bicycle
30-05-2008, 01:39 AM
An evil man with a beard last night admitted he was responsible for all the bad things in the world, including the outbreak of World War One and Graham Norton’s latest chat show on BBC2.
Khalid Sheik Mohammed freely confessed to arranging the 1914 assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand which led to the First World War during a convivial chat over dinner, according to the CIA with whom he has been staying as a houseguest for the last four years.
However, it took three and half years of solitary confinement and regular beatings on the soles of his feet with rubber truncheons before he coughed to his involvement as script consultant on the Norton show, the agency added.
In a lengthy transcript of Sheik Mohammed’s confession published at the weekend by the Pentagon the alleged Al Qaeda mastermind also revealed that:
* He rode a tank and held a General’s rank as the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank.
* He stuck around St Petersburg when he saw it was time for a change.
* He killed the Tsar and his ministers while Anastasia screamed in vain.
* He shouted out “who killed the Kennedys” when, after all, it was you and me.
A CIA source said: “We knew this guy was behind the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers, mainly because we worked with him on that one as everyone knows, but the extent of his evil doing still took us by surprise.
"We strongly suspect he was also involved in Davina McCall’s talk show on BBC1 last year but no amount of torture will get him to confess to that."
Khalid Sheik Mohammed freely confessed to arranging the 1914 assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand which led to the First World War during a convivial chat over dinner, according to the CIA with whom he has been staying as a houseguest for the last four years.
However, it took three and half years of solitary confinement and regular beatings on the soles of his feet with rubber truncheons before he coughed to his involvement as script consultant on the Norton show, the agency added.
In a lengthy transcript of Sheik Mohammed’s confession published at the weekend by the Pentagon the alleged Al Qaeda mastermind also revealed that:
* He rode a tank and held a General’s rank as the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank.
* He stuck around St Petersburg when he saw it was time for a change.
* He killed the Tsar and his ministers while Anastasia screamed in vain.
* He shouted out “who killed the Kennedys” when, after all, it was you and me.
A CIA source said: “We knew this guy was behind the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers, mainly because we worked with him on that one as everyone knows, but the extent of his evil doing still took us by surprise.
"We strongly suspect he was also involved in Davina McCall’s talk show on BBC1 last year but no amount of torture will get him to confess to that."