next time i went to that scifi convention one of the people said "hey robot kid how come when you started smoking weed your voice started getting better?" At the time i just thought it was jokes and i was still doomed for another surgery right? but when they took the noodle nose camera down my nose again they found that it had shrunk in size! it was going away! Though i was still often sick and had all the other usual problems my disease was actualy leaving me! But the real change was yet to come. from when i was 17 til i was 20 i was pursuing the arts. I dropped out of highschool and my photo portfolio booked me a ticket of 18k to go to the art intitute of chicago and i went there for a year. But i was gonna go back to my favorite place that year. And something had happened since i had started smoking weed. I began to wonder again about the evil of this country. I don't even remember how but i read david icke's book I am Me I am free. Now the gears were really in motion. But what would happen next, what would i do in a place where nothing was going on? i had fun in college but i really couldn't afford it even with the 18k a year schollarship but the winter before i had enquired about a job at.. an organic farm!
I worked my ass off and my boss liked me quite a bit. The intern there was very cute and i liked her a lot, we would talk about all kinds of conspiracy and she would tell me all about healthy kinds of foods. She told me that she thought i needed meat and i began eating lots of the eggs that were grown at the farm. I quickly fell madly in love with her... and it was pain and agony from early may til the end of june. Something unusual happened. It wasn't unusual until you look at it today however. Because it's the last time i have been sick since. I had a fever and by the middle of the day i knew i could no longer work. She gave me some elderberries and i mixed some with some kombucha that i had stumbled across randomly (actualy i never even realized it was a cultured drink until that day when she told me, i thought it was just a spicy ginger drink) and the next day i came to work. She said i didn't look good but i didn't respond. By the end of the day i felt almost fine besides a little runny nose! I was off on saturday but she was working and i wanted to go visit her, we were planning on making kim-chi. So i came over and sat up on the huge concret ledge to talk to her in the barn, and she came over with her book and pressed her hips up against my legs in a very sexual way (belive it or not this is the first sexual experience i have had and i was 20!)
We had a thing for a while, i was mad for her, she might of just been horny haha i'm not really sure now, as she is my ex and i have not talked to her in some time (it broke up in the winter really awkwardly and she left me alone to cry by myself and i was never truly sure why but i have some idea now just recently) but if there is one thing i believe it's that she saved my life. I really do love her. She taught me about fermenting foods and what foods i had to encorperate into my repitour. I'm not gonna go into detail too much more heh.
But I know how i fucked up. I was so darn happy that i failed to realize that there was still something wrong with me, i was physicaly almost totaly healed but not so for the mental case. I'm still not perfect now but i realize what i must do and i think! Now she is gone and i am alone and lonely but i look to the future as my life as a farmer, creating a new world based on the ones that were made by our predecesors in the ways that are most conducive to life. There is so much future ahead of me! I see how i was cheated before!
Things are different now, i love my mother who i am bringing back to the planet and she too is becoming healed. But my father... he has become poisoned somehow and i don't know how, he is remairied to a unhappy woman and they shop at wallmart and they are always upset with the rest of my family and my dad and his sister hardly ever talk and they told me that people are controling my mind because i suggested that there were bombs planted in the world trade centers.
I am so alone, it seems like many people avoid me i can't figure it out. But this one girl who unfortunatly is attached to someone else, i knew she was afraid of me because i actualy saw her hide behind someones car and slip inside it so i wouldn't notice and didn't say hello to me when she saw me sitting in a open doorway even though we both have the same friend etc.. anyways long story short... I showed her how great i am and that she has no reason to fear me. she was so close to becoming a true friend i believe (i have had one of those and she is also in this abridged story). sadly she went off to europe with my other friend and i am all alone in my cabin up in the woods without hardly any friends who are all around 15-20 miles away and i hardly see. I am very lonely but i have so much hope!
I am banishing the fear from my mind and body and accepting the love and giving love. Big things are coming my way! I decided there is nothing in this society i desire, i just want to do my own thing without control from any form of government and restore the earth and feed people and have fun and make wild love to beautiful girls and oh my goodness life could be amazing just around the corner haha!
Thank you antonia, for saving me when no one else would. Thank you David Icke for revealing to me how sinister the world around us truly is, that it's not only unfair but absolutly diabolic! Thank you Jordan Maxwell for in the past 2 months you have given me knew vision which i never dreamed, as he says i am finding the more you seek the truth you find that there are lies everywhere but when you seek the truth and when you know the truth the truth will set you free. This doesn't just apply to learning about secret societies and conspiracy you know like you got to find the truth about what is great in the world! we need a conspiracy theorist who reveals the truth about the true greatness of the world that is lieing just bellow the surface of all the LIES!
Thanks for those who read my story, i truly believe that the true power lies in us the people, not in our masters of war and lies, not in our economy or our government or or ways of thinking or religions or any of that fucking bullshit, it's all in us and it's beautiful and we can rebuild the great forests and the fertil meddows and we can make it sustain us more healthily than mankind has ever been before and we can do all of this right noW! we don't have to wait around! the only reason why i am waiting is that i have a lot of catching up to do! I haven't done my homework yet, i gotta learn i gotta find a way and another way and another way until all the ways are clearly marked and the path is easy to follow!
I have so much love to give and I am ready to help anyone who needs it! i have a footon in my cabin anyone nice who wanted to keep me company could stay in and anyone who just wants to talk could email me at pacoquerak@gmail.com or pacoquerak is my aim or just message me here! post here please tell me about something positive that can be done!
GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK! -emil