Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment?

[montag]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYBijRVbeHM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miYFNm4sGy8&feature=related

http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/

[drael]

Unfortunately im on dial-up so cant get the vids. But the blogspot looks interesting.

In my experience pychosis and schizophrenia are awakening. Possibly bi-polar too. I seriously doubt the existance of any "real" mental illness, which to me, is just the ancient mystic experience, the basis of religion and mythology.

[montag]

My first serious relationship a long time a go ended with my girlfriend having what was diagnosed as acute psychosis. This lady set me on my spiritual path and opened my eyes to many things I would never have thought possible before(I would have been classed as an atheist when we met).

To cut a long story short she went through what I would now recognize as enlightenment or illumination of some sort. Sadly though at the time this wasn't understood and she was dragged off to hospital, locked up and heavily medicated. The doctors at the hospital told me the best thing for me to do for her was to move and get on with my own life. Being only young at the time I reluctantly took their advise and moved on.

I saw her again a year or so later and the lady I once knew had been replaced by this drugged up caricature of her former self, very sad it was like someone had turned her light off, all that was left was her shell.

[drael]

To cut a long story short she went through what I would now recognize as enlightenment or illumination of some sort. Sadly though at the time this wasn't understood and she was dragged off to hospital, locked up and heavily medicated. The doctors at the hospital told me the best thing for me to do for her was to move and get on with my own life. Being only young at the time I reluctantly took their advise and moved on.

I saw her again a year or so later and the lady I once knew had been replaced by this drugged up caricature of her former self, very sad it was like someone had turned her light off, all that was left was her shell.

Thats very sad. And your first serious relationship also? That must have been hard....I am sorry freind..

I was diagnosed with "psychosis", They tried giving me stigma and keeping me on the meds but i was lucky enough to see through it, and trust my inner over all else. (although i still have my scars to heal from, over the experience there). The meds are aweful, anyone with vision will call it poison, as all "mentally ill" do with their medicines. Seeing what the system does to these new visionaries is ,well, more than heart rending. I had to walk away from quite a few that i met and could of helped because the system had them. It still makes me sad thinking about all the suffering caused.

I can only hope, one day all that madness, they call psychiatry and DSM-IV will end.

In that spirit, heres a few of my poems i wrote "in there"...

DSM-IV i adore thee,
praise in the highest,
godhead i adore thee,
Four of five?
God demands I name thee satan,
a force misunderstood and blamed
What of this creature not named in my holy scripture?
You must be the evilist devil of all,
I proclaim war of thee satan,
Knowing somewhere deep inside,
You are a test sent by my god,
DSM-IV

Bi-polar disorder
Divine Blood
Schizophrenia
Christ conciousness
Disordered thinking
Awakening, prana, chi, dawn
Symptom,
Nature
One name always has another
One truth alwasy holds two
Open your heart and mind to the new...

[armoured_amazon]

No.

Seeing all biochemical disorders as 'enlightenment' is not advisable, imo.

[drael]

A totally common assertion. Note that implicit in your words "biochemical" and "disorder" are two assumptions. There is only some "real" biological connection with bi polar, not any other mental illnesses. As for disorder, depends on what u consider order and ur understanding of what these processes are.

I think if the word disorder was the central concept, id have to say that the whole world is totally mad. On that basis everyone on the "outside" should be "inside".

Have u been through it? Where does this "knowledge" come from?

[cruise4]

No, its just another way of inventing an apparent condition so that pharma can sell you more drugs. The 'victim' then personally identifies with his perceived 'diagnosis' and fights for their own personality destruction.

[montag]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az9SCgaeKdc&eurl=http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGZ00M9hwoY&eurl=http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFxmCBHffII&eurl=http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJg87mLn4EI&eurl=http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/

[lizzy]

No, I was married to a severe bi-polar manic depressive for 17yrs...during that time he had 3 pyschotic breaks , and on a locked ward. I stayed in the marriage b/c his parents were wonderful people and he loved his children , he took his meds but also self medicated with alcohol, alot of it.
The kids came through ok, I did'nt LOL.
Sorry montag, no awakening there and not b/c of the alcohol either I believe.

I appreciated your story and I have lived it. It was'nt pretty.

[montag]

No, I was married to a severe bi-polar manic depressive for 17yrs...during that time he had 3 pyschotic breaks , and on a locked ward. I stayed in the marriage b/c his parents were wonderful people and he loved his children , he took his meds but also self medicated with alcohol, alot of it.
The kids are great but I got fucked up, LOL.
Sorry montag, no awakening there and not b/c of the alcohol either I believe.

I appreciated your story and I have lived it.
Under different circumstances without the right support it's possible to imagine David Icke could have been have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness and hospitalized when he went through his awakening. In fact many now would still consider him and most of us here mentally ill for some of the views we hold.

The guy in the vid isn't saying that everybody who is diagnosed with this disorder is having an awakening, what is saying though is that there is many people who are having a spiritual awakening or spiritual crisis and that these people need assistance from people who have an understanding of this not from psychiatrists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LlRO0P7yXs

[je_suis_eveille]

The guy in the vid isn't saying that everybody who is diagnosed with this disorder is having an awakening, what is saying though is that there is many people who are having a spiritual awakening or spiritual crisis and that these people need assistance from people who have an understanding of this not from psychiatrists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LlRO0P7yXs

I agree.

Many people are unknowingly psychically connected to the lower frequencies, I will call those lower frequencies the "underworld" .

In this frequency you will hear things such as 'humming',(a deep "voice" doing this) and even evil laughter and heavy breathing.

It is easier to connect to the "underworld" than it is to be connected to higher frequencies, as this takes more effort in this dimension.

In the past, I would often heard voices just before falling alseep, the voices were a two way conversation. It was like my mind was an antennae, picking up conversations from mobile phones. I would also hear "something" trying to say "hello" to me while I tried to fall alseep but warped (like an old transistor radio).

[drael]

No, I was married to a severe bi-polar manic depressive for 17yrs...during that time he had 3 pyschotic breaks , and on a locked ward. I stayed in the marriage b/c his parents were wonderful people and he loved his children , he took his meds

Well theres one of the problems, he was taking meds to inhibit the process. Cant experience awakening on these drugs. Did he have alot of negative influences or bad events around him? People telling he was mad? I imagine being in lock-up isnt too good for the soul! Negativity and negative history also inhibits, as well as people that deny your reality/experiences. For many people its hard to "get through" because of these things (the "treatment", outside attitudes and negative energies). And without some kind of practice in mindfulness, u dont have a hope in getting through as well. So enviroment, treatment and certain techniques and conditions are required to "get through" easily without these things u can get "stuck". This is very sad to me, that people can be helped but are instead hurt as a treatment. I am sorry u got caught up in that!

but also self medicated with alcohol, alot of it.

This on the other hand is good. Alcohol and other drugs increase the visonary state and insight. Meditation is better however because its not external. People with mental illness instinctively know what increases their experience and is good for them ie drugs, and whats doesnt ie "medicine" which is usually named "poison".

Anyway, so it goes. Strange stuff to try and explain to others, no doubt this kind of thing "isnt what u want to hear" too... But it is very important to me, to let people know what we feel, what our experience is and what suffering is caused unduly. The pain is very real for all parties in this situation. I really do hope u find peace sister!

It is easier to connect to the "underworld" than it is to be connected to higher frequencies, as this takes more effort in this dimension.

In the past, I would often heard voices just before falling alseep, the voices were a two way conversation. It was like my mind was an antennae, picking up conversations from mobile phones. I would also hear "something" trying to say "hello" to me while I tried to fall alseep but warped (like an old transistor radio).

Thats about right. One needs to "tune" to get past the energies of other people and outside negative thought, to become "in control" of your internal feelings. Best way to start, is to eliminate these energies from u, to isolate urself to pure love and positivity, turn off the tv etc. Then mindfulness or meditation is the trick, like training a new muscle or eye. Then u can "turn it off". Esoteric knowledge helps here as well. Keep it light freind :)

[lizzy]

Under different circumstances without the right support it's possible to imagine David Icke could have been have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness and hospitalized when he went through his awakening. In fact many now would still consider him and most of us here mentally ill for some of the views we hold.

The guy in the vid isn't saying that everybody who is diagnosed with this disorder is having an awakening, what is saying though is that there is many people who are having a spiritual awakening or spiritual crisis and that these people need assistance from people who have an understanding of this not from psychiatrists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LlRO0P7yXs

thankyou montag, I was referring mainly to your old friends' illness and how she was afterwards. You see when my ex came out off the psyche ward he would be heavily sedated for several weeks / months.

In regard to the vid, I am an extremely strong proponant against chemical intervention / abuse of SSRI's in particular. Big pharma wants everyone taking their soul destroying poison. They are giving them to 3 yr olds now. Schools are being financially rewarded for identifying and forcefully demanding students take these 'meds"...The evil behind their lust for profit with an agenda to create individual and social dysfunction is the real psyhcopathic mind at work. My disgust is beyond words. It is the most insidious way of underming ,unravelling and "controlling" of us. They are at the cause of 90% the school shootings.

Unfortunately I have had experience with this as well. I was prescribed them 10 yrs ago and had an adverse experience.

It is actually part of the Elites agenda of slow genocide over the next 100+yrs to cull world population and always at a profit.

[armoured_amazon]

A totally common assertion. Note that implicit in your words "biochemical" and "disorder" are two assumptions. There is only some "real" biological connection with bi polar, not any other mental illnesses. As for disorder, depends on what u consider order and ur understanding of what these processes are.

I think if the word disorder was the central concept, id have to say that the whole world is totally mad. On that basis everyone on the "outside" should be "inside".

Have u been through it? Where does this "knowledge" come from?

It would take far too long to share my 'knowledge' with you. Do I have a leg to stand on in my statement? YES.

I take it you would have the same opinion of a visible physical ailment, like a broken bone? Leave it alone, don't treat it. It's just awakening!!!!

You forget that the brain MAY be a spiritual vessel but it is also a PHYSICAL organ. To deny someone treatment is WICKED! Just because in your case (you opine) that you were not psychotic, that does not mean every instance of psychosis or chemical trauma is an 'awakening'. Man, some people who claim to be awake don't even realise they're tucked up in bed, snoring away and DREAMING they're awake.

You're no better than a JW refusing treatment for a sick child if you take that stance.

[montag]

I take it you would have the same opinion of a visible physical ailment, like a broken bone? Leave it alone, don't treat it. It's just awakening!!!!
You haven't even looked in to what this guy is talking about. He has at no point suggested that people should stop treatment, but instead should seek counseling with people who see these type of problems as they really are ie. spiritual crises/awakening and deal with the problem from that angle rather than drugging the person to mask the symptoms with no cure in sight. It's like your analogy of the broken leg, the doctor say's don't worry about setting the broken bone, just take these pain killers for the rest of your life then you won't feel a thing.

I suggest if you want to continue in this discussion at least look in to some of the information I've presented here by this guy..

To deny someone treatment is WICKED!
There you go again, at no stage has this gentlemen ever suggested anybody should go untreated. He's suggesting they should get off the meds.. Watch his videos.

It would take far too long to share my 'knowledge' with you.
I've got all night..:)

[lumukanda]

it's an interesting question, there's a homeless man who lives behind the service station across the road from my house, every now and then he'll go into these rages, shouting at someone who's not there, kicking and punching, this can carry on for hours sometimes.
i don't know who he's fighting, maybe himself, maybe his past, but i have wondered sometimes if he isn't maybe fighting something else, maybe his psychosis is related to shamanism.
mutwa says that every shaman has an illness, it's his intitiation, sometimes it's physical (like mutwa) and sometimes it's mental, he says unless you fight it, face it, it will destroy you.
i often wonder how many modern day shamans are locked up in asylums across the world and how many wander the streets as hobos and drunks.

[armoured_amazon]

I've got all night..:)

As I was tired when I posted that, I forgot to add: "...and I do not owe strangers intimate details."

;)

[limelady]

I don't wish to undermine what others have said here, but some forms of psychosis, depressions and what presents as bi-polar disorder are simply physical ailments that can quite easily be treated (reversed) with strong nutients. I have seen people become 'mentally' healthy again very quickly when their brain gets what it needs.

The human brain is very nutrient-hungry, and cannot funtion correctly if it is starved of what it needs. Many lifestyle choice inhibit ideal absorbtsion of dietary nutrients, and many diets are very deficient of nutrients to start with.

People always look at me funny when I suggest strong nutrition for a seemingly mental problem, as they cannot comprehend how something as simple as a few vitamins can turn a persons life around, but it can and does.

It saddens me that many people are taking anti-psychotic drugs, when a simple course of folic acid, B vitamins, (+ nacin and and B12) can completely reverse the symptoms within just mere days.

[armoured_amazon]

I don't wish to undermine what others have said here, but some forms of psychosis, depressions and what presents as bi-polar disorder are simply physical ailments that can quite easily be treated (reversed) with strong nutients. I have seen people become 'mentally' healthy again very quickly when their brain gets what it needs.

The human brain is very nutrient-hungry, and cannot funtion correctly if it is starved of what it needs. Many lifestyle choice inhibit ideal absorbtsion of dietary nutrients, and many diets are very deficient of nutrients to start with.

People always look at me funny when I suggest strong nutrition for a seemingly mental problem, as they cannot comprehend how something as simple as a few vitamins can turn a persons life around, but it can and does.

It saddens me that many people are taking anti-psychotic drugs, when a simple course of folic acid, B vitamins, (+ nacin and and B12) can completely reverse the symptoms within just mere days.

I agree! :)

While there are many occasions that mental sickness can be attributed to something in the non-physical, I think that a lot of cases are physical and treatable.

[drael]

I take it you would have the same opinion of a visible physical ailment, like a broken bone? Leave it alone, don't treat it. It's just awakening!!!!

Of course not. That ridiculous. Awakening is essentially like the healing of that broken bone, and the treatment offered at the moment maintains the brokeness of the bone (the ego delusion state). As pointed out above.

When the "process" of what "mental illness" _is_, is not understood by science (yes im just about to complete my psych degree - the theory is very floaty indeed), how can they claim that their cure, which _statistically_ doesnt work has any merit at all?

its like primative people that used to drill a hole in peoples head to let the demons out. Ridiculous, superstitous, and transparently so.

You forget that the brain MAY be a spiritual vessel but it is also a PHYSICAL organ. To deny someone treatment is WICKED! Just because in your case (you opine) that you were not psychotic, that does not mean every instance of psychosis or chemical trauma is an 'awakening'.

Treatment is exactly what i am suggesting, instead of a superstitous and ridiculous 'brain drilling" type excercise. This is the begining of function in the human mind, the dysfunction is in "sane" people - that is the illness.

This is what I would want to cure, so called "sanity" which is the most dysfunctional state of all. Do u think jesus when he got up on that cross was thinking, what about my ferarri, oww this is gonna hurt, etc. No, he loved it - he wanted to give healing to others. That is the truth we all seek sister, the dissolution of "ego" of the concept of self which is the source of all suffering. Without ego, without materialism, without these illusions, we are interconnected superbeings, happy, wise and balanced -we are one, it is eden. The problem is for people without an experience of this kind of conciousness, is that the "demons" come out when u start awakening. At first u have to cleanse urself of all the poison of the world. People dont like seeing themselves in a mirror, when this cleansing comes out so rather than help the cleansing occur safely, the lock all the new visionaries up, and drug them till their "normal" again. Seriously, u cant smell "satan" at work here? A force - psychiatry, that forces on us, a concept of self, selfish desire, materialism etc? I mean if there werent religion ud prolly be considered insane for beleiving in a "god".


I would ask u to read and reveiw more material on this matter before making ur mind up.

Heres a start for u from a jungian psychologists perspective (which IMO is good therapy). There is also mindfulness and "hearing voices" therapies which are both effective (the former is a must IMO). Mindfulness is pretty new to modern psych, but "hearing voices", is gaining in popularity (but not yet in mental hospitals which are generally VERY old school and pure medical model). The jungian perspective is one of the best perspectives on it, but jungian psychologists are pretty rare too these days.

There are good therapies. They just arent well known enough yet. People are so stubborn when they think they "know" something, even when that has no basis. This is why change takes so long, because people are like clams on a rock. Anyway, heres that link:

http://home.tiscali.de/alex.sk/mirror/dream.html

And on the other topic of diet:

While i dont see "mental illness" as an illness at all, diet is important. When i experienced my awakening, i had very specific food needs. I ate a small amount of nuts and chocolate when i felt low (mainly because i was in a mental hospital, wouldnt have needed this otherwise), and the rest of the time healthy mood-foods, like chicken, fish, bananas and veges. Also eating is a very important process as a ritual, it slows ones ego thoughts down.

[lateral_v]

I've had a history of depression and mania since a very young age......the one minute I'd be ecstatic and the next I would cry at the drop of a hat....very emotional.. I had a really hard childhood, one that I would never want to repeat, I was a top student, good marks, very good in sports but incredibly withdrawn and unhappy.....a real loner....

I've been on meds on numerous occasions, I've had some horrible experiences and have done some horrible things to myself, and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. And was prescribed some antideppresants and mood stabalizers, as I was told that the way I think wasn't normal...

And I tell you the first time I felt like I was being cured was when I moved to the coast, Cape Town, I was born there, but just feeling the beauty gave me so much appreciation, I ditched those god damned pills and I started taking my inward journey..... It is so true what limelady says..... nutrients is very important, and exercise!! Remember when we exersize our brain releases serotonin, your feel good hormone....
I started doing muay thai there in CT and it changed my life drastically.... I still had the highs and lows of this so called mental disorder of mine....but I dealt with it so much better without feeling like I was being suppressed or turning into a completed space cadet!!

Unfortunately I was in an accident and hurt my knee very badly, this sent me back to where I'm currently at, so no more Muay Thai (And at a stage that was very discouraging to me, as I wanted to open my own dojo one day),

Everything happens for a reason and yes I know that my ego was more attached to MT than my spirit was.....Louis L Hay said once that any problems with your knees are related to your ego, and a problem with authority.............lol :D I have torn both ligaments in both knees...:mad:
but I'm gonna give Thai Chi a Try....


Another thing that is important is to watch your thoughts!! This is difficult I know....but S:eek::eek: important.........when you make a habit of this, you'll realise how many of those thoughts are implanted.....

Bear in mind as well the environment that you are in, especially the working surroundings, negativity can rub off, and before you know you become negative and attract negative experiences and people towards you......this is the law of attraction, then you become depressed and get locked up in a vicious circle....

I truly feel more and more awakened and enlightened by the day....but it takes work,, and it REALLY IS HARD to work through my stuff sometimes.......some people try to go with the flow while others fight it......

My brother in law was told that he was either bi-polar of manic, he was sent to an asylum two weeks ago......I phoned him the one day to hear how things were going and he said that they gave him all sorts of different pills everyday, 3 times a day he received his little cup....this he said they did to see which pills would work on him....he was there for two weeks, was only supposed to be there for a week, when my sis went to go fetch him the first time he was completely out of it, introducing her to people three times in a row.... There is no quick fix pill that's gonna fix you......ANd how the hell exactly would these psychiatrists be able to tell which pills would be suitable for him, if they don't even give enough time for the previous cocktail to work out of his system. When he got back home he was fried and very unstable
If you ask me, he was a guinea pig.... bare in mind all these doc's have shares in this hospital....it's sickening... :mad:

There are other ways of dealing with these so called disorders, and I feel that people are being screwed up, remember, O'Brien and Winston from 1984 - George Orwell? The part where O'Brien tortured Winston into changing his way of thinking? And yes I have also read about sangoma's & shamans initiations, all the symptoms that they had.......and I have most of them!!!
I believe in the ascension as well, and I can't wait to "leave behing this place so negative blind and cynical...."

What I'm basically trying to say is, when there is a discomfort of some sort, be it physical or mental, it is much better to get acquainted with the cause and work with that, than it is to treat the symptoms with some drug that is most probably not there for your wellbeing.....

Remember nature has its own beautiful way and your body has the ability to cure itself.....:p

[lateral_v]

Here is an extract from You Forever - Lobsang T Rampa (I've read this morning)

Gave this whole topic a new perspective....

"As already stated, a human is centred within the egg - shape covering - centred within the aura, and that is the normal position for most people, the average, healthy person. When a person has a mental illness, he or she is not properly centred. Many people have said, "I feel out of myself today." That may well be the case, a person may be projecting at an angle inside the ovoid. People who are of dual personality are completely different from the average, they may have half the aura of one colour, and half of a completely different colour pattern. They may - if their dual personality is marked - have an aura which is not just one - egg shaped, but has two eggs joined together at an angle to each other. Mental illness should not be treated so lightly. Shock treatment can be a very dangerous thing because it can drive the astral (we shall deal with this later) straight out of the body. But in the main shock treatment is designed (consciously or unconsciously!) to shock the two "eggs" into one. Often it just "burns out" neural patterns in the brain.

We are born with certain potentialities, certain limits as to the colouring of our auras, the frequency of our vibrations and other things, and it is thus possible for a determined, well - intentioned person to alter his or her aura for the better. Sadly, it is much easier to alter it for the worse! Socrates, to take one example, knew that he would be a good murderer, but he was not going to give in to the blows of fate and so he took steps to alter his path through life. Instead of becoming a murderer, Socrates became the wisest man of his age. "
So then a person that is reaching spiritual enligtment but is not centered will have two egg? I am defnitely stilll quite someway from being balanced, yet as I've said before I'm working on it, and the dualty of my experiences have deminished greatly.....

Personnelly I think alot of people are unbalanced, yet, our ego hides these dark aspects of our personnality, which is our shadow self.. I think enlighment happens when a person is aware of these qualities within themselves, obviously misunderstood by most, as knowledge in phychiatry have been passed down over the ages....

When a person starts to awaken it is alot more easy for that person to become unbalanced, as they are more open and volnurable to being sidetracked, it's like David Wilcock has said, unconditional love (4th chakra similiar to 4th dimention) without wisdom is dangerous because one can be much easily manipulated, and so it is with wisdom, the 5th chakra (5th dimension) if you are inbalanced in your 4th chakra and your 5th chakra is awakening you can easily fall into the whole ego pit, and if you think of the 5th dimension entities that are currently manipulating the 3rd (earth) it makes it quite understandable. The 6th chakra (third eye) is the place where wisdom and unconditional love meets.... What is wisdom if it cannot be applied? And I'd say that this is where balance is reached....
This could be then compared to the 6th dimension. I think with work and discipline, and through practicing metods of awakening the chi and balacing it within the body through the base chakra's upwards....

I think Icke had a very sudden awakening, as he said on Wogan he was Godsmacked, and I mena the mere fact that people laghed at him and made fun of him for years obviously indicate that many thought he had lost it....

Awekening differs for all of us as we are all are unique, I defninetly think that this is the cause to most mental illnesses it it defnitely has alot to do with external interferances(ego) as well, I think what makes some people seem mental is when the ego and the soul play's a kind of tug of war with each other.... It is therfor the individual's responsibility to balance his\her self by aligning the mind and heart with each other, so that intuition leads the mind and not the other way around

I'm no expert on this but I just thought I'd share my idea regarding this topic :)

[drael]

I totally agree with what uve shared here. I have found all sorts of spiritual methods much more useful than any psychology or medicinal veiw. Im just so glad to be on the straight path out of ego (insanity) and into divinity and love - my psychic pain is less each day rather than that slow and silly spiral path.

I agree that most people "hide" or pretend with their pain, which is what ego or "sanity" actually is, hiding from pain. To know, experience and accept all owns "pain" as learning and good, a part of bliss, is the healing of gnosis/awakening. To simply release what is false.

These are exciting times for me, getting now closer to important releases that will balance me out in day to day life. And for the world in general for being so close now to agknowledging its own pain - the awakening/2012 feels very real.

I thank u for sharing ur story brother, it is always a joy to hear another version of our story :)

So blessings of light and truth to you freind!

I just tried slowing down now. Just take everything at my own pace. No panic, its all a game. Breath, smile, look around and let go. If u feel like takes u too fast, just try slowing down. U only need "god", nothing else. Tai chi would be great for this sort of chilling down, always wanted to do that! Ive decided that "anxiety" would probably be a better description of most peoples problems, and the sort of things that come out in awakening. Its a background fear that stems from a sort of physical tension associated with physical pain? (like we are conditioned to associate sensations to negativity, and then desire based emotions from that). We worry first that we might experience "physical pain" or harm. This worry then extends to social pressures, family influences etc, which is where ur being effected by things like work come in (and me study) - because u "have" to act a certain way - we are in a sense in fear by responding to this, rather than seeing it as a game. I find being non-confromist, like pounding ur chest like and ape and singing etc, even in private quite therapuetic for this social aspect. And laughing at the funniness of it all! Remember ur smarter than them! ur a star, divine, god! And they choose it, so it isnt even sad more funny!! :)

Theres some kundalini excercises (like the chest pounding) here, which look very good for all this stuff - ive been breathing through by solus plexus which is really good - and really good advice on different phases and the physical side (energy, stillness, warm, cold etc). Dont know about the raw foods thing though! (maybe thats right, but i just eat what feels good for me)

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=KundaliniPracticeSkillsList

Im already smiling so much people are noticing my light. One day ill be the cheshire cat!

And re: icke, yes his was sudden for sure :) Be interesting to see where his writing goes from here...

Much love and respect brother,
Drael

[lateral_v]

:p You are more than welcome dreal!! I'm just as glad :D

And it's sister.......my brother.. :D

May the force be with you!!!

Lots of love and blessing

Lateral

:p

[drael]

Oh sorry sister! i should prolly use freind on the internet more than gender based equalities....

[lateral_v]

Oh sorry sister! i should prolly use freind on the internet more than gender based equalities....


No worries my friend.....ur not the first one to do so.... he he....:D

:p :) :D

[lateral_v]

Btw thanx for the link drael, I've actally checked it out from you previous posts, very interresting, alot to digest...... :)

You should give Tai chi a go if you like... :p I started doing very basic forms just recently and you'd be amazed at how wonderful and tingly & calm you feel doing those movements, and it's simple.. :p it is obviously highly effective if you have the music to acompany it. I think you'd be able to find it (tai chi music) in health pharmacies especially those selling natural and homeopathic meds. the dvd I've got is called Infinite Tai Chi for health can't recall by whom, in this you learn to use the elementals air,fire,water&earth to balance the yin & yang energies..

Have Fun!!

Love and Light



:p

[psychicdefender]

"The secret to my enlightenment? Controlled schizophrenia." Murshid Sam.

"As many as 25-30 percent of all institutionalized schizophrenics are actually undergoing some form of Kundalini awakening." Kundalini Tantra, Bihar Yoga Trust.

Just two quotes from 'enlightened' sources.

My opinion is that we need to start 'treating' (through spiritual understanding and practice) the causes and not just stopping the symptoms with drugs. I have been of this conviction since way before my teens, I live with someone who has a lot of 'problems', they are one of the nicest people you can meet, God knows how wonderful they could have been.... :(

[astralburger]

I had a job dealing with mentally ill homeless people, and the majority of them were very spiritual and I'd say that I could carry on a more meaningful conversation with more than half of them versus some of the trained dolts whom I went to school with.

From my view, mental imbalances are like altered states and from any altered state on can more easily see through the concensus reality for what it is - illusory made definite through agreement of terms.

[lost_in_translation]

My first serious relationship a long time a go ended with my girlfriend having what was diagnosed as acute psychosis. This lady set me on my spiritual path and opened my eyes to many things I would never have thought possible before(I would have been classed as an atheist when we met).

To cut a long story short she went through what I would now recognize as enlightenment or illumination of some sort. Sadly though at the time this wasn't understood and she was dragged off to hospital, locked up and heavily medicated. The doctors at the hospital told me the best thing for me to do for her was to move and get on with my own life. Being only young at the time I reluctantly took their advise and moved on.

I saw her again a year or so later and the lady I once knew had been replaced by this drugged up caricature of her former self, very sad it was like someone had turned her light off, all that was left was her shell.

I guess thats what they do to people that are getting close to the truth. call them crazy and lock them up. . away from the masses. medicate so the doctors can control the mind. but I guess that is what happens when you try to "wake up" the wrong person. people that are enlightened about the world need to be careful who they approach and try to talk to. like I have said before when you try to wake someone up who is content with being asleep. they sometimes get angry. I have learned long ago that when a doctor classifies someone with a mental illness then its more than likely a lie..who are we to say whats wrong or right. what gives "us" the right to lock someone away like an animal
and heavily medicate.

its a good thread. but just that a thread. in the end we are just talking.


mabee we are the ones that are crazy.

unless action is taken then we are part of the problem

[drael]

unless action is taken then we are part of the problem

Action and thought are the same. Resolve this problem in the mind, and it will resolve in the world - as above, so below, as within, so without.

[deliciously_fresh]

I don't wish to undermine what others have said here, but some forms of psychosis, depressions and what presents as bi-polar disorder are simply physical ailments that can quite easily be treated (reversed) with strong nutients. I have seen people become 'mentally' healthy again very quickly when their brain gets what it needs.

The human brain is very nutrient-hungry, and cannot funtion correctly if it is starved of what it needs. Many lifestyle choice inhibit ideal absorbtsion of dietary nutrients, and many diets are very deficient of nutrients to start with.

People always look at me funny when I suggest strong nutrition for a seemingly mental problem, as they cannot comprehend how something as simple as a few vitamins can turn a persons life around, but it can and does.

It saddens me that many people are taking anti-psychotic drugs, when a simple course of folic acid, B vitamins, (+ nacin and and B12) can completely reverse the symptoms within just mere days.

I think you are onto something here.

[kitchenmatt]

Just wanted to say this is a great thread. Thank you all, you are really helping me sort through stuff at the moment. Drael you have helped me before and I really have a lot of time for your opinions. And Motag, those YouTube videos of Sean. He is a total star isn't he.

Hopefully one day, when i have sorted myself out, I will be useful to someone too. Cant wait!

[pilgrim]

I would say that any kind of non-physical "mental disease" is more likely to be a symptom of the absence of spiritual enlightenment, rather than a sign of it. ... Just a thought ...

[spiritslasher]

Love to everyone

No.

Seeing all biochemical differences as 'enlightenment' is not advisable, imo.

Difference is not a disorder, imo. :)

Good luck in your search for peace of mind.

[gracimusic]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYBijRVbeHM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miYFNm4sGy8&feature=related

http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/

A lot of truth in there!!! I've been through 60% of the symptoms you describe... But I guess deep inside we know our truth, so whatever negative things others may say only makes me feel sorry for them not seing it.

[kitchenmatt]

Hi Guys, I'm in need of some advice and assistance.

According to my doctor I had a 'brief psychotic episode brought on by stress' in January. On my last visit to him a few days ago he said that I would be on medication for 12 months but he would reduce my meds to the MINIMUM ACTIVE DOSE of 350mg. I was also told that if I stopped taking my medication then I would definately relapse.

The thing is, after watching videos linked on here and reading "The Stormy Search for the Self" by Stanislaf and Christian Grof I think my psychosis may have been a 'spiritual emergency'.

The other thing is that I haven't even been taking my medication for two weeks (I haven't told anyone) and I HAVE NOT RELAPSED.

I spoke to my meditation teacher yesterday and she said that I may have just been stressed out and that is all. Also, all my family and friends are telling me how important it is to stay on the medication.

Am I being dangerous or selfish? Should I go back onto the medication/poison?

[gracimusic]

Hi Guys, I'm in need of some advice and assistance.

According to my doctor I had a 'brief psychotic episode brought on by stress' in January. On my last visit to him a few days ago he said that I would be on medication for 12 months but he would reduce my meds to the MINIMUM ACTIVE DOSE of 350mg. I was also told that if I stopped taking my medication then I would definately relapse.

The thing is, after watching videos linked on here and reading "The Stormy Search for the Self" by Stanislaf and Christian Grof I think my psychosis may have been a 'spiritual emergency'.

The other thing is that I haven't even been taking my medication for two weeks (I haven't told anyone) and I HAVE NOT RELAPSED.

I spoke to my meditation teacher yesterday and she said that I may have just been stressed out and that is all. Also, all my family and friends are telling me how important it is to stay on the medication.

Am I being dangerous or selfish? Should I go back onto the medication/poison?

DON'T!!!

[limelady]

If you're feeling O.K. then I wouldn't bother with the drugs. But only you can make this decision.

Can I ask if you are getting enough B12. A deficiency can bring on psychosis, and may people are treated with drugs when a simple sublingual vitamin at 2000mcg a day can completely reverse the situation. Vegans and vegetarians are more at risk, but anybody can be B12 deficient, as due to various reason, some people dont make "intrinsic factor" in their intestines, and this is vital for transporting B12 to the bloodstream.

Ask your doctor to test you.....and in the meantime you could start taking the supplements, as they won't hurt you even if you don't have a deficiency.

B12 deficiency(pernicious anemia) is VERY common, and many people with depression and psychosis are wrongly diagnosed.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_B12_deficiency
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pernicious_anemia

see also http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/157/4/660

and http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1845194

All the best with whatever you decide. :)

[kitchenmatt]

Can I ask if you are getting enough B12.

The short answer to this is that i don't know. I'm definately going to find out right now.... Are there any whole foods that are packed with the stuff that you know of off the top of your head ?

Very recently I have become much more careful about what I am putting into my body, hence the need to want to stop taking the poisonous anti psychotics.

I'm also drinking this mega smoothie every morning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEN4Rh47fCA

I used to get terrible indigestion every day but it seems to have stopped.

I haven't looked at your links yet. ill do that now..

Thanks

[kitchenmatt]

I've just found out that its in eggs :o..... looks like its eggs for brekkie from now on.

Anyone have any theories why I haven't relapsed ? Everyone I speak to says that I should be psychotic again by now. Apart from maybe being mis-diagnosed (which sounds quite plausible to me) ?

EDIT
I've decided to go back on the meds. It's very selfish of me to be doing this behind my family's back etc. When I was ill I was a danger to them and to myself.

I know its a bit of a U turn but I've been thinking about it all day, flip flopping from one to the other. Thanks for the advice Lime.

[empyblessing]

Through years of painful experience, and my journey into the darkness within, I've found that treating just the body isn't enough. It really takes a holistic approach to fully treat someone in suffering. It's important to improve one's nutrition but just as important to fix the problems in the mind and the spirit. It all works as one and where one element is off so will the others be. If the spirit is alive and healthy the body and mind will soon follow and vice versa.

Those who undergo mental illness suffer great pain. As we approach 2012 I believe we will see an increase in mental disorder (depression, bipolar, schizophrenia) several hundred times what we see today. The pharmaceutical companies are going to have orgasms over all the money they make as the world seems to go crazy all at the same time.

[krakhead]

I remember reading in my days training as a nurse (some 14 years ago now!) that there was one psychiatrist that specialised in differentiating between psychosis and spiritual awakening - I've had a look in my books/notes from that time and can't find it right now - will let you know if I do.

But my point being that there are some specialists out there who do recognise a difference!

[lifeofbrian]

Under different circumstances without the right support it's possible to imagine David Icke could have been have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness and hospitalized when he went through his awakening. In fact many now would still consider him and most of us here mentally ill for some of the views we hold.

The guy in the vid isn't saying that everybody who is diagnosed with this disorder is having an awakening, what is saying though is that there is many people who are having a spiritual awakening or spiritual crisis and that these people need assistance from people who have an understanding of this not from psychiatrists.




Here is an excerpt of how one spiritual healer explains the more holistic nature of people and how we are influenced, and the treatment freeing people from those influences:

A person's health and experience of life (a person's reality) has its basis in holographically-recorded attitudes, beliefs, and emotions and these are the magnetic forces that underlie illness or health, attract and repel potential experiences, relationships to others, and shape our world view. By removing important blockages and unwanted attachments from the "unseen" or "subtle" bodies and unplugging them from the neural networks of the brain at a quantum level, a person's life starts to change and bloom.

There are a few kinds of blockages that everyone has which affect the flow of Life Force in the body. These are not "solid" in the material sense, but they are "solid" in faster time flows, in the seven subtle bodies that operate in these faster-frequency time flows. They are blockages of life-force energies, and they become "solidified" in the subtle bodies due to stress, trauma, and unresolved emotions such as fear, hatred, self-pity, et cetera. The emotions in a human being can become quite powerful, and these "manifest" as blockages that look very real to a clairvoyant person who can "see" these different frequency bands. (An example of frequency bands is Infrared, Visible Light, Ultraviolet, Gamma, X-Ray)

These blockages (emotional thoughtforms), often look like grayish orbs (spheres) representing an accumulation of emotional energy that has not been owned as wisdom, or that is unresolved and not forgiven. These orbs become condensed and solidified in the subtle bodies, and locate themselves in the body's chakras, or energy centers, according to the frequency. In other words, each of the seven energy centers, or chakras, which are located in the groin, lower intestines, abdomen, heart, throat, pineal, and pituitary, correspond with different emotional frequencies, so the kind of emotion determines where the blockage will be located in the chakras. For example, an unresolved experience of heartbreak, or rejection in love, will probably have a blockage in the heart chakra, and an experience of the guilt of not speaking the truth will have a blockage in the throat chakra. (These are very simplified examples of a complex subject, but I hope this gives you an idea.)

Discarnates

Before and during sessions, I often need to send discarnates, which are on Infrared (the astral) through the "tunnel" to the Plane of Bliss (Visible Light.) This is very common. They often prevent sessions from proceeding. I explain to them that you can't reincarnate from Infrared that you must go through the Tunnel to the Plane of Bliss, where you have a Life Review, and there is an agenda there that must be fulfilled before another incarnation is possible. Discarnates are very "earthbound". They're people we've known in past lives that usually feel they have a right to dominate the person they are "attached" to, through some kind of karmic contract such as "You betrayed me" or, "you abandoned me" or "you said you would be with me forever and never leave me", or it's a bond of hatred, where they are punishing the person that they are hanging around, etc. Now that they are gone, you will probably feel more freedom from their influence. More peace of mind. In other words, their "voices in your head" are now gone.

Occupants

An "occupant" is a thoughtform that thinks it owns the body, and is hindering a person's evolution. These are thoughtforms that can sometimes have very strong magnetic fields that attract undesirable experiences and relationships. These are the top-priority removals, as occupants interfere with a more natural flow of people, places, times, things, and events. When they are removed, their influence is also removed, and a person's experience of people, places, times things and events manifests more in accordance with the person's desires. Occupants often enter a chakra (seal) of the body during periods of illness, trauma, or stress. We scan the Light Body in a systematic way, identifying occupants and all lesser thoughtforms associated with them, removing them as we go.

A General Guideline Regarding Chakra Blockages (Occupants)

Occupants in the 7th chakra hold God concepts, i.e. 'god is a tyrant/god is benevolent'

Occupants in the 6th chakra hold insanity or obsession of analogical experiences and represent clarity/confusion issues

Occupants in the 5th chakra hold spoken or unspoken issues like not telling the truth, or using the power of the word for deception or manipulation

Occupants in the 4th chakra hold heartbreak and affect one's ability to cultivate unconditional love or self-love

Occupants in the 3rd chakra hold power/dominance/control and self-esteem issues (victimization, subjugation, blame)

Occupants in the 2nd chakra hold issues related to pain and suffering

Occupants in the 1st chakra hold sex and survival issues. Issues of sexual addictions, gender identification, and of course the fear of death (non-survival), which is the root of all fears, affects this chakra.

Portals

We then check for portals, which are openings in one or more chakras that act as "vacuums" for other peoples' adverse thoughtforms. We find them on people who wish to heal the pain and suffering of others (consciously or unconsciously) by taking upon themselves other peoples' burdens -- their undesirable thoughtforms generated by discordant emotions. Portals have the potential to cause health problems, depression, and energy loss. We close the portals permanently by obtaining a subconscious release of the emotional trauma that caused the portal to open. They are vertical, and are found in the center of the body, along the "pranic tube" that extends from the top of the head to the ankles.

We are connected to Source or God through rotating fields of energy that come from Source down through the universal, galactic, planetary, and then personal energy grids. If we have blockages like occupants or portals in our bio-energetic field, then these affect our ability to accrete this energy from Source and affect our potential for at-one-ment. With these gone, you will have much more energy and will be able to tap into your higher dimensions of consciousness that are closest to Source.

Control issues are central to just about everyone's life. The personality tries to control our lives, yet it's our Deeper Self that is the best at doing that. Most people never find their deeper, intuitive Self because it's a feeling, and it has no words. Some have called it "the small, still voice of God-within." The personality, which is seated in the neocortex of the brain, just doesn't have the resources to do the job -- to create joy, to bring about opportunities. These seemingly "miraculous" things are the reward for becoming an adept at using the midbrain, or psychic brain, which has the ability to bring about the mystical in life. Few people ever access this; hence most peoples' lives are a survival struggle, a power struggle to compete to survive. That's the lot of humanity, basically. I can remove intense traumas, but I cannot change anyone's decisions or attitudes (obviously *smile*). Your attitude is EVERYTHING, so since you have made the decision to get better, your attitude will reflect this, and you won't create the same blockages again.

So... I do work a long time to remove some of the unconscious "triggers" by removing some of these past-life traumas (in the form of holographic thoughtforms), as much as I can in one session. When these emotional thoughtforms are absolved, large, beautiful golden soul fragments are retrieved spontaneously into your Light Body. (These "soul fragments" are the life force that had previously been "tied up" in the unresolved emotions, the thoughtforms.) This is what it looks like clairvoyantly when thoughtforms (holograms) unwind and the soul energy is retrieved.

During the session and particularly at the end, when everything is released, the life force that was tied up in the attachments then returns through the subtle bodies. This means more life force circulates throughout the body. Clairvoyantly, this healing looks like swirls of color around the auric field, and infinitely small sacred geometric rainbow forms entered all the cells. It's very beautiful to "see".

[montag]

Sunrise genius reveals his dark truth

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/7596/adambolandwideweb470x30bj8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
"When you're on a high, you feel you can do anything" - Adam Boland,
on the set of Sunrise, says anti-depressant drugs blunt his creative
edge.

Jane Cadzow
April 18, 2008

WHERE do you draw the line between brilliance and madness? That is the question raised by hotshot television producer Adam Boland, who has spoken for the first time about his diagnosis with bipolar disorder, the mental illness characterised by huge swings in mood and energy levels.

"When you're on a high, you feel you can do anything," says Boland, 32, director of morning television at the Seven network. "Things that would normally take a week get done in an hour. There's no stopping you. It's an exciting state to be in."

Boland has been a key player in propelling Seven to No. 1 in the ratings and is widely regarded as the most talented young TV executive in the country. At 27, he took over production of the shaky Sunrise program and within a few years had transformed it into a ratings powerhouse and made household names of its hosts, Melissa Doyle and David Koch.

In an interview to be published in Good Weekend tomorrow, he talks not only about the disorder, formerly known as manic depression, but his decision to stop taking mood-stabilising drugs.

"The question of medication is a really tricky one," he said yesterday. "It makes you normal, and while that shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, I have an issue with just being normal."

Essentially, Boland believes the drugs blunted his creative edge. "I can't afford that. And I don't think Seven can afford it."

He now has counselling instead of taking tablets and accepts that, along with the highs, he is subject to bouts of debilitating depression. "You have to trade off the downside because the upside is so good. That's perhaps a dangerous strategy but it's one that has served me well up to this point."

Boland's illness was diagnosed by Gordon Parker, executive director of the Black Dog Institute, attached to the Prince of Wales Hospital, who estimates 600,000 Australians have bipolar disorder.

Professor Parker says it is more common in high achievers. There had been informal studies suggesting that "if you have bipolar disorder or you have it in the family, you're distinctly more likely to end up in Who's Who".

This week, the NSW Treasurer, Michael Costa, spoke of his struggle with the disorder and rugby league star Tim Smith revealed he had it, too. League legend Andrew Johns has published a book about his own struggle with the condition, though Professor Parker points out that at times Johns felt it gave him an advantage: "When he was high, he could see openings in the field that no other back could see, and he would be through in a flash."

One of Professor Parker's clients is a golfer who says that he plays at least three or four strokes better when he is on a high, feeling he can see each blade of grass with crystal clarity. "I get that described by sportsmen quite frequently.

"The downside, of course, is that when they're depressed, their reaction time is impaired."

For most people diagnosed with the condition, medication is the best option, he says. In both bipolar disorder I, which involves psychotic episodes, and the "milder" bipolar disorder II, sometimes known as bipolar lite, depression can be so severe it leads to suicide. So if a particular drug causes feelings of flatness, it is best to try another. "It's a suck-it-and-see process," he says.

THE SUNRISE KID
(http://www.theage.com.au/news/entnewsletterdaily/bfine-lineb-sunrise-whiz-reveals-dark-truth-behind-success/2008/04/17/1208025425062.html)

[joanna]

Hi
Great thread I agree with Drael and Lateral v, and the others that say that alot of mental illness can be the result of someone awakening.
Most psychiatry is guess work, it is not about curing the ' illness' but ceasing the symptoms.

The SSRI's were discovered by accident and they are not clear how they exactly work within the brain - they know they increase the reuptake of serotonin but the other effects are unclear hence the debate about addiction disorder as a result of being on these meds.

I think that when emptyblessing said there will be an increase in mental health disorders diagnosed as approach 2012 - that this assessment is spot on.

I know it is true that the brain can get sick - and broken - like a broken leg - tumours for example or bleeds ... but when the brain starts short wiring .. irrespective of the conventional cause ... all illnesses start in our energy .. either implanted or as a result of energy blocks.

If we have sudden chakra ' awakenings ' or openings - caused by trauma or drugs the effects can be devastating, because any blocks and ' yuck' that has not been cleared will manifest in the physical.

So I truely belive that alot of mental health problems arise from energetic sources through chakras prematurely opening, through negative entities energy attaching etc etc

It is a very complicated subject and I am not expert - but I do know that each person needs to be assessed individually and holistically ..

But I agree a lack of energetic balance can send an individual into freefall.

as the energies on this planet increase - alot of people who hae not worked on their blocks will see their stuff manifesting around them ... and this will be very hard and scary for them..

[joanna]

also I think that very sensitive individuals can get bombarded by the negativity that is often in the work place and that drifts around certain people .. and again this can be devastating if they do not know how to deal with these energies

[passerbye999]

Hi I just found this site and would like to add to this post for the benifit of others like me. I am a 41 year old Ch’an master. I have practiced Ch’an (Zen)for 20 years. In that time I have had 4 manic episodes or spirit walks as I call them. I had been teaching Shaolin Kung fu and Ch’an for 10 years desperate in my journey to enlightenment when I had my first awakening. The Tao filled me, the Holy spirit entered me and I experienced a whole new world of little miracles. It was and still is like perceiving the world as a movie where everything is in place just for you to experience it and own it and at the same time realizing that everyone is experiencing the same thing in their own perception. I am a Christian that was never part of a church, a Jew who is a gentile and a Buddhist who follows the Tao. I never realized this before my awakening and now am very comfortable with it. I tried to tell my loved ones of my experience and new understandings but they couldn’t understand me for I only spoke in Koans, parables, riddles or metaphors. That is how I was demonstrating my new found understanding and I ended up in the hospital. They treated me well always have but the first couple times I was discouraged I had shed my ego, understood that the Christ or Buddha was in each of us. I had looked into my nature and found them there but was told I was delusional.

So I became one with Love anyway but love hurts it can lead to the deepest suffering. I had to shed my suffering again my Being answered with a mania. Once again a wall had shattered for I truly heard Isaiah when he prophesied “ From the suffering and anguish of his soul he shall see the light” I saw the light and was healed. I had fought tooth and nail with my demons and had emerged victorious too bad they weren’t the only demons I would have to wrestle. Unlike Jacob I had to wrestle with Satan and God I lost the fight I died in the battle but like a phoenix rising from the ashes I awoke the next morning in the hospital alive. No I never tried to commit suicide and never have but I had been fighting a mental and spiritual battle with them for weeks in the end I was tired and God said he would destroy me, there was nothing I could do, I never felt weak I felt at peace. I fell asleep in the hospital waiting to never wake up but I did. I was reborn knowing instinctively Hell and Heaven were both here on earth they were within me just as God and Satan were. We are God or we are Satan moment to moment one to the other, we control our existence as much as a tree does but we are free just like the tree is. They say a tree gave us this knowledge.

Existence gave us this knowledge, sentience or being gave us perception of it and perception is relative. Spirit walks shatter your sense of reality because you are hypervigilant, you have been fasting and not sleeping, you are hearing voices and seeing visions, all while consuming large quantities of marijuana and alcohol. Reality is truly shattered when in a sober manic state you meet strangers who are in on the game and you are not. Mainly the homeless. These people will come up to you in these times and know and do things they just shouldn’t know and do. You now have an understanding of no understanding where everything can not possibly be understood by me and yet things are working and things happen to guide me along so that’s enough because anymore would drive me insane. I learned we should each focus on our own little part of creation and existence if everyone did this soon the world would be a clean and secure place to live.

My politics changed from these experiences as well I went from no politics to realizing I have always been practicing “Enlightened Anarchy” but using real enlightenment instead of philosophical enlightenment. I also do not need a Temple to recognize me for my credentials awakenings come and go but true enlightenment is instantaneous and forever. Ch’an is me, I am Ch’an. God is the creator and creation. God and I are one. Made in this image I am and I am eternal. There are myriad I’s who form the We. When We becomes One that is the Anointed One. Peace will reign but not yet while the prophets and saints are put into bondage. The visionaries of old we praise while we persecute those of the present. It was the same then what should change now I suppose. It is the suffering and the search for it’s release that create manias. Hatching a real dragon’s egg within.

So in one sense no suffering no enlightenment. In water currents are life and stagnation is death it is the same for humans. Since we are mainly water it is fitting to use this analogy for we are more at one with water than anything else. The balance between life and death in water and man is oxygen levels. Suffering like moving water maintains the balance the oxygen is spirit. Spirit is strengthened by suffering. Issues that are burdensome are resolved. A numbness overpowers fear and compassion takes over. Social causes become of greater importance. With perseverance comes courage and then true humility. There will always be suffering it is how we perceive it that is important. Perception is reality. I walk in a dream in which I can’t fall asleep or awake but I am lucid and content.

As you can see by this writing that I am not crazy just a little eccentric. Many of the people who read this will think he has been diagnosed as being Bi Polar 1 with mixed episodes he’s crazy, listen to his ideas. Religion wants him to beleive in their Icons to be saved but when he acts and lives like them he is nuts. Yes I am saying Jesus, Moses, Buddha and Lao tsu (and all the other prophets)were most likely Bi polar and I and others like me are the living proof of that. That is why I write this on this interesting posting site. I put in 20 years of my life training and teaching this stuff. It would be awkward if I couldn’t come up with the goods. I met more patients in the ward coming down who had a better understanding than most priests, monks and rabbi’s.

That is what scares the institutions that are there to protect them and help them through these so called crisis’s. It’s only a crisis to the institution because the manic is usely better read than the heirarchy and existing in a abstract mind state which is frightening to those who are not comfortable with infinitness. Talking about something and having direct experience of the subject are two different things and most clergy the people who could help intercede in these times don't have the experience and know little of the subject. A subject they are supposed to be masters of. They choose to shun the living prophets and embrace only the dead ones. Putting them in hospitals and telling them they are mad. How many insights and visions have been crushed so no one may hear them. Manias should be recorded if possible even the ugly ones so much wisdom would be gained if this was done.

Please note that a mania and a psychotic episode are two different conditions. It is manias that should be studied. From my own experience if you let a mania run its course by controlling it mentally with love you will not have a phycotic episode. If external negativity is present it will alter the manias course to becoming psychotic so the handling of the situation must done with compassion and understanding.

What a manic needs is a controled environment that will safely allow the mania to run it's full course using psychoanalysis, psychotherapy and minimal medication. Religions should take responsibility and offer comfort and aid as well. All a manic recieves at this point in time is negativity, resentment and lots of medication. This is why there are so many negative episodes as opposed to positive ones. It is all about self empowerment but when the self and power are removed what is left? This is the greatest hurdle for the bi polar person in treatment today. My answer to them is they are always there use them or not. Make sure to journal your experiences and insights as well most will be crazy but there will be real gems. I write poems for my journal. Even my dreams are recorded there. I also chart my moods to learn my cycles. It's all about balance but we live in two worlds(depression/anxiety and mania)so balance is hard to acheive. Meditation is the answer to those who will listen. Meditation and Contemplation they are the only way to mend the scars of the conscience. So the sufferer can heal and move on to a wonderful balanced life. Mania is a living dream and must be interpreted as one.

My point here I guess is that society tells us be spiritual and be happy but when you become spiritual they put you on pills which make you unhappy. I take all my pills but I don't let the doctors push me around I take just enough to keep me a little up. Learn to diagnose yourself I do. You know your self better than any doctor. There are lots of Shrinks find one that is compassionate and is willing to work with you as a team player not one who will take charge of you.

So to those who need comfort in your after confusion just chill and think about it for what it was or whatever it meant to you. It is a gift that is treated like a curse. Think about this for one moment every one of Paul's Fruit of the Spirit are exhibited in a mania whether others believe it or not( True speaking in tongues would be speaking in metaphors they can be interpereted. Maybe manias were Pauls thorn.). Everything really did happen to you as you perceived it. It is not what happens but what you are thinking when it happens that makes a miracle.

“Can you see the lightening flashing in my eyes, hear the thunder roaring in my heart? I wish it would rain”

Peace out

Lone Flute Mountain Mist

[lateral_v]

Hi I just found this site would like to add to this post for the benifit of others like me. I am a 41 year old Ch’an master. I have practiced Ch’an (Zen)for 20 years. In that time I have had 4 manic episodes or spirit walks as I call them. I had been teaching Shaolin Kung fu and Ch’an for 10 years desperate in my journey to enlightenment when I had my first awakening. The Tao filled me, the Holy spirit entered me and I experienced a whole new world of little miracles. It was and still is like perceiving the world as a movie where everything is in place just for you to experience it and own it and at the same time realizing that everyone is experiencing the same thing in their own perception. I am a Christian that was never part of a church, a Jew who is a gentile and a Buddhist who follows the Tao. I never realized this before my awakening and now am very comfortable with it. I tried to tell my loved ones of my experience and new understandings but they couldn’t understand me for I only spoke in Koans, riddles or metaphors. That is how I was demonstrating my new found understanding and I ended up in the hospital. They treated me well always have but the first couple times I was discouraged I had shed my ego, understood that the Christ or Buddha was in each of us. I had looked into my nature and found them there.

So I became one with Love but love hurts it can lead to the deepest suffering. I had to shed my suffering again my Being answered with a mania. Once again a wall had shattered for I truly heard Isaiah when he prophesied “ From the suffering and anguish of his soul he shall see the light” I saw the light and was healed. I had fought tooth and nail with my demons and had emerged victorious too bad they weren’t the only demons I would have to wrestle. Unlike Jacob I had to wrestle with Satan and God I lost the fight I died in the battle but like a phoenix rising from the ashes I awoke the next morning in the hospital alive. No I never tried to commit suicide but I had been fighting a mental and spiritual battle with them for weeks in the end I was tired and God said he would destroy me, there was nothing I could do, I never felt weak I felt at peace. I fell asleep in the hospital waiting to never wake up but I did. I was reborn knowing instinctively Hell and Heaven were both here on earth they were within me just as God and Satan were. We are God or we are Satan moment to moment one to the other, we control our existence as much as a tree does but we are free just like the tree is. They say a tree gave us this knowledge.

Existence gave us this knowledge, sentience or being gave us perception of it and perception is relative. Spirit walks shatter your sense of reality because you are hypervigilant, you have been fasting and not sleeping, you are hearing voices and seeing visions, all while consuming large quantities of marijuana and alcohol. Reality is truly shattered when in a sober manic state you meet strangers who are in on the game and you are not. Mainly the homeless. These people will come up to you in these times and know and do things they just shouldn’t know and do. You now have an understanding of no understanding where everything can not possibly be understood by me and yet things are working and things happen to guide me along so that’s enough because anymore would drive me insane. I learned we should each focus on our own little part of creation and existence if everyone did this soon the world would be a clean and secure place to live.

My politics changed from these experiences as well I went from no politics to realizing I have always been practicing “Enlightened Anarchy” but using real enlightenment instead of philosophical enlightenment. I also do not need a Temple to recognize me for my credentials awakenings come and go but true enlightenment is instantaneous and forever. Ch’an is me, I am Ch’an. God is the creator and creation. God and I are one. Made in this image I am and I am eternal. There are myriad I’s who form the We. When We becomes One that is the Anointed One. Peace will reign but not yet while the prophets and saints are put into bondage. The visionaries of old we praise while we persecute those of the present. It was the same then what should change now I suppose. It is the suffering and the search for it’s release that create manias. Hatching a real dragon’s egg within.

So in one sense no suffering no enlightenment. In water currents are life and stagnation is death it is the same for humans. Since we are mainly water it is fitting to use this analogy for we are more at one with water than anything else. The balance between life and death in water and man is oxygen levels. Suffering like moving water maintains the balance the oxygen is spirit. Spirit is strengthened by suffering. Issues that are burdensome are resolved. A numbness overpowers fear and compassion takes over. Social causes become of greater importance. With perseverance comes courage and then true humility. There will always be suffering it is how we perceive it that is important. Perception is reality. I walk in a dream in which I can’t fall asleep or awake but I am lucid and content.

As you can see by this writing that I am not crazy just a little eccentric. Many of the people who read this will think he has been diagnosed as being Bi Polar 1 with mixed episodes he’s crazy, listen to his ideas. That is why I write this on this interesting posting site. I put in 20 years of my life training and teaching this stuff. It would be awkward if I couldn’t come up with the goods. I met more patients in the ward coming down who had a better understanding than most priests, monks and rabbi’s. That is what scares the institutions that are there to protect them and help them through these so called crisis’s. It’s only a crisis to the institution. So to those who need comfort in your after confusion just chill and think about it for what it was or whatever it meant to you. It is a gift that is treated like a curse. Think about this for one moment every one of Paul's Fruit of the Spirit are exhibited in a mania whether others believe it or not. Everything really did happen to you as you perceived it. It is not what happens but what you are thinking when it happens that makes a miracle.

“Can you see the lightening flashing in my eyes, hear the thunder roaring in my heart? I wish it would rain”

Peace out

Lone Flute Mountain Mist



Wow, thank you for sharing this with us.

Beautiful!!!


Love

&

Peace my friend

[passerbye999]

I would like to thank this discussion forum for allowing me the chance to finally discuss these issues I have been silent with for awhile. I thank you Lateral V for your reception of my posting it has opened up within me the want to discuss these issues further if anyone is interested. Lone Flute Mountain Mist is my pen name for writing poetry. I view life as an epic poem that flows with the days revealing the story moment to moment. I signed my posting that way because I was discussing my lifes most intimate experiences and it seemed fitting. So if anyone would like to ask me questions I would be interested to hear them. For those like me talking is purgative it truly helps especially if you are anonymous and the audience is receptive. Peace

[hadaka_jimmy]

Zen Master Hakuin called this Zen sickness. He most likely had a nervous breakdown.

[passerbye999]

This is true the stronger the consciousness the greater the breakdown and then when you heal you are even stronger than before having had the experience. What is Zen? There is more diversity in this practice than in any other especially in the beginnings when different branches were always at odds with each other. Zen is the mind, the conscioussness this makes it as diverse as the population of earth. Zen is also not a religion the original masters were eccentric at best crazy at worst and all loners who would rather write poetry and meditate than integrate with society and share their knowledge. There is no community in true zen only the individual and the individual doesn't exist. So zen is nothing and I denounce it yet I practice it.
Enlightenment comes in many forms and means many things but to me it means an intimate understanding of reality and it's myriad forms through direct experience. I did have breakdowns does that discredit 20 years of teaching and practicing Shoalin Kung Fu. My Chi Kung is more powerful than ever all because of these breakdowns and my understanding of them. So since Hakuin isn't alive to diagnose me and I wouldn't listen to that dirty old shaveplate either he had his own zen. What is sick and healthy zen? Only dillusional zen where without a complete breakdown of self the individual beleives their interpretations of ancient masters are correct based on self understanding without direct experience. Koans are useless for study they are records of the masters they can only point to a direction not find the destination. Once you become a zen master the riddles all say they same thing and you realize they were a hindrance rather than help for a student. If they stopped thinking of the solutions they might find the answer. Zen is not a religion it is awareness and perception using the mind of no-mind. It was zen that helped me control my manias it is a tool not a doctrine. It is simply a living meditation. We build many religions out of nothing because we find something there.

"In the realm of the thousand Buddhas he is hated by the thousand Buddhas: Among the crowd of demons he is detested by the crowd of demons. He crushes the silent-illumination heretics of today, and massacres the heterodox blind monks of this generation. This filthy blind old shaveplate adds more foulness still to foulness." Hakuin Zenji, Self Portrait

I could do this whole discussion using Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or Taoist Philosophy too. I like zen though because it is neutral. But here I go. "I am the way, the truth and the life no one comes to the Father but by me" The way, the truth and the life are in each one of us. This makes us holy and it is how we approach God (Father/Mother : El +Elat : Yahweh + his Asherah: Abba Emma). The Taoist symbol is the closest description to God than any name and all names are just descriptions. One people one God many names. Many realities to describe the experience. You see now at this moment right now I am a zen prophet ever heard of such a thing? The reason I used that famous quote is because it trancends religion. Read it as you are saying it yourself with no Jesus involved. Change Father to God for clarity.
It is an affirmation of self. How I live my life is how people perceive me and my relationship with the Creator and Creation. This is the ideal self, a motivated self. When you are reading me it is you though how do you live your life? Do you understand the way? Do you know the truth? Do you live the life? Do you know God and does God know you? If you and I all discover the answers we can read the line as we ending with us.
When you live this life you attract people who want to know more and they then begin their own search and then you begin to have an Enlightened Anarchy. Ghandi beleived in it to. That is the Messiah everyone standing as one.
The world would change for the better poeple just don't understand their own power, the power of Self. I beleive in Jesus and the teachings that are actually his but it's hard to beleive he'll come flying in on the clouds and save us when we can save ourselves it's in our power and always has been.

"A man gains enlightenment and becomes crazy, a crazy man gains enlightenment and becomes a man again"

I crossed to the other shore and then came back. The other shore is complete emptyness inside of you it is pleasant and it is numb at the same time. You have no cares for anything not even your family yet you share affinity with everything. I chose life there is no need to live a living death it will come for me in its time anyway.
I think that is what makes me unique. I lived and understood the riddle and that was enough. It cost me my family everything that is what true enlightenment does it strips you of everything until there is only you. I didn't want to become a beggar because it is not understood in Canada the same way it is in Tibet and other similar countries. If you want to truly follow Jesus it is the same path you have to give everything away and follow an almost identical path. How few people actually do this for real. Shouldn't they be provided for because they absolutly hate money and the false concepts of power yet they are still human and part of our society. All I ask for in life is food and water and a roof over my head. Some friends and family close by. And to teach the wisdom I have accumulated over my lifes journey. I offer it for free. People can take me as they will it bothers me not.

I will share this before I lost everything like Job I was sitting in my Kung fu studio late at night praying and pleading for my answers to my path in life. There were three overhead flourescent lights in the studio one was out on the far right I was under the middle one and then a voice in my head said " You are completely surrounded by darkness(then the left light went out no kidding) but you are sitting in the light. Do you have to lose everything to realize you never had anything at all? The kingdom of darkness is like the giant Goliath the kingdom of light like the shepard David what will you do?" I answered out loud 'where's my sling?" The voice then said "If you follow this course you shall surely die."(eventually I did symbolically die) I answered "Then I will be in good company." Then over the next 9 years I slowly gained incredible insights to my questions but I lost absolutely everything. And I have never been happier my outlook on the world has changed for the better. Life isn't so bad it's better than enlightenment. My only dissapointment was having to leave my son in a different province for awhile. I am a hermit right now about to introduce myself back into society and chose this site because of Mr. Icke. I have listened to him and others like him for years some awakenings for me have come from him and others like him that's how it works.

Is this self prophesy or divine I don't know, anyone who has experienced fate in action will know how I felt through the whole process everwhere I turned there where walls. All I know is I learned to pass through them but I couldn't leave any attachments to them. I am alway manic in a sense. I don't like the word and I don't like that know one really knows what this is so they medicate it to go away. No one likes you happy and confident it's not like them, they say it's not like you but it is you. You have to be crazy to become poor to fight for the poor. I am most likely misdiagnosed because I take almost no medication and my episodes so to say were just like what I am doing on this website sharing my insights and just hanging out in the spirit. Without my ex wife life is good her and her church put me in the hospital they even wanted to exorsize me it was a laugh. All for saying what I am saying in this site. I just want to talk so now I am talking if anyone wants me to stop I will.
'

Peace

[hadaka_jimmy]

"In the realm of the thousand Buddhas he is hated by the thousand Buddhas: Among the crowd of demons he is detested by the crowd of demons. He crushes the silent-illumination heretics of today, and massacres the heterodox blind monks of this generation. This filthy blind old shaveplate adds more foulness still to foulness." Hakuin Zenji, Self Portrait


The blind monks he talks of are the main practitioners of Zen these days more than any others. The doe-eyed new age hippies dressed up in their black robes.

[passerbye999]

I agree. If this koan was written in the bible it would be considered a prophesy for all generations all koans are. My introduction to Ch'an(Zen comes from Ch'an, Ch'an comes from Shaolin) was through Direct Transmission by living, learning and teaching in a kung fu studio for three years in my early twenties I had no money I had moved to a different city for my Master whose lineage derives from his direct Teacher a High Ranking Monk forced into exile during the late twenties after the destruction of the Southern Shaolin Temple. After I moved out of the studio it was still always my home I just slept somewhere else. I never read about Zen until I left my Teacher years later and went out on my own. All the reading did was confirm what I had been doing for years. Meditation and more meditation, breathing and more breathing until it became natural. No need to sit anymore. All I do is live and practice now. Shaolin is the only thing fate couldn't strip from me. I beleive it must be trained as one to really understand. When you move with the Tao and are still with Ch'an you are at one with creator and creation. I take a ch'an master that is not a kung fu and chi kung master with a grain of salt. They must know and practice at least Yi Jin Jing(The muscle change classics)with sitting at peace. As for God nothing inside my mind (ch'an)can confirm or deny the existence. For me it has been external things that have proven it to me. There is a powerful dark energy or force and there is a neutral powerful positive energy or force. The negative force is always pushing the positive always pulling. Call them Satan and God if you will. All I know is that if they decide to mess with you watch out ignoring them won't make them go away. Non beleif turns to beleif in a hurry when pictures fly off the wall and stuff. You know what I mean? I named my studio Tian Dao Shaolin Kung Fu literally translated it means "God in Heavens way is Shaolin kung fu". I plan to reopen my doors so to speak again in the next year or so until then I want to talk and listen not as a master but as a person. There is no easy road to Enlightenment but awakenings are a different story. It is awakenings and mania that this site is really discussing and that is where my interests lie, because I find them as intriguing and profound as they are surreal and disturbing. They are way better than koans well, mabye they are the real koans I don't know that is what I wish to find out and confirm through discussion.

[passerbye999]

Actually upon reflection I agree it is zen sickness. As I go through the days now I try to stay in the moment. Even thinking about manias can create manias. I read my postings originally I was just an informed poetic voice. Then I found myself trying to prove my experiences had some validity. To toy with the concept though creates circular thoughts which create manic thoughts. What would my journey been like without being bi polar. Truly being bi polar makes everything harder. I post this because I think I found the answer I was looking for. Maybe manias are best forgotten like passing clouds. There are some places the mind shouldn't go and dwell on.

[pikez]

Hi I just found this site and would like to add to this post for the benifit of others like me. I am a 41 year old Ch’an master. I have practiced Ch’an (Zen)for 20 years. In that time I have had 4 manic episodes or spirit walks as I call them. I had been teaching Shaolin Kung fu and Ch’an for 10 years desperate in my journey to enlightenment when I had my first awakening. The Tao filled me, the Holy spirit entered me and I experienced a whole new world of little miracles. It was and still is like perceiving the world as a movie where everything is in place just for you to experience it and own it and at the same time realizing that everyone is experiencing the same thing in their own perception. I am a Christian that was never part of a church, a Jew who is a gentile and a Buddhist who follows the Tao. I never realized this before my awakening and now am very comfortable with it. I tried to tell my loved ones of my experience and new understandings but they couldn’t understand me for I only spoke in Koans, parables, riddles or metaphors. That is how I was demonstrating my new found understanding and I ended up in the hospital. They treated me well always have but the first couple times I was discouraged I had shed my ego, understood that the Christ or Buddha was in each of us. I had looked into my nature and found them there but was told I was delusional.

So I became one with Love anyway but love hurts it can lead to the deepest suffering. I had to shed my suffering again my Being answered with a mania. Once again a wall had shattered for I truly heard Isaiah when he prophesied “ From the suffering and anguish of his soul he shall see the light” I saw the light and was healed. I had fought tooth and nail with my demons and had emerged victorious too bad they weren’t the only demons I would have to wrestle. Unlike Jacob I had to wrestle with Satan and God I lost the fight I died in the battle but like a phoenix rising from the ashes I awoke the next morning in the hospital alive. No I never tried to commit suicide and never have but I had been fighting a mental and spiritual battle with them for weeks in the end I was tired and God said he would destroy me, there was nothing I could do, I never felt weak I felt at peace. I fell asleep in the hospital waiting to never wake up but I did. I was reborn knowing instinctively Hell and Heaven were both here on earth they were within me just as God and Satan were. We are God or we are Satan moment to moment one to the other, we control our existence as much as a tree does but we are free just like the tree is. They say a tree gave us this knowledge.

Existence gave us this knowledge, sentience or being gave us perception of it and perception is relative. Spirit walks shatter your sense of reality because you are hypervigilant, you have been fasting and not sleeping, you are hearing voices and seeing visions, all while consuming large quantities of marijuana and alcohol. Reality is truly shattered when in a sober manic state you meet strangers who are in on the game and you are not. Mainly the homeless. These people will come up to you in these times and know and do things they just shouldn’t know and do. You now have an understanding of no understanding where everything can not possibly be understood by me and yet things are working and things happen to guide me along so that’s enough because anymore would drive me insane. I learned we should each focus on our own little part of creation and existence if everyone did this soon the world would be a clean and secure place to live.

My politics changed from these experiences as well I went from no politics to realizing I have always been practicing “Enlightened Anarchy” but using real enlightenment instead of philosophical enlightenment. I also do not need a Temple to recognize me for my credentials awakenings come and go but true enlightenment is instantaneous and forever. Ch’an is me, I am Ch’an. God is the creator and creation. God and I are one. Made in this image I am and I am eternal. There are myriad I’s who form the We. When We becomes One that is the Anointed One. Peace will reign but not yet while the prophets and saints are put into bondage. The visionaries of old we praise while we persecute those of the present. It was the same then what should change now I suppose. It is the suffering and the search for it’s release that create manias. Hatching a real dragon’s egg within.

So in one sense no suffering no enlightenment. In water currents are life and stagnation is death it is the same for humans. Since we are mainly water it is fitting to use this analogy for we are more at one with water than anything else. The balance between life and death in water and man is oxygen levels. Suffering like moving water maintains the balance the oxygen is spirit. Spirit is strengthened by suffering. Issues that are burdensome are resolved. A numbness overpowers fear and compassion takes over. Social causes become of greater importance. With perseverance comes courage and then true humility. There will always be suffering it is how we perceive it that is important. Perception is reality. I walk in a dream in which I can’t fall asleep or awake but I am lucid and content.

As you can see by this writing that I am not crazy just a little eccentric. Many of the people who read this will think he has been diagnosed as being Bi Polar 1 with mixed episodes he’s crazy, listen to his ideas. Religion wants him to beleive in their Icons to be saved but when he acts and lives like them he is nuts. Yes I am saying Jesus, Moses, Buddha and Lao tsu (and all the other prophets)were most likely Bi polar and I and others like me are the living proof of that. That is why I write this on this interesting posting site. I put in 20 years of my life training and teaching this stuff. It would be awkward if I couldn’t come up with the goods. I met more patients in the ward coming down who had a better understanding than most priests, monks and rabbi’s.

That is what scares the institutions that are there to protect them and help them through these so called crisis’s. It’s only a crisis to the institution because the manic is usely better read than the heirarchy and existing in a abstract mind state which is frightening to those who are not comfortable with infinitness. Talking about something and having direct experience of the subject are two different things and most clergy the people who could help intercede in these times don't have the experience and know little of the subject. A subject they are supposed to be masters of. They choose to shun the living prophets and embrace only the dead ones. Putting them in hospitals and telling them they are mad. How many insights and visions have been crushed so no one may hear them. Manias should be recorded if possible even the ugly ones so much wisdom would be gained if this was done.

Please note that a mania and a psychotic episode are two different conditions. It is manias that should be studied. From my own experience if you let a mania run its course by controlling it mentally with love you will not have a phycotic episode. If external negativity is present it will alter the manias course to becoming psychotic so the handling of the situation must done with compassion and understanding.

What a manic needs is a controled environment that will safely allow the mania to run it's full course using psychoanalysis, psychotherapy and minimal medication. Religions should take responsibility and offer comfort and aid as well. All a manic recieves at this point in time is negativity, resentment and lots of medication. This is why there are so many negative episodes as opposed to positive ones. It is all about self empowerment but when the self and power are removed what is left? This is the greatest hurdle for the bi polar person in treatment today. My answer to them is they are always there use them or not. Make sure to journal your experiences and insights as well most will be crazy but there will be real gems. I write poems for my journal. Even my dreams are recorded there. I also chart my moods to learn my cycles. It's all about balance but we live in two worlds(depression/anxiety and mania)so balance is hard to acheive. Meditation is the answer to those who will listen. Meditation and Contemplation they are the only way to mend the scars of the conscience. So the sufferer can heal and move on to a wonderful balanced life. Mania is a living dream and must be interpreted as one.

My point here I guess is that society tells us be spiritual and be happy but when you become spiritual they put you on pills which make you unhappy. I take all my pills but I don't let the doctors push me around I take just enough to keep me a little up. Learn to diagnose yourself I do. You know your self better than any doctor. There are lots of Shrinks find one that is compassionate and is willing to work with you as a team player not one who will take charge of you.

So to those who need comfort in your after confusion just chill and think about it for what it was or whatever it meant to you. It is a gift that is treated like a curse. Think about this for one moment every one of Paul's Fruit of the Spirit are exhibited in a mania whether others believe it or not( True speaking in tongues would be speaking in metaphors they can be interpereted. Maybe manias were Pauls thorn.). Everything really did happen to you as you perceived it. It is not what happens but what you are thinking when it happens that makes a miracle.

“Can you see the lightening flashing in my eyes, hear the thunder roaring in my heart? I wish it would rain”

Peace out

Lone Flute Mountain Mist


As I read this the last 5 months of my life became alot more clear.

One thing you said really called out to me, the part about homeless people, this actually happened with me, I had a conversation with a toothless person on the street, they at first seemed just drunk, but began saying things that almost brought me to tears.

How do you recover after your "spirit walk" is interrupted by hospitals / medication / people trying to slow you down? I feel like I am lost because my journey was not completed.

Would love to PM and get your opinions / thoughts, thanks.

[ra86]

no

[themadness]

great ceasar's ghost! i just started watching the series of vids bipolar or waking up.....came over to the icke forum and found this thread. i have been diagnosed as bipolar. it came after a psychotic break right after my son joined us. my meds are very helpful and have been on them for a couple of years now. i am not saying that psych treatment will work for everyone, but it has helped. in the past 2 years i have been through hallucinations, mania, extreme depression, and have had what i believe to be divine messages, i also have been through hypnogagia, which is not a harmful condition, its just a perception of spatial interruption as i am falling asleep. that started when i was 6, and has been compared to panic attacks, out of body experience, and simple partial seizures. no one really knows for sure, but it is not a medicatable condition.

here is my dilemma is this bipolar, spiritual emergency, or some other thing i havent figured out yet. i have always felt from an early age that i was different from all those around me. i still cant put my finger but something is unusually exclusive about my cognitive function. now i am not saying i am some sort guru psychic or channeler, but i do mentally recognize things other people dont. i believe i do have a higher level of consciousness. the problem is alot of fear accompanies it. i have had dreams and premonitions during sleep that are certainly real and discernable. i think the alterec mental state is a side effect of the level of awakening i have been prone too for many years. it is possible that i have just recognized it at age 28 (30 now). i am an artist and many of thoughts and perceptions come out in my work with conscious effort. do others here have any similar experiences?

[passerbye999]

As I read this the last 5 months of my life became alot more clear.

One thing you said really called out to me, the part about homeless people, this actually happened with me, I had a conversation with a toothless person on the street, they at first seemed just drunk, but began saying things that almost brought me to tears.

How do you recover after your "spirit walk" is interrupted by hospitals / medication / people trying to slow you down? I feel like I am lost because my journey was not completed.

Would love to PM and get your opinions / thoughts, thanks.

Hi pikez I can give you some advice and at the same time I can discuss some issues on my mind I hope it's kind of what you're looking for.

What you have to do is pick up your journey again you're maybe a little shaken but you have to walk through the wall and that means leaving all attachments behind emotionally. You have to embrace and then let go of the experience let the subconscious mind do it's job. If something is to manifest again it will in it's own time but that does not necessarilly mean in your time. You have to make peace with the question or questions inside of you. Meditate just get comfortable any way and empty your mind and wait. It's like that name you forget then it pops up later out of nowhere. It could take years, it could take a moment. It all depends on how much you desire the answers. Just learn to watch your thoughts and then eventually guide them and bring them to light. Record them that is what a Koan is it means Public Record. It's like the Taw the mark. Once written it is sealed. Once spoken the seal is broken. Then there is revelation. Don't let others bring you down. Charge the day. You probably met an Angel(holy spirit) who possessed a person temporarily or an angel itself. When you follow the spirit it happens. Reflect on what was said it doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't happen everyday.

What causes manias is suffering and despair. Most of it is from external sources beyond the control of the victom.
This suffering will not go away until we are free. 25% of all Canadians will suffer a serious mental breakdown that is the new statistic. 25%? What's going on with the sysyem. We don't need a revolution the system is collapsing but how many innocent cattle are slaughtered because they become ill. Thrown to the poor pen to die. The rest of the heard blindly moves on. Not even aware of the statistic, not knowing they may be the next victom. So the cattle move forward working themselves to death. Work should not be about money but about work. People are more important than money. People need to work and money is how we trade but they are for us not us for them. This is how I think the suffering and and anguish from this bad stress manifests itself.

The consciousness is like a ethereal ball. Depression is when that ball is condensed in on itself. Anxiety is the momentum of the particles within the ball. As the depression condenses the ball the momentum of the particles increases (more anxiety). Eventually the ball will implode in on itself and that is mania an massive conscious shockwave that has to settle after it's release to allow stability in the reformed consciossness. It's really just like a phoenix rising from the ashes. The life and death of the consciousness. The circle of the real and surreal. Depression is the killer manias are salvation from certain death.

If you are searching for certain answers in your life desperately it will happen sooner than later. Analyze your mania like a dream some manias do last for months in different levels. It's the lower levels that are the coolest because you're still rational with clarity and weird stuff happens. You have to ask yourself though is it worth pushing the envelope for answers you may not get in the long run. Not one of my manias were fun that is why I called them spirit walks they were long scary ordeals that I managed to survive. I learned a lot about life and myself but I would not do it again unless I had to. As for the homeless (sometimes not) telepathic,prophet dudes they are a trip but they can be of both sides some channel demonic energy, some are of God. It's like people are possessed right infront of your eyes it happens to me all the time whether I'm manic or not. You just have to learn to sense the moment and follow it. When all of the senses are attuned together at that moment things will happen even if one is not bi polar. These are miracles because at that moment what you are thinking happens you become one with all that is around you. Your thoughts are not yours you become an observer even of yourself. We are made of metal, water, air, earth we can connect and that is the fire the connection. The energies are fire; positive, negative and neutral. We share them as well, we are created in the image God but we are creation itself. Our whole being is made of the same elements and energies of creation. You can feel it if you open up to it. Our consciousness the conscious, unconscious and subconscious minds working and blending together lead by the conscience is of the same substances of creation as well. Our whole being is one. It is a trip.

Bi polar people are different in many ways escpecially in the spirit. Most of us are artists. We all have beautiful minds we just need to keep them balanced so they don't burn out through meds or from manias. Both take a toll on the whole being. Meds are a must but the correct meds and the correct dosages are the key to a fruitful life.

I spent a total of 5 months in the wards in my life and the moods dictated events throughout the time and miracles happened everyday. For a while I believed Jesus was the hospital (bringing people to life, curing the sick, bringing the dead back to life) and we needed more hospitals and less prisons. Jesus comes in many forms.

I can sense Yeshua or Satan in everyone I meet doesn't matter what religion or country they come from. It's all about Horus and Set and the scales you know. Yeshua gave the golden mean " Love God above all else and love others as you would yourself". A riddle the last part should read "and love youself for God and others love you." that is the measure loving youself. If you love yourself you will love if you hate yourself you will hate and everything inbetween reflects the level of the scales. Too much love creates to much hate and visa versa. Only when the scales are balanced are these powerful base emotions balanced and in check. These emotions are how we are manipulated but our conscience is Daniel (God's Judge) not a Government or Corporation or Spititual Influence. There is no heaven or hell. There is only eternity consciousness cannot die it can only fade away if it chooses too. So we must all choose life not worship death it will come for you in it's time " Drink, feast and be merry for tommorrow we die." A great king said that. That is how we should live everyday we only have this life, even when we do come back if we choose we won't remember the past life anyhow if we do it will only be through intuition. I beleive that is what intuition is. Past life memories buried in the subconscious.
'

We are vessels all of us, cattle to the government and vessels to the spirit world. We are spirits. That is the truth of our lives. Whoever leads our conscious mind controls the whole being. The conscious mind is influenced by the subconcious which is without time. For example Dejavu. By implanting certain thoughts into the subconscious ideas can be formed and will influence the conscious mind.

Perception and awareness are the first steps, knowledge gets you walking and with understanding you are off and running. Knowledge is power and understanding is compassion. With conscience as our guide we need no government and we need no spirit world for it will be a spirit world. The idea scares people though we like to be like cattle pulled one way pushed another as long as we are in the center of the heard we are happy. Conscience rules knowledge and understanding. Conscience is the supreme power we all have. It was given to us like breath. Know one knows where it comes from yet it exists why? It is the key to the lock of the riddle of life.

Encounters with people on the street are real whether it is a entity possessing a weak mind (usually drunk it's easier for spirits to animate the person even your friends and family if they are wasted and an entity wants to mess with you) or the person or being has a high level of conscioussness and they can tap in to things we don't understand. The third thing is angels and demons and they come in the form of people, mainly homeless, the fourth is aliens( how they fit in I'm not sure but they do, maybe they're the angels and demons) . They all intermix in their planned encounters. So you got to figure out who you are really talking to and what they want because it seems to me they just like to play with us like little toy soldiers. Everyone of them finds your confusion amusing that's their game. Though the good ones reassure you, the bad ones taunt you and the neutral just watch. That is the life of a visionary practicing discernment. They are eveywhere and one could meet them anytime. I think of Gurdjief and the mysterious sect he was invited to visit. There is way more going on in the consciousness of the world than we are aware of and some people apparently have the ability to tap right in where most of us can't. They come from all cultures they are there and seem to be attracted to some manics, maybe all I don't know.

It would be interesting to see how many people have had these encounters. They bring validity to the spiritual experience of a mania. I had an old Jewish woman one time start Blessing me out loud on the street. She appeared out of nowhere at a bus stop one morning trying to trade a bus ticket for money. It was two fifty and I gave her a five. She asked if I was Jewish and I replied "No I am simply a child of God" She straightened up and started blessing me out loud in the middle of the city. I was manic at the time and on a mission for God. It built confidence in my mission which was to walk around the city and meet people. I would walk for days watching and listening. Sometimes they would approach and keep me company total strangers all homeless in appearence we could talk with telepathy. I can't do it on my own but they can do it. They can get inside of your head and talk you think something back and a thought answers you. It is weird because they will speak to let you know your not crazy then go back to telepathy. Then go on there way. I have met a couple more than once. Strange stuff when it happens twice with the same people.

Although it could all have just been Satan messing with me and God trying to help me out I am used to that. I have a big mouth and like to spout off in the spirit world as well as the real world. Call on these forces and challenge them for real and see what happens in your life. I do it all the time. I struggle with them both for different reasons. I was born free in spirit and free in mind my body was owned already. I am a slave who cries freedom. There's too many yokes. It's a heavy burdon we carry in two worlds.

Peace and Sincerity

This is from my first mania.

Half-Life

I
Long dark shadows
fall across the rolling hills,
scattered with the fallen
leaves of lost spring.
The failing light
appears to offer no hope
of better times to come,
as darkness announces night.
All becomes black
clouds draw in from the west,
until the moon rises,
full and haunting.
Along with it,
the Hunter and his faithful
Hounds, warding off Saturn
who charges astride Taurus.
Horns to the twins,
in whose house Jupiter rests.
A drama unfolding
in the heavens.
Until the clouds,
shimmering adrift, cover
the sky, obscuring the
view. Once again darkness reigns.


II

“Where you go I go”, I said
and here I am in the dark,
going where I know not. Just
groping in the dark by placing
one foot in front of the other.
Lucidity springs forth from
out of mirages, in
brief glimpses, never enough
to wake from the dream. Enough
though, to embolden one to them.
Now nothing is left, save hope
and faith; twin pillars upon
which the arch of love resides.
The door leading to salvation
and to life in the wilderness.
It is in this wilderness
I find myself wandering,
in search of the land of milk
and honey, while eating manna
provided for along the way
and temptation stirs the beast
within. The nature of sin.
I do not fear death, but I
fear this beast who’s vile
nature takes over, while
you watch on in futility until
it has ceased and you’re a cripple,
left without even a crutch.
Right now I am fine, but laters...
Laters come all too frequently.

III

Loneliness,
sometimes it seems
my only companion.
That and despair;
The burdens of my guilt.
They force me to live
like a shadow,
skulking from the light,
neither finding comfort
in it’s warm embrace
nor surrendering
to the ever
encroaching darkness.
I am lonely.
Though not always alone;
for the light waits
patiently for me
to stand and walk to it.
The darkness waits as well.
Looming just out of reach.
For when I give in,
it wants to be there.
Often we meet
at these times of
temptation.


IV

Many times.
Many times, I’ve confronted those eyes.
Those immortal smiling eyes.
In them
I always saw
the other nature;
the base part,
which shadows all reason.
Impudent,
they glitter with mirth.
A gaiety born of anticipation,
knowing that I know what they mean.
I long to escape
those old gleaming eyes
that mock and taunt me,
goading me to stay.
They show in many places.
I know them instantly,
wherever I see them.

v

I have been dressed up
And led to where
I did not want to go.
It is hell,
With walls resounding pain.
Where confusion wails
Through corridors
And despair is covered
With a friendly smile.
Awake though dreamy,
Vacant eyes Gaze away
Indifferent. There is no
Mistaking their reality.
Lips move on faces
Masked in grief,
As one voice cries out
In the darkness.
These are not lesser human beings.
They are only confused
And they are scared
And they are all alone.
For they are the caged.
Broken remnants of society,
Locked away and
Forgotten, save
The company they keep.
For them there is now
Only the pretense of life.
The only hope they have
is in the unseen, Because
all that they see is suffering.

VI

How did I get here?
I would say anger and love.
The madness I flee from
And embrace. They have had
A stronghold on me my entire life.
Sometimes I even let myself believe
They belong together,
But they don’t. I believe anger
Comes from poverty.
To be poor is to suffer loss,
To be destitute.
In this desperation anger
Is usually misplaced
And misdirected toward love.
But whom can you blame
If not those whom you love
And yourself when you are trying
To hold together shreds
Of dignity in defeat.
It is no wonder the prisons
And asylums are full
For who doesn’t know
The sting of these two hornets.
As to the poor As to me,
All that is left is the unseen.
It was the unseen that brought
Me to this place. It is
The unseen that will see me through.

VII

I have always known that the
answer to all of
my problems has lay in me.
That all I had to do
was make a choice, a task I’d
put off far too long.
My journey’s been a long one
and still I have a
long way to go ‘til it’s end.
I have gained much on the way
and am finally ready to
apply this knowledge.
Trying to learn from my pain
and, eventually,
become who I want to be
by letting go of the past
and just, simply, moving on.
Forgiving myself
and not dwelling on what was -
just stumbling along,
wearily in a half-life,
musing at the phantasm
that they call reality -
but learning from it.

[pikez]

Hi pikez I can give you some advice and at the same time I can discuss some issues on my mind I hope it's kind of what you're looking for.

What you have to do is pick up your journey again you're maybe a little shaken but you have to walk through the wall and that means leaving all attachments behind emotionally. You have to embrace and then let go of the experience let the subconscious mind do it's job. If something is to manifest again it will in it's own time but that does not necessarilly mean in your time. You have to make peace with the question or questions inside of you. Meditate just get comfortable any way and empty your mind and wait. It's like that name you forget then it pops up later out of nowhere. It could take years, it could take a moment. It all depends on how much you desire the answers. Just learn to watch your thoughts and then eventually guide them and bring them to light. Record them that is what a Koan is it means Public Record. It's like the Taw the mark. Once written it is sealed. Once spoken the seal is broken. Then there is revelation. Don't let others bring you down. Charge the day. You probably met an Angel(holy spirit) who possessed a person temporarily or an angel itself. When you follow the spirit it happens. Reflect on what was said it doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't happen everyday.

What causes manias is suffering and despair. Most of it is from external sources beyond the control of the victom.
This suffering will not go away until we are free. 25% of all Canadians will suffer a serious mental breakdown that is the new statistic. 25%? What's going on with the sysyem. We don't need a revolution the system is collapsing but how many innocent cattle are slaughtered because they become ill. Thrown to the poor pen to die. The rest of the heard blindly moves on. Not even aware of the statistic, not knowing they may be the next victom. So the cattle move forward working themselves to death. Work should not be about money but about work. People are more important than money. People need to work and money is how we trade but they are for us not us for them. This is how I think the suffering and and anguish from this bad stress manifests itself.

The consciousness is like a ethereal ball. Depression is when that ball is condensed in on itself. Anxiety is the momentum of the particles within the ball. As the depression condenses the ball the momentum of the particles increases (more anxiety). Eventually the ball will implode in on itself and that is mania an massive conscious shockwave that has to settle after it's release to allow stability in the reformed consciossness. It's really just like a phoenix rising from the ashes. The life and death of the consciousness. The circle of the real and surreal. Depression is the killer manias are salvation from certain death.

If you are searching for certain answers in your life desperately it will happen sooner than later. Analyze your mania like a dream some manias do last for months in different levels. It's the lower levels that are the coolest because you're still rational with clarity and weird stuff happens. You have to ask yourself though is it worth pushing the envelope for answers you may not get in the long run. Not one of my manias were fun that is why I called them spirit walks they were long scary ordeals that I managed to survive. I learned a lot about life and myself but I would not do it again unless I had to. As for the homeless (sometimes not) telepathic,prophet dudes they are a trip but they can be of both sides some channel demonic energy, some are of God. It's like people are possessed right infront of your eyes it happens to me all the time whether I'm manic or not. You just have to learn to sense the moment and follow it. When all of the senses are attuned together at that moment things will happen even if one is not bi polar. These are miracles because at that moment what you are thinking happens you become one with all that is around you. Your thoughts are not yours you become an observer even of yourself. We are made of metal, water, air, earth we can connect and that is the fire the connection. The energies are fire; positive, negative and neutral. We share them as well, we are created in the image God but we are creation itself. Our whole being is made of the same elements and energies of creation. You can feel it if you open up to it. Our consciousness the conscious, unconscious and subconscious minds working and blending together lead by the conscience is of the same substances of creation as well. Our whole being is one. It is a trip.

Bi polar people are different in many ways escpecially in the spirit. Most of us are artists. We all have beautiful minds we just need to keep them balanced so they don't burn out through meds or from manias. Both take a toll on the whole being. Meds are a must but the correct meds and the correct dosages are the key to a fruitful life.

I spent a total of 5 months in the wards in my life and the moods dictated events throughout the time and miracles happened everyday. For a while I believed Jesus was the hospital (bringing people to life, curing the sick, bringing the dead back to life) and we needed more hospitals and less prisons. Jesus comes in many forms.

I can sense Yeshua or Satan in everyone I meet doesn't matter what religion or country they come from. It's all about Horus and Set and the scales you know. Yeshua gave the golden mean " Love God above all else and love others as you would yourself". A riddle the last part should read "and love youself for God and others love you." that is the measure loving youself. If you love yourself you will love if you hate yourself you will hate and everything inbetween reflects the level of the scales. Too much love creates to much hate and visa versa. Only when the scales are balanced are these powerful base emotions balanced and in check. These emotions are how we are manipulated but our conscience is Daniel (God's Judge) not a Government or Corporation or Spititual Influence. There is no heaven or hell. There is only eternity consciousness cannot die it can only fade away if it chooses too. So we must all choose life not worship death it will come for you in it's time " Drink, feast and be merry for tommorrow we die." A great king said that. That is how we should live everyday we only have this life, even when we do come back if we choose we won't remember the past life anyhow if we do it will only be through intuition. I beleive that is what intuition is. Past life memories buried in the subconscious.
'

We are vessels all of us, cattle to the government and vessels to the spirit world. We are spirits. That is the truth of our lives. Whoever leads our conscious mind controls the whole being. The conscious mind is influenced by the subconcious which is without time. For example Dejavu. By implanting certain thoughts into the subconscious ideas can be formed and will influence the conscious mind.

Perception and awareness are the first steps, knowledge gets you walking and with understanding you are off and running. Knowledge is power and understanding is compassion. With conscience as our guide we need no government and we need no spirit world for it will be a spirit world. The idea scares people though we like to be like cattle pulled one way pushed another as long as we are in the center of the heard we are happy. Conscience rules knowledge and understanding. Conscience is the supreme power we all have. It was given to us like breath. Know one knows where it comes from yet it exists why? It is the key to the lock of the riddle of life.

Encounters with people on the street are real whether it is a entity possessing a weak mind (usually drunk it's easier for spirits to animate the person even your friends and family if they are wasted and an entity wants to mess with you) or the person or being has a high level of conscioussness and they can tap in to things we don't understand. The third thing is angels and demons and they come in the form of people, mainly homeless, the fourth is aliens( how they fit in I'm not sure but they do, maybe they're the angels and demons) . They all intermix in their planned encounters. So you got to figure out who you are really talking to and what they want because it seems to me they just like to play with us like little toy soldiers. Everyone of them finds your confusion amusing that's their game. Though the good ones reassure you, the bad ones taunt you and the neutral just watch. That is the life of a visionary practicing discernment. They are eveywhere and one could meet them anytime. I think of Gurdjief and the mysterious sect he was invited to visit. There is way more going on in the consciousness of the world than we are aware of and some people apparently have the ability to tap right in where most of us can't. They come from all cultures they are there and seem to be attracted to some manics, maybe all I don't know.

It would be interesting to see how many people have had these encounters. They bring validity to the spiritual experience of a mania. I had an old Jewish woman one time start Blessing me out loud on the street. She appeared out of nowhere at a bus stop one morning trying to trade a bus ticket for money. It was two fifty and I gave her a five. She asked if I was Jewish and I replied "No I am simply a child of God" She straightened up and started blessing me out loud in the middle of the city. I was manic at the time and on a mission for God. It built confidence in my mission which was to walk around the city and meet people. I would walk for days watching and listening. Sometimes they would approach and keep me company total strangers all homeless in appearence we could talk with telepathy. I can't do it on my own but they can do it. They can get inside of your head and talk you think something back and a thought answers you. It is weird because they will speak to let you know your not crazy then go back to telepathy. Then go on there way. I have met a couple more than once. Strange stuff when it happens twice with the same people.

Although it could all have just been Satan messing with me and God trying to help me out I am used to that. I have a big mouth and like to spout off in the spirit world as well as the real world. Call on these forces and challenge them for real and see what happens in your life. I do it all the time. I struggle with them both for different reasons. I was born free in spirit and free in mind my body was owned already. I am a slave who cries freedom. There's too many yokes. It's a heavy burdon we carry in two worlds.

Peace and Sincerity

This is from my first mania.

Half-Life

I
Long dark shadows
fall across the rolling hills,
scattered with the fallen
leaves of lost spring.
The failing light
appears to offer no hope
of better times to come,
as darkness announces night.
All becomes black
clouds draw in from the west,
until the moon rises,
full and haunting.
Along with it,
the Hunter and his faithful
Hounds, warding off Saturn
who charges astride Taurus.
Horns to the twins,
in whose house Jupiter rests.
A drama unfolding
in the heavens.
Until the clouds,
shimmering adrift, cover
the sky, obscuring the
view. Once again darkness reigns.


II

“Where you go I go”, I said
and here I am in the dark,
going where I know not. Just
groping in the dark by placing
one foot in front of the other.
Lucidity springs forth from
out of mirages, in
brief glimpses, never enough
to wake from the dream. Enough
though, to embolden one to them.
Now nothing is left, save hope
and faith; twin pillars upon
which the arch of love resides.
The door leading to salvation
and to life in the wilderness.
It is in this wilderness
I find myself wandering,
in search of the land of milk
and honey, while eating manna
provided for along the way
and temptation stirs the beast
within. The nature of sin.
I do not fear death, but I
fear this beast who’s vile
nature takes over, while
you watch on in futility until
it has ceased and you’re a cripple,
left without even a crutch.
Right now I am fine, but laters...
Laters come all too frequently.

III

Loneliness,
sometimes it seems
my only companion.
That and despair;
The burdens of my guilt.
They force me to live
like a shadow,
skulking from the light,
neither finding comfort
in it’s warm embrace
nor surrendering
to the ever
encroaching darkness.
I am lonely.
Though not always alone;
for the light waits
patiently for me
to stand and walk to it.
The darkness waits as well.
Looming just out of reach.
For when I give in,
it wants to be there.
Often we meet
at these times of
temptation.


IV

Many times.
Many times, I’ve confronted those eyes.
Those immortal smiling eyes.
In them
I always saw
the other nature;
the base part,
which shadows all reason.
Impudent,
they glitter with mirth.
A gaiety born of anticipation,
knowing that I know what they mean.
I long to escape
those old gleaming eyes
that mock and taunt me,
goading me to stay.
They show in many places.
I know them instantly,
wherever I see them.

v

I have been dressed up
And led to where
I did not want to go.
It is hell,
With walls resounding pain.
Where confusion wails
Through corridors
And despair is covered
With a friendly smile.
Awake though dreamy,
Vacant eyes Gaze away
Indifferent. There is no
Mistaking their reality.
Lips move on faces
Masked in grief,
As one voice cries out
In the darkness.
These are not lesser human beings.
They are only confused
And they are scared
And they are all alone.
For they are the caged.
Broken remnants of society,
Locked away and
Forgotten, save
The company they keep.
For them there is now
Only the pretense of life.
The only hope they have
is in the unseen, Because
all that they see is suffering.

VI

How did I get here?
I would say anger and love.
The madness I flee from
And embrace. They have had
A stronghold on me my entire life.
Sometimes I even let myself believe
They belong together,
But they don’t. I believe anger
Comes from poverty.
To be poor is to suffer loss,
To be destitute.
In this desperation anger
Is usually misplaced
And misdirected toward love.
But whom can you blame
If not those whom you love
And yourself when you are trying
To hold together shreds
Of dignity in defeat.
It is no wonder the prisons
And asylums are full
For who doesn’t know
The sting of these two hornets.
As to the poor As to me,
All that is left is the unseen.
It was the unseen that brought
Me to this place. It is
The unseen that will see me through.

VII

I have always known that the
answer to all of
my problems has lay in me.
That all I had to do
was make a choice, a task I’d
put off far too long.
My journey’s been a long one
and still I have a
long way to go ‘til it’s end.
I have gained much on the way
and am finally ready to
apply this knowledge.
Trying to learn from my pain
and, eventually,
become who I want to be
by letting go of the past
and just, simply, moving on.
Forgiving myself
and not dwelling on what was -
just stumbling along,
wearily in a half-life,
musing at the phantasm
that they call reality -
but learning from it.

Thanks for the response, I actually did pick up my journey again the day I posted to you, I had an amazing beautiful experience that day that I hope I can feel forever inside my soul.

Thank you for your posts they are great I love reading them.

[passerbye999]

You are welcome. I appreciate that. You know I go semi manic saying this stuff on forum but I do it anyway I just edit lots.

[passerbye999]

Please forgive me for the length but I need to tell the story because it needs to be told
I want to talk straight about something so there is no confusion through poetic licence. I feel I need to say what I am going to say because I have been watching the videos sent to me by this site and I had a similar nature consciousness encounter. Similar yet quite different I’ll let the reader decide. I only write this because if Mr. Icke has the courage to be straight out I will too. I will narrate my third mania. The weirdest one of all. My last three manias all occurred successively on the spring equinox 2007, 2008, 2009. My fist was shortly after Sept 11, 2001. My first and second manias were about learning of Yahweh and his Asherah(The Queen of Heaven, The Holy Spirit) and Yeshua.They were mellow manias where I learned to discern the still small voice from the others. The rest where quite different still about God and Satan but there was a strange twist, the Aliens. Yes this is where it gets strange but here I go and I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. It is where the war in my head began and didn’t end until 2009. When I thought I was going to die.


First I would like to say my manias all started with voices then the TV and Radio start to appear like the programs were meant for you to watch because the voices and the program interact with each other. Sometimes they could all be running at once ( I experimented with it ) and be saying the same message as the voices in their own medium. Then the spirit walk begins because you start to see the magic. The wind, birds, symbols, trees everything starts to communicate with you and teach you in riddles. I call them riddles because the signs ( that’s what they are) pose questions not an answer. So I would walk around having conversations in my head seeing and feeling and hearing the magic around me. Then the bad guys caught on they don’t like this they don’t want you to tell anyone about them or things like there is no gravity or time. That there are infinite dimensions in ward and outward and we are a dimension ourselves. Entities live within us they are symbiotic, so are the ones without us. They all can communicate with us and us with them. I still can when I am not manic. They have fought me for being so vocal here in my own way. Aliens within us and outside of us. Consciousness is how we interact. Forms can be unknown. I have only had interactions with human beings but they knew me one even gave me an apple and I had never seen them before. They watched as I unlocked the corners and stood beneath the arch of my Fathers house. Just a normal man but I discovered the riddles answer and then I walked circles and drank water and tried to summon rain to announce my victory. I prayed and I ranted for peace they watched me many people watched me I stood at Eglington Square in Toronto right downtown. Nobody arrested me they just watched. I only spoke once in a while. I had been fasting no sleep or food for three days all at the square on the street. The weather was hot and sunny. The evening of the third day a man set up and started playing his guitar it was beautiful. Then two big dudes show up and say they are secret service and he had to go so he did. We don’t have secret service in Canada. Even they where watching me. In the spirit of Elijah I was confronting the Alien menace in my head and orthodox Jews and secret service and others were watching as i tried to save the world and make peace rather than war.
Then I started spinning faster and faster and I screamed out loud I was a Son of God and I called on the power of Asherah. And no kidding the day turned dark as night and it rained sideways from the west I swear to God.

I was manic and on A trip so I started shouting my wrath and the rain grew stronger. People were hiding in shelters it flooded the streets it almost flooding into the center building itself. Until a man came and asked me to make it stop there was fear in his eyes so I sobered right up and thought what have I done and went out and prayed and the rain stopped but the clouds remained until morning when the sun rose in the east and from where I stood it rose between two sky scrapers. It reminded me of a sunrise in Karnak. I summoned a rainbow to recompense after. Again by spinning and whistling and praying. I was manic what can I say the weather coincided with my thoughts. I beleived I had made peace with some bad aliens from far away that where coming here but the battle of wills continued until 2009. They where more aggressive then people growling and swearing at me in the streets one especially an entity that submits yet denies my authority of self and approached real aggressively twice through two different people.

That’s the summary the old magic is very powerful. The Jews hide it and the Christians use it but don’t know how or the right names for the right prayers. Truthfully there is no Satan it means Adversary there are many Satan’s. Just like there are many messiahs. When everyone becomes anointed life will be good. That is what I mean by Enlightened Anarchy. I am a Chan master that is what gives me control of my mind. I am a Chi Kung master that is what gives me control of my spirit. I am a Kung fu master that is what gives me control of my body. And I am really smart and the bad guys do not like it but there’s nothing the can do but kill me.

I will backtrack a bit here back to the Aliens. Billy Mier is not a cook. The apple thing comes from his video. I was watching and the computer was talking to me. Images are super 3D and sometimes images come on the screen that shouldn’t be there but they appear anyway. Somehow aliens can control these frequencies and use them to there advantage. Before I walked to the center I spent the day in a park looking for the aliens who promised to meet me. I called on them in the name of Yahweh then I went to meet them. I followed signs which lead me to three poplar trees planted exactly like Orion’s belt were I circle walked and told them to leave us alone. To go back to were they came from. I was following the voices who I called Cain and Mother(They are the ones who controlled the audio video and my perception of it in my apartment) which lead me to the ski hill which as I was about to climb the hill a man came out of the trees and stopped half way up and said” I hear a bitch and her pups are walking around here have you seen them?” We stood on the middle of the hill like two Jedi warriors(that’s how it felt fighters will understand). I answered him “ No” I was pretty confused at this point trying to get a hold of the situation. Feeling it out you know. Then we passed each other I went up He went down(I realized then that the bitch reference was toward Mother. it was all about cats and dogs, women and men) I was about to keep walking when he yelled at me” the Law will remain as it is.” I replied “ We’ll see” then he started talking off his jacket and asked me if I wanted to go. I stared at him and said “ Peace “ and turned and walked up the hill. I looked back at him walking down pissed off on the cell phone which was in his hand the whole time. It was one of the strangest encounters and I would like to meet him again. When I reached the top people were there from many cultures no one spoke English but they all knew what was going on and smiled at me or made gestures. Always remaining aloof though. No one would directly talk to me only in my head. I was dealing with two worlds at once. Any way when I got to the top a man on a bike using body language guided me to an old woman who upon seeing me without words gave me an apple. I walked and talked with her but her English was terrible though she was like a grandmother which she was with her grandson which I gave a flower too. When i walked with her foreign birds appeared and there was a pair of doves. Birds are my familiars everything that flies they talk to me in there own way and comfort me they always appear when I need them. That is why I don’t need to have one as a pet. One time a a giant hawk came to visit me while I was in the hospital after my walk. I asked her about the man on the hill and she said something about grandsons not getting along. It was all I could get out of her. It was like the old Jewish woman I met her many times but could never get her to talk straight about these weird encounters. If I talked about nothing she would talk. If I brought up what's going on? she would split. This went on for 2 years. I would leave my house knowing I would meet her.

Anyway I ate the whole apple save one seed which I placed on the memorial for the dead from the holocaust. Then I walked downtown following the signs. But as I was leaving the park the man from the hill drove by me in his car swearing at me. You see I believed I was the reincarnation of David, Bodhidharma and many others. The voices though kept me sane and those ideas went away and I was just “Wise man of the North from out of Tunisia.” that is what my real name means. Names given to me by birth. They kept me to me no special person just me but me in an incredible situation. One person can change the world one person at a time. By sharing experiences others can wonder as well. I spent time at that memorial and prayed hoping that Israel would mourn no more and never witness such an atrocity again, in any form, in any nation, in any culture.
,
To me Israel (Isis Ra and El; Moon Sun God) is the twelve tribes the twelve tribes are the signs of the zodiac. Everyone that breaths is of Israel. We are all born on a second, in a minute, in an hour, in a day, in a week , in a month, in a year. I am from the tribe of Judah I was born in August a Leo. It’s all about the zodiac, the cross in heaven. Horus and Set are concepts and their battle is within us. I would chant in my mind I am 33. In the Zohar Cain is the name Daniel is the form he bears the mark. I was Daniel entering the Lion's Den.

Some how Freemasonry is directly involved too but not the masonry we see a different one that is not seen. Their symbols are everywhere it is old magic I can read them. Symbols are more powerful than writing and with writing graffiti is the most powerful. Not all graffiti is written on a whim some is put in certain places for a reason. Toronto was built by masons their symbols are everywhere. When I walk I can see and feel them they directed me through the walks them and nature and graffiti. Graffiti with a strange langauge that was all over the city always painted in blue. It was all removed within a couple of months. I saw this same writing just appear on my tv inturupting my program that was before I walked to the park. I couldn't even identify the language but I felt it was very old.

In the Square I stood beneath the two pillars capped with an arch. The king and the Priest capped by Shalom. So later it rained and I had a great sign of Yahweh’s power a justification I needed in my soul I needed to release the wrath I held for the situation the world is in. God replied to me” I am with you I feel your wrath give it to me I can take it see my sign it is for you I am” Israel is beyond religion it is beyond government. It is both and it is none and it is broken. It starts in the family but marriage is broken. Children are separated from their fathers who are viewed by law as nothing and are just expected to pay. This is what our children learn. It’s always about what you wish for instead of being happy with what you got. With each generation we get worse because the only true institution is family. Our world is built on sand because family the only true law is broken. It has been usurped by another law from another institution. When the king of the house is castrated and removed from his family and the queen rules through desire. The children become like Nero(weak and wrathful) or meek and submissive. They learn oaths to God mean nothing only the laws of man prevail. When the Church (Family) is corrupt and divided Satan rules the house of God and there is nowhere to hide for the children. We. have an over 50% divorce rate in Canada. Queens can rule but they need a strong man by there side the same for a king. We are all kings and queens, priests and priestesses, wielding power and compassion. We need to find which arch is ours though then we will find the capstone. My arch is the Peace of God my capstone is God’s salvation.I have always been a Nazarite but I became a Nazarite like Samson which means I am a Nazarite but I do what I want no special vows except celibacy which I have practiced for 8 years. All because my house collapsed because of what I am saying and how I think. I made my son a Nazarite at birth but he doesn’t even know or what it means because our religious war over the throne has him thinking because I never get to see or speak to him that I am crazy.

Maybe I am but they don’t know the bible as well as they think they do “Are you not all Gods” really bothers them why did their God say that to them one of the few verses you get where they quote Yeshua. The right hand is the King the left hand is the Priest”Never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing” and via versa. That keeps the peace. Though our world is completely filled with adultery we might just wake up and save our family unit one mate for life. Birds can do it why not us. The question all Christians should be asking is if Jesus was the King who was the Priest? Paul, Peter or James? Paul was schizophrenic or bi polar. Neither one of them had the blood. That leaves James who you hear almost nothing from why? Think about it they went underground and are still underground because the philosopher Paul won over the masses and usurped Peter and James. Peter and Paul did not like each other. They both though had to report to James. Another secret cult? Possibly Their were Muslims, Jews, Christians and people of other faiths the last day at the Square.

One last thing I sat down on a bench that last day and an old man with a cane came and sat beside me and straight out asked me “ What happens after we die?” I was stunned to say the least. I felt I had to tell him what I thought about death at the time. I told him” You just die have a dream and wake up again” “What about heaven?” he asked “ I replied there is no heaven.” “ That’s a hard teaching.” he replied. I said” It’s a hard chair.” I had become the left and the right hand within myself I was the teacher, Rabbi and anywhere I sat was my throne. He looked really sad and said “Goodbye” and walked away.

I felt hurt I had told him what I was supposed to but was it correct? I’ll never know until I die and he‘ll have the answer before me. Everything was riddles and metaphors and symbols. I have summoned rain in the spirit of Elijah and rainbows, I have called to flocks of birds and they come. A three day fast, no food, no sleep, no drugs and no alcohol and at the end it rains so powerfully it flooded the sewer systems in minutes.

It may be a coincidence but what is a coincidence? Pre destination is real I think. I don’t claim to be Jesus or any powerful deity. I asked though with everything I had and was answered. I am just a normal dude living in a not so normal existence. I call myself only what I am a teacher. Some of they best teaching comes from direct transmission mind to mind. Experience is transferred and insight is gained. That is why I decided to write this there is more to mania than what the doctors know of or will admit. To them everything is a delusion. They don’t even want to hear these stories except to scribble on their pad how crazy you are. They tell you it didn’t happen. The religions are scared of you. You prophesise to them and they have no response except to be nervous of you. Everything I say is of the bible It’s in their I found it all there.There’s a lot more too. But these are the roots of the problem and they run deep. I hope no one minds this small tome of thoughts I released so I could be finally free of them. I just hope it may offer insight to any one who needs it.

Everything is magic it offers power to those who can wield it. The religions ignore it and try to hide it. The old magic is the most powerful though that is why the bad guys just taunt and watch. It’s not about symbols and illusions it’s about the Creator and Creation. You see I was baptized in the rain no one would do it before. It’s hard to get baptized I find it hard to swallow but it is true. What would happen upon request in the past is regulated. They can bite me God did it instead. Yahweh is older than the Jews and has been worshiped since very ancient times in many names in many forms. Think about this” asher eyeh asher” I am who I am. This concept is as old as mankind itself. He is said “I am who I am. Those are not names. All the names are descriptions that we make holy. We are strange monkeys. But the one name is very old and no one knows how to say it or what it really says. The name is four ancient letters. The writing of the name must be done in faith. It is the Taw, Ha Shem and should be respected. Our souls know the name that is enough. The Elohim “son’s of El(God)” are real, the Angels but who are they really and who is Baal. I think they are Aliens all of them. I can’t prove it though but that movie about Alien abductions and what was said in Sumerian really hit me. Aliens pretending to be God messing with our minds that is what I experienced I think. With other Aliens and God helping us out from these powers and principalities.

It could be interpreted in a different way though. Mother could be Asherah, Eve and Cain, Satan and Yeshua, Abel and Yahweh, Adam. Who is Shem? I think it could be Eve wanting her place in the scheme of things being respected. One of the boys is pouting, the other is way in and the Father willed it in the first place. What does the third boy think? You see I wrote a letter to Al Gore on the day of his concert 2007/07/07. I was manic but I wrote this letter of prophesy all about this situation. Of lack of acknowledgement of the Queen who is black, the moon the consort and wife of the King who is white. The become each other they become one. Marriage the first covenant. Genesis is the Revelation. It is the whole book. And She might become wrathful. The whore of Babylon, the mother of Satan and Jesus and one other boy plus girls. If they divorce we are doomed. The wrath of the Father will be great. On earth so it is in heaven. We need to work on family. One family. If the army of darkness is huge and all encompassing step to the light then you will see if the family makes this step it will seem as if darkness was never there because the darkness is within us. As is the light. Why do we fear the dark? It comforts us and gives us wisdom. It teaches us of light how to respect it and honor it. It nurtures us and guides us. Eve was the first to say the holy name. She is all of our mothers mother. Your mother, my mother she is the earth giving life and taking it. The holy Spirit of Yahweh and her family is broken. We fix our Families and we'll see what happens. If not your mother put you in this world she can take you out. The law is backwards women run the households and men serve them. men are born to serve. That is our nature. Every warrior needs a master. Otherwise you are Ronin. Serve your wife but she should rule wisely. Always thinking of the children first. But the husband is ultimately in charge. For without his protection where would the wife be. Changing Kings should be dules to the death even lowly kings. Because they are your wards your children even they come before the Queen. And Queens are Queens what can you say they have desires but they must learn discipline as well and practice it.

Do you see now what my battle in the heavens was really about. I was reasoning as a son of my Parents to fix things. She is adultary it's in her very nature. She possesses woman and men for her task. She cleansed me. The only break in my celibacy it was the morning before the walk to the park. She is weird to say the least but we had better become used to her because she is everywhere and nowhere. Yahweh is silent for the most part Asherah is open as Hell pun intended. He my God allows this to happen knowing my Mother and respecting his wishes by doing so. Why all of the fear? She can be an abusive drunk but just rub her back she calms down. A Taoist wheel spinning in the sky, a budhist wheel in the center the cross is alredy there. A wheel in a wheel. I wish I could write to you all in symbols on the computer. I wish I could write some of the ones I see and remember. I have pads that are all about symbols and ancient Phoenician, the languages of power. Forget Latin or Greek . Hebrew is a complex conceptual language. Everything is coded. Numerals and letters combine. They hold alot of secrets, not all just some it would be that way on purpose. That's why Hitler tried to kill them. It wasn't politics it was a spiritual thing it was armageddon. It already happened people. World war two. It happened in world war one too. How many armagedons do we need to wake up? We have to make peace. I tried with all my soul and now I write.

I believe everyone that experiences such a thing though experience it in their own way. Within their own reality and their own beliefs. That is what is wild. Who is God? who cares it is plenty to know God exists and takes many forms and names. Working with each person individually using their individual reality. Even Atheists. This is why I like to shift through philosophies because they are all very similar at their core just different words. But what to think of Aliens(Angels and Demons) I don’t know they answer to God too so must be treated as God’s children just as we are. We are good and bad too. In time there will be a Starchild “ who will bring the sons to their fathers and the fathers to the sons” maybe then we will really understand what is going on.

This is my story and I am sticking with it.


Peace



The still small voice whispers
Be still and know that I am God
I knew you in the womb
I know your death, I know you now
I know you in eternity

The prophet is confused
At the sensations he’s feeling
His whole spine tingling
The fear from his loss of control
While taken in by the spirit

His perception changes
When he reaches euphoria
A oneness with his self
A oneness with everything
A whirlwind transfiguration

Then he can see clearly
Like a gong or clanging cymbal
Realization
Comes back to him within moments
That this is God talking to him




My thoughts are many
Condensed to a few
My senses explode
To make the world new
I’m an extremist
Revolutionary
The pen is my sword
I am anarchy
Revelation
Dangerous words

[quilliard]

Peace

The still small voice whispers
Be still and know that I am God
I knew you in the womb
I know your death, I know you now
I know you in eternity

The prophet is confused
At the sensations he’s feeling
His whole spine tingling
The fear from his loss of control
While taken in by the spirit

His perception changes
When he reaches euphoria
A oneness with his self
A oneness with everything
A whirlwind transfiguration

Then he can see clearly
Like a gong or clanging cymbal
Realization
Comes back to him within moments
That this is God talking to him

My thoughts are many
Condensed to a few
My senses explode
To make the world new
I’m an extremist
Revolutionary
The pen is my sword
I am anarchy
Revelation
Dangerous words

Hello Friend,

It is nice to read what you wrote. I have been experiencing this for a while also and I mean experiencing exactly what you wrote. People walking up to me saying things that are only meant for me, questions, questions, they have so many questions.

I would like to say one thing I think you will understand. I can "see" and I can "hear".

I would like to talk to you about what you have experienced and I would like to tell you what I have. I do know that one of the problems with what I am saying is that it may seem I have more information than I have. Here is a poem I wrote I hope you like it.

I am he
The one you seek
From above
I bring God's love
Together
We are One.

Please PM me.

[passerbye999]

I am sorry to pikez and quilliard I tryed PMing but the service says you are both blocked and I couldn't do it but I was able to answer a PM to me I think.

" I can see the lightening flashing in your eyes and hear the thunder roaring in your heart, I wish it would rain."
Is how that poem originally came to me in a dream one night after having sent a Famous Zen Master an e-mail. The words came clear as a cymbal and woke me up I wasn't even manic. I didn't need to receive an email back it was a trip. I emailed it back to him expecting no response. The poem itself I beleived was a response to the poems I sent him.

Quilliard I am very intrigued about what you have to say and the meaning of your poem. I know what you mean by seeing and hearing( do you think it will rain?) and will add everything spoken, every word is the Spirit of wisdom and truth " for there is only one spirit of God" even if it is meant to confuse or lead one astray. Everything is a Test. Job is the oldest book in the bible.
It is where Satan appears as a son of God and what the book is all about.

The more I write the more my thoughts become clear about the last decade. I feel like trying to make my message understood easily without metephor. Everything I say is more political that religious. We need good politics more than we need good religion(laugh). Faith is personal but social needs are the most pressing in ones life. I cry for reform not revelution. Old laws are no longer valid ,judges wield to much power and government is a joke. Corporations pay for everything and have the real power. We follow business men as corporate stock. That is your religion. The Religion as they wish it. They even pay off the religious institutions because they are usually members. Where do you go when the own the land and the seas? Religions are corporations as well they have to be to exist.


Yesterday I was editing the last post trying to make it more clear and less poetic. I was playing random tracks on my computer and the music was encouraging me to write. I even came to tears when I first told about the war in heaven and earth. The truth of it. Aliens and the Elohim and El and Elat what a trip. Annunaki would be another name I suppose maybe for the Aliens.

I never meant to disturb people about the concept of Satan and the Mother Godess. Women might take offence but it is symbolic of the history and nature of both men and women. Religion has cast us in a place where our sensual desires are a sin yet the laws allow you to move from partner to partner. It is what you where born for though. Our deepest desire is to rut. We are losing the pure magic and replacing it with a confused magic that is neither here nor there in it's potency. Normally it just ruins lives because it is empty. It is how we are controlled because there is no balance. This is why marriage is so important and their should be a course before the commitment. The old vows are sacred but very few any more follow them. It is not easy it takes discipline not fluffy feelings. We have to learn the difference between lust and love remembereing the sanctity of oaths.

We used to duel and die for our oaths , our words or our beliefs. What has happened? We all have become sheep. Stepping down toward confrontation. Humbly letting the world ruin you. Humility has strength though, punch me once if you can and I may forgive you, twice and a lesson in humility will begin. That should be happening towards the courts. so we may have government again. The government serves us not us serving the government. It is the foundations on which it was written that they trod on and defile the Idea that is America. Not just the U.S. Canada and Mexico too.

My direct ancesters helped found both the U.S. from the 1730's and the formation of Canada in the 1880's. I speak as an American a true American by blood and birth rights. In the U.S. My great grandfather was the General of the Ist New York Militia in the French Indian wars and served as a General in the revelutionary war. His son was a General in the same war. My ancesters fought in the civil war and world war I, world war II for both countries. The laws they helped form based on Justice, Freedom and Equality are now creating chaos yet all we see is order in our homes. Walk out and meet some homeless people you'll see , they could in an instant be you and no one will care. They treat our wounded military the same way. It is a discrace.

When your money runs out or you run out you have no more worth to the system. Everyone claws and it destroys marriages and thus families. Our desires are always for what could be and we fail to see what is. How can everyone be in debt it is only a concept Paper or Gold. It's all an illusion the greatest one ever performed, an illusion that became a reality. Insurance, Lawers, Accountents, Bankers are all magicians they deal in the illusion and profit from it. Do they though really? When it's all smoke and mirrors. Sometimes they fall faster than others. In this illusion teachers have a small role and parents can't pick up the slack. The whole illusion though is powered by sex. We are dreaming of orgies and bathing in jewels, Hail Bacchus!

This is what my ancesters fought for. The Industrial Military Complex I don't think so we've always been farmers when not warriors until the recent generation now everyone is in the rat race. I find it funny railing on a British web site but you caused it all coming here in the first place for King and Country . But alas as Canadian soldiers we fought for your King to and I am 1/4 English from the Leeds area(Hope I spelt that right). So I guess I am yelling at three governments the most, the three who should be peacekeepers not enforcers. Look to your own doorsteps first then save the world. Royalty can bite me though, Royalty and the Pope. I hope sensitive ears do hear this. Secret societies your power does not scare me. It didn't when I gave you my heart to shoot in the square either. They know who I am because I signed and addressed the letter to Al Gore. So you people should be enjoying my pokes on this very popular world wide website. I came out of the closet. Boo! Globalwarming what a sham. The Earth cycles we know nothing really of the past and the future is completely unknown. He acts like a prophet
out to educate and save the world some of his ideas are valid though go green. But the real issues he didn't address everyone is scared so I don't blame him. If I had the power lowly me to speak and be heard I would say "it is time for change"( Obama Ref). I would make the people the government and everyone answers to them. That way Posts are treated as such. This would weed out the vultures.

But what politition in their mind would say woh now lets stop a minute and look at what's going on lets fix it. It starts in your family and then we will work on community then nationally then globaly. And sorry we have to reconfigure our monatary system globally. You will not vote for him. He's nuts. We want the guy with the sex scandels instead. The biggest Bull in the pen. Sorry for the Alberta slang but we have a saying that fits politics as we know it. " Two Bulls in a pen measuring peckers" Two parties but all one with carefully groomed Bulls competing for nothing instead of working out issues. There were more parties in the past now there is only a few. Now only a few Bulls romp the yard. One party goverment mabye so much time is wasted in the switching of regimes. Maybe thats what they want? Everyone is a party unto themselves though so how will it work? Public forum?No one votes though so it wouldn't matter even trying. So I will divert back to sex the issue of power and submissivness.

Everything is about sex the oldest most powerful magic it can create life forget Yeshua raising the dead. Sex creates it is the Big Bang. Only sex creates life, the power of life and death then rests in the mothers hands. The world is full of abortion. women become the Goddess they play with life at their whim and men exploit it. Are we animals that eat our babies that is what it is. Living like animals no attachments no cares everything is a percentage. According to the Greeks Philosophers of old we are Barbarians. That is what we have become hiding in so called civilized society. If we were meant to be monkeys we still would be though I shouldn't say that our ape cousins are more civilized than we are in many ways.

Maybe we are the Gods and what we do affects other dimensions and beings. We are ignorant like the Greek and Roman Gods acting like mortals giving and taking at our whim. But the book of revelations says it straight out. I was incarcerated for the Name. Four times in the hospital locked up and rationed food and drink. She sent me there. I always wondered why I like trees so much they are Asherah Poles.

The book of revelations says many will be incarcered in my name and locked up for up to ten days or more. The hospitals are filling up. This new age we are entering is pretty interesting already I can't wait to see what will happen in my lifetime. Already from the 70's until now the world has exploded in technology and people. What is going to happen in the next 40 years?

Evil only exists in the hand of the wielder. A sword is only a sword unless it is picked up and used to kill. In practice it becomes part of you an extension of your being. It elevetes your understanding by commanding discipline and honor. Yet with the wrong intention it is evil incarnate in any ones hands.

So magic and Asherah go hand in hand. Yahwehs though is pure consciousness stronger than any magic for He created magic. The spirit and the consciosness it is as simple as that. Consciousness is everything it is the creater and creation. The spirit is the manifestation of consciousness
the vehicle of life moving things ever forward in space and time. Yet to the consciousness there is no time. Ask a bi polar person what day it is or the date most of them will have no idea and have to check. You can sense the cycle of the day morning, noon and evening and guess approximate answers but the day or date forget about it. That also scares people who need strict order in their lives.

I think of the Wandering Jew and how many have met him. It would be cool to hear from some of them but I'm asking to reveal secrets on the web. I keep writing like this because no one seems to mind which is cool. This forum is a great vent for these issues and is excellent for hearing from others. I'll hang as long as I'm still tolerated. If I am not a prophet where does all this stuff come from?

Peace


1)

Into the Unknown

The Eagle Feather
And a True Human Being
Monarch Butterflies
Amidst a Field of Lilies
Life is a Depression
Manias are Spirit Walks
Journeys into the Unknown

2)

Redemption

She stares at the man
A hollow gaze of wonder
Mixed with disbelief
Emits from her sapphire eyes
Tingles penetrate her spine

She has one yearning
To reach out and touch his robe
Maybe with one touch
A miracle may occur
Like the woman and Jesus

A tale from the past
Womanly desire sensing
Grasping for mercy
Reaching for Fatherly grace
Searching for her redemption

By washing her shame
Hiding her lost innocence
That some would call sin
The evil of the lustful
Though only for a woman

Passion is desire
Her base desire is passion
So why does she guilt
For filling her loneliness
In the way that God had planned

The man in the robe
Deals with these feelings also
Easing lonely nights
Thinking about love as well
And he also feels guilty

3)

Staring at Shadows

Light is the emanation of spirit
The ever changing yet never ending
Sentient energy of creation
Cloaked in light the spirit moves through the dark
Hovering over the turbulent sea
Ordering chaos so life can exist
A growing fetus in the womb of space
Life is sustained by the Mother herself
Just as she is nourished by the Father
Who alone holds infinite potential
Whose great explosion created chaos
That moment was the beginning of time
The time of first light when substance was born
Time can only be recorded by light

Light allows us to see giving guidance
Through it we can watch creation unfold
Learning the different cycles around us
Heavenly, Earthly and Human kinds
Observing them through all of lights spectrums
Formed in chaos creation is random
Yet it follows a natural order
Sustaining itself and still creating
Creation and creator are one
Living within and without each other
Our senses connect us to the Spirits
For We have the Holy Spirit ourselves
We see Spirits as either Light or Dark
But then we’re only looking at Shadows

4)

The Day The Sky Stood Still ( I wrote this on the day of sept 11/01 and have witnesses it was automatic writing it is how I write the good poems it is awesome.)


Today is the first
Day that I can remember
That the birds alone
Reign in an empty blue sky
Not having to share the air

There is a strange peace
Like the calm before the storm
It appeared to be
Just any other morning
Now today the sky stands still

North America
Just barely awakening
From the comfort of
It’s dreams was unaware of
The nightmare it would wake to

Terror was to call
For death came raining down from
Above in a blast
Of zeal that claimed blood as it’s
Toll, the blood of innocents

The first at the scene
Within minutes the machine
Is rolling alike
The fires whose growing flames fan
Our fear and uncertainty

Grief and injustice
Shock and outrage and then
Revenge and justice
Different cuts of the same sword
For who is to avenge who?

For what did come first
Revenge or terror? Let him
Who is without sin
Cast the first stone of judgement
The victims demand justice!

When terror is life
One can only know terror
Where did the terror
Originally come from? Where?
Who actually declared war first?

War is the body
That encompasses terror
With arms of fear and
With legs of uncertainty
Its battleground is the heart

The heart if allowed
Can easily influence
The calm state of mind
And when passion rules reason
The scavengers will live well

All of those who mourn
Are victims of the terror
Of this terrible
Evil that lies within each
One of us; escalation

With victory death
Because for someone to win
Someone has to lose
Applauding the victorious
Chastising the defeated

To the craftiest
May they receive all honours
To the mightiest
Our gratitude for freedom
To the wealthiest, power

Madness or brilliance
It matters not to the dead
The living are left
Alone to pick back up the
Pieces of their shattered lives

Something divided
Cannot stand, hmmm? Classes,
Races, religions,
Nations, federations, and
Alliances all divide

Separation or
Alienation cannot
Put back together
What once was a united
Whole like a jigsaw puzzle

Where division is
There will be ever chaos
Only in union
Is a whole brought together
Only in union control

And this too shall pass
Tomorrow’s another day
When the fires go out
We begin to live again
Never to forget the pain

Never to forget
That all of humanity
Are victims of this
Base act called terrorism
An act sustained by power

But the question is
Unto what end shall it grow?
It’s the illusion
Formed from within divisions
And as long as it exists

Humanity is bound
To continue the cycle
We are all children
Of the earth and together
We just may smash it apart

5)

A Crown of Thorns

Sweet is the freedom we’ve inherited
From the choices of our ancestors lives
Since the first man choice has been ours
To find our destiny in times of war
Molding our nations in the name of peace
Civilization demands expansion
And in the end there can be only one
It would be folly to think it were ours
I would say yes this is a time of change
That the world may herald a new world order
But will this be the mystery we seek
From order to chaos is a thin line
All in one is very complicated
People will not surrender their nations

Though like cattle surrendering their minds
Spooked in a frenzy, they stampede around
Mauling everything that stands in their way
World peace is to complicated for us
We’re monkey’s just barely out of the trees
Still poking at each other with sticks
And throwing stones over territory
My nation, your nation, what is nation?
It’s about people coming together
A mixing and blending of nations
It is happening all over the world
It’s been going on since the beginning
A constant that has not worked for us yet
Our bodies have changed while our minds stay fixed

We fear so we chase after fear itself
Have we done well declaring war on fear?
Whole armies chasing solitary men
It is the war that brings them together
As they come together our soldiers bleed
Our children die away on foreign sands
And in powers the fugitive list grows
Can the prisons hold all of fears suspects
With their confessions given by torture
It’s a slippery slope to genocide
When one culture absorbs another one
Every choice is based on ones beliefs
Why should one supercede any other?

[godgoo]

Unfortunately im on dial-up so cant get the vids. But the blogspot looks interesting.

In my experience pychosis and schizophrenia are awakening. Possibly bi-polar too. I seriously doubt the existance of any "real" mental illness, which to me, is just the ancient mystic experience, the basis of religion and mythology.

It's a good post +1

[quilliard]

passerbye999 thank you for the reply.

I understand what you are writing. You need not explain to much to me as I understand. You are a beautiful poet. I am a writer as well.

You do not have to hide behind your words. I know that what you say is important as "things" seem to happen if you word them wrong, already happened to me. I too have been hospitalized and I have met many like me there. We are waking up and it s scaring the "crap" out of them as some of us are fairing better then others. The reason I was locked up was because God replied to me on many different occasions. YES GOD REPLIED. So I went to a church to talk about it and they locked me up, what a bunch of hippocrits.

As for the sex "magic" oh man I know. I have been getting "violated" for about two months "In the spirit world", they love me. It has been very strange.

As for the Gods thing, I believe there is One God. Period. There are many that would like to believe different as there where many that believed they where Satan. I know in my heart they are not. They are Gods, as we are Gods, as all are a part of God therefore all are God, but not separately.

Look I am going to spell it out. I have no idea of how to handle this. I have done what I can to try to let someone know but people literally run from me when I tell them.

I have been told that I am "Christ" by more than one person and I have had God reply to me on more than one occasion. There I wrote it. Let's see if I get kicked out of this forum too.

I have had people tell me that I am allowed to "Burn the earth" if I want to. I have had people tell me that I should go out to the people and preach from the streets. I have had people tell me that I am the messiah. This is been like a very bad joke.

Alright that is all I can talk about right now. I will talk to you later. Have a great one.

No offence meant for anyone, I hope you all have a beautiful day.

[passerbye999]

The spirit sex is interesting I know, there all vixens. You give me tingles but I have to discern them. What do you think of the King and Priest Idea? Have you met the Wandering Jew? Yahweh is the name of my God, Asherah is the Holy Spirit (Ruach hakodesh). They are not seperate but one." The Seal of Solomon"? Has the Ram's horn been blown? The Menora lit? Who is Cain? Did the Temple Curtain Split in two? Is the law now simple? What is your Hebrew name? Mine is Daniel it was given to me in a dream before I knew the levels the name meant. But I am just a man it was a dream after all.

I am sorry for all these questions the things you say to me do come in levels that I feel. You have a powerful spirit but discerning the spirits is necessary. I would never laugh or belittle your response because I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I was told I was a messiah too but there would be two. But messiah means many things. Mainly annointed one so you could be a prophet being schooled. Let me know what you think of what I asked I am looking for no specific response I just want to hear your answers. Please. Preaching is interesting lets hear what you have to say. I always swore to myself I would never deal with a situation like this like the priests and monks and doctors I have met they know nothing. I would really like to hear what you have to say. I will not judge you. Especially if you are who you are being told you are ,you never can tell.

I was told the other would need to be taught, the Teacher being taught is quite funny. I have been crying in my soul for my brother in spirit. No apocaliptic stuff just trying to find the other half of me. So I can finally find out what's going on. I am not the messiah I know that and to tell you I'm glad it's not me but I would serve him, he will be a man. If nothing else this is entertaining. I'm enjoying myself. Old manic memories of swearing to be his General. Rev 19 11-14 stick in my mind weird thoughts.


One last thing it is important. Have you met the Dark Man yet? If not you will if you are who you say you are you may have already and didn't even know it it happens sometimes he's a slippery Devil. Take my advice he is very powerful. Take heed on your words and control your thoughts and do not show fear. Remember peace is the answer. He can come in many forms many at once and knows the game better than we do. I have been dealing with him for years off and on. Pay him no bother and he will go away because he is "imputant" I chose that word on purpose. Don't beleive in Satan call on him or whoever pretends to be him. You will become a beleiver fast. He has legions. Know your enemy and make him your ally, it is the best way. But stick to your faith its all you have. Watch out for the "Burn the Earth People" they are taunting you you need to discern the spirits and stop the spirit sex dance instead trust me, dance for God and they will go away. Even the going out to preach there is a time. God talks to me all the time where do you think the poems come from and my writing. The still small voice is always with me it is my trusted guide, it and my conscience. The two together you can't go wrong. Do you get tingles when you meet spirits or the truth is told? What I am asking is can you feel your chi and consciousness? So you can discern the spirits. Its all about discernment. So take care of yourself and stay safe messiah or not. "Only time will tell". That is what God tells me right now. You know people it could be anyone. He has to come on the clouds. (could be by the internet or tv. or such medium).

Here is a different form of poem. This is the prophesy code as I know it can you break it? I prophesized this in a church when they challenged me who was my God? I said" The God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob" They laughed at me. I was saying my thing when they did that. God was pissed these names spurted out of my mouth faster than you can say Jack the Bear with force it was weird these dudes were kneeling before me in spiritual pain. It was a Philipino Christian Church. I remember the one guy pleading from the ground " All we need is Brother Eli". Then I walked out went home and wrote down the names in the order I said them then did some research they are the prophecy in the Name. for a while I was The Jesus of Bathurst street(The Jewish section). I talked to Orthodox Rabbi's too. They think the same way let's wait and see. Christians were useless. Exept one Good Pastor who simply wished me good luck. Right now is my time to write and it took me many years. Nothing happens overnight. I don't expect to change the world I just want to talk and teach because it is who I am. One person at a time, One thought at a time. I am a sinner so I could not be Christ but I can follow his ways.

El Shaddai / Yahweh Rapha
El Olam / Yahweh Nissi
El Gibbor / Yahweh Shalom




The Servant

So heavy a burden,
He carried up that lonely hill
So humble a servant,
To carry out his fathers will

For a while he walked among us
A tender shoot that knew not sin
A man of sorrows and suffering
Despised and rejected by men

And though oppressed and afflicted
He never did utter a sound
As a lamb is led to slaughter
So unto our curse he was bound

Offering his back to those who beat him
His cheeks to those who pulled his beard
Never did he draw from his course
Though as a man he must have feared

As a king he knew his duty
As a servant he knew his place
When they mocked and spat towards him
He did not bow nor hide his face

So he went out to Golgotha
Which lay outside the Genneth gate
Passing through the jeers and taunting
To humbly succumb to his fate

He was pierced for our transgressions
For our curse was hung from a tree
The price of our peace was upon him
His intercession would set us free

Silent he hung for six hours
Until with his final breath
He cried to God “ it is finished”
Then poured out his life unto death

And the sky was clothed in darkness
For sackcloth had become its gown
The temple curtain tore asunder
The barrier had been torn down

[quilliard]

I have some questions too, but not many. When did this start for you? This has been going on all my life to a certian degree. When I was a young boy they first came to me. "What will we do now?" they said, I screamed in my head "SHUT UP!" and they all did until about 4 years ago. When I was a child I use to wake up in the night and feel like I was being raped in my sleep, now they come to me when I am awake.

It is hard to write this as it is very emotional for me. Please know I am writing as I know the truth. We all say it in different ways but the meaning is always the same.

I would like to say I never really studied religion except in college that gave me an over veiw of what was going on with all major religions. My experiences are hard to put with what you have written as I am not sure of the names you write. I am fimiliar with some of them but not all.

As for the law. I have written what I beleive to be a good compromise to what I have been forced to write. http://dumpminer.sharedcanvas.com/commonsense.php (I am the author of Dump Miner) Now when I started it I thought it was pretty self explainitory but I always caught someone trying to jump through a loop hole. I am pretty sure what I wrote was the message. What it turned out to be is very close to what I wrote originally and I know it is OK. Now when I wrote them I was told they where suggestions not LAWS as God will only make suggestions, if we follow them it is up to us.

For my name, I am. Some call me Trinity, that is supposedly my Super Hero name (Whatever). I have in me the ability to be all. As for Satan, don't worry about that guy, he has been blamed for just doing his job. I know him very well also. He is my body guard so to speak. Seriously he may blow flames but he REALLY hates it when God's laws are broken. For I am. What this means is I am able to understand when "God" speaks to me.

As for the Messiah, and this is not Jesus (A lot of people like to confuse the two) If there where 6 billion Messiahs I would be happy as this would be over. As for being two. Hey if you want the job you can have it. I never really wanted this. I would happily concede I have no problem with that unless you have me go against the rules I live by.

I agree with you about the "religious scholars" they all have shut me out before even listening. The closet I ever got was one preist in Phoenix listened to me and then told me to keep doing what I am doing. When I went in he was crying. I got the feeling he was being forced to not help me.

That is funny about being "his" general as I am the General of the Army of Modern Lovers. That is what I call it. For I am, he the one that leads, I do not lead sheep as they are slaughtered! I lead lovers of love and dreamers of a new world that brings peace. That is some of the stuff I write for the stories.

I have seen more than one apocolyse in my vision. And I agree with you, how many do we need.

And yes I met the "stupid" dark man. I have met many. The one that announced himself with "Are you ready to meet us?" came to me holding a cat, he wore a suit. I got the vibe he was going for a James Bond villian. I have seen Shadow People, which are only people that know how t project as they look at their shadow and that is what you see. I have seen "Mr. Big Hands", I have seen Simon, they are the ones that stick out the most. Simon is pain in the ass. Mr. Big Hands can project but only shows you his hands. And I have seen countless faces. There is an old hippie women that comes to me, she is a witch with no power. I have had many come to me. I have even had a few scared "kittens" come to my door after what seemed to be many miles of travel. There was this one girl that came to my door and she just stood and stared at me. I didn't know what to do. I am pretty sure she just wanted a hug.

And As for the Dark Man being powerful, sorry not as powerful as I. For I am, and I can command all to dance at my will. I have never been beaten and can not. I do get a lot of "Will you join us?" I know it is a trick becuase they want to stay secret and I do not hide.

As for Satan agian, at the beginning I said there was no Satan, but so many came to me with "Say my name! Say my name!" and so on that I just decided that what the hey I WILL BE SATAN. And so I am when needed. God stands besides me on the right and Satan on my left. Satan loves God and will do anything for God. Satan has no minions as Satan just wants God's rules to be obeyed. Satan really hates people that pretend they are worshipping Satan as God. Satan is easily pissed off, but God considers him a better body gaurd than anyone else. No nonsence. You can't beat him and he never attacks first. So if Satan comes to you, you can hit them with "Ohhhh you are going to be in trouble for saying that."

Now the ones that have been coming to me wanted me in the past so desperatly to say they where "God" and "Satan" but I never gave that to them as they are not. They are just a bunch of souls that are lost.

Watch out for the "Burn the Earth People" These people are idiots. I have met them. What do they think is going to happen? I am going to float into the sky and rapture them and then we will all laugh as GOD'S house is burned to the ground. I don't think so.

I am hyper aware aware of my feeling. I often dream of going somewhere so I could learn to control what I am doing. Sometimes things just happen when I am pissed.

He has to come on the clouds. So let me tell you a story, this is true. When I first "attacked" my life was a mess, I was constantly being reminded of my life and what was wrong with the world, I had recently finished Dump Miner. I was in my backyard and I saw a hawk flying in the distance, I was told hawks where good luck, I looked at it and said "Dear God, if everything is going to be alright let that hawk land on my fence." AND THE HAWK FLEW OVER AND LANDED ON MY FENCE and sat there as I cried.

Later things in my life got worse. Why would God lie to me so I looked out of my balcony and said "Dear God, if everything is going to be alright let the wind blow." and a storm blew and a warning came on the television that warned of winds up in the 60 mile per hour range from Tucson to San Diego.

I have a couple of more stories like that. God keeps saying everything is going to be OK, but it is not. I have not been tested by God, people made God a liar.

"I am a sinner so I could not be Christ but I can follow his ways." Jesus was a sinner, he was a man. Do not confuse Christ with Jesus, Christ is just a title. I don't like it becuase it reminds me of a murder. But do know that Jesus may not have commited large sins like murder or pedophlia, he was a man. One of the reasons I think some of us where picked was just because we are so average and can relate to everyone. If I or you where perfect and never lied, not even a "Oh no your hair is fine honey." No one would be able to lead.

As for the poem I am going with the crusifixion.

Well sorry for the long post. You know I really wish someone had the balls to actually come and talk to me for real. This "You have to pay someone 250.00 and hour to put you on pills" stuff is crap.

Here is a poem for you.

Time slips through our hands
As waiting for a reply
Never to understand the question
That is, Why?
For who are we to ask
When the answer has been told
For no winds of change will blow
When we are living in days of old

We need to look at the now, and use the past as a guide, we need to grow.

Here is a prediction for you. I call it "Shock the Karma" by dec. 21st 2012 a majority will be awake/evolved and there will be no more reason for these questions. The reason I choose the date is everyone already picked it so I figured go with one that everyone knows. There is going to be a Karma Shock that will restore peace on the earth for 9 days. From there it is up to us.

Well thank you again my Sage, I look forward to speaking to you again.

So what do you think we should do about this? I have a feeling their are so many like us that are in hospitals. I have some ideas but they always take money and that is something I have not. I too had everything ripped from me. And it wasn't like Job, it was like a bunch of morons thinking that reenacting the bible would bring a different result than the first time. Why don't people use that like a history book?

One more question? Did you ever get the feeling you where being "groomed" for the role you where to play in life? I get that a lot, like "You have to quit smoking cigarettes as it is a bad for children to see you do it." or "You need to be more of a servant." or whatever else they think is good. Problem was I always did the things they wanted me to do before this started. I swear a little too much is my issue. I think it is funny though. Did you ever get that. I also feel that it seems like there was a contest to "Find Christ!" and now they have painted themselves in a corner as "Christ is pissed."

As for this being fun. I do not think it is. I understand where you are coming from, but the bad has outweighed the good by far. For the past several years I have prayed that God just take me or that someone has the balls to walk up to me and just shot me, they have tried to get me to kill myself many times, but I can't I have a deal with God. I will leave when my work is done, but I have no idea what my job is. AHHHHHHH!

P.S. It is a beautiful day today. I hope the waves of good fortune smile down on us all and cover us with a love for self and what is around.

[margaretr]

A celebrity who is bipolar, and even made a TV documentary about his experience of it, is Stephen Fry.

Only this week he has ridiculed the crop circle phenomenon on TV.
That doesn't signify any enlightenment in my eyes.

[christ4life]

Yes you can't possibly be normal to know these things.

[kblood]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYBijRVbeHM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miYFNm4sGy8&feature=related

http://bipolar-or-wakingup.blogspot.com/

Very good videos here. I have had many of these experiences, nice to hear that it seems rather common these days.

[quilliard]

Very good videos here. I have had many of these experiences, nice to hear that it seems rather common these days.

This guy hits the nail on the head. The weird thing for me as well as Passerbye999 has mentioned is that people have walked up to us and planted the suggestion of what we where or what we should be doing.

I do believe that after many years of study psychiatrist have decided that there is to much money in this and look for any reason to addict the "Case number" to drugs as for they do not want a cure, they want control. Manageability is the goal with drug and psychiatrists, here is a direct quote for a drug company "Do you want a healthy patient or a manageable one?" That was in relation to people getting diabetes because of what was being prescribed.

Now I am at a loss to what to say as it seems this guy has faired pretty well. In my case I was fighting most of the time with my "inner demons" and the fight was mostly me saying to them "What are you talking about? That is stupid? There is no hell? Oh get real." and the problem I had and am having is that the questions are relentless.

For me the reason I thought something was wrong was, first I had people that knew what was going on directing me. I am very mad about that. Second, I had watched my brother go through the exact same thing. And I mean exact. It was like someone was working from a play book. "Alright hit him with the Christ thing first, now let's go to aliens, now to hidden money..." and so on.

The worst part for me was nobody believed me or so they said, even my mother speaks in the royal "we" from time to time. "We where not sure what you meant." "Ah mom, it is just us, who is we?" I really hate that it is so annoying.

So what to do? I do believe that we are coming to a psychic awakening of a spiritual level that will put psychiatrists out of work as we will understand that compassion and talking to the person and letting them know they are not alone is the best healing. I believe that more people that are not retarded by drugs will increase the chance of us understanding.

[kblood]

I was put on medication as well, and no one was believing me either. I was lucky to get to a place where I could get support and help, especially help with getting off the medication again. I was lucky I got to a place where they used healing, meditation and massages, as therapy.

My family still does not believe me, but I do not care about that. At least they now think of me as cured. They will probably never understand what I went through.

[quilliard]

I was put on medication as well, and no one was believing me either. I was lucky to get to a place where I could get support and help, especially help with getting off the medication again. I was lucky I got to a place where they used healing, meditation and massages, as therapy.

My family still does not believe me, but I do not care about that. At least they now think of me as cured. They will probably never understand what I went through.

Well I believe you and there are many that understand.

Where did you go? I am really having a hard time with getting people to listen to me about what works for me. They always want to put me on something that "Will cause suicide." just "to see what happens". I am at a loss on what to do as a life in a mental institution because I have an understanding is unacceptable.

[passerbye999]

Quilliard the mind is very complex and everything from it has to be interpreted and discerned. It takes time be patient and you will find your personal destiny for real. I experienced the same thoughts. They will make sense in time. In the hospital I have seen Jews,Muslims and Aethiests all think they were the Christ. It is a strange phenomenum. That's what sobered me up. There can be only one. Yet one may mean many. I do not deny your experience coming down is part of the process so you can contemplate it though.

Meds I think are a necessity but the right ones in the right dosages. While you are up though this won't happen they will hammer you with them to bring you down. Coming down is not bad it is good. Who wants to be freaky all of the time. People will only listen to you if you are balanced. Floating around in the spirit is cool but life happens in the body.Remember there is no such thing as normal everyones crazy in their own way. It is better to have unique ideas than follow the herd blindly. I like what your ideas are and the names where a question. I am sorry but I wrote you tests I didn't mean to it just came out. Doubting Thomas you know. I would have wanted to poke the wound too. Blind faith is a scary concept. But you have been kind to me and I appreciate it. I am not a sage but that was kind. I actually posted my ideas so they could be judged. The site has been kind too I expected to be hammered.

We are both trying to make sense of memories and messages. That have no tangible form. It is an illness because depression is no joke and manias aren't either but is it something else also. Something unexplainable that allows you to understand. Is that Enlightenment? Is that a Spiritual Awakening? I don't think so I think people with these illness are more sensitive in the first place. From early on probably birth. The original awakening happened probably at a young age then went dormant and resurfaces at a later date because the thoughts are there long before the mania. The spiritual aspect is seperate but it directly relates to the conscious experience. I think management of stress is a key issue. You would still be spiritual without the illness though the illness does affect your spiritual views. The two are seperate yet intermingle with each other. Stress triggers manias, it causes depression. Are we manic when we automatic write or say things that are not our words but are correct or create art and discover the patterns all around us.

Like math -1 + 1 = 1 + 0. That is the base of my philosophy. I think it's a soul thing Enlightenment the desire comes from there. Manias are a crying out for redemption and justification. The awakening must have already occured to interface with the mania before hand. I beleive they are two seperate things you need the one to survive the other. Enlightenment isn't a fuzzy feeling, it comes after the fuzzy feelings once you become a servant to it you are already enlightened. It's hard to stay enlightened though it is a moment to moment thing it demands attention and awareness. Discernment becomes your religion. It is a discipline not an instantanious here I am. Manias though are exactly the opposite they are all spiritual. Enlightenment is not nescessarily spiritual. Manias take one to a whole new dimension that is what it is. A spirit walk. They are definately awakenings. But enlightenment I'm not to sure. Yet again what defines Enlightenment it means so many things to so many people. All I know is we need to learn more.

The illness is the vessels thorn. Because if we are awakened pills or not the same stuff will happen. I take mine regularily and still experience what I say I do. One pill I take took all the voices away exept the still small voice,my conscience and my self. It is called Zeldox it was my miracle cure. I still see and interact with the magic but I am balanced. I take Epival as well. I talk to my shrink about it. Talking to God and stuff and she says" You are very poetic". I see her once a month. I even told her about these postings she's reading them too. All I want to do is help people with these illnesses go through the process in the long run. You have to be crazy to help the crazy and the crazy learn to help themselves and help others. At least help the mentally ill have a better forum.

There are different types of bi polar and mental illness. Most bi polars cut themselves or commit suicide or try to. Schitzophrenics are always in lah lah land or freaking out singing rap songs or playing music or preaching. Depressives wander with a cloud over them making them seem transparent. Those with anxiety are like little mice always scurrying around nervously. Sometimes it would become complete chaos it was great exept when the anger and rage came out sometimes people don't like to be locked up. They would be compliant if they had personal rights. They are stripped from you at the door along with all of your possessions.

In the hospital this was my experience and then there was me. Just hanging watching it all go down and joining in on the rap, music preaching sessions. I also did alot of chi kung some joined me even the nurses. I have only met one bi polar person like me. The last time I was in the hospital in 2009. This type Type A I call them are the Richard Bransons, Van Goghs, Longfellows as well as the Hitlers, Ceasars, and Napoleons. "Every rose has a thorn" not all are red roses though.

" Touched by Fire" is a good book to read. It should be given to bi polars in the hospital so they can make sense of their experience by understanding many famous world figures suffered from it as well.

My last post I will explain the code. El Shaddai is the name Abraham used. (God Almighty) what the names mean in order and content I am going to put in poem form sort of. The answer to the question of who was my God was in English.

God almighty
Everlasting God
God of Strength and Might
I am your Healer
I am your Banner
I am your Peace
I am the one and only true God.

A reference to the Everlasting Prince of Peace.

I have said all I have to say anyway I told my story and what its roots were and what it meant to me. I am going to read now and listen for awhile. Exept one last thing it is funny also that people beleive the Christ will come flying on the clouds with fire shooting out his arse, and lightening flying out his eyes. So be well brother. He has to be 30 when he comes out and will be able to announce himself with words and signs. Only he knows who he is and it is not me. I am just a voice crying out in the wilderness make straight the way for the path of the Lord. Maranatha!


Peace and Underatanding

1)
May I Sleep Tonight?

I didn’t take my meds
It wasn’t a mistake
I’m pissed off at the world
All it does is take

I flew high in the sky
Soaring I spread my wings
The earth far below me
I let my spirit sing

Flying into madness
Relief from constant pain
Fleeing from the sadness
A life of gloom and rain

Screaming to be happy
While striving for self control
Wanting to be crazy
No anguish in my soul

And then I came back down
Spiraling all the way
Once again all alone
With no more time for play

This is what happens
I walk into the light
Forgive me all my sins
May I sleep tonight?

2)

Moment to moment
I persist or I falter
Success and failure
Both garner the same results
When my minds gone beyond them

3)

Armageddon

It’s happened already Armageddon
How many genocides need to happen
To not wish for a final to appear
We chase after shadows pondering death
Wondering when and how it will appear
All the signs that lead to it’s happening
Unfold daily within our normal lives
Each of us in one moment take a step
Walking forward to our destination
The glory that is our redemption
The heavenly throne that we prayed for
A wooden casket in a six foot hole
Or burned down to pitiful ashes
Put in a vase to be stored or scattered

4)

Enlightenment

The seed of my soul is languid
Twilight, lurid in the stark growing night
Quiescence of mind, the illuminating silence
Brings forth not all revelations of truth.
Only YHVH’s everlasting love and forgiveness,
Can wash away life’s doubt and despair.
So I lift my hands to my Lord and am enlightened.

[quilliard]

I wish you wouldn't leave. I really like you. As for your "tests". I take it I didn't pass. That is cool. I have been tested and tested and I always end up me.

I find myself thinking maybe you where just another "trick" but I have faith in everyone I meet that maybe they will understand and have the strength to stand together and say enough.

As for the Christ thing. What I believe is that we all have the capability to be the Christ. I am just aware of my surroundings. I have witnessed and called for with witnesses many things. God as replied to me. I do hear that Christ coming from the clouds with fire crap all the time, but I can't figure out where it came from. Why would Christ come down floating on a cloud breathing fire? It makes no sense.

I have had a lot that tried to convince me that it was my job to point out Christ for them.

I am really tired of this game though as that is what it is, a game with no winner. A joke with no punchline.

As for the drugs NO THANK YOU. They don't work. What they do is create a society of controlled zombies that can't function because they are "sick" when in reality they are just more in tune with the world.

Now as for people that think they are Christ, I have not met one except me, that is what kind of freaks me out. I have met several people that think they are "souls" from past lives here to witness. I do know what I experienced and it was real as others witnessed it also.

I wish I was not the only one with enough "balls" not to hide. If there is a Christ out there WHERE ARE YOU! I am taking a lot of heat because of what is going on. In the past when I close my eyes I have had the worst of the worst come to me for "Judgement" and I have done my best to quite them.

So seriously what am I supposed to do? I have to say that this really does suck and no I do not think my personal destiny will open up to me. I think the world made something that was very special to me a lie.

Just for fun I will let Satan and God talk through me.

Satan: I HATE PEOPLE. All are all a bunch of lying hippocratics and heritics that look for anyone to blame for the problems you have created and then you want the person you hurt to "forgive you" well isn't that just convenient for you. I have taken your GAMES and am just waiting as what you forget about me is I do not "buy" souls you come to me. I want to retire. Ahhhhhh!

Quilliard: Alright there big guy settle down. This is a strange mess the world has got themselves into.

Satan: They ask for a Christ and then every time one comes to them they KILL the poor kid. Why where they ever created! Idiots! Morons! Cretins! And another thing why is it someones job to remember every name for God? None of you know God's name as God has all names!

God: Boy he is pissed.

Quilliard: Hey God so let me ask you a question, if you don't mind.

God: Shoot.

Quilliard: So what is the meaning of life.

God: I wanted to experience touch, emotions, love. That was all. And I could not do it as I AM, but I could through you.

Satan: Alright that is enough questions. This interview is over.

Well I hope you enjoyed my little "show" as for a month countless people walked up to me and said "Hey all the world is a stage, right?" Good day all and have a good life.

Shock the Karma

P.S. I feel like this board has been infected with "Burners"

[passerbye999]

How do you know he said he wanted to retire? He told me that himself. Tell me about the "witnesses." I wish we could PM. It would save people from having to listen to me babble so much.

The names are important especially if you want to deal with the three major Powers Judiasm, Christianity and Islam You have to learn their takes on things and Names andTtheology are very important to them. Peace between them peace is peace in the world. Who is ready to sit between the leaders on the West Bank and solve their issues. The messiah will need miracles and they will be tested. So Satan was wrong there. Spiritual words are all nice and everything but were talking about thousands of rifles all pointing at each other. Everyone is practicing discernment. They all know that Isaac and Ishmael were Brothers but like to practice war instead of festivals. They should stop fighting and hug but prophecy blocks the way. Doors open and doors shut. This one needs to be unlocked.

I didn't say you didn't pass the test it was more probing for spritual imformation than anything else. Your ideas are the same especially your dialogue it speaks truth. What you are saying is valid. Just only time will tell with these truths and how they are recieved I say good luck. There are no simple answers. I talk sometimes too much. Maybe you do not talk enough. The confusion will go away over time and yes there are many lies more lies than truths. Don't let them get you down.

You know if you really feel the need to preach do it. There are a lot of charlatons out there making bundles of money so why not you, you know what I mean anyone can try. I am not saying you are a charlatan but if they can do it so can you. You'd have to do it from almost nothing but go for it. You may even get a following. Who knows what may happen? But you have to take the step. Non Denomination Churches are popping up everywhere. But Satan is right the world swallows prophets it always has. So be careful.

I am not going anywhere I just want to read what is said for a while. I have hogged enough space and all that writing was tiring. I'll talk if talked to otherwise I just want to listen. I spoke politics and religion together. Then seperated them still using them together and may have freaked people out. So I'll wait until the dust settles and see what happens. I really can't see it as being a problem on such a controversial website though but you never can tell. I hit all of the subjects at one time. I'm a poet sometimes I can't help myself, I share my soul what can I say. I beleive in God and a Socially Democratic Welfare System of Goverment does that make me Unenlightened? I dare say it makes me exactly the opposite. I want to hear what is said though so I'm still hanging.

I still believe there are infinite realities but they share the same experience.

Peace

P.s. I could offer a meditation exersize and a breathing exersize that are simple and help mental illness if anyone is interested. It would take awhile to write out but if someone is interested I will. If your taking no meds it is especially important to meditate and stretch.

[quilliard]

How do you know he said he wanted to retire? He told me that himself.

Then we are connected. I am he. I told you Satan is my body guard as many wanted to try to "Kidnap" God for their on thing. It is me. I am. Why would I not be able to speak to you all, seen and unseen, that are aware. What has been determined is "Hell" doesn't work. And why would God purposely set a fire in God that burns eternal with hate. No one likes it. God wants, and I hesitate to say this but here goes, Gods children to go on their own with out a "babysitter". Now the reason that you know that is because we are connected. No joke. AND THERE WILL BE NO NEW JAILER.

Tell me about the "witnesses." I wish we could PM. It would save people from having to listen to me babble so much.

When I was in the hospital I had no access to internet or anything else. The church I went to for "help" committed me, I was so mad about it I "put and order in" for a lightening strike on the person that called. Three days later I saw a news paper and on the front page a man from the church I went to was struck dead by lightening.

My friend was sitting in front of a computer and had a random fractal program running with his computer and I said watch this, placed my fingers on the screen and dragged the light to the other side and then when I let go the fractal went on its way again. I will it to happen.

When I was in Scottsdale I met a man that was homeless and following me around, he told me that we where "orphans" and he could read my thoughts, it was wild I would think of the most random thing I could and he would say it. I called for a lightening strike then too, I wanted lightening to strike G.W. Bush, instead a child named Washington was struck on Bush street.

When I was in Sacramento I gave a piece of paper with a time and date of an earthquake on it and there was an earth quake, a huge one, but the latitude was off, the time was dead on and the longitude was dead on but not the lat.

Now it seems the more I live with this knowledge the better I get at hitting the target. Whatever the case it was too close.

Now if someone wants a world "Miracle" they are going to have to wait until Dec. 12th - Dec. 21st 2012 This is when the "Karma Shock" will happen. You need time to create a real Miracle. And I know it is going to happen. I know it will for me. The reason the date has been chosen is because it is one that is stuck in everyones head already. It is easier to use that.

The names are important especially if you want to deal with the three major Powers Judiasm, Christianity and Islam You have to learn their takes on things and Names andTtheology are very important to them. Peace between them peace is peace in the world. Who is ready to sit between the leaders on the West Bank and solve their issues. The messiah will need miracles and they will be tested. So Satan was wrong there. Spiritual words are all nice and everything but were talking about thousands of rifles all pointing at each other. Everyone is practicing discernment. They all know that Isaac and Ishmael were Brothers but like to practice war instead of festivals. They should stop fighting and hug but prophecy blocks the way. Doors open and doors shut. This one needs to be unlocked.

The major religions are so full of themselves that they actually think they know Gods name. God has all names, known and unknown. We call God different things but we will never know Gods "true" name as God has all names.

And I agree with you, the wars are just moronic. It comes from lack of learning and understanding. I can do nothing about that. They have to have faith that putting their guns down is the answer.

As for prophecy, that was written by people like us about a time in the future and they put it in the best words they could. It is the meaning not the exact wording.

And there is a simple answer. Stop.

You know if you really feel the need to preach do it. There are a lot of charlatons out there making bundles of money so why not you, you know what I mean anyone can try. I am not saying you are a charlatan but if they can do it so can you. You'd have to do it from almost nothing but go for it. You may even get a following. Who knows what may happen? But you have to take the step. Non Denomination Churches are popping up everywhere. But Satan is right the world swallows prophets it always has. So be careful.

I am not going to start a "church" I am not here to do that. There are enough places of worship. I mean that would suck, it would be like "God is love. Give me a dollar." I don't think so. I am not here to preach, just let people know that God is home, but their are so many with preconceived notions of what they think will happen. There are some that believe that people are "Reptilian" come on. Their are some that believe that we are being controlled by "Aliens" come on, if there where aliens that where so powerful and evil why would they just take over? We couldn't fight them. They could just take what they wanted and force the world to their knees, or maybe they would come with cures for diseases that would help and be welcomed into the "family" they would not hide. They would not have to.

I still believe there are infinite realities but they share the same experience.

Question? I have been shown these "infinite realities" through vision and the thing that always gets me is they never show my face. They show others, but not mine. Why wouldn't I look in a mirror? Why would I be shown through their eyes, why would they be so similar as not having the "Funding" to create a real set. Why would the chairs be the same in each reality. Why would I see from the left side of the shoulder on what was supposedly myself but not from dead center. The others heads that where in that reality where centered.

I have to stop writing I am getting pissed off.

P.s. I could offer a meditation exersize and a breathing exersize that are simple and help mental illness if anyone is interested. It would take awhile to write out but if someone is interested I will. If your taking no meds it is especially important to meditate and stretch.

Do not hesitate to do this. There is a meditation section. I am sure all techniques are welcome. For me when I do this a world of "Freak show" opens up and it just creates more problems. I was better off when my only problem was a bad mortgage.

[passerbye999]

As for the Theology it is not fair but it comes from the established books. Man made collections and they cause a lot of problems. Look what happened to Jesus.

It is hard for anyone nowadays to even consider change after the developments of the last century with the advent of communism and the world wars inluding the cold war. Antyhing that even hints of socialism is shunned.

Add in Religion and it's historical wars and you have a nervous planet. Maybye the world consciousness is manic depressive and some just channel this more than others.

We will need a mass mania so we may understand. I am used to dealing with so called psychosis in my self and others. I have no problem with it. even exploring the ideas and probing for them in my own way. Only through messages from others can you confirm messages from yourself.

As for preaching I didn't mean fluffy words, you teach your teaching I do to my students and anyone who asks. Everyone I tell this weird stuff to who knows me knows the research I put in to my thoughts so they can transform into ideas. Everyone wants me to write a book. I don't know if I want to add another one to my shelves. They are already full with the classics. My favotites are The NIV Bible, The Tao Te Ching, Chuan Tzu, The Heart Sutra, The Diamond Sutra, The Lankavatara Sutra, The teachings of the Sixth Patriarch of Chan, The Gospel of Thomas and The Gospel of the Holy Twelve, and my anthology of Western Philosophy. I love Aristotle and Pythogoras.

Miracles happen but we have to define their meaning if they are signs what do they point to? Even 2012 could end up just being another Y2K. A wake up call to fix mistakes before it happens and then nothing happens and the world moves on. If nothing else we get to live through the planetary alignment.

Do you think manias are enlightenment Quilliard and how do you define enlightenment? I am just curious no tests any more. I think I will be a prophet to anounce the messiah, God's poet. You think you are the messiah. This is religious talk but it is what bi polar mania is all about.

I believe when we all stand together that is the messiah. Many annointed ones but there will be teachers who guide others to self realization. One great teacher though the Bohdisvatta of Love, The Everlasting Prince Of Peace will come though. He need not be Jesus or Buddha or a riencarnation of them. Jesus wasn't Elijah he just came in the spirit of Elijah.

It is the spirit of Elijah (Buddha) we are looking for, in one and all. I have experienced very similar things to you. Thoughts and words are very powerful especially when you are in the spirit. Control the anger and frustration and view it as a game that no one wins and it becomes quite funny. "The whole world is a stage and we are all simply players." Life is an Epic poem and the spirit is Magic. We are the Bards who sing along.

Everthing just needs to be inturpreted like a dream because that is what life is conscious and unconscious dreams. When Psychology, Religion and Politics mix it is a "Strange Brew" that once boiling overflows the pot. What's left needs to be sipped in measures.

"This is the just of the forum, if you are content within yourself you are Enlightened. Manias affect that contentment one way or another. Spiritual Awakenings are Manias for better or worse. Some Awakenings are dark just as some are of the light. Some are in between but all are religious or political.
How it affects the contentment depends on the individual and their crisis."

At one time I thought I was the Messiah too for short while. You see it is confusing. When God talks through you you think it's you talking and when God talks to you it is you talking but God is still talking through you. So it is always God talking and not you. Once you understand that the messiah complex will go away. Just remember this when God called " Samuel" Samuels reply was " Here I am." Do me a favour quilliard go online and get a translation of the oldest copy of Isaiah it will be the Essene text. Read it and let me know what you think.

This is what confuses the readers as well because they think you are claiming to be something you can't be and your words make the claims but they are not your words. You're just a vessel one way or another. So am I, so is everyone. As for Satan his Job is to Test and Serve and he is powerful.

You ever see a possesion I have. I have talked to him many times in many forms. The wind blowing at you strongly as you go to the exorsism site and blowing at you strongly as you leave. (opposite directions think about it). The person growling at you and making vulgar noises. Screaming at you to go away and leave them alone that you were Satan. As you circle walk and pray around them. In the end they thanked me and told me they were healed. Stay away from ouiji boards they can possess you and black magic. Since I was a teenager I helped people get away from those kinds of things. I have always since a child dealt with the spirits that is why I chose my path in life the way I did.

You are your body guard in those encounters it is just them and you and God. My one friend who is dead now was a satanist for awhile and had made a pact and Rasputin was his demon. That was a weird night with the wind and all. We got rid of the demon but fate still had plans for my friend in the end. I met him later in a dream were I went from hell to pugatory(been there twice)to heaven weird dream like a condensed Dante's Inferno. I don't believe in these places because it was a dream but the conscious adventure through the subconscious was cool.

I always lucid dream always have and I remember them all. I will enter a dream and know if I have been there before because dreams repeat it is a weird thing but they do. I boot around conscious in a make beleive world and know it because I can change the dreams at will. Some dreams though like the Inferno are real you can feel things and stuff it is strange and you are stuck to the course. Dreams come in levels of consciousness. And some dreams are like an out of body experience but still in your body. One time I sat up and it freaked me out so much I tried to wake myself up but it took three tries. I woke up to the same scene three times in a row. There was a presence in those dreams always behind me that was creepy. You are wide awake yet asleep and can't move your body. But I moved out of my body and it scared me alot. No heaven no hell just as my consciousness experienced things during the day awake. (I have had two of those). A dream death is a dream. "Eyes wide shut"

Shalom

More automatic writing poem from the past. God likes Tankas and Chan.

1)
Whichever way I look,
I turn and view it’s opposite.
Everything is viewed
through the mirror of my mind.
All that I see is backwards.

The myriad forms
grow infinitely smaller.
Scattered segments of
a mirror shattered into
a million fallen pieces.

Blowing on a wind,
formed by the breath of the word,
cast into eternity
by the mind and will of God.
A million falling pieces.

The myriad forms
grow infinitely smaller.
I look into them,
deep into each one, and in
them I only see myself.

I have always been.
I live now and I will die.
I will continue
on into eternity,
because I am eternal.

I have always been.
Long before I lived, I was.
And after I die,
I will continue to be,
because I am eternal.

I have always been.
I am the aleph and
I am the tau.
Being in the beginning,
I will be there in the end.

2)

Lone Flute Mountain Mist

I

With pen in hand I gaze out across the desk.
Out, past the window, to the view beyond.
Countless falling snowflakes lazily lift
upon a gentle wind. They float adrift,
randomly shifting courses. Seeming to
step one way then suddenly hop onto quite
another path, toward their ultimate destination.

Observing their journey to cessation
I’m inspired, but my mind is as empty
as the paper that lies here before me.
Until, shattering my contemplations,
a voice with no words wells up from inside.
From the depths of the ocean of silence
a song bursts forth, breaking my reticence.


II

Born in the silence,
a voice sounds out from the void.
The sage’s pleasure.
Words shattering the stillness
from silence a song is born.

From non-being to
being, it is a light cast
into the abyss
of ignorance, making what’s
obscure become clarified,

what’s shadowy clear.
Rhyming the ancient masters,
who sang common songs
which they played with beautiful
resonating melodies


III

Concealed in mist a lone flute
serenades drifting clouds that
billow overhead with a melody
that whispers mystical notes
whose resonance permeate
space transcending time with
their suchness. A song of
solitude reminiscent of
fragrant blossoms born
on the breath of a spring breeze;
glacier streams that cascade
down from evergreen
crested mountain ranges;
tepid rainfalls brushing across
the landscape caressing the dust
with moist tear shape droplets;
mountain caverns dank and musty
that covered with moss and lichens
swallow fresh air and daylight;
pines and grasses chanting
the sounds of eternity
from beneath a star strewn sky;
the melody of the lone flute
echoes out from the mountain mist
resounding the song of heaven and earth
in resonating tones that shake
the foundations of reality

[marina2012]

On Pain

Kahlil Gibran


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.


Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

[quilliard]

As for the Theology it is not fair but it comes from the established books. Man made collections and they cause a lot of problems. Look what happened to Jesus.

I believe that will not happen again for when he enters the exits will open and the world will sing in rejoice of a new understanding. Sorry if I am writing this way but for some reason I think you understand it better.

It is hard for anyone nowadays to even consider change after the developments of the last century with the advent of communism and the world wars inluding the cold war. Antyhing that even hints of socialism is shunned.

We must learn from what worked and apply the good and through out the bad. Socialism does work but not alone, we need to use all the good stuff even from the things that we seem to hate like Communism and Capitalism, all the ism's seem to have something that benefit all.

We will need a mass mania so we may understand. I am used to dealing with so called psychosis in my self and others. I have no problem with it. even exploring the ideas and probing for them in my own way. Only through messages from others can you confirm messages from yourself.

Agreed, this issue that arises is that many don't want to share for they are afraid that they will be put into "bondage" by the Psychiatrists and Lawyers of the world. It is time to compare notes and see what is similar then we will be able to understand better the question of "Why?" maybe enough to relax our guard.

As for preaching I didn't mean fluffy words, you teach your teaching I do to my students and anyone who asks. Everyone I tell this weird stuff to who knows me knows the research I put in to my thoughts so they can transform into ideas. Everyone wants me to write a book. I don't know if I want to add another one to the shelves.

DO IT! You can self-publish at Lulu.com for free. Collect all your poems and put together a book. It is cool, you can even get an ISBN # for free. (And God Speaks) Don't be a wuss Daniel. Do it! I would love to see that! It makes you happy. :D

Miracles happen but we have to define their meaning if they are signs what do they point to? Even 2012 could end up just being another Y2K. A wake up call to fix mistakes before it happens and then nothing happens and the world moves on. If nothing else we get to live through the planetary alignment.

Science time: Due to the planetary alignment the gravitational pull will be in a flux and cause the energy around us to relax and we will feel the effects. This is what I call a Karma Shock. As the effect of the pull around us changing will make people release Endorphins. It will happen. Now the other reason I say this is because Shock the Karma can be looked at like a big Hypno-Magic trick as well, for if people hear of this, the closer to the date the more they will think of it, and having 9 days of feeling like you are pure love is much better than looking to the sky for an imaginary planet to strike us. I know I am going to feel great. I bet you do too.

Do you think manias are enlightenment Quilliard and how do you define enlightenment? I am just curious no tests any more. I think I will be a prophet to anounce the messiah, God's poet. You think you are the messiah. This is religious talk but it is what bi polar mania is all about.

In my opinion Bi Polar mania is caused by not getting enough sleep, in the early days it was someone that was Happy then Mad in a very short time (Based from research I did in college for a term paper). Then they added so much other things to it. They use it as a catch all for a lot of things.

I think when someone is being enlightened they can be classified as manic and one of the reasons is, in my opinion, for years they are told about this "Great Entity" then when they start to understand they are rejected by the very people that taught them. That would drive anyone to freak out. What a horrible thing to do to someone. First tell them that all is true, then when they experience something to say "you are sick". BIZARRE!

I believe when we all stand together that is the messiah. Many annointed ones but there will be teachers who guide others to self realization. One great teacher though the Bohdisvatta of Love, The Everlasting Prince Of Peace. He need not be Jesus or Buddha or a riencarnation of them. Jesus wasn't Elijah he just came in the spirit of Elijah.

It is the spirit of Elijah (Buddha) we are looking for, in one and all. I have experienced very similar things to you. Thoughts and words are very powerful especially when you are in the spirit. Control the anger and frustration and view it as a game that no one wins and it becomes quite funny. "The whole world is a stage and we are simply players." Life is an Epic poem and the spirit is Magic. We are the Bards who sing along.

You know I have seen several "memories" from others. There have been many but I will give you the highlights.

I witnessed from my eyes, myself fall to my left knee with a cross on my right shoulder.
I witnessed from my eyes, a man carrying a cross fall and stood as I could do nothing.
I witnessed from my eyes, myself as a content fat man just sitting.
I witnessed from my eyes, myself as a cow going to slaughter.
I witnessed from my eyes, myself as a bird flying over the sea.

And many have come to me. I have met them all. Good and Bad.

First what I have experienced was not funny. There where entertaining parts, but when you weigh the good and the bad, it was BAD. I have had too many come to me and say "The whole world is a stage and we are simply players." to which I say, "Well where in the script did it say people had to starve to death in the street."

I agree with you about all standing together to is the "true" messiah. Here are some quotes from Common Sense Ideals (PS Where I came up with the original common sense ideals is from the Koran, (What made sense to the world today), the ten commandments, and what I thought I was to write. I had a lot of editors on this.)

"You are a part of God as so are others, but you are not
anothers God and they are not yours."

"Together all things are all God."

"Do not make one person or thing your god."


At one time I thought I was the Messiah too for short while. You see it is confusing. When God talks through you you think it's you talking and when God talks to you it is you talking but God is still talking through you. So it is always God talking and not you. Once you understand that the messiah complex will go away. Just remember this when God called " Samuel" Samuels reply was " Here I am." Do me a favour quilliard go online and get a translation of the oldest copy of Isaiah it will be the Essene text. Read it and let me know what you think.

I know what you mean, when this started people kept saying "But you are Jesus" and I would say "So you think this body is over 2000 years old, I held up pretty good. Hey everyone I am zombie Jesus, souls arrg I must eat your souls."

I read some of the Isaiah stuff. It is giving me mixed messages as I feel I lived some of it over the past couple of years. I will read it fully. Thank you for the suggestion, but what do you say to a group of people that have not learned, show no remorse, and are begging for their lives?


This is what confuses the readers as well because they think you are claiming to be something you can't be and your words make the claims but they are not your words. You're just a vessel one way or another. So am I, so is everyone. As for Satan his Job is to Test and Serve and he is powerful.

This is all I can say, when this started, the full attack, I was just a writer that worked as a webmaster, then the questions began, the never ending questions and I answered them all, then they asked again and again to see if my opinion had changed. Ahhhhh! But that has stopped "The joy ride is over" so to speak.

As for the Holy Grail thing, I figured that out already a while ago.

What I like to say instead of the Christ thing is I am just a messenger, that is all. But I was told the title of Christ carries more weight and people pay attention to that, so I conceded and stared to us it. What the hey.

As for Satan, he likes me. I know what happened but I am not going to ever say that I am not Satan. For I AM. That is my revenge. Hee hee hee.

Now a question for you or anyone else reading this.

So say you where in my spot, what would you do? Say that you know there is no money for doing this. Really, you get no reward with the exception that you get to deliver Gods word, no one is going to sleep with you anymore because you can't shut up about what happened. And your life has been ripped away from you and all you are left with is a bunch of bad memories of religious people trying to get you to remember what Moses had for lunch of the 22nd day of his 35th year of life. I got fish, I think it was fish. But that is besides the point. AHHHHH! See. What do you do?

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

[passerbye999]

That's a really cool poem.
wow quilliard, I need to think over some responses give me the day, I will respond.

[passerbye999]

You can't go back you can only go forward. Besides you have come so far. I have been everydody from satan to merlin in my manias Jesus included. The Merlin phase was the best that's where the birds came in to my story. I was "Merlin the Red Winged Blackbird" a North American bird. A black bird with a red dot on their wings. Practicing earth magic " The old magic".

It is after the mania , after the come down that you can anayze what the minds trying to tell you in it's unique way, your way. God uses this vehicle the mind. You want to talk about wheels within wheels. That is what I did. Contemplation and research. You have to validate your ideas to get noticed.

For example I am more worried about the dark planet and how it aligns more than the alignment itself. There is a planet, planet x if you will that is unseen yet we can see and feel it's gravitational pull. It is a Dark Matter planet or gaseous, milky, vapor. Even if it is small very small it could have a gravity stronger than Jupiters. It eminates a soft blue light. I saw it on the computer when aliens took over it to show me they push me to explore the ideas they have given me. But I can't. Don't have a degree in anything.


I was led to this theory in my last mania it all started here. I was Sir Issac Newton in the modern age. Anyway this is real and never before released stuff. I first found proof that 0 is a natural number. I will show you this proof I can't find a similar one anywhere exept in my mind. This ones about patterns check it out. I will only go to ten.


N= Natural number P = Prime number

1)N0 P1 P2 P3 N1 P4 N2 P5 N3 N4 N5 ...x!
2)0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...x!
3)N0 (N0+P1) (N0+P2) (N0+P3) (N1+P3) (N1+P4) (N2+P4) (N2+P5) (N3+P5) (N4+P5) (N5+P5) ...x!

You have to view it in columns to get what I'm saying I just wrote it out and saw it one day. If you find this anywhere let me know.

Anyway it led me to -1+1=1+0. Broken down it is 0=1. E=m if the speed of light is considered a constant of 1 as most people do today. so two halfs together make a whole (-1+1) and two wholes make a whole (0+1) and therefore the two are equal 0=1. The half a whole and the whole. This is where it gets trippy. 0=energy 1=mass. there is infinite energy within in infinite mass. But infinity is - & + as well.

Or I could say -1+0=1+0 therefore -1 =1. If -1 = 0 which apparently everything does then both equations become 0. It would be 0+0=0+0 because both 1 and - 1 equal zero. I can add a 0 any place it is a decimal, it is a place holder, it propels the scale backwards and forwards up and down in levels or dimensions. It is the capstone that gives 1 wonder for in truth 1<0 but because of 0's nature and natural order they become equal.


0000000000-30000000000
0000000000-20000000000
0000000000-10000000000
0000000000000000000000
0000000000010000000000
0000000000020000000000
0000000000030000000000

This is a picture of space, add decimal points like God and you can travel through time. Notice though that time at first seems linear because there are only 7 lines and we read it linereally. Here I have added the time lines. We have here now a picture of 7 dimensions. You can see vertically some of the time lines are still(no decimal place) and the rest have motion so time and space are together now. We have already placed our 7 decimals moving vertically time is warped and you have to travel diagonally in a wave pattern or frequency pattern. Time Travel and Inter dimensional travel require finding the correct frequencies to find the destination then following the wormhole there. Even if the numbers change in random patterns the outcome will be the same. But if we add decimals in the vertical lines we disrurb the horizontal lines and there will be glitches in time. Maybe that's how we encounter other consciousness's through glitches in Dimensional time. We have to view things in sets snapshots of reality to get a grasp of the picture.

000000.00-300000000
000000000-20000.000
0000.0000-100000000
000000000000.000000
00000000010000000.0
00.0000002000000000
000000000.300000000



Now if E=m then -E must equal -m therefore e=m=(-e)=(-m). If we want to find out how much of one is the other we find it is all Dark energy and mass. For example (E/-E=m/-m)=(-E)=(-m). multiply or divide with a negative you always get a negative. So the possibility of a dark matter projectile or many traveling through space with dark energy propelling it is a huge possibility. Einsteins theory of relativity allowed for such a situation. The less dense the dark mass in this case the greater the pull. I called it a gaseous milky vapour because it wouldn't be matter as we know it it would exist as all three states in ethereal form. Eminating strange heat and light. I have just said my message using basic math. Again darkness and light.

Our existencs is like an hourglass and we drift in the sands of time. Evertything comes back to the Taoist wheel and the Hourglass. A black whole is an hourglass. If anything we are slowly moving into the darkness eventually riding the wake of the singularity like surfers trying not to fall in. That is our only sure demise.

But it is not it is like a birth and all birth have birth pains. I have been through life and death in my last mania and rebirth. I went from a spirit into a fetus, growing in the womb then was violently pushed out the birth canal into a new world and was awakened into a reality of new awareness. It was like a seizure that I had alone in my apartment. It lasted for hours. It was interesting to say the least.

As for 2012 I think something is going to happen but nothing apocyliptic. Just like Y2K and any other day. People are waking up in the masses already but we will see. I hope we get some cosmic vibes that's for sure but we'll see. You know the age of Aquarius and all of us entering a new Age at the same time as the alignment. Moses's time was the Bull, Yeshua's was the Fish we'll see what the Waterbrearer brings. The only thing that worries me is the alignment of the mystery planet I think it is out of order and won't line up causing problems.

I got kind of abstract there but I wanted to show these ideas and let people see how a mania provided them but it took work to define them. I love physics I try to work on interdimensional math using the theory of natural order as well as random cluster theory. Root theory and an advancement on the Taylor/ Raphson method which Newton's Equations and Derivitives or his Calculus were I think derived from. The tangent of a slope of an angle is approximatted by guessing I have already took the guessing out I am trying to redefine the equation I have found sets that are key to solving the puzzle but How to define the Algorithm is to hard for me at this time I have been waiting for some intuition for help.

Peace


1)

Wisdom forgive me

Wisdom forgive me I forsake not the Pater noster
And yet I kneel before the loins of you my seductress
Oh ancient Babylon with your mighty towers you fell
Though not as in the flood of Gilgamesh, silver and gold
Your gardens have grown over and your kings they live no more
Time has washed away their residue, polished the chalice
Of the sun and moon, not the twelve and seventy two
Where are your prophets now? Do we stand alone or with you?
Will the twins bring forth the water bearer for baptism?
For a volcanic eruption deep into the abyss
Red hot lava seeping from the earth into ice water
Steam forming submerged, tiny bubbles form in the champagne
So now I drink deeply of the nectar of your passion
Inwardly praising my God for angels in sheep’s clothing

2)

To the Sons of Abraham


Web like tentacles
Molecules swarm in the void
Earth, fire, water, wind
All fiery elementals
Vortices of spectral light
Sickling reapers
Harvesting the golden corpse
The marked not alone
Quake under Medusa’s gown
Even the strong feel Pathos
Primordial eve
Eros dons her ruby crown
While Sophia weeps
Tearful on the holy dawn
Where Phobos forms creation
A glimmer in time
Eternally creation
Causal vibrations
Being formed in the atom
Atomic reactions
Cosmic orgasms
Fertilizing particles
Quantum families
Forming and then migrating
Traveling forward in space

After the great flood
A deluge of DNA
Strands of life and time
Intermixed in the hourglass
Connected by lunar strings
Life formed two by two
Here Noah saw the rainbow
Subtract the numbers
Times, time and half a time
Till all that is left is half
That half is being
A time life revolution
The continuum
Without time life continues
Without life there is no time
As we walk forward
To our event horizon
Will we be sucked in?
Into the innermost deep
Or will we be eternal
Clinging to the rim
Shooting the wake of space time
Avoiding the sheols
Are we drawn to destiny?
Or have we the freedom of will

Alike the forest worms
Can we tunnel our own holes?
Immune to the sky
Burrowing throughout the night
Within one form two sexes
What are light and dark?
The concept of day and night
But like reflections
Encompassing each other
Sensing each others being
As two become one
They reach out to perfection
Pine needles on snow
Roots go deep, trunk grows upward
Straight to the hovering clouds
Dust returns to the earth
Misty mornings, foggy nights
Teardrops of the sun
Fall onto a salty earth
Lament bitter tears of joy
Rainbows come and go
The serpent of Gilgamesh
The tides rise and fall
Campfire tales told in passing
To the sons of Abraham

The spirit is death
A round cut will not change that
The body is life
Water can only cleanse it
Fire renders it to ashes
Abrasions leave scars
Not of woad but blood tattoos
Each holds memories
Of sacrificial alters
Where ruddy red ran the stones
Crimson on clover
All that creepeth drink deeply
Feed on abortions
Boiling the kids in your milk
Then gnawing their boiled gnarled bones
Oh thank God for choice
From an apple on a tree
Wisdom come to Eve
She ate the fruit of conscience
And then shared it with first man
Life is sweet for them
In the garden from the east
An apple a day
Roasted venison, baked bread
They make homemade beer and wine

[quilliard]

You can't go back you can only go forward. Besides you have come so far. I have been everydody from satan to merlin in my manias Jesus included. The Merlin phase was the best that's where the birds came in to my story. I was "Merlin the Red Winged Blackbird" a North American bird. A black bird with a red dot on their wings. Practicing earth magic " The old magic".

It is after the mania , after the come down that you can anayze what the minds trying to tell you in it's unique way, your way. God uses this vehicle the mind. You want to talk about wheels within wheels. That is what I did. Contemplation and research. You have to validate your ideas to get noticed.

For example I am more worried about the dark planet and how it aligns more than the alignment itself. There is a planet, planet x if you will that is unseen yet we can see and feel it's gravitational pull. It is a Dark Matter planet or gaseous, milky, vapor. Even if it is small very small it could have a gravity stronger than Jupiters. It eminates a soft blue light. I saw it on the computer when aliens took over it to show me they push me to explore the ideas they have given me. But I can't. Don't have a degree in anything.


I was led to this theory in my last mania it all started here. I was Sir Issac Newton in the modern age. Anyway this is real and never before released stuff. I first found proof that 0 is a natural number. I will show you this proof I can't find a similar one anywhere exept in my mind. This ones about patterns check it out. I will only go to ten.


N= Natural number P = Prime number

1)N0 P1 P2 P3 N1 P4 N2 P5 N3 N4 N5 ...x!
2)0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...x!
3)N0 (N0+P1) (N0+P2) (N0+P3) (N1+P3) (N1+P4) (N2+P4) (N2+P5) (N3+P5) (N4+P5) (N5+P5) ...x!

You have to view it in columns to get what I'm saying I just wrote it out and saw it one day. If you find this anywhere let me know. Anyway it led me to -1+1=1+0. Broken down it is 0=1. E=m if the speed of light is considered a constant of 1 as most people do today. so two halfs together make a whole (-1+1) and two wholes make a whole (0+1) and therefore the two are equal 0=1. This is where it gets trippy. 0=energy 1=mass. there is infinite energy within in infinite mass. But infinity is - & + as well.

Now if E=m then -E must equal -m therefore e=m=(-e)=(-m). If we want to find out how much of one is the other we find it is all Dark energy and mass.
For exaple )E/-E=m/-m)=(-E)=(-m). So the possibility of a dark matter projectile or many traveling through space with dark energy propelling it is a huge possibility. Einsteins theory of relativity allowed for such a situation

Our existencs is like an hourglass and we drift in the sands of time. Evertything comes back to the Taoist wheel and the Hourglass. A black whole is an hourglass. If anything we are slowly moving into the darkness eventually riding the wake of the singularity like surfers trying not to fall in. That is our only sure demise.

But it is not it is like a birth and all birth have birth pains. I have been through life and death in my last mania and rebirth. I went from a spirit into a fetus, growing in the womb then was violently pushed out the birth canal into a new world and was awakened into a reality of new awareness. It was like a seizure that I had alone in my apartment. It lasted for hours. It was interesting to say the least.

As for 2012 I think something is going to happen but nothing apocyliptic. Just like Y2K and any other day. People are waking up in the masses already but we will see. I hope we get some cosmic vibes that's for sure but we'll see. You know the age of Aquarius and all of us entering a new Age at the same time as the alignment. Moses's time was the Bull, Yeshua's was the Fish we'll see what the Waterbrearer brings.

I got kind of abstract there but I wanted to show these ideas and let people see how a mania provided them but it took work to define them.

2012 KARMA SHOCK! Period. Go with it. You are going to feel great for three days. Just look forward to it. It will happen any first year psyc student can tell you when you look forward to something good happening you will release endorphins, it is like being a kid and looking forward to a holiday starting.

Here is something I did the other day I posted it on Shared Canvas

Alright E=MC2 (squared) E is energy. M is mass. And C is the speed of light squared in a vacuum tube.

So since C is a constant it can really represent any number, right as long as it is constant. So lets make C = 1 and let's let the mass equal oh I don't know 1 that would make E equal to 1. So we know the formula works. Now what we want is E to be greater or equal to 1 so we need to add something to the formula that is "Free" as otherwise you would have to add energy and that cost right? So what is free Gravity.

So the equation now becomes E>MC2 + G where g is gravity. What do you think? Know of any gravity harnesses that would work?

Yeah I have designed all types of landing gear for space ships, stuff like that, usually it is question "How would you handle the landing of a craft that size. I cam up with this interwoven triangles into a disk thing. But it was all in my head as no one was around. I understand completely. But I also know there are no aliens. Not a one. If there are we are them. All of us. Or maybe a Martian had sex with a monkey, that could have happened. I really could care less.

No kidding I remember standing in my shower and the drain and I saw a fetus about 10 weeks old and I could hear myself screaming as I entered.

OK are you just screwing with me? Seriously, this is ridiculous. Well did you ever have a postcard sent to you with all your business cards chopped up on it like a ransom note that read "If you look around you will find opportunity everywhere." From a city where you didn't live? I did.... And at the same time this is why I say I have seen this playbook form other people before. This is to strange. There is something happening of a psy nature or I am really getting fucked with. Excuse the language.

Man this sucks as this is not supposed to be happening. I am waiting to hear Orson Wells come on TV and say "Sorry folks, it is all a big hoax." But it is not.

[passerbye999]

So you're saying that the mass of an object and the force of it's graviational pull is less than equal to the potential and kinetic energy provided. This would mean that the mass burns energy to create it's gravitational attraction but always keeps an equal store of energy.

It is like the theory I have of energy and consciousness. Positive, negative and neutral. Where positive is equal to negative but neutral is equal to the both combined. An atom with a planet and it's moon circling the sun. Like pluto and charon alone in deep space.

I don't know it makes sense to me but drop the constant. Lattices of interwoven patterns are the real constants but how do you define a set as a constant . That constant was used to capture a picture in time just before the mass approached the velocity of the speed of light. I want to know the whole picture at once. Quantum mechanics and relativity one picture. Who will solve that problem?

I don't understand your anguish though and I am not screwing with you. This conversation is showing what bi polar is all about when the manias aren't happening. These are classic symptom's of the condition but we are giving validity to the experiences. You should really get that book " Touched by fire". What we are is strange we all exhibit the same traits. How are you with money. I am terrible. This desire to design and create and solve problems. It is part of most manias. Some of the ideas are valid people just don't follow them through.

I like what you write. You are highly intelligent. This site posed a question we are providing imformation that allows others to come to an anwser of their own. This is as bi polar as it gets let's entertain them. What do you say? At least you can vent if nothing else it will be fun unless it is causing you mental troubles at this time. It did for me for awhile bringing up those memories but it went away again when I started talking normal again.

You said to me Daniel write and I am. I am writing a book on this site. Not all books are large tomes and it won't take up space on my shelf. My book is about the subject of discussion "Is Bi- Polar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment."
This way they won't kick me out and it will last until someones erases it one day. They're getting alot of information to mull over. Maybe the web master will change it from "no" who knows.

As for the Aliens they met me on a hill and gave me an apple that week was real just like the rain. Who they are I don't really care as long as they don't bother me. Some call them Reptillians, some call them Greys but these where as human as you or I are, they are here and have been here for awhile. Do you believe in angels and demons?
Do you believe in the spirits of the dead? I say define which is which for real.

Did you watch the movie "The Fourth Kind"? I totally related to that movie. I used to say in the third mania" Strange things are afoot at the Circle K" The Circle K is the Kosher symbol. Though the reference is to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". All I can say is that things are going on and some know most don't and a few are on the fence. That's the one experience I will not deny getting the apple and spending two days at the square. My three day fast of wonder. I met real people. But who had control of my computer then sent me?

I agree also it is not a hoax for you. You seem to me in a mixed sort of episode. Not manic not depressed but still exhibiting manic traits. So you are in the spirit and feel compelled by the spirit I can sense that. So decide which side of the fence you are going to step to and take a leap of faith. It couldn't be any worse than the position you feel you find yourself in. Talk to me tell me what you are compelled to say. You already made a huge leap with announcing yourself. Admitting to yourself and others of who you are bieng called by others and your acceptance of it. Take the next step and give your message messenger don't be a wuss. Then see where the spirit takes you Friend. You are a writer write for me if no one else. It need not be long.

If you or others want to PM me email me at "passerbye999@hotmail.ca" because I can't take private messages except from senior members. I don't know if this is okay or not courtesy wise but I am doing it anyway. I will respond to all. I feel I am outstaying my welcome. I have shared lots anyway one big psychotherapy. I am enlightened in many ways most I have worked for, some where given to me and a few were mine already.


Here is the poem I sent to The Honorable Thich Nhat Hanh and the response that woke me up in the middle of the night. None of the people actually replied to me though, even though I wrote my requests concise and polite. With my Disciple(Top Kung Fu student not christian reference) helping me so there was nothing weird or insane. I truly believe though that he answered me in that dream I will never know. It was a voice in my head reapeating the lines over and over until I wrote it down. I am not as secret about this kind of stuff as others.


I)My father is my eyes, my mother is my mouth, my ears and actions are my
own. It is the same for you, the same for everybody. If all these
conditions are present then things happen. If just one condition fails to
appear nothing happens.

II) “I see the lightning flashing in your eyes.
Hear the thunder roaring in your heart.
I wish it would rain.”

These two are my answer to the Golden Heart Sutra I sent these to him too.

"I built a boat and set out for the other shore. I paddled like crazy
and went nowhere so I just lay down in the boat enjoying the sun sure
enough the current brought me to the other shore. So I got out and my
boat drifted away. I hung out for a while until another boat appeared
which someone else had built. So I set out and paddled like crazy and
went no where. So I just lay down in this boat enjoying the sun and sure
enough the current brought me to the other shore. So I got out. Here
I am."

"A man becomes enlightened and goes crazy, a crazy man is enlightened and becomes a man again"


I always go to the source always have, go to the source and you can discern the design. It's all about the source.
I recieved transmition in weird ways learning kung fu as well, now I do it to my students.


Peace

The Vision

I stand on the bank of a stream
Of living water that flows downhill
Toward me. I am surrounded by forest.
Turning to the right I look upstream
And see a mighty mountain with snowy peaks.
A reddish haze covers the forest but around
The mountain they sky is clear and blue.
There is no sound. Stillness covers the land.
The solitude is exhilarating
I feel the urge to turn and run
And suddenly find myself running with
My long hair streaming back behind me
Alike the mane of the horse now galloping
Beside me. I have never felt so free
Now all the animals of creation run with me
The mountain remains in the background
But now I run on an enormous plain
A plain of plains I just run never
Tiring, full of joy, just running

[silvermonkey]

awsome thread just posting so itl be easier for me to continue reading later .

the things being brought up in some personal experiances being shared here. is something rite of this second i am begining to understand.

so thanks to all the posters for sharing xx

[zsymon]

Sadly bipolar mania, psychosis and schizophrenia have nothing to do with
awakening. They are caused by past life blocks, wounds and traumas, and
unnatural doorways to the soul that allow negative beings to torment the
poor person. These blocks cause physical imbalances in the brain as well,
which further make the person more vulnerable to psychic attacks and
mind control from non physical beings and energies.

Many people who suffer from these diseases, because that's what they
are, although many people are misdiagnosed and all they are experiencing
is a sensitivity to metaphysical occurances, will experience an improvement
in their situation when a healer removes their past life blocks.

If anyone suffers from these diseases, let me know and I can put them in
touch with a past life block healer who works remotely and free of charge.
I can't promise that she will cure your disease, but she can surely lessen
the effects it has on your everyday life.

Madness isn't a sign of awakening, the first sign of awakening is usually
that you start remembering some of your past lives. But this happens in a
serene manner, without fear, negativity or craziness.

[passerbye999]

It's cool to see responses. Zsymon so you are awkened and enlightened? You went through it without mania? I don't mean to sound rude writing can sometimes come out wrong. If so have you also experienced one of the illnessess to make a conclusion?

I say this because I agree with you on many levels I would be who I would be without this terrible illness. The illness slows you down more than the drugs. But some of the people with these illness and my experiences attest it is like a Giant Brain Fart. If you could have met me before during and after and could feel my chi which you could if we met. I would share some EMF's. I have mastered Iron body and Iron palm both soft. You would know it is the most powerful when in mania and after. The mind grows stronger, without adversity it would be mush and No human is cool and calm when their existance explodes around them. after the mania the emf's settle yet stay supercharged. It is like tighteng yor fist.

Try this make a fist and squeeze it in on itself then relax yet keep the pressure the same. Then squeeze some more then relax while keeping the tension. Only do this a couple of times because I don't want people hurting themselves. Anyway when you are ready and have done enough repititions you will know because your hand will feel like iron. slowly open your hand. It will be difficult but be slow then shake it out. Did you experience the force applied to your hand that was maintained through the relaxation? this is no different than the consciousness. Think about it. You need pressure and release. The manic experience. Where the force is manias.

I have had many awakenings and manias that were like you describe, mellow and empty all I have to do is empty my mind and I'm there usually with a sigh or a yawn.(old kung fu magic). Look how I write. You are correct about the tradgedy part I believe. The illness is in the mind and can be cured in the mind and I agree there are many free or almost free physicians as that cool poem before talks about. It is the self and it is unseen. Only the Potter moulds the clay with his sacred tears. My only question to you is where do you think God fits into the picture if at all?

The hospitals are like the trenches there are almost no athiests, none in mania. So back to spiritual awakening instead of enlightenment. I tell you the two are not the same. I can be enlightened and contemplate past lives and their regressions in a clarified state of mind without concern or emotion for the concepts or the concept of God. Non Attachment.

In the Spiritual experience the Oneness with the Creator and Creation is paramount. The evil spirits don't like this behaviour they care little for Enlightenment because it is already neutral. But a Spiritual awakening and self discovery by shedding skhandas, the True self and it's Face are found. Once they are found everything is found so the powers and principalities do not like it.

All they need do is confuse you and turn your family and friends against you and they have won. Because now you turn against yourself. So it is important to be like Jung and combine religion with the study of the mind because they are interwoven. To just dismiss it as madness does show little understanding in an enlightened mind. Do you think Buddha was sane, he was a seriously depressed dude who liked to hang out in a higher form of coscioussness instesd of take care of his family. Have you read this stuff. Fire is not fire but I call it fire so it is fire. I love this stuff it is manic to the extreme! Off to the other shore, off to the other shore. You go there and you'll come back to your family I did.

You know in all of my experiences in this life every reward comes from passing some sort of test. The greater the test the greater the reward. The mentally ills test is far harder than anyones should it not then demand that their rewards will be greater than those without. "Not everyone who calls on me that day, Lord, shall know me, for I shall say on that day I knew you not."

The Pure soul and Mind will give comfort to the ill first. For the One was once ill as well and transcended the experience. No one praying for you or teaching you can fix you only offer comfort. You have to fix yourselfs. By study and work. Discipline.

Yet if something helps go for it, it can't make anything worse to a manic depressive especially. My illness only effects me physyically now. I became physically ill writing my manic experiences and thoughts. It drained me leading to semi manic thoughts which are circular. No cicular reasoning is permissable for me I would really trip people out.

There are so many like me and we have done so much for the world throughout history good and bad. I still say it all depends on how one defines Enlightenment. It will vary from inividual to individual and there are many of us.

The classics all point to the future here we are will we change or not. If the mentally ill are just mad and confused. Who am I? Throughout this forum I have made reference to every major mystical text the Bible included. You should really read what I am saying so many quotes and references. Most people would have to google for years to even figure out what I am talking about. I gave the thoughts not just trigger phrases though I gave them as well. I was enlightened before I became manic situation triggered the mania but the stars and eqinoxes had a hand as well. Same time every year 3 years in a row.

The world consciousness has effected my awakenings they would have been what you described if I couldn't feel that things are going to hell on a conscious level. I had to battle it in the consciousness. I am not talking about Buddha or Jesus or Mohammed or Moses they had their own battles. Why do we want to be them when being us is cool. Their way is not your way. They simply guide you to your own. Their is no change without war on some level.
So it's simply you battling this conscioussness through a unity of yourself. Your conscious, unconscious and subconscios minds working as one blending under the rule of conscience. You shed layers off yourself like an onion.
Forget about the past lives they are done and we know nothing certain about them any way they are stray thoughts. The problems are with this life, suffering.

Everyone suffers on different levels some feel the despair the most. they are the ones who cry out to God the LOUDEST. They are the ones who are answered. When I talked about the suffering servant before that is what I was talking about. "From the suffering and anguish of his soul he shall see the light" it doesn't just apply to Jesus it applies to you and me. So they are answered and we call it mania. Even the bad manias deal with this concept.

I know more about manias than any one I know including my doctor because I know the illness from a clinical perspective as well as a sufferer. After those manias I find my suffering not so bad. They strengthened me in my spirit just like I wrote in the very beginning. You know mabye I shouldn't have been brave and shared those intimate thoughts and experiences when I just spoke There wasn't so much controversy. They're trying to destroy me David Icke and I have only just started.

Everyone will eventually suffer from some sort of mania that is one prophesy I can guarantee. The innocent will lose their innocence and will be cast to the wolves like sheep led to slaughter. That is mania.
Then people will want to listen. To understand what they are going through and they need good teachers not what is out there. I teach for free too. You know I used to charge $100 an hour for private instruction. Even after fate took my studio. We're in the thousands of dollars now for free. That is why I made a email address yesterday mainly for people like quilliard who need to really talk that is how I would like to spend my time for awhile. That and chatting here. I haven't been directly told to shut up yet.

I do not want to save the world it takes care of itself. What I really want is to help guide manic depressives through their manic thoughts. It is my gift. If others are enlightened along the way great but it is not my sole intention.

One thing is for certain the audience is mixed in the discussion and that is good because it leads to more discussion.

To Thich Nhat Hanh " It is raining."

Peace

Psalm
You are a mountain Lord, a majestic mountain
You are the miner that draws ore from the mountain
You are the smith who smelts the ore into ingots
That you form by forging them between hammer and anvil
Folding the metal with strong hands and pounding it flat
With your sweat and tears you temper the blade
Breathing life into the metal through your Spirit
You grind and file the blades edge until it’s razor sharp
Then oil and polish it until it glimmers in the firelight
You are the hero of heroes, lord of lords, who wields
The finished sword all to your fame and glory
For you know not defeat only victory after victory
You are the banner of righteousness in you there is
No wrong only truth for you crush what is evil beneath your
Tread until only what’s yours is left. You are the healer
Who lifts the fallen up and gently tends their wounds
You alone Lord mend what is broken; straightens what is bent
In you is the utmost of mercy and compassion
Your grace is without limits, for you are holy, holy, holy
He who was and is and is to come. No one
Comes before or after you. You are God.

[quilliard]

If anyone suffers from these diseases, let me know and I can put them in
touch with a past life block healer who works remotely and free of charge.
I can't promise that she will cure your disease, but she can surely lessen
the effects it has on your everyday life.

Madness isn't a sign of awakening, the first sign of awakening is usually
that you start remembering some of your past lives. But this happens in a
serene manner, without fear, negativity or craziness.

You make some good point.

With the past life thing, I went backwards through my life. Got stuck on somethings my dad did, finally got past them enough to see myself as a fetus in the womb ,entering as a screaming energy. Like that of a roller coaster. Then others came to me in different ways, some as they where looking at me and some through there eyes (Or I am supposed to think).

So what do you do if you have worked through it all and you are now "ELECTRIC" so to speak. You are not cycling up or down and you are very balanced. For example now when I am "attacked" in my head it is very boring, but I am aware of it. What do you do then. Pills are so "2000 and late" for me as I do not need to calm down.

My problem is that God replied to me and the world went nuts. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that understands the basic rules of life "Don't purposely try to hurt."

I am too fucked up to work as what I call "Angels" and reformed "Demons" talk to me and I just start answering a way, it is annoying, but not drug worthy. I am a ware when I do it. I know I am talking to myself. Now I sit and make expression faces. I have to get to poker face. But I am working on it. It is not fun.

But I am not fuck up enough to be put on SSI. Now I see this happening to others like PassBye and I know that there are more. Our stories are to similar, and I have met others. We are not alone.

Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

As for the Aliens they met me on a hill and gave me an apple that week was real just like the rain. Who they are I don't really care as long as they don't bother me. Some call them Reptillians, some call them Greys but these where as human as you or I are, they are here and have been here for awhile. Do you believe in angels and demons?
Do you believe in the spirits of the dead? I say define which is which for real.

This is really the thing that caught my eye because I met my "alien" on a hill and I kissed her hands. She was from Mongolia. We spoke for 15 minutes. She told me her name meant happiness and joy. And as we drove away I could see her in the distance having her portrait taken.

I felt like I was filled with light. I could almost see it inside me, in a hole that was left from where I carried Loki for many years. (Long story)

One night I ask for her to come to me in vision as they where happening a lot, and I was shown a poster of a women in compromising, but appropriate, positions, sexy, but not what I had expected. I thought it was going to be from the day on the hill. Then I laid as thinking about a poster of a women that you think is hot in compromising, but appropriate, positions was not so bad.

Then she came to me and she became a part of me. She looked like a classic bulb head alien except all energy and she hugged my and then dissipated. It was like a wash of water rushed over me.

I always look for her again, but she is always out f reach. I have stop looking.

/// Sarcasm Alert ///
You know I am thinking about this and if what I read on this forum is right there is a very good possibility that I am pregnant. With some Alien baby, from a girl from Mongolia without a green card. Like I don't have enough problems.
/// Sarcasm Alert ///

Talk to you later.

[passerbye999]

Shock the Karma brother. We are all the same it is freaky. Some with experience though are better at it than others. You will learn to conceal it to live in two worlds. the mind and the body at once yet seperate. There is two worlds we live in.The spirit world is in the mind and then there is the normal world. I never had a mania of anger or of paranoia (fear) I did experience those emotions in the manias but they were situational and soon left behind while I explored this new world that was a dream while I was awake and barely slept and was full of energy, my body couldn't take it though all the walking.(20 - 30 miles a day weeks on end from morning long into the night.). My dreams had come to life for a short period and it was cool and I Praise God for it!

You get stronger from the experience as you gain self control back. Don't worry the experiences will still be there but you will be in control of your place in things. It reminds me of a chan koan. " How does one confront a situation when danger lurk's within a quiet pond?" You need true confidence if you have this confidence danger will never appear. In this state of mind you are removed yet present. Aware of everything but paying attention to no particular thing.

What I am suggesting is "become passerbye". " Tell the Spartans O passerbye, that here obedient to their laws we lie."

Explore the symbolism and metephors. Relive the encounters then let them go to be anylized at a later date. Only then can you be sure of the experiences content. It is the only way to define the truth or truths of the situation.

Treat the new encounters as what they are and probe for info. Try to define the Truth within yourself and you will be set free. Whe I practice energy work(chi kung) I am truly at one with everything. Energies intermingling Heavenly, Earthly and Human. The birds and flies come to visit. The wind blows with my gentle breaths the sun shines brighter when I stretch revitalizing me.

It is a harmony of sensations. So I can relate in a way to your experience just posted. The woman spirit entering you. As a matter of fact it brings my back to my "inferno" in that dream at the end when I was in heaven a women spirit appraoched me too and kept coming forward and the entered or passed through me I remember feeling filled spiritually or washed over might be a better expression. It was very weird then we were all on a plain everybody the whole earth and we walked to the rising sun together. " Go to the East my Children, East to the rising Sun."

Genesis is the Revelation not Armaggedon. It is just a plain in Meggido. Where many battles were fought and the writer felt the last battle would be there. Where the world trade routes meet. It may not be the end but our answers do lie there. Where the trade routes meet. "That's all I have to say about that"( Forest Gump).

Many teachers teach the surreal and don't know how to deal with it when it appears. They teach it but when they see it it scares them some to the point of say the person is demonically possessed because they say they are satan or whoever. They are shunned like lepers the prophets of God. God does these things to these people for real.
Just because it seems one way it doesn't mean it's not the other. If people with understanding and compassion would think outside the box they would find the clinical and spiritual answers. Manias shouldn't be stopped you are messing with the consciousness then. It has its patterns and its moods. Stop it and it will return later worse.

It is an abnormalty(I say this because it is not normal or common) in the brain and a conscious expansive awareness of self. The concsious appears in sleep the subconscious appears awake and right where they meet at that spot is the sweet spot. Mania is a waking dream. I say this because doctors got it all wrong too. Actually I shouldn't say that they just simply don't know. I know though because I have researched it for 10 years and had actually 5 episodes the fifth is of no importance to anybody but me. The truth of it is I take the drugs to comply. Nobody not even me wants to see me dancing through the streets again as a prophet of the Lord. I have had enough of the experiences too quilliard but I move on.

You always have to move forward though. You can sit down for awhile but eventually you have to move forward again. No matter the pain, you are a warrior. We smile in the face of Death and shake his hand. Battles come and battles go as long as the war remains within you. Sing Peaces sweet song and herald in a new day.

Jesus went through the tests including a 40 day fast. He was tempted. Shown his power and tempted. After the experience, God only no's that real ordeal, he was Titanium within. It would have been worse that going to the cross. Then in strength of spirit and mind he walked to his death with fortitude in his heart.

You want to know my answer when the question was posed" I would give it to another chosen by the people and serve that one." You see after seeing the problems as they where for real when I was asked I was honest. It's to much for me I'll fight for it if you like and possibly win it for you but then I would give it to another more suited to the many issues and serve that person.

They were just manias after all but I lived through them and now I can LIVE. There are many ideas swirling in the soup of consciousness not one is right. The only one truth is within yourself. It is you yourself. the casting of the myriad ideas must be shed and rebuilt from new. As we grow we collect scars these scars become walls and the walls were built on a poor foundation. So right from the footstone to the capstone they must be rebuilt. Manias smash the walls all at once. So we may rebuild again.



Peace

Crystal Sky

A zephyr visits the mountain
Bearing the fragrance of spring:
Abundant sprouting buds,
Fresh flowering blossoms.

The sounds of night gently
Lift on the breath of the wind;
As one voice whispering
Softly into my ear.

The hum of chirping crickets and
Flickering fireflies blend with
The thrush of grasses and
The rustling of leaves.

Not being able to fall asleep
I sit quietly at peace
In awe of my fortune
Beneath the crystal sky.


On Cold Mountain

It is cold on the mountain summit.
Cold and lonely, save the drifting clouds.
I can call them by name.
They know me and I them.
These are my closest friends.
They shield me from the sun’s fierce light
and bring rain to fill my water bowl.
I anxiously await their visits,
they are so beautiful in the sky.
I stare at them for hours
and only feel wonder.

[zsymon]

It's cool to see responses. Zsymon so you are awkened and enlightened? You went through it without mania? I don't mean to sound rude writing can sometimes come out wrong. If so have you also experienced one of the illnessess to make a conclusion?


I've only just started awakening. :)

Let's put it this way, if I had made the mistake of telling a doctor about what
I go through every night, he would have labeled me schizophrenic and he'd
have put me into a mental asylum indefinitely.

They also labeled me as suffering from psychosis, but I never accepted any
treatment for that. I knew what I was going through was not a disease, but
psychic and spiritual attacks from other dimensions.

Once my mentor closed the doorways between my soul and those dimensions,
the attacks ceased. But it took her a lot of effort, where most people only
need a single past life healing session, I needed eight, over the course of two
years. (These are not past life regressions by the way, they are healings.)

Like I said, the past life healing (block removal and doorway closing) that my
mentor does is free of charge and done remotely, and if any of you people are
suffering from attacks, feel free to contact me and I will help you receive that
healing. Many problems that are diagnosed as schizophrenic or psychotic will
completely stop happening after that healing.. but I can't promise miracles, it
depends on the real nature of your problems. Some people will experience a
total end to their symptoms, others only an improvement, as there is some of
the work they need to do on their own.

You will only need one session, unlike me, because of global events that allow
the healing to be done in one single go now. It takes about three to four hours,
but you won't notice anything while it is being done, except maybe a feeling
of comfort and a soothing calm and relaxation.

[passerbye999]

Cool sounds interesting. Could you describe how this process works I am interested. Sincerely. No medication would be a blessing. Good quote at the bottom. I would love for the woman of love who heals to heal the scars of my tattered soul if she could. I wanted to say Woman in Red or Red Woman but I didn't think anyone would understand. I have cleared the mental and spiritual scars but scars of the soul are another matter. Would you help me, please. I won't know if you are right or wrong unless I experience it for myself. I can't give you a mania but you could give me a healing.

[quilliard]

You will learn to conceal it to live in two worlds.

No. I refuse. This is a lie, used by those that want to control others. There is never a need to lie about who you are unless you life is in danger.

I am very disappointed that my life has been used for what seems to be entertainment for others. The idea of "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger." is BULLSHIT! And for proof of that, years ago I broke my hand and the doctor wrapped it with an ace bandage, well it didn't kill me, but it sure brings pain into my life everyday and it is not stronger.

Now the supposed tests I was being put through where bullshit as well. I didn't do the stuff I was being tested on in the past and didn't do it in the future. Stupid. Just really moronic.

I did not come to this forum to hide or pretend that pills will solve this issue I have in my life. I came here because I thought that enough people with the same issue compared notes we would see a pattern and from that pattern we could find a solution.

Living with your mouth shut so you seem normal is not the life I am looking for. Actually I had the life I was looking for then this crap happened.

And you know some of the reasons I am really pissed off. Because when this did start I did go for "Help" and all I got from doctors was "What is you plan?" over and over. I told them it was Kiaser, but apparently that was the wrong answer.

Then I called UCDavis in California. There was a flyer that said need help? and a phone number, when I called I got UC Davis told them what was going on and they said they would send someone. When that person arrived we talked for a moment and then he told me to go over to a homeless man talk to him and let him know everything was going to be alright. Then he told me to DANCE home, literally DANCE home. 15 blocks. I was so desperate to get my life back I DID IT!

The only reason they did that was to see how much control they had. Thye got me for a while, but not for ever.

Now I am not going to pretend to be a REAL super hero or a Space Alien or any of those things. There is a issue. People are being hurt. We should work together to help each other in a way that doesn't hurt us. We need to look forward and use the books of the past as lessons and stories not road maps as the things in those books already happened, why are we looking for "looping history".

I am not going to give them a show. I am not going to pretend that what happened made my life better in anyway. I no longer like people. I have caught to many in lies. Boring, boring, boring, lies that go no where.

The question is what to do about it? They came to me, I didn't go looking for them.

[zsymon]

Cool sounds interesting. Could you describe how this process works I am interested. Sincerely. No medication would be a blessing. Good quote at the bottom. I would love for the woman of love who heals to heal the scars of my tattered soul if she could. I wanted to say Woman in Red or Red Woman but I didn't think anyone would understand. I have cleared the mental and spiritual scars but scars of the soul are another matter. Would you help me, please. I won't know if you are right or wrong unless I experience it for myself. I can't give you a mania but you could give me a healing.

I'll message you with all the information. :)

Okay, done.

[anahata]

While hating my bipolar sectioned father, I was relieved to be able to have one decent conversation with him and it was about higher consciousness. Although he was a living nightmare he did experience understandings which can only be understood from the level of the subconscous, the conscious mind doesn't usually interpret information this way because it is so sure about it's identification with the ego and separation. So I think there is some kind of hightened awareness which CAN manifest during an episode.

Somehow I think if our mind opens up within an ego which isn't ready, we get what's called a clusterfuck. There are various levels of consciousness, if someone else is operating at another level (balanced or not) they will appear insane.. and you will appear insane to them. Arguments are ovbiously going to happen, people get very angry and it just goes on and on.

The sad thing about this disorder is that it is so missunderstood and the quickest known treatment is sedation until the mind settles back into 'normal behaviour'. As annoying as it is to live with, I believe there is something very important we could learn from it about ourselves under the right conditions.

[smoothie]

My wife has Bi-Polar and she use to take drugs but so many of them made her a zombie or have major side effects. She is currently off medication and taking regular vitamins, healthy eating and exercise which has worked more than so called "drugs". I can't say she is more enlightened though. She is more of a skeptic than I. She does have her bad depressive/suicidal days but I will always be there for her.

[passerbye999]

Hi quilliard I think there might have been a misunderstanding. The two worlds are the mind inside your head your take on situations and the mind outside your head how you interact with these situations.

For example what I go through quite often voices conversing with me in my head helping carry out a conversation I am having with a person all the while still trying to hold a cohesive thought pattern for the person who is real standing or siiting across from me. Or discering a perception that isn't there to the other observer.

It is not a lie it is the only way to retain some shred of sanity in an insane situation. The situation is frusterating I know but the messengers that you meet that are on your wavelength are bound to rules. The others have no idea what's going on. For example when I teach chi kung there are spiritual(ethereal) and mental blockages in each student and each is unique. I have watched people just blurt out crying during these mediation energy work sessions or go Psychotic then there are right as rain most though the majority to them it's more like a hippie experience. I go with my intincts using what I talked about above.

The student(or students I can do it in groups works better) has no idea what's going on inside my head while I guide them through the process. They just feel the results. Their trust is what allowed the opening to happen(or blockage removed) in the first place. Wouldn't want to lose their trust or take away from the miracle because they find out you are carrying out conversations in your head throughout the whole process.

Thanks Zsymon for your response I am way in. I will try anything once, twice or more if I like it. Smoothie you're a good spouse I wish mine was like you.

Anahata your words touch me from the view of my son to me, (Red Girl weird last night I got the impression of the Red woman Thing in the post to zsymon. The red woman was just a thought I had, then I thought it suited zsymons Teacher. The relationship with my son is a huge scar) for once I am speechless .

Peace

[anahata]

Anahata your words touch me from the view of my son to me, for once I am speechless.

Peace

I am sorry if my words were at all upsetting. I know my father had to deal with a lot of guilt and depression after the mania, it looked like a very lonely battle.

Blessings to you. I hope you can be detached and watch the thoughts rather than be them.

[passerbye999]

This type of thing is what happens all the time. You can take it different ways " The red woman thing" You can dismiss it or say it was some sort of message. I personally just think it's cool and proves the concept of the world consciousness. Look at how I even worded the woman in red post talking to zsyman. It shouldn't be there the reference yet I put it there because the voice said to put it. Who knows whose voice just a thought. I was thinking about scars of the soul. Anahata's picture is a red girl hair and all holding a heart(love) and her post was a prospective of the illness from a child to their parent. It hit me people when I read it. There is hope in the relationship between me and my son I felt this from anahata's enlightened posting.

That is the type of thing that can lead to full blown manias though. Messages.
The come everywhere from the tv, the radio, the computer, people, birds, animals, nature. It is a trip but you have to take it for what it is and take the gift then put it away in a special place and move on. What do you think?

Anahata I took it wonderfuly I am sorry for you too for having to live through it with him. You know what I mean I hope. You gained an understanding and as my son grows if he grows to think like you did it will be all fine.

Peace

[passerbye999]

Cool sounds interesting. Could you describe how this process works I am interested. Sincerely. No medication would be a blessing. Good quote at the bottom. I would love for the woman of love who heals to heal the scars of my tattered soul if she could. I wanted to say Woman in Red or Red Woman but I didn't think anyone would understand. I have cleared the mental and spiritual scars but scars of the soul are another matter. Would you help me, please. I won't know if you are right or wrong unless I experience it for myself. I can't give you a mania but you could give me a healing.

Here's the original post from last night so it is easier to compare and I forgot to add it to my last post. I am not psychic though this stuff happens all of the time. I take it for what it is though a mystery and blessing. Now I believe this forum is really getting interesting. A Journey into the Bi-Polar consciousness. It takes enlightenment to keep it under control though. Can you see how difficult it is not to go to far into these phenomena yet you must not. You can only play on the fringes, surfing the wake. Shooting the tube can be dangerous one mistake and it swallows you whole.

In mania these experiences happen constantly, you are overwhelmed with signs and messages. Good and bad you can see and hear what others do not because they do not share your thoughts. They are not looking for these things so don't see them. That is why manics cry out these experiences are real. Right here I have shared another aspect of my condition. It is how I view it is what's important. The other person has no idea what is going on. That is a miracle to you but lost on society. These are what quilliard screems out are lies. Some people or entities do know what's going on and they will and do mess with the manic in this condition.

Doctors don't know this stuff. They don't care. Everything is dismissed consciously and only physical and psychiatric imformation is wanted. The problem though is not there it is in the consciousness. How do you heal a theory?

Psychotherapy and psychoanalysis that is how you do it. Manics need confirmation and justification. Just because you didn't see it doctors does that mean it doesn't exist? Why shouldn't that treatment be free as well. Supplied by our governments. I have a question. How much does it cost for just one soldier, one armored vehicle, one tank, one fighter aircraft, one bomber, one naval vessel for one year in Afghanistan and Iraq. How many homessless and sick could be taken care of for that year with that money. It would be a lot of people. I wouldn't have to protest so much.

Sorry for the big post again but the situation made me excited and confirmed in me to " keep raining". Manics can draw on these experiences I have shared and see me in themselves just as I see them in me. I learned alot during 5 months in the hospital( I was in the ward so long because I protested to much, rattling my imaginary cup at the door and marching silently through the halls in protest.) and 3 months in day hospital. Almost a year in government care. I had no rights. I admit myself after my spririt walks and they confine me instead of help my sore feet and give me some food because I haven't eaten or slept in days and need to be checked out. It is prison and all the inmates are innocent not guilty. If I go in for a broken arm do the lock me up no, they fix you up and send you on your way. What's the difference, it only lies in the ignorance of the medical profession. They have trodden on their ancient oaths too. Submitting to the Pill corporations. We doesn't the DEA go after them?

Anyway thanks anahata you provided for me a wonderful experience knowing it or not.

Peace

1)

Freedom Bird

The freedom bird is calling
The blinders become unshut
There is no temple curtain
Just us birds and God
Angels wing and pixie dust
An apple within a jar
What do you say of aliens
I don’t care at all

2)

Karma Walks With Me

Through the suffering and anguish
Of my soul I found the truth
Waking up from the darkness
To embrace what is perfect light
Discovering the golden mean
The absolute ratio
I travel on the middle path
Murphies path to Nirvana
Following the golden goose
And in the end meeting the stork
Who carried me back to the beginnig
So I could start once again
Now I walk, the gods walk with me
Different ways to the same place
Following the path of God
The law of karma walks with me

3)

A drop of honey
Is far sweeter than sugar
Learning is sweet
But wisdom is rock candy
Layered with experience
The core is knowledge

4)

Shadows in Sunlight

As I filter through my many thoughts
I vainly search for the perfect words
Only to end up lost, trying to express my feelings
Today…tomorrow…they are forever changing
What is life anyway but a marriage of emotions
Coming…going…from one moment to the next
Fleeting impressions like shadows in sunlight
Mere images without form or substance
Yet containing the power to possess the soul
Leaving only the desire to be free of them
And the tangled web of confusion they weave
Forming a changeling bereft of reason

5)

The immortal

Standing in the west
I look to the dragon gate
That stands in the east
Four entrance gates to heaven
I stand guarding the west gate
I’m the white tiger
Along with the green dragon
The bright yellow hare
And the fiery red phoenix
We stand on the black tortoise
We stand on its back
On the nine diagram shell
The nine palace map
Bodidharma came here too
To see all the directions
And find his true path
I think he followed the hare
The phoenix told him
You must go on your way
You only entered the gate
I saw him give chase
Down the rabbit hole he went
Through the other side
And ended up at Shaolin
To sit in a cave nine years
The crippled old coot
Had no idea of time
No concept at all
But knew about toothpicks and tea
He dug a hole with his stare
Until it was time
Then got up and tried to stretch
How did he get up?
How did he straighten his legs?
That crazy walleyed old coot
Then I saw him stretch
Standing on the tortoise shell
Bending and twisting
Flexible for a cripple
Then he lied down and found sleep
Laying bowlegged just the same as he stood
Sitting bowlegged
Yes bowlegged and cross-eyed
Because the cave was now done
Staring at his nose
After staring at a wall
Crazy old cripple
I wonder which way he left
I never paid attention

[quilliard]

That is the type of thing that can lead to full blown manias though. Messages.
The come everywhere from the tv, the radio, the computer, people, birds, animals, nature. It is a trip but you have to take it for what it is and take the gift then put it away in a special place and move on. What do you think?


So question why the reference to a gift if it is not a positive thing. I have gotten that "gift" thing all through this "forced experience" and none of it I would consider a gift. Retardants in moving forward, road blocks to a pleasurable experience, and for that matter just shear jealousy when there should have been none. These are not gifts.

Do not give gifts that you know will hurt the receiver. That is a very basic rule.

[passerbye999]

True quilliard some experiences are annoying at the least and agonising at worst. I just try to see whats going on . I am positive so then my view of these things is in a positive light. That mind set is what allows you to seperate yourself or detatch yourself from the situation. So you can discern it more clearly.

If you find yourself in a sort of spiritual attack situation you have to be resolved and seek the source of the attack. Define it and resolve it one way or another. You and I know both seriously no poetry it is not fun in phases or even through a whole experience sometimes.

But do you give in to them? Never. It is a gift that is a curse my friend. That is the solid truth. You have to go beyond it though. I don't really know how to explain it. Exept "moment to moment I persist or I falter, success or failure both garner the same results when my mind has gone beyond them"

Whether it is a gift or a curse is a state of mind. A resolution in the mind pick a side brother. Do you want to be Satan or God or Both or None? Sorry for all the peoms but the are part of the understanding of the experiences most of these are what you would call manic poems. I have my Waka my death poem I wrote when I thought I was going to die I am trying to find it in my collection and share it with you since everybody else is swearing and no one minds.

Peace and Sincerity


The Sleeper

Unconscious though awake walks the sleeper
Caught in the dream unfolding in his eyes
As he travels through the depths of the dream
It leads him to different dimensions
Encapsulating his senses and mind
Reality takes different directions
As he innocently walks down the streets
Street signs and advertisements pop out
Guiding him to the destinations
The dream has set for him to go
Doing the things he was set to do
Everything is ordered and organized
He has taken to his conditioning
It is better for him to wander blind

Deep in sleep he walks
Building cobwebs in his mind
Following the dream
That orchestrates his actions
By conducting his thinking

[anahata]

There are no coincidences, only synchronicities. The messages are there, there is so much information and it's amazing how quickly things can be understood in an altered state.

[passerbye999]

It's all about the connections. Here is my third mania in poetic form three poems the second was my waka I hope you enjoy.

1)

After the Storm

I
I’m knocking on wood
Spitting to avert evil
I’m touching iron
Pissing on posts to mark mine
The old magic’s within


II
Many spells block my path through pox and hex I find my way
Hopping and slipping and cross stepping there, ex marks the spot
Rhymes and jingles flood my mind, matching images in sight
Sounds and smell like tentacles spread, various hues of light
In the shadows along straight lines, finding nature to step
Limping along with a giggle and skip, feeling for the moon
The hangman’s gate, sometimes wait, then straight towards Diana
Can’t hesitate to much at stake, for me no siesta
I crave a day it’ll all go away, and leave me alone
To live life a dream of dreams, give me a picket fence
I’ll make it white out of sight, so none of you can see it
Where Horus rests in his golden nest, that is where it is
When you give all, let it all go, you may just pass the test



III

The sun rises between the pillars of this golden dawn
Flocks of pigeons circle around through a clear morning sky
I stand alone with the staff in hand facing the east watching it rise
Wondering in the aftermath of the summoned storm now gone
Weary after three days of invocation I sit down
There is no glory only stillness, a pervasive calm
Watching people walk by I sit exhausted and worn out
The madness of the spell, the suffering the sacrifice
In the end there is no end there is only another day
Still at least I feel there is today and then tomorrow
So standing up I start off to the north leaving the cross
Everything seems clearer the sunshine brighter as I walk
Birds keep me company I greet the people passing by
Along the way I put down my staff, I am heading home

2)

The End of Light

The end of light
Comes at night
Brilliant shades of moonglo
The river styx
Is full of pricks
The ferryman can kiss my ass
When the boatman comes
I’ll go to the sun
Because I am Horus
The fucking Hangman

3)

Drink Some Tea

My life is quite strange
Truly it’s very bizarre
I just keep going
Up and down that damn mountain
I never see the valleys
Just pine trees and clouds
At least I don’t walk sideways
Wouldn’t know where I was going
On the top there is peace
On the bottom there’s turmoil
Half- way up nothing
That is where I like to hide
I stay hidden in my cave
No one visits me
Even the wind passes by
Wonder of wonders
Everyone thinks I’m crazy
I am a grumpy old man
I’m full of laughs though
Always laughing at my poems
I amuse myself
With my giggle stick in hand
I don’t have hairy palms though
Just my pen in hand
And the paper before me
With all the things I need
What a song I sing
I sing without melody
Just my heart beating
A cadence within my breast
All my songs are from my heart
I like to whistle
When I whistle the birds come
And sometimes rainbows
But no lucky pot of gold
It’s just me and my rainbows
A band of colors
Refracting light back at me
So bright sometimes I see spots
They don’t go away
Even when I close my eyes
I see them clearly
A cripple blinded by light
That’s me so I’ll drink some tea


Now I am done there is nothing left to share except my current thoughts. Now you see all sides of me. I have been a guinea pig in the hospital so I can be one here and it doesn't bother me.

Peace Out

[quilliard]

There are no coincidences, only synchronicities. The messages are there, there is so much information and it's amazing how quickly things can be understood in an altered state.

Slow down. If you are at this stage of "Enligtenment" then you need to stop and asses the signs. Stand back from the canvas you are viewing that is Life happening and what has been carved in cement, spray paint, stickers, and other art and you can asses where we are going. Is it good or bad. I see good right now on a level that works if we are not afraid.

But do not rush what you believe the signs to come are, just asses what you have born witness to. We are evolving. We are learning. We are One.

I AM. So I think with you. You think therefore you are. I am.

This is what I believe.

I am flipping out right now because of what I wrote. This is weird. Can this shit really be happening.

[quilliard]

[QUOTE=passerbye999;1059298365]It's all about the connections.[/QOUTE]

Ta da!

Any scared mousey's out there want to jump in to reality? Because when you put the pieces all together and realize that this is about the authors and not you it kind of blows your mind. Because you think we are writing about you. Don't you?

Can you guess my name?

passerbye999 If you write a book I want a cut. :D

[passerbye999]

Here you go Satan. For others don't be alarmed by the words forget they hold any weight. They are just words.
'Fire isn't fire but I call it fire so it's fire." Though the substance can burn you the name means nothing. Names are symbolic to the experience. horus and set, light and dark, good and evil, God and Satan. It's all the same concept of balancing the scales. The Satan serving God concept is classical too but it is also biblical whether some blindly want to think otherwise. If not so wouldn't everything be either gone or at peace. So the adversary has been vanquished by embracing him as a friend. Even becoming him to understand his worries. The travel through the skhandas( Religion is a skhanda) that others have placed on you since birth. It's every Buddhists dream and nightmare embracing Karma.

Quilliard talk to me if you need to and I'll help people understand when they think your crazy if you like. It would be my pleasure. Spill it out if you like but in doses please. In a way we will be like two prophets it's all in how you interpret it. The cause though is are we for real or not, Bi polar People are we prophetic? Can we read signs? Are we spiritually awakened or are we simply mad? Do people actually approach us to reafirm or confirm signs and wonders? Are our claims real and do they have substance? Why do we think mania is living in the spirit? These kinds of things you know let's start there. But if you feel the need for a tangent that's okay too. We both have a battle with the church mabye that's a good place to start?

I am

I am that I am
I will be who I will be
I am I, I am
I am me and I am one
I am here and I am me

Many are like me
Knowing the I within them
At one with themselves
I say I am and we are
I am I and we are one

The "I" am thing is a bi polar thing they understand and yell it everywhere if they can. It's not just about them it's about everybody. It freaks the religious people out. Gods name is I am. "How can you be I am?" " Well I am. I am everything!" "I am Jesus"(the messiah always the messiah)"I am Satan"( always Satan too)" I am God" any powerful figure that strikes the subsonscious's fancy at the time. The battle is always there though of light and dark and in the end there is peace. Walking in anothers shoes is the only way to know their plight. I have seen Athiests, Jews, Muslims, Christians all think they are Jesus. It is the most common it and Satan.

It is not a psychosis so to speak in most cases they don't actually believe they are these figures at first it comes with the messages and thoughts(voices). It is an understanding that they can say I could be the messiah, one person can change the world. Jesus said "Follow me" they get it and make a leap of faith most people don't. Jesus's whole sermons were about becoming him and thus becoming the Father." Are ye not Gods?" because he became the Father. Since he became God he had always been the Father, is now the Father and will always be the Father all at the same moment. What an insight! Now in this light I hope it does make some people go wow. He just followed Jesus's path to eternity while still in life and probably didn't even know it because he wasn't properly trained by those who were supposed to train him. Believing only one can approach God this way they shun him and tell him he is mad because they are ignorant of the whole concept. They believe you must go through one man and the manic did though they blindly like sheep keep going about their sermons to sell. While he did what Jesus asked no reward , no confirmation just condemnation. I hear you quilliard you are eternal brother. We don't even need Jesus hey, step straight to God. We can all be Jesus understanding God within and without us. It's as easy as understanding.

Burn the witches, Burn the Books, Burn , Burn , Burn that's what Christians did in their confusion. The prophet was killed and his teachings usurped replaced by a religion of the Sun and Moon and Stars. Hail the Zodiac! It gives life to thee, All Hail Horus, the Son of the Sun! "Moses carried with him all the secrets of Egypt" When Orion arrives the waters come to the Nile, All Hail Osiris the Father of Heaven the Sun! Bow Down to Your Queen the Queen of Heaven the Moon Isis! Set the other Son recieves no hails his burden is great but there is no glory. Horus and Set the Morning and Evening Stars. Both are Venus. The Theology of heaven based on the Sun, the Moon and Venus.We follow it to this day. Jesus even refers to himself as the Bright Morning Star, Satan would be the Evening Star both the same planet. Again two halfs to the whole. It's alway been two plus two equals four but two are one so we have three. There's you're Trinity folks from ancient times until now. So Satan and Jesus could be the same Diety at least in theory. The cosmic battle of light and darkness within ourselves.

The Burners hey quilliard. Most Bi Polar people feel these things they just don't have the knowledge to explain these thoughts so are passed on or lost.

Just because they get the concept and not all are as articulate as me this leap in wisdom is misplaced with confusion. I was lucky I had studied for these experiences even halucinagens as a kid in my Ratafari like lifestyle. Shamans are a trip. Back to Jesus though he became God so he was God sitting at the right side of the throne the right arm, the Judge. Who sits on the left I would guess Satan or Cain to me, the left arm the General. So you see this is real heavy Theology but it's all just ideas anyway. The reason I say this is because in Job God's seems to always be asking for Satan wondering where he is, so he obvioussly has Freedom to move around on his own and do his own thing. God doesn't even mind him coming to the meeting Late. Must be buddies. I have met him so it is not all just ideas. That is also why I know when someone says they are what they are truly not. Satan doesn't work that way. He will come up to you if he wants or ignore you at his whim it's seems to be his choice. What can we say about it?


The real Satan or Set or whatever you want to call him. Does come to people in manias and messes with them I believe. It is his Job to condition them. Who will believe a prophet thats never wrestled with Satan or God? What use would they be. Angels come to reassure and comfort and God stays neutral. Satans Job is to test. the Holy Spirits job is to teach and nurture. All these aspects come together in a mania and it can be violent and frightening. No joke. Though as I keep saying I believe these Entities use you as a vessel and your ideas are how the entities try to teach through your understanding. My understanding was deep before so it flourished during and after the manias.

I do not want to dismiss any Theology really and truthfully everything is symbolism. All of my ideas could be interpreted in different ways hopefully showing the family of theology not the division of it. God is universal I just like to show how I interpret ancient teachings and how similar they are at the core. I use my Faith as a base but my faith is Solid on God but mixed in Philosophy. I have no intention of trying to sell my religion for I have none. I have faith that is it. Each person has to walk their own path through life and develop their own world view, their life is none of my business. We are having a spiritual discussion though so I have to talk spiritual the only way I know how. In this moment in Judeo Christianity. We all stand under the same sun.

Belief

Belief in truth does not come
From what one has heard
Or from what one has read
It comes from deep inside
Bubbling forth like a spring of living water
That once tasted it is certain
One has partaken of the fountain of life

These concepts stike one very deep though. The manic can't understand why know one else seems to understand. So they preach it out loud sharing their new insight. The words are full of truth though. If people might listen like the authorities they would stop screaming it. It's a classical sign of a manic. It is true though that many people spend their lives trying to achieve what happens as a first sign of mania. Forget about emptyness the concept of I am is what every prophet has tried to teach or hide since the beginning of time. As you can see I can speak and interperate tongues. I hope you all see the humor in that.

The world is not ready fo manics to be out of their cages, really. Manics are ready for the world but the world isn't ready for them, that is the truth. Most people have no idea about us. That is the problem. Very seldom do we get a forum so I thank the site again for that. It's cool to have a subject all about us . It gives us a voice and is appreciated. It appears I have become an ambassador for Bi Polar people on this forum. It wasn't my intention.


Peace and Love

[wwu777]

I had some strange mental illness that didn't fit into any category back in the 80's. After I went through it, I became more enlightened and creative and freethinking than ever before. I suddenly developed writing skills too, whereas I had none before. See my story here:

http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Christian_Story.htm

There are many such stories at

http://www.successfulschizophrenia.com

[wwu777]

Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=herQr9JcMJ8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enfoPa3sCo

[quilliard]

I had some strange mental illness that didn't fit into any category back in the 80's. After I went through it, I became more enlightened and creative and freethinking than ever before. I suddenly developed writing skills too, whereas I had none before. See my story here:

http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Christian_Story.htm

There are many such stories at

http://www.successfulschizophrenia.com

I hear you, one thing passerbye999 said was he was a writer also.

As for passerbye999, thanks for the invite to talk, you too, if you feel the need. For me write now I am at one with what is happening although it can be all consuming.

As for the question below is Bi-polar spiritual enlightenment? When I was at Shasta College in 97 - 99 I did a report on what is bi-polar before I was diagnosed. And it was not much to it. It was mood swings. That was about it. Cycling high and low very fast.

Now there was nothing about spirituality or hearing voices or seeing visions with it. What is happening in my opinion is that people are evolving and since they have some of the same "traits" as bi-polar" they are put in the same category. Just my thoughts.

This is a good thread. I have to work on my blog.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

I had some strange mental illness that didn't fit into any category back in the 80's. After I went through it, I became more enlightened and creative and freethinking than ever before. I suddenly developed writing skills too, whereas I had none before. See my story here:

http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Christian_Story.htm

There are many such stories at

http://www.successfulschizophrenia.com

Real Good Reading.
I agree quilliard people are being pidgeon holed, lumped into categories and not treated as individuals properly. Your theory rings of truth.

[anahata]

Quilliard, no I'm not able to see the future but even if I could and I told you.. how could you possibly believe me? If it was something you didn't like you would immediately regect it and do all you could to change it and therefore alter it anyway.

Sometimes the best way to view the future is to look into the past.. I've come to agree that we move in cycles and although we are constantly evolving, there are times like these where we've just forgotten ourselves but we are never lost forever. Even hell isn't eternal, it may seem that way but eventually the karma is burned by others.. whether that is now for earth I couldn't tell you but I think we are going through a change of cycle. Fingers crossed

[passerbye999]

[QUOTE=wwu777;1059299886]Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment?



wu777 I have spent some time at the site you referenced it is very interesting thank's for the links.

I think so what do you think? It is funny the more proof you provide people still won't jump off the fence in most cases it is very bizarre.

For example my theories of "0". People didn't think that time could variate in speed to the observer or period until Einstein. Now lot's of Bi Polar(mentally ill what ever you want to call us.) will tell you all about "0" and "infinity" similar to my thoughts where I showed Time runs everyway. It is not 2,3 or 4 dimensional it is multi dimensional and "0" is a whole set itself not an empty set I don't have zero apples I simply have unseen inverse apples. maybe one day we will be able to see them then truly we can start counting backwards into the negative numbers. Inner space is what I'm talking about.

I proved "0" is a natural number no guessing anymore. You can't give the sequence of Naturals and Primes order without "0" being a Natural number. Somebody will soon pop up taking credit for my insights and work though because I posted it here but obviously it's copywrited from just being on the forum. The Root theory stuff is even cooler I have found similar sets just don't know how to use them yet. All this math off a hand held calculater and a math dictionary. A little mania to the soup and patterns are everywhere.

Go to wikepedia and read what it says about zero and you'll appreciate my previous posting more about my solution To zero bieng a natural number. Mathimaticians are even on the fence they should read my blogs too.The answers to the hardest questions lay outside the box, like the casting of nines. Nines can become zero the only number that can do that. 999 is simply nine. 9+9+9=27=2+7=9. 9 always breaks down to itself no other number this is the theory. For example 9x5=54 5+4=9 but 95=5. It is a magical theory. Only works in base 10 the system based off of 1+0. There are 10 numbers everything else repeats (0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,(1+0),(1+1),(1+2) etc. It is all in how you view the numbers. Most of you have just been taught formulas and algorithms from Algerbra and Calculus. With no idea how they were derived because it is to confusing for most people to view the sequences for what they are multi dimensional strands. We read linearally naturally but numerals can be read Vertically at the same time and with geometric shapes as well as inside and outside.

Let's go back to base 10 I beleive the trade language of math. I also believe it is God's language that and symbols which represent the numbers in different sorts of patterns. We all know that 4x4=16 or do we it actually =7 and 12 x12=144 or is it 3x3=9. So what is 177 it is 6, What is 799 it is 7. This is the base I like to frolick in but there are infinite bases this one gives a one nice picture though. But what does this all mean and now what are the real meanings of the numbers 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. Depending on the meaning of the number to the reader a different answer can be found for each reader and each number.

Maybe I should have written my formula -19+19=19 +09! meaning 0=28(2+8=10,1+0=1)therefore 0 still equals 1. Where 9 is the constant but look it's written as a real number with the same answer. Though now I had to shed layers like an onion bieng peeled to find the answers.

Let's look at (0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9) as (1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1) it is the difference between the numbers. I only have 9 numbers now though but if I add one more representing from nothing to zero I have 10 again. Nothing is nothing but Zero is something and people better start wrapping their heads around it now. I will be proven correct here another sure prophesy that people will eventually come to understand.

What I am trying to prove is that reality is in the eyes and thoughts of the perciever and that these thoughts shouldn't be dismissed. For they can be very real more real than even the readers thoughts in there understanding.
This is just basic math but understood very deep. Everyones on tangents instead of solving riddles we simply passed by because of their complexities. We rule up one instead of ruling down one.

Wisdom works this way, an awaking is an insight it is like an egg just cracking, a Dragon's egg. It hatches as a baby then grows to maturity. It is only the viewing of the process from the reverse that we can understand the straight forward. As we go deeper into the Dragon's past we will come to the egg and eventually to the embryo the then farther still all the way to the point of nothingnesss then we push forward further as another Dragon. Hatching from a different egg, growing to maturity in a differnt form. But the process happens all at once. There is no heaven and hell except in our minds but innerspace ir real. The otherside, "Gone, Gone, Gone Beyond, Gone Altogether beyond. " ( Heart Sutra Ref) We travel in one direction through death and life. Being born and growing to maturity then dying and being reborn in the spirit growing to maturity then dying them being born into the body etc etc. a cycle of cycles.


'Life and death, day and night
flowers bloom and then they fall
Only today I realize
my nose points downwards"

Sixth Patriarch of Chan

Wisdom is knowing that everything is in levels. "It's levels Jerry Level's" (Kramer from Seinfeld)and the deeper you go it just goes deeper. It is a well with no end yet sustains everything outside it. So from a wise person everything you read must be read in levels. Deep levels that intermingle but are driven to the same source. Words are the same as numbers they can be played with by the masters turning nines into zeros and zeros into ones.

My last sentence could refer to the whole concept of the Manic who is a nine( a spritual being) becoming zero (the spirit) will we allow them to become ones( one of society). They are already ones whether people like it or not, once they become one with themselves they do not care what people think on the outside but on the inside it still hurts. It reminds me of a story of a zen master who's son had died and he was crying. A student came to him and asked" Why are you crying teacher you are enlightened?" The master replied " I know but it still hurts."

Teachers if someone comes to you in the spirit how can you say no? " Hi God sent me" "Alright what does God have to say?" Teachers when God calls"Samuel" Samuel replies " Here I am." Your Job is to guide your Flock every sheep even the weird freaky ones you don't understand. No sheep left behind. I chastise all of you who do this vile act. Teachers will be judged harsher than even the bankers or lawyers because they guide and are responsible for the minds they teach( our worlds most prescious resource), the minds of their sheep. It is terrible when the teacher becomes the wolf hiding as a Ram or Ewe. God chooses the Prophets not men. God chooses the teachers but who will listen? God's Laws are simpe 1)Love God with all of your being 2) Love others as you love yourself 3) Love yourself for God loves you with everything in God's being. There are no other laws these are the laws I was fighting for( The man on the hill). There are too many laws, rules and regulations. I like three.

3 fold

The 3 fold measure is in the mind
The 3 fold treasure is there to find
3 fold seasons, 3 fold time
3 fold nature, 3 fold kind
3 fold reason, 3 fold rhyme
3 fold wisdom, 3 fold mind
3 fold staff, 3 fold rod
3 fold children, 3 fold God

Sorry for going backward in time but I wanted to finish some thoughts to complete the previous postings because I go on tangents sometimes and don't complete one thought before I am on to the next. I want people to understand what I have said and the complexities of my thoughts. How everything comes together in my mind to 1 or "I" ( as in I am, not the roman numeral). The next step is from I to We then from We to Us. There is no them just three words I, We, and Us. 9,0 and 1. Pretty heavy huh. The roots run deep, deep as a well. The manias allowed me to understand what " Danger lurking within a quiet pond" meant and how to deal with it. "I pay it no mind it pays me no mind back." it's better than money or sex. Celibacy isn't so bad you think clearer. I reproduced for myself that's enough.

The old masters did know what they were talking about most modern masters are idiots, blind sheep wallowing in their filth like pigs in the slop. I challenge them to debate. I say this not just for me but for others like me. I'll be a voice calling out from the widerness make the paths straight for redemption and justification. We are not mad the empty vessels are mad, Mad Cow Disease I figure. It's contagious in cattle( the skeptics).

Sorry for stirring up the dust again but I am like a whirlwind with my words. I can't help it it is my nature because I am 9+0+1(10=1+0=1), so I am 1. Get it? No messiah but cool though huh? Just a Bi Polar I with Schitzoaffective Tendencies who's been the messiah and many others and doesn't want to be them again. This is why I don't want to write a book. To many levels it would take 10 lifetimes. It's easier to talk.


Peace and Understanding

De Javu

Circles within circles
Wheels within wheels
Spinning one direction
Re-occurring in the other
The beginning or the end
Is not important
When starting and stopping
Are the same direction
With both directions
Moving forward into
Infinity, both ways
Spin toward the future
Cycling on and on
All I can do is follow
Time re-occurs, déjà vous

[anahata]

I challenge anyone to deny my Enlightenment.

OK I'll challenge you...

[passerbye999]

Good in the spirit of banter. What is your arguement? This is all I wanted. Discussion. You know almost all of me. You have lots of ammo shoot me and we'll see if I'm impervious to bullets or not. You may even win who knows lets see. Help me heal the scars of my soul woman in red. I would like to know the answer as well.

You see in kung fu I can say I can block a punch or I can block it , I do not even need to block it anymore. It becomes nothing just a movement in space. I sense it I blend with it and then from following I gain the lead then at that moment I have conquered it. Humility is not enlightenment. Confidence true humble confidence is enlightenment. If I don't let go of myself I am dead. it is the same with a sword. Just as easy to disarm. Let's see how I do with bullets. I can do the others. With multiple opponents. I can do what I say. What is wrong with saying it? If all the good Teachers hid in caves no one would really learn. This is like a demo if it's not real it's not entertaining to the crowd I have been injured but I always succeed in my purpose.

If you think in these situations you are dead even by accident. These are the games I have played since a youth. The Buddha and Jesus weren't very humble when they took on God complexes in their own way. The first thing you learn as being a teacher is to seperate yourself from the students. The students have to work their way up the ladder to even approach the teacher, which they are usually not allowed to do. The teacher must go to them. This is a old teaching. I am simply teaching here because I chose to if you want me to stop I will.

Just you anahata if you want me to shut up I will leave the site. It's up to you. So let's debate and find out your verdict. I am not being mean I am being honest. Others I will debate and pay no mind, your verdict is important to me it stands though because you have a deep hate for the Bi Polar condition rooted in you yet you have compassion for it.

I am happy in life and this site and subject is a perfect forum for me to enjoy myself other than training but I can find another because if I am not Enlightened I have wasted your and my time here but people will still listen to me where ever I speak to them because they are true teachings not made up or blindly followed. They are developed in the self, they are all about the self. None of the words I share I make up for entertainment so people will aknowledge me they already do that. Those I choose to share with. I just happened to choose the world for awhile instead of individuals for reasons unknown to me at the time. Now I feel I know why.

All the secrets are simple things. Iam talking generally here anahata not directly just to you. But it is like casting pearls to swine. I know why my teacher gave up trying but I am young still and will keep trying to share, I haven't given up yet.

It would be a shame though because I have brought life to this blog. It is no longer short bursts of nothing but longer bursts of substance. It is boring though doing most of the talking so enlighten me sister. I asked for it didn't expect it to be you first but words are the only medium we can use so let's get it on. You see other Bi Polar people may learn it's okay to have a voice and be confident in who they are and stand up for their beleifs too. I have always been a warrior and I can talk real smooth if I want to so beware.

I am not a Buddhist so their restraints do not apply to me, I am not a Christian same thing. I am me and I am1. Only my conscience guides me, I walk the way though sometimes I do stray from the path, it is my choice and my path. Who else could choose my path? Who else could know my destination but me. Who else would know my salvation but me. Who else could know me but me. So I share, shouldn't we all? Get to know each other you know what I mean?

I take back my statement about leaving for this reason. No one can win the arguement can they anahata. We can only go to base emotions and make a judgement it is human nature. But those judgements are unfounded why should one have a voice over the many. Others may enjoy listening to my rambles you may too. It would be a shame for any one voice to enshroud the many. When I feel I have said enough I will go until then I would like to debate.

One last thing words are tricky. I have to say this again I am not suffering from a messiah complex , I am a Bi Polar Kung fu Teacher who is stabilized. In my manias I have been many different figures but not out of them. I have shared strange stories meant really only for me most keep the real secrets to themselves somethings are to bizarre to share for real. I add things and take them out on my posts all of the time. I almost put on things I never should have mentioned. I already put to much. If I didn't share those experiences and still spoke my words what people would have thought. I could have been the guru coming to visit the site which never happens does it. Well it happened here even with the weird stories. They are what made my gift special.

Peace

[anahata]

Going back to this:
I challenge anyone to deny my Enlightenment.

Why put forward such a challenge if you are indeed completely in harmony with your divine self?

[passerbye999]

I wrote a big response then just erased it. To be honest I can explain it away but it is not worth it. You caught me I was thinking about changing it anyway before you caught me on it. I rewrote it to be more clear. I get carried away with the passion of the moment sometimes. I like you. You did your thing gently thank you. I know who I am that is all that is important. That drifted from the discussion. It was a challenge though only to garner a response. I was reliving old wounds from the church at the time. they institutionalized me in the first place. Told me everything I said was biblical but I couldn't be who I claimed to be a prophet.

Now the manias are over I have scores to settle. You may not think that's enlightenment but it is life. You should have added the rest of the paragraph too it did give context to the challenge already. My wife beleived in me to until her church said I was nuts then I was nuts. These people riun lives with no accountability. I am not confused anymore. They are my enemy. The enemy of spiritual enlightenment is religion. So it is my enemy. I told you I could be smooth if I want to be. I challenge them not just anyone. I hope one or two will bite that is all. I want to exersize my metaphysical muscles a bit.

So you beleive enlightenment is harmony with the divine self. That is cool. Would you agree even in such a state that we will still exhibit emotions. That harmony is comprised of levels brought together creating something sounding pleasant to the ear. Treble and Bass working together. Higher and lower consciousness blending. I can offer a smile or yell at a student for being late neither takes away from the harmony just adds to it. I have bones to pick just as I have bones to mend. It's what makes me, me.

You see no one wins just the same demand rephrased. I will stay quiet now unless I am challenged to a debate or someone talks to me. Bye for now

Peace

[quilliard]

Quilliard, no I'm not able to see the future but even if I could and I told you.. how could you possibly believe me? If it was something you didn't like you would immediately regect it and do all you could to change it and therefore alter it anyway.

Thanks for the reply Anahata. And actually I have seen into the future at times, nothing big but like I have seen people or objects and then found them later, it was weird. I have seen things in visions, but never in signs. Signs are of the past. They are of what has happened.

And your last line strikes a nevre as I feel at times that I do have a path I am wondering down yet it is only lit from above in a spot around me. And there are some that feel they can direct me as they are "worthy" enough to steer the "flock" or whatever bs works best for them so the path to the goal is defined. So instead of telling what is to come why not jut jump to the end, go from there. I also get the feeling the reason why is because as much as they think they control the future they never know the end so it keep blowing up in there faces. As they don't mind "killing" to achieve their goal, yet they are not willing to take the same risk. But... I digress.


Sometimes the best way to view the future is to look into the past.. I've come to agree that we move in cycles and although we are constantly evolving, there are times like these where we've just forgotten ourselves but we are never lost forever. Even hell isn't eternal, it may seem that way but eventually the karma is burned by others.. whether that is now for earth I couldn't tell you but I think we are going through a change of cycle. Fingers crossed

Well put. I also believe that the earths inhabitants are evolving. I believe from what I experienced that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I believe those "connected" to me are all good or at least reformed enough that we have the "power" to get any job done.

I am. Not afraid.

Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

I wrote a big response then just erased it. To be honest I can explain it away but it is not worth it. You caught me I was thinking about changing it anyway before you caught me on it. I rewrote it to be more clear. I get carried away with the passion of the moment sometimes. I like you. You did your thing gently thank you. I know who I am that is all that is important. That drifted from the discussion. It was a challenge though only to garner a response. I was reliving old wounds from the church at the time. they institutionalized me in the first place. Told me everything I said was biblical but I couldn't be who I claimed to be a prophet.

Now the manias are over I have scores to settle. You may not think that's enlightenment but it is life. You should have added the rest of the paragraph too it did give context to the challenge already. My wife beleived in me to until her church said I was nuts then I was nuts. These people riun lives with no accountability. I am not confused anymore. They are my enemy. The enemy of spiritual enlightenment is religion. So it is my enemy. I told you I could be smooth if I want to be. I challenge them not just anyone. I hope one or two will bite that is all. I want to exersize my metaphysical muscles a bit.

So you beleive enlightenment is harmony with the divine self. That is cool. Would you agree even in such a state that we will still exhibit emotions. That harmony is comprised of levels brought together creating something sounding pleasant to the ear. Treble and Bass working together. Higher and lower consciousness blending. I can offer a smile or yell at a student for being late neither takes away from the harmony just adds to it. I have bones to pick just as I have bones to mend. It's what makes me, me.

You see no one wins just the same demand rephrased. I will stay quiet now unless I am challenged to a debate or someone talks to me. Bye for now

Peace

Hello friend let me introduce myself, my name is Jack Opportunity. So you say you have a score to settle. Well my friend I know actually where you are coming from. Use to be the same way friend. Well have I got a deal for you.

It a brand new still in the box "Snap-Kick" missile launcher. Now this baby can be launch from 5 miles so you never even have to see if you hit your right target. Casualties you ask? Can't make an omelette's with out breaking a few eggs.

I can let you have it for $24.95 American. Interested?

OK passerbye999 that is a character I do for fun. I do know where you are coming from. I have battled them all, well their toughest at least. I find they are easier to defeat over time. They attacks they use are few. You now what I find works. I have Satan as a body guard. Now I am he and he is me, as, I am. So I just give them what they want and it scares the crap out of them enough that it drains their energy. And for stupid attacks like waves of warriors I am far to large for them to hurt. It is all in the way you think about it.

I know you are a master of the martial arts. I know you have honor. In my mind you are a Samari.

http://www.jikishin.com/Images/second.gif

Who sits content on a hill as the breeze blows. Alone in surrounding yet not alone.

I too have been very hurt, on purpose by a lot, through this life. I do know what you mean. I noticed that I don't get as pissed about things that happened to me years ago but the things that test my "honor" really piss you off, but for some reason I keep crying about it. I am not sad, but man it is like I have been conditioned. (And that is something that really irks me.)

Talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[anahata]

Passerbye, I understand you, really. I am happy you are being honest.

I left the rest of the paragraph out of the quotation for a reason and it was so that you could try and understand why you said it. I’m not saying I know why you said it but I think you might find some answers there.

Also, you might like to meditate on this theory of the ‘enemy’ and see if conflict is where you really want to be putting your energy. We become what we think and if you want to become a bitter, hateful person, sure do that. Who are we really fighting other than ourselves? If the leaves of a tree facing the shade were jealous of the leaves in the sun, they simply don’t understand their connections to each other.

There is a nice poem I heard which you might like…

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

[silvermonkey]

nice poem ^^

[anahata]

Thanks for the reply Anahata. And actually I have seen into the future at times, nothing big but like I have seen people or objects and then found them later, it was weird. I have seen things in visions, but never in signs. Signs are of the past. They are of what has happened.

And your last line strikes a nevre as I feel at times that I do have a path I am wondering down yet it is only lit from above in a spot around me. And there are some that feel they can direct me as they are "worthy" enough to steer the "flock" or whatever bs works best for them so the path to the goal is defined. So instead of telling what is to come why not jut jump to the end, go from there. I also get the feeling the reason why is because as much as they think they control the future they never know the end so it keep blowing up in there faces. As they don't mind "killing" to achieve their goal, yet they are not willing to take the same risk. But... I digress.



Well put. I also believe that the earths inhabitants are evolving. I believe from what I experienced that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I believe those "connected" to me are all good or at least reformed enough that we have the "power" to get any job done.

I am. Not afraid.

Shock the Karma

Kind of freaky isn't it?! Visions are hard for us to grasp with linear time consciousness.. when I had them in the past I had no idea who all these people were that I was hanging out with and then years or months later I would be living the visions out in real time.. addmittedly I don't think there's anything I could have done to change it, it was already a manifestation. As is, from this perspective, our current future.

Point being is we don't understand what infinities really mean and trust me, there isn't an end!! This is a free will zone which has been taken advantage of and it's as simple as that, take responsibility for your own will. I thought that other people were somehow my responsibility too but they have their own free will and their own karma to work through. Live how you want to live and how you want others to live, be the example you wish others would be to you. I've changed my way of living and I'm going through transformations I want to see, it's working for me so I trust it and there is enough of anything for everyone but we have to keep putting in what we want to attract towards us. If you want people to be generous towards you, you must be generous towards others.. it really works.

[quilliard]

Point being is we don't understand what infinities really mean and trust me, there isn't an end!! This is a free will zone which has been taken advantage of and it's as simple as that, take responsibility for your own will. I thought that other people were somehow my responsibility too but they have their own free will and their own karma to work through. Live how you want to live and how you want others to live, be the example you wish others would be to you. I've changed my way of living and I'm going through transformations I want to see, it's working for me so I trust it and there is enough of anything for everyone but we have to keep putting in what we want to attract towards us. If you want people to be generous towards you, you must be generous towards others.. it really works.

Anahata, I have some issue with what you write as I have already heard the words so many times. First, is it not possible that some may have an understanding that others don't and if so then is it not possible that their understanding is on a higher level?

As for the free-will zone, that is a lie. There is no such thing as free-will with what is happening. When a force pushes you in a direction and others pull, you have lost your free-will. When choices become between two things I want FOR YOU, then your free-will is lost.

Now I have heard many times from many people "Save yourself." but it is not in my nature. I am. If I am to save myself all must be saved. It is quite a catch-22 I have gotten myself into.

As for living by example, here is the list of "rules" that I live by everyday. https://sites.google.com/site/commonsenseideals/ I compiled a lot from sources and wrote a lot of them as well.

As for the be "generous" line (I say with sarcasm) that is a load of malarkey. I have done to much in my life, not that I except to sit back and by rewarded, but at least not to be attacked in the way I was. What happened to me leads me to believe that most people after the age of 13 become JERKS and then decide if they are going to be "nice" to you. I am really disheartened by the "gifts" my "friends" gave me for what I have done in the past and have currently done. It was really out of control. It was mean. Just very unforgivably mean. And there is no other words for it.

I found being "generous" with others with either with time or tangible items leads to a very bad thing. Which is so wrong on so many levels. I can't even give someone a painting anymore with out thinking that I or they are going to be punished for it. So as the thought of "Do your own thing" may work for some it does not for others.

In addition there are people in my life that had no reason to do the things they did to me, but it fell together for this stupid and I repeat stupid "TEST" that I was put through.

Before this started I was working at the State, doing good work, I had purchased some land that I was building an Artist Community on near a small town. And I got too close to success or I wasn't working fast enough, what ever the case, it was ripped from me. Then so many kept coming to me "Oh just rebuild." or "Well I guess it wasn't meant to be." or "Do something completely new." or whatever they would say.

After this 6 year plus "mind" raping I find myself to be the same person I was when I started except I really can't stand to look in peoples faces anymore, literally. I really hate everyone that was involved in this, with me or another. Period.

And I have witnessed things, as so have others, that go beyond coincidence and into trend.

I am not longer searching for inner peace as I have had my free-will taken, I no longer search for "treasure" as I have had my free-will taken, but I will not stand idly by and watch as another's is stolen from them.

Shock the Karma

[anahata]

Now I have heard many times from many people "Save yourself." but it is not in my nature. I am. If I am to save myself all must be saved. It is quite a catch-22 I have gotten myself into.

Not in your nature to save yourself? Did someone else draw you to this site and tell you to ask questions to understand what is going on? You are already saving yourself.. you are in the process.

What I’ve been led to believe is that the subconscious mind contains all aspects of the manifestation and all involuntary systems are controlled by this. What we do not control controls us. We have the choice to use free will but freedom is something that comes with liberation within higher consciousness.

Our consciousness is limited by our past actions, it is a reflection of our understanding. The levels we meet accord to the laws of cause and effect. If you buy a book full of knowledge you are craving and haven’t read it, that’s because of your karma.. You’re not ready to really read it. When you have enough aspiration you will pick it up again. I’ve found that sometimes I can read something and think I’ve understood it, then read it another time and managed to interpret it from a new angle because since last time, I've had a conscious experience which altered my perception. I'm not talking about profound change but little things at a time.

When we become aware of every REACTION taking place in the body, we’ll be one step closer to learning to control every ACTION within the body.. we will begin to regulate body temperature, heart rate, emotional states and much more. We suffer because we have become ignorant of our own power to control ourselves and so we are running on basic functions led by the limitations we have created ourselves. Because we cannot control ourselves, we blame the others because the ego knows it can’t possibly be our fault and will make up any excuse to prove it.
The government and modern society are a reflection of our current state as a population, we have woven this repression together it is our test to overcome it and when we do we’ll have other tests, coming back through lifetimes paying back our debts of hatred towards ourselves. If you become liberated after 100000 lifetimes you might decide to return for a few more to help the others for a while or move onto astral worlds, levels upon levels and if you reach godly status you might come back to burn the karma of thousands within one lifetime.. think how much suffering you would go through to burn the karma of thousands of people, all the time to know they wouldn't even know.

When I say be generous to others and they will be generous to you, I wasn’t talking about being nice to frank and frank will be nice back. Frank is suffering from his own dissolution of the world and can’t see you’ve done him a favour. However, another part of the system HAS to pay you back in some way and it’s not necessarily going to come back in the same way like you give an apple to someone and the universe returns you with an apple. It does it in the way you need it, maybe someone offers you a lift to the airport when you’re taxi doesn’t turn up or your hard drive packs in so you get a free upgrade on the warrantee. Mysterious ways and all that.

The universe isn’t unfair. The ego will tell you otherwise.

[erniemink]

I notice your symbol is of the black dragon. write as private message to me and tell me more about yourself. I have a lot we can talk about, trust me that I cannot put here live on the forum.

[passerbye999]

Passerbye, I understand you, really. I am happy you are being honest.

I left the rest of the paragraph out of the quotation for a reason and it was so that you could try and understand why you said it. I’m not saying I know why you said it but I think you might find some answers there.

Also, you might like to meditate on this theory of the ‘enemy’ and see if conflict is where you really want to be putting your energy. We become what we think and if you want to become a bitter, hateful person, sure do that. Who are we really fighting other than ourselves? If the leaves of a tree facing the shade were jealous of the leaves in the sun, they simply don’t understand their connections to each other.

There is a nice poem I heard which you might like…

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Thanks for the poem I appreciate it. I erased my original answer because it breaks my heart that I felt I even had to say those things. I come under spiritual attack when I write such things. Not from God, God says speak but from somewhere else. I need to discern where these feelings come from before I speak further on certain subjects.

I will summarize it though short and clear after thinking about it over night. The enemy is real not in me. It is the Bilderberg Group and their Business associates. Using war, famine and plague to induce religious fervor to cull their Herd and profit from it in many ways. I asked the Muslims to open up the Dome of the Rock for all to go and see what the fuss is really all about in Religion. There will be no real peace until it is a World Heritage site. It belongs to no one and everyone. So the three real world powers would embrace. Judiasm , Christianity and Islam. For they are all Descendants of Abraham. All are relatives of Isreal. Christianity and Islam were founded from Judiasm. Why should the sons want to usurp their Father for a crown that does't exist. The Romans took care of that. Why wouldn't the Father want to embrace his Sons if they weren't trying to kill him and each other he might. If the Jews can't hold the Temple Grounds no one should the World should. To many other faiths are bound by these three's actions and prophesies for an end of times where only those chosen have the right to live.

It's a man made tale. For my experience of God denies such a possibility.This tale creates pressures that create mania or death. It is real and it is a political cause worth writing and debating about, maybe even fighting for. It does not make me bitter it makes me feel alive. Adding my voice to my eyes and ears. In a way the whole situation reminds me of Thomas Pain whose writings helped spark a revolution. Without him and those like him( My Great Grandfathers included) there would not be a Land of Freedom and Liberty toward all and their would be no Canada maybe more so than the first. I am a Canadian we are the Peacekeepers our Red Maple Leaf is Respected Everywhere. I wear it in my own way.

We have Mosques every where in Canada no one minds they are less intrusive than Christian sects. We have lots of Jews no one minds again less intrusive than Christians. We have Christians no one minds even though they can be intrusive. We have Buddhist Temples, Taoist Temples and Hindu Shrines. We are a nation of many nations so is the States it is what we were founded on. Even the crazies wander the streets and no one pays them any mind. We have good ideals but in the last Decade or so we don't stand up to the States any more. Oh for more Trudeaus. Even the countries of peace like my country. Are moving toward this new agenda. Why is Canada at war? We only fight real wars and help win them as the past has proven. This is not a war but an agenda that no one wins but the designers. Our soldiers bleed and kill for an Aristocrates agenda. Noble blood bite me again. We are all Kings and Queens.

David Icke we say so much of the same stuff in different ways and both of our imfo comes from inside. We are becoming many but will we be enough? Only time will tell.

Religious and other teachers feul the fire. Knowingly or unknowingly. There are other ways to follow but they are the minority and ultimately swayed by the major powers just like politics. You see challenge me and you challenge my ideals and then they come to light.


The Rock

Olives in the sand
A golden dome on the Rock
Arches in the vault
Paranoia kept it safe
The treasure of Israel
Holy of Holies
Beside the Foundation stone
A natural cave
Underneath, the Well of Souls
The world meets the underworld
Sitting in the cave
Prophets heard the still small voice
A voice whispering
When the wind blew over them
Or when they listened inside
The breath of YHWH
Hovering over the sands
Just like the first day
When she spoke to creation
Waking from its slumber

(The Breath of YHWH is the Holy Spirit which is femenine in essence, Sophia , Ruach Hakodesh)

One last thing it is true whether it hurts feelings or not. The Jews have been very graceful most of them just wishing the whole issue would go away but extremists run the show on both sides. If things go down the States will back the Jews that is why they are in the middle east( Last night I called it the Fourth Crusade). There is not much the Muslims could do about it. Look what happened in Iraq. Used to be one of the biggest armies in the world and the counrty was rolled over like it didn't even exist. Muslems are stubborn and So are the Jews and most Christians just want them shaking hands and sharing between themselves and them.

This is not a threat and shouldn't be taken as one but either of them could be removed at the U.S's and their Alliances whim. The U.S. and Christian Countries gave the Jews their foothold and the Jews fought for it with aid from their allies. in their Biblical Land again. A Book and Heritage far older than the Koran. There are atrocities on both sides but Saladin will never ride again to victory nukes or not. It's all about YHWH and BAAL and who owns the Rock. But YHWH is Baal(Lord) so there isn't even an arguement. Call him Allah if you want. One God for all humankind not just a chosen people. We are all the chosen people.

So armaggedon for real I doubt it, no one wants a conventional war with this League of Nations not even Russia and China but it could happen if religious fervor is allowed to bloom into an Orchid of Death and Destruction. Tohu Va Bohu (waste and desolation). The enemy is inside ourselves yes but it is very real on the outside as well. That is why I say. That enlightenment is cool but we have to live in the here and now. The here and now is scary. The Cold war just ended and has been supplanted with a war on Terror. What is a war on terror? Fighting terror with terror. Terror creates fear, uncertainty, rage, distrust, violence, discrimination, and racism. That is the world we live in right here and right now. The cold war never left it just changed faces.

So we have wars and rumors of wars created by men, we have plagues and rumors of plagues created by men, We Have Famine created by men. We have natural disasters possibly created by men. Do you see where the fervor could come from?

If I don't fight this enemy in my own way I will become bitter and angry at myself for not trying. I want world Peace. I fought for it in the Square and I fight for it now. I scatched backs with a dirty old man for Peace. Thank God I won't have to do that again. I truly believe we are alone on this one in my heart I feel it. All the answers lay in us its up to us to make change one mind at a time it may be time for the Mob to Rule. The Mob doesn't understand or wield their power very well though as demonstrated in the past.

So what is the answer to the ultimate question how do you accomplish a completely peaceful revolution. How could the question of armaggedon be answered peacefully? I will tell you how don't burn the Books. Gently remove the pages and passages about armaggedon from all faiths and bury them in a tomb with accorded blessings for religious scripture. Then they are gone and no more worries. Armaggedon will be Dead. Grafting in and Grafting out. All that will leave is the Bildebergers and their associates with a lot less sway over the masses because people would look more closely than they did before about where their problems really lay. Everyone would stop looking for a messiah and become one themselves. Then if the Messiah does come we will be ready. Prophets do not like being prophets they wish it would all go away. Prophesy will end with the Death of Armaggedon. Which may never come.

" In my mind we are all Israel I explained it before. The cross is in heaven just as it is on earth. Latitudes and longitudes on earth and in space. The 12 and 72 the ancient constellations. Simcha Jacobovici's (Hope I spelt that right) Chevron with a dot in the center the Pyramid of Giza and the royal chamber. Ascension to heaven. the Holie of Holies within the Temple. Look to Egypt for they hold the secrets, Karnak. Dynasties intermingled and secrets revealed. Solomon and the Templars the Royal Seal. Monarchy and Royal Blood. Enter the Bight ones the Illuminati. I know there is One who crafts his patterns with magic. Powerful but puny. The world will know you one day you will be forced from the shadows. I can feel you, we will meet someday you and I. As sure as I scratched backs with a naked man and your ancestors killed mine. In the spirit of Elijah what do you say? Your God against mine or join me in friendship. I am really looking for you not the messiah. It is why I am here."

( You know honestly I think this ramble is towards the Pope but I am not sure it just came to me and this is an add in. I have many bones to pick with Him. Him and Royalty were my enemies mainly in my manias, them and the bad aliens . Could be a subconscious outburst because of the conscious dialogue or God telling me to do my thing. Who knows? I am leaving it in.)

Sorry prophecy tangent it happened all last night too. Words are funny you can play with them. Mould them like clay. Sometimes they just flow with the mysteries and it is a rush. I can't help myself when it happen's I just write and sometimes erase. I will leave this second take and not erase it. If nothing else it shows how my mind works. You see when you meet the so called masters you see they are just like any body else with there concerns and cares. You see I am just a man with sin that is what makes me enlightened I know it and understand it, sin. Romans chapter 7: 14-24 I have lived and over came it. My redemption came from understanding, my salvation from knowledge and my wisdom came from the experience. The love was all mine and Gods. 1 Corinthians 13.



With words flowing out
I put my thoughts to paper
Like calligraphy
Although my pen is my brush
precise strokes forming letters

The words are notes
The ideas the tempo
With simple music
Melody is in the voice
Bringing the song together

A song never sung
For it is spoken or read
Quiet harmony
An innocent expression
That becomes a symphony

Without instruments
An orchestra in motion
Forming connections
By filling the void with sound
Silence is inspiration

Drawing attention
To the flowers and the thorns
Embracing them both
To see a clearer picture
From the words of a poem

Most of you may think what is this metaphysical, political madness but it is part of the discussion to me.

Sound theology
Metaphysical madness
Inspired by its truths
I wonder if docile minds
Can fathom those mysteries

Peace

[blue2]

Really bi polar is Autoimmune Thyroiditis..and i am not kidding i found an Abstract on Thyroid UK in 2006 on research of it,unassociated with lithium exposure.

[quilliard]

Not in your nature to save yourself? Did someone else draw you to this site and tell you to ask questions to understand what is going on? You are already saving yourself.. you are in the process.

No offence Anahata, my up coming frustration is not with you, just I have heard this so many times before.

I believe that help yourself line is garbage, because from what I was told, the "We throw the weak to die" crap is not true. As if it was when a child was born it would drop from it's mothers womb to the ground and be expected to follow for food.

Now why I came here is not for answers, but to share what is going on with me and then if I get some answers BONUS!

Now I truly believe that God has taken me as "Host" or however you want to put it. I am also "Host" to Satan. This has been very suck but they other day they finally let Satan worship in his on way. It was really cool. Not what you would think.

So now I have this little predicament.

So let's say that I am beyond the "Baby Steps" stuff. What I need is some people to have the balls enough to say "I understand" and be coherent about it. Now from there we can see what happens.

I know I am not alone.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Really bi polar is Autoimmune Thyroiditis..and i am not kidding i found an Abstract on Thyroid UK in 2006 on research of it,unassociated with lithium exposure.

There is some merit in this in a way. Check it out I did. it's like a cause and effect thing manias.

[passerbye999]

No offence Anahata, my up coming frustration is not with you, just I have heard this so many times before.

I believe that help yourself line is garbage, because from what I was told, the "We throw the weak to die" crap is not true. As if it was when a child was born it would drop from it's mothers womb to the ground and be expected to follow for food.

Now why I came here is not for answers, but to share what is going on with me and then if I get some answers BONUS!

Now I truly believe that God has taken me as "Host" or however you want to put it. I am also "Host" to Satan. This has been very suck but they other day they finally let Satan worship in his on way. It was really cool. Not what you would think.
So now I have this little predicament.

So let's say that I am beyond the "Baby Steps" stuff. What I need is some people to have the balls enough to say "I understand" and be coherent about it. Now from there we can see what happens.

I know I am not alone.

Shock the Karma


I understand quilliard the experience is like possession or taking hosts. Ziping inbetween personalities. Each with ther own unique flavour. So what about what people think the experience is all. It is always there. It is like a cup overflowing with no end. The twin pillars are inside of you arched with your own arch you. You are the footstone and the capstone. A Temple built on Rock not sand. Is that what you wanted to hear, it is the truth. So share.

I want to know what you have to say for real maybe I could learn something from you. It is how it works the sharing of ideas. I know what you mean sort of by the Worhip session. I dance it is a trip my soul takes over and I dance for God the ancients had it right. I become transparent to the music and move through it like mist. I swim through the beat or I fly over it, it is Great.

If you want to talk as Satan that's cool with me. Satan's messenger. Gods messenger same thing. I have been waiting for you to say what you came here to say. I have seriously. I have just listened waiting patiently. Every messenger has a message what is yours? Mine is everybody become the messiah, what is yours? "Follow me" if so why?

Make it simple like a Quote or go nuts. For example I have gone nuts here's a quote." Don't boil a kid in it's mothers milk." Which is a Kosher law. Which could be attributed to the burning of fossil fuels in this age though. Earth's fossil fuels(Mother's milk) and Boiling the kid or kids in it would be us if Al Gore is correct. So in this light go green.

It could also mean what you are going through Mother's milk being the spirit the kid being you because if your spirit comes to boiling temperature watch out brother. This might be the pressure release valve that you need. I am a steamfitter as well I know prv's are important if you don't want an explosion. Use the vehicle trust me it's great I discovered it's all cool no one cares how weird it gets. You see even parables and passages are like numbers and words that you can bend to your will.

I was nervous at first as you can tell by my statements. Now I understand it for what it is a vehicle for sharing ideas weird or brilliant or both which is usually the case.

Become a Samurai practice Bushido. You wear the armor of God and your Katana is the spirit of wisdom and truth. It is a keyboard your keyboard. Wield it well and Banzai!

Do you know that kung fu means? It means "effort and perseverence." There are many masters of kung fu out there living and dying in their beliefs. What are yours? If you are a or the messiah you are supposed to come to us not us to you otherwise how will we ever know? The worst you can become is only a human being which we all are already including the messiah.

It's also part of my arguement that teachers should be seeking self claimed messiahs seeing what they have to say and learn from the experience rather than dismissing it because their own selfish desires were not rewarded thus passing the buck to the doctor's. Do you understand what I mean? I have been making a huge arguement for our cause. Help me and help yourself. I want your help (E=m+G) man.

Peace Friend and Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

I understand quilliard the experience is like possession or taking hosts. Ziping inbetween personalities. Each with ther own unique flavour. So what about what people think the experience is all. It is always there. It is like a cup overflowing with no end. The twin pillars are inside of you arched with your own arch you. You are the footstone and the capstone. A Temple built on Rock not sand. Is that what you wanted to hear, it is the truth. So share.

Honestly never thought about it until you said it. I don't know how to respond to that. Really. The more we know the more we realize we don't know.


I want to know what you have to say for real maybe I could learn something from you. It is how it works the sharing of ideas. I know what you mean sort of by the Worhip session. I dance it is a trip my soul takes over and I dance for God the ancients had it right.

What Satan did was just prostrate himself to the setting sun. No one around. It was nice to not be attacked when it happened.


If you want to talk as Satan that's cool with me. Satan's messenger. Gods messenger same thing. I have been waiting for you to say what you came here to say. I have seriously. I have just listened waiting patiently. Every messenger has a message what is yours? Mine is everybody become the messiah, what is yours? "Follow me" if so why?

The message is in a nut shell.

"Everything is going to be O.K." - God.

The message larger version.

"What the fuck! Just put the mother fucking guns down! What the fuck do you want me to do? Seriously! Who do I kill in a WAR! Let me choose sides! I am BEING SARCASTIC! What the fuck is wrong with you idiots!...." - God.

It goes on like that for a while. God really thinks that the place is really close to as close as you are going to get with some simple fixes.

1. The ozone layer. This will repair it self if we reduce blah blah blah.
2. Wars. Just end them. Stay in your own yard. If you need a gun for your army, you may arm them only in your own country (Morons, war is stupid and lazy.)
3. Starvation. There is enough food produced and thrown away to create an emergency food bar that can feed many. You pay people not to grow food. (Rice) Just reverse it. Pay them to grow rice and send it to places that are starving.
4. Sorry about the cancer, didn't see that coming.
5. Psychiatrists have a weird profession. (God is surprised more of them don't go to jail. Since there are laws against what they do.)
6. Good job to the ones that really tried. I did take notice, just didn't have the time to take my eye off your stupid sister and brother.
7. You are evolving. Through knowledge and instinct.

"I will kick your asses if I have too! I have done it before and I will do it again. Don't make God sad." - Satan

List of suggestions available at "Common Sense Ideals" to make life easier.

There is more. It really is a long list, but most is pretty good. God is able to see things from a distance so to speak and to God, things look like they should be pretty easily fixed. Like decriminalizing hemp. There is over a 1000 uses for it.


I was nervous at first as you can tell by my statements. Now I understand it for what it is a vehicle for sharing ideas weird or brilliant or both which is usually the case.

Become a Samurai practice Bushido. You wear the armor of God and your Katana is the spirit of wisdom and truth. It is a keyboard your keyboard. Wield it well and Banzai!

I am glad we connected.

My amor was crafted by the finest of smith in all of the known and unknown universes. I never have to wear it though. But it is really cool to look at. It has these big wings on the back and the suit is made of bands of metal. It is very cool.


It's also part of my arguement that teachers should be seeking self claimed messiahs seeing what they have to say and learn from the experience rather than dismissing it because their own selfish desires were not rewarded thus passing the buck to the doctor's. Do you understand what I mean? I have been making a huge arguement for our cause. Help me and help yourself. I want your help (E=m+G) man.

Oh man I do know exactly what you mean. See I do not think I am the only one. I think I am the first to be able to "verbalize" what is happening. As for the "Selfishness" of it I think you will find that most believe that it is the "Others" selfishness and not their own that is holding them back.

Energy = (mass + Gravity) in a vacuum?

So passerbye999 why do you think this is happening? Do you

Shock the Karma and Peace Friend.

[passerbye999]

I am glad we connected.



Yeah me too. What do I think? I think many things. I thank you for responding first though. Give me some time and I'll organize my thoughts.

[quilliard]

So you want to try something? Like I have a theory that a lot of us get the same thoughts for something but different imagery in their head. I think people are more empathic than psychic.

Now I believe that our instincts are evolving.

In addition to something that we already had the ability to do but are just starting to recognize what is happening.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Hi sorry for getting back so late. Yesterday was Thanksgiving for us Canucks. It was all family and food.

I knew we would get there you know. Telepathy, empathy and psychic abilities.

A high percentage of psychics have been diagnosed with mental illness. Alot with Bi polar I with schytzoeffectice tendencies because of hearing voices and communicating with the spirits and the dead.

Which brings me to you quilliard. You are spritually attacked alot aren't you? You mentioned it before. When you mentioned Satan's worship you mentioned it again. This is for you if you can understand.

Go west into the setting sun through the long night until morning. The evening star prostrates itself to the west to become the morning star with the advent of day. Announcing the rise of the east. Through the cycles you are one though split into night and day. I can see the light in the darkness, the shadows in sunlight. Giving texture to your perception. Channel the spirits if you will but do not let them in. Only you should inhabit you. One is persistant and speaks in the night whispering in you ear. He asks me why I hate him so much, I answer it is his nature. We all serve God in our own way his is Helter Skelter. Beware my friend beware. He is real not just a manic thought. He wants us all to become him not worshipping in our own ways but his. So push him out and move on with the experience. learn from him do not become him. Do you sometimes feel that pressure on you chest? Slight vertigo while you enter a semi trance like state not of your choosing or the time of your choosing? Voices asking you to let them in and become one with them?

You see at first I thought yours was just a manic concept understanding. Until two nights ago after I wrote to you he came to me in a trance. Hasn't happened for years Whining why I hate him so, to let him do his thing. It was about you quilliard. You are special and he wants you. I think your learning with him is about over. God will not let it continue for much longer it is maybe why you are posting. God's and satan's messages out of you are valid they show your emotions toward the subjects but are valid. Your thoughts are Gods thoughts so to speak. I beleive though the real dark force is using your new awareness and confusion to plant some thistles in your rose garden.

He did it to me in the past, I know his games. He is confusion and deciept the embodiement of them. Trust me learn to discern and identify "Those eyes" whenever and wherever you see them. He is the one that does't want me writing on this site. Him and his real followers. He is BAAL. Baalzebub( the lord of the flies) and is very Real and can be beaten. Our power lies within.

Now to be clear the concept of Satan and the God? Baal are two different things.The two sons of El who fight for his throne there were 70. One is virtue, one is vice. One is Israel the other Canaan. Baal's voice is louder and clearer than YHWH's and confuses many pshycics. This is where empathy comes in it allows the pshycic to discern the inention of the voices and within people. Once intention is discerned the mind will play out with kindness or not. Yet don't get me wrong there is nothing to fear. Practice a method of thought but keep everything out but you in your self.

That is why when the holy spirirt comes to you it is like wow because it isn't possessing everyday constantly but just for moments when needed for confirmation if things are out of your control. If you feel wow all the time or under attack something else is going on. Spirits are like weeds once in their roots spread out and there is a loss of self as they take over.

Now quilliard you understand why I wanted you to talk as Satan I wanted to know which one I am dealing with. I can't see your eyes but I can hear your voice. You see I don't trust a Brother God who wants to kill his Brother God for the Father's throne either. I know my enemies quilliard you and the concept of Satan or Set are NOT but the real Baal definately IS. I am curious as to why he decided to show himself to you? I know it doesn't happen everyday escpecially to His non beleivers.

We are very similar quilliard it's almost eery. Like I said fellow prophet " A prophet who has never wrestled with Satan or God has no use to the people."
You are wrestling I can feel it in your words. I am not saying you need doctors or to be excorsized or anything like that. Just wrestle the round will end soon and move on to the next match. One big Round Robin.

After my wrestling tourney I now only have two enemies Baal and his Servant. They can still become friends I am working on it but on equal terms though nothing less. quilliard it really pisses Baal off that I write on this site. It pisses him off period that I write but here these thoughts in public annoyes him greatly. Using his real name annoyes him the most. Asherah was his consort too in legend, his YHWH's and El's, she got around in legend.
It could be all about her you know? Anyway.

quilliard I still want to continue our original conversation I just felt I needed to share that with you to ponder over because I understand. What knee did Satan kneel on? Did he go down on his right knee with his left hand resting on his left and his right hand over his heart as he stared down or the opposite staring up? Did he tell you that he would retire after you died and that you could take his place being a good servant of God? He told me that. I don't beleive him. Only God could or would bestow such a thing and in your words quilliard God wouldn't do that he would end the position.

One thing you learn from Satan is that his counseling ain't worth shit! He loves to make manic people beleive they are him, that it is good, that He is good. "Understand my plight" he says "look what I have had to do for God to you because you need to be tested." Look what I have done for you to ward God" There are solid Generals and Generals that go astray creating war crimes. They always try to justify their actions when all they had to do was say no. Go to their own demise possibly but making the choice of the consciencs No.

You see when I thought I was Satan was my last mania from beginning to end. Never before. All of my references to being Satan comes from here. "I am covered in blood " I would say. "I am the Angel of Death and am covered in blood" It is why I thought I was going to die for an eternity of sin. I was made mortal to die and pay for my sins. I asked God " I don't remember being Satan except for in flashes of a war in heaven, where I killed our Father.
I chose humankind but alas they failed me and chose you." "I am the master of war , magic and warfare are mine, who shall I pass them to my son?" God replied "To no one for now I will decide". Later God chose me again after I die. I'll see when the time comes. I hope not.

I would chant Lucifer calling for my Diana. It was a trip.

You see the step from partial to direct possession is in incriments that becomes yards very fast. I am not satan never was but where did the memories come from? Him. I caught him in his bluff before I thought I was going to die that night in the hospital waiting to fall asleep and never wake up. God is not petty why would he punish me in this way unless I chose it myself. So it was Satan in the chair taunting and judging me not God. My life was in God's hands so I might wake up after all. I had HOPE. With Gods love I awoke in the morning beleiveing I was in hell(hell was the hospital ward but heaven was the hostital so it was alright.) but awake. Faith, hope and love. Satan did his best to kill me that mania for real. Even a car slamming into a post within a few feet of me while walking down the street during the mania. I felt it coming the attack before the accident so I was aware when it happened and moved out of the way safely. Royalty and Religion can bite me but this Entity can "kiss my ass". You know I could be an anti -christ and a christ at the same time. I would balance myself out then. You see like Samson I know to much of the both tribes for a normal person. I passed the test though.

This or these entities could really very well be aliens though. I am strongly leaning that way. I talk using religion and politics through poetry. Everything I write is cryptic. They use it too, I think they invented it. These Elohim or Annunaki or mabye both. We beleive in God but not in aliens? There is more proof for aliens than God. They use mind control, they are telepathic and can manipulate radio and television frequencies. The Angels and Legions in heaven. Maybe like some authors have suggested they went away for awhile and have returned in this last century or are returning. that is why I mentioned "Starchild" We will need an ambassador chosen by birth. When that one comes they will come. Messiah coming on the clouds? After 25 years of study on religion and philosophy led me here to this conclusion.

They are the ones messing with you I believe quilliard. I think they create the mania with small signs and telepathy. What makes some people unique to them though is there physiology. A lot of possible causes insanity, spirits, gods or aliens. My advice keep them all out. But analyze them and learn it will never go away you are a sensitive to the spirit world it can be awesome and bizarre at the same time.

This is why you have come so far in your journey though it took me 5 manias to get there with satan and end them. It is a journey into the subconscios mind to your deepest fears then embracing and overcoming them. In God you were reaffirmed in Satan you were cleansed. When I say push the spirits out is they will come to you because of who and what you are and need to be kept at a safe personal distance from you just like living people. Use your spirit and keep them there but be nice unless they are not then don't be nice back. God talks to us and almost never sends the spirit to possesses us. Not unless it is a dire situatuion.

I become a "Beserker" it's in my blood I am part Danish. No need for that except in spiritual or real warfare. So not much possession only twice in my last mania. While I was struggling with satan and him trying to have me beleive I was him. God had me do a fast in my apartment for three days only water and tobacco. I was a Taoist immortal posing in my poses watching the mysterious tv programs that talked to me and suddenly I started doing this wicked breathing exersize out of nowhere( I still practice it now it pumps you up) I was manic in a fast but I was filled with this electrical energy I was mad as a hatter and pumped right up. It took spirits to calm me down.

My guides came and restrained me and brought me down. They were threatening someone spritually using me as a weapon the were female ones name was if I can remember correctly Naomi and Rebecca there was one more can't remember her name though. Yes my spirit guides restrained me and kept me from wandering the streets in that condition. Pinned me to me bed I couldn't move until I calmed down I was aware of what was happening it was just part of a mania. The second time they let me walk for a bit then called it off. I was a real Berserker though for a bit giggling and powerful. It would have been quite scary to an outside obsever. I was the Hangman. Jesus Christ, Horus. In my head the Angels chanted Horus! Horus!Horus! Ra! Ra! Ra!

I was David the Dancer and Poet ,King of Israel. That's were my dancing came from wasn't much into it before.
I was all these things but still just me the great passerbye looking for substance to my poems. I was all these things but still me. There is a process to becoming a prophet. It reminds me of a story because the story is the path.

Three wise men are allowed to view and understand the mysteries of God. The first goes in and views the mysteries and is instantly struck dumb and mute and runs from the Holy of Holies in terror and remorse. The second walks in and is instantly driven mad and dumbfounedly ambles out of the room spouting nonsense about nonsense. The third wise man slowly walks into the room and instantly dies and is carried from the room.

At first you are at wonder with the whole experience, you explore this new world and become inward for awhile. then you want to speak out and be heard. You have new found wisdom, you want to share but people think you are speaking nonsese because your journey is not complete only after have you died the death, can you be reborn and clarified with your speach. What is the death you ask? You have to believe you are going to die, die, then wake up. The experience is unique to the individual and culture. In Christianity do you see the resemblence of the empty tomb story.


In their language it is simple for me so here I go. You have to become like Christ and walk in his ways. He became God by believing " I am" and then became God, always was God, is God and always will be God by association. We can do this to but we have to Die and be reborn into the Light. Which means a conscious death and rebirth, a Crimson Pheonix is what I see holding an Ichtys in it's claws as it rises from the ashes. I had a seizure kind of weird thing while being the Taost Immortals and had understood these teachings so already had an intellectual death and rebirth. Plus my death experience in the hospital I did it three times. It was all real to me my kung fu became much stronger from the experiences.

I have done it again babbled away, your turn quilliard what do you have to say? I do enjoy when you narrate using the dialogue it speaks clear to me. Let me know what you think God thinks about what is being said. I'll be like our own "Concersations with God" going back and forth. Forgive me for the tangents but "Sono Io" " I am I". I am half Lombardian(Lombardy Italy). Quarter English, quarter Danish and half Italian but all Canadian. That's why I can't be the messiah but I can be a prophet( teacher). I am a " Shouter" we are strange but still prophets. Prophets do exist and have existed for as long as we have been seen as people maybe earlier as old as prostitution at least. We are treated the same. So most just shut up and hide.

You know what saved me though Buddhism and Taoism, Chan. I love Chan it is my religion of no religion, it is my Banner and Bastion. It makes the obscure clarified. Words of a Chan Nazirite. A Chan Nazirite who wants Peace
and a Socially Democratic Welfare State of Goverment who claims to be a Prophet of God. That's whole purpose is to find my mystery man again the man on the hill. It is him I seek. An Afro- American man in his early thirties. He may even be the real christ or the anti christ. I met him and felt his energy he was very powerful. I am hoping to meet him again when I return to Toronto from Alberta.

There was too much magic pointed at me there for too long I had to make a tactical retreat for awhile. The power was strong even seperating me from my son who had witnessed miracles with me and now won't talk to me because of a Judge.They are everywhere both sides watching for the outcome of the second meeting. Shall we fight or make peace I don't know but he is a real man and I hope he finds this blog. His God seperated me from my Son and I am pissed. He really doesn't want me to fast and go Berserk. At the same time if things are made right with the proper concessions peace can be achieved. I want to know what their game plan is. You see a cold war on earth that is not really built on armies but two human men. No one knows them but themselves. What are the odds of this game I am playing though? I write on this blog to tell a story, an epic story unfolding before my eyes for years. My wars in heaven and on earth. No armies just me against armies.

I asked for it when I was 17 though. I prayed with all of my soul to be the one to weild the Sword of Gabriel. To Fight as God's warrior with all of my being. I became that warrior. The sword is my tongue. I pray I am never given such a sword though. A beserker with a sword like that would be a whirlwind, a cycling scythe of death ecpescially if there where two swords. I prefer bare hands though like Elijah. I would chant that in the Centre, where I lived for a couple of days. Did I tell you the Jewish boys hung out the whole time, even coming up to me twice asking if I was Jew. I wasn't allowed in my head to speak out loud. It is why the encounters were weird these people were in my head or watching what was going on. Anyway the first time the boys came I was told to wink at them so I did. Later on or the next day they came back to me and asked the same question "was I a Jew" I winked at them again they said quite happily" He winked Good" Then went on their way excitedly.

I am not the Christ but people some imaginary people see me as their King. They are real though because one guy getting out of his car the morning after the storm walked by and looked me in the eye smiles nicely and said" Something like the messiah huh." Nodded his head politely and went off to wherever he was going. Another Lady shortly after getting out of her car with her chidren looks at me and smiles and nods her head and says" Look children our Masters got to go somewhere." I did later on I was gently arrested and taken to the hospital by my Ex-wife and my Mother. They didn't like the new and improved Jesus. I joke but by the end I was exhuasted and I was not eating and walking around talking to birds and squirrels.

The insanity does come but only after alot of really insane stuff starts happening around you. Is it insanity though? It is simply another reality. That's why to me hospitals are heaven and you have to go through a little bit of hell to get there. It gives you a nice space to chill and sort things out. They never gave me anything I didn't consent. If I didn't like something they would take me off. usually they gave me zyprexa to bring me down fast that's when I wrote most of my poetry in the hospital. The spirit was still in me I was still sensitive but my mind was hard to work. It was slow alot of my really good ideas were lost I could only hold on to a certain amount at a time.

I was on a awesome idea of dispersing waste into innerspace. which would disolve it to nothingness. You see if we were to travel to innerspace we would only be alright if we could reform from the nothingness in an inverse state. Garbage we would leave in nothingness but how could we exist consciously in an inverse state? This is creating blackholes not wormholes in a controlled environment. Biggest garbage dumps in the universe.
The Aliens hade me on a Tangent to solve the equation with no gravity and no time. Time was easy for me to dismiss but no gravity then it hit me.

I believe the universe is exponentially expanding outwards and inwards and it is the same for each part of it for they are One. So gravity is not a pull but a push because of this exponential expansion and contraction. As it pushes outward objects pull on it to stay attached. Like a baby to it's mother. This works on many levels. Any way I was on to a craft made of solid real heavy water. A transparent dome with a cylendar around it. That could travel worm holes safely. The craft looked like Saturn. The dome was the power source seperated from the living area. Powered by this blackhole theory. You travel through innerspace to reach destinations in place or time. Dissapear and reapear. No time involved or gravity.

Anyway I burned the formula for the heavy water in protest before I went in to the hospital. What a loss to me. So many hours. If we could make plastic water we wouldn't need plastic at all. It could be turned back into water. Water as a fuel. water as a transparent material for various uses. All I remember it was all about the hydrogen and the oxygen mixture attached to it. I am not a chemist what do I care about such things. Those Aliens are actually quite annoying.

Orion's Belt has a lot to do woth all of this I am not sure why Alnilam or Epsilon Orionus the middle star is so important it is four million years old and shrinking in mass quickly. Is there a planet with life in that sysyem like ours and that needs to relocate? They had everything to do at the square too because they were watching. Lots of people know they are here and they watch them all. When people awaken they are there too it is spooky. The government of the U.S. is in it with them somehow. Were the Sectret Service men two big muscular men, the one who stated to the musician " He was Secret Service" he had to move on was a blonde man the other had dark hair, both had light skin and the one who spoke wore a white shirt,were they there to watch or protect me? I'll maybe never know.

That's why I am posting. I want answers to a lot of things now that I am down and rested. Magic takes energy it can be exhausting to the mind and the spirit. You see quilliard in the sqaure with all of them waything I anounced myself before the rain as the "Son of the Lord of the Flies" You see I think I dissapointed some but some understood me. I wasn't the son of Baalzebub or Baal I was the son of YHWH for there is no Lord but YHWH and he is the Lord of the flies and eveything that flies my familiars, and everything else. I was watched by the police and security all night and no one did anything but hide from the rain when it fell. It was Sabbath the streets were full and I sat beneath my Banner the Canadian Flag. Like I said I may be the anti christ who knows?

Peace


Ouji once told me
Not to ever fear Satan
I understand why
Well, I found Satan was me
When I almost killed my world

Everything I do
Love or hate it is extreme
Both give me the rush
Only because I’m centered
Having control of my mind

I lost everything
To understand the hard truth
Sacrificed myself
I layed upon the alter
Baring my heart for us all.




The setting sun silhouettes
Barren trees bereft of green
Pastel clouds ripple the sky
Casting shadows on the earth
Covered in a sheet of snow
The moon comes out from behind the clouds
And shines onto a cold frozen lake
Try as it may no reflection shows
Like on warm starlight summer nights
When it appears as on a mirror
A giant orb of radiant moon glow
Shining back upon it’s own features
Like snow filling a great silver bowl
I covet no possessions and my hands are empty
I take nothing with me but my dust covered body
Though I appear ragged and dirty, I am content

[quilliard]

Telepathy, empathy and psychic abilities.

Which brings me to you quilliard. You are spritually attacked alot aren't you?
Yes I was attacked 24/7 for a while. But like Rogue from x-men when I got hit I had the power to use. Plus I knew that God told me everything was going to be OK so I figured if no one was going to actually kill me then I was going to be around for a while.

So I would taunt them with "Is that all you got!" and we went to war. They kept saying I was Satan, I kept saying no. Then finally I said "Alright Mother F*ckers I AM SATAN AND I ANSWER TO NO ONE BUT ONE! And I proceeded to kick there asses until they stopped attacking. I set up all kinds of games where you could win "imaginary" money and stuff. Satan carnival ride game. The thing is I always knew something was happening that was to important to quit on. That and the God stuff.

They all got it out of their system. Did you know that early on some would want to yell at God for stuff. Then they blamed Satan. Well that was then.


You mentioned it before. When you mentioned Satan's worship you mentioned it again. This is for you if you can understand.

Go west into the setting sun through the long night until morning. The evening star prostrates itself to the west to become the morning star with the advent of day. Announcing the rise of the east. Through the cycles you are one though split into night and day.
That was pretty much it. Prostrating self to the setting and rising sun. It was a private thing, but others joined.


I can see the light in the darkness, the shadows in sunlight. Giving texture to your perception. Channel the spirits if you will but do not let them in. Only you should inhabit you. One is persistant and speaks in the night whispering in you ear. He asks me why I hate him so much, I answer it is his nature. We all serve God in our own way his is Helter Skelter. Beware my friend beware. He is real not just a manic thought. He wants us all to become him not worshipping in our own ways but his. So push him out and move on with the experience. learn from him do not become him. Do you sometimes feel that pressure on you chest? Slight vertigo while you enter a semi trance like state not of your choosing or the time of your choosing? Voices asking you to let them in and become one with them?

Here is a problem I had in the past, I took all comers in the spirit world. I have stories man. I have stories.

Oh yeah the "Join us". What I find funny is they don't even know what they are. They don't know if they are Aliens or Angels or whatever.

I would join them if they would walk up to my door and ask me. And it has happened in the past, I asked for a messenger to come to my door and one did and told me EXACTLY what I said needed to be said. That was a while ago though, but I know it can happen.


I am curious as to why he decided to show himself to you? I know it doesn't happen everyday escpecially to His non beleivers.

I think it is because he was just doing is thing and well I caught him. The order of "intrusion" of me was.

1. Audience - These are things that are aware of what is happening. Mine came to me when I was working on the computer one day and my ears, both sides of my head, just went off like I had been struck by a beam or something. I got up and literally fell over to the couch with my hands over my ears. It hurt like hell. I could not sleep for three days easy, because of the ringing. It was like when I went to a Nugent concert when I was a kid. I could not hear. This ringing thing has become like a multi-use sonar.

2. Actors

3. God


We are very similar quilliard it's almost eery. Like I said fellow prophet " A prophet who has never wrestled with Satan or God has no use to the people."
You are wrestling I can feel it in your words. I am not saying you need doctors or to be excorsized or anything like that. Just wrestle the round will end soon and move on to the next match. One big Round Robin.

After my wrestling tourney I now only have two enemies Baal and his Servant. They can still become friends I am working on it but on equal terms though nothing less. quilliard it really pisses Baal off that I write on this site. It pisses him off period that I write but here these thoughts in public annoyes him greatly. Using his real name annoyes him the most. Asherah was his consort too in legend, his YHWH's and El's, she got around in legend.
It could be all about her you know? Anyway.
[/Qoute]

Baal huh? You don't want him, I will take him. I have Satan and Jack leading up my "You really want to do this?" squad. I have a lot of henchmen, I will take them too.

I am building the ultimate army. All reformed or the best. My army is built of the largest asset of modern lovefair that it is going to easily fall any army that comes. Period. We even have a slogan "Hooray for us, you suck." Well we are working on it. But seriously. I will take your enemies in. Sounds weird. "Could be a trick." No trick, Loki has been defeated long ago in my story. He runs a Magic and Trick Shop on another planet.


What knee did Satan kneel on? Did he go down on his right knee with his left hand resting on his left and his right hand over his heart as he stared down or the opposite staring up? Did he tell you that he would retire after you died and that you could take his place being a good servant of God? He told me that. I don't beleive him. Only God could or would bestow such a thing and in your words quilliard God wouldn't do that he would end the position.


Satan did not kneel, he prostrated himself, put his head to the ground and ass in the air facing the sunset. He surrendered to God. A long time ago I was offered the new job of Satan after I died, yes. The strange thing is that over time we became one. All three of us.


One thing you learn from Satan is that his counseling ain't worth shit! He loves to make manic people beleive they are him, that it is good, that He is good. "Understand my plight" he says "look what I have had to do for God to you because you need to be tested." Look what I have done for you to ward God" There are solid Generals and Generals that go astray creating war crimes. They always try to justify their actions when all they had to do was say no. Go to their own demise possibly but making the choice of the consciencs No.

Man you are preaching to the choir. I caught him though and Satan isn't going anywhere right now. If something happens out there it was because some idiot did it not because of Satan.


This or these entities could really very well be aliens though. I am strongly leaning that way.

This is an easy answer. And if you are going with aliens why not shot the moon and go with God. Seriously, think about it. Aliens? Wouldn't they have already done there thing and if there where only two of them or what ever why would they care if they lived or died. They would do their own thing, two crazy aliens on the town!


They are the ones messing with you I believe quilliard. I think they create the mania with small signs and telepathy. What makes some people unique to them though is there physiology. A lot of possible causes insanity, spirits, gods or aliens. My advice keep them all out. But analyze them and learn it will never go away you are a sensitive to the spirit world it can be awesome and bizarre at the same time.

I am so there. They already did their number. I took what they had to offer. But what needs to be remembered is that there are "agents" working for good as well.

Alright Passerbye999, we are in a strange world my friend. I have to go.

I will talk to you later

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Awesome post. So Satan surrended himself in front of you that is cool. What did he look like to you? I see his eyes in others eyes that he can use. I can feel him and his minions when they approach. Which hasn't been for a year thank God. What's up with Loki the trickster, Why does God need to build an army? I believe in God and Angels and Demons but Aliens are their children too. There are alot more than one or two trust me. Everything manifests itself in both worlds the here and now and the spirit world.

I will share a real secret a gift I was given when I met the old man. I see the microsopic life in my eyes they are like butterflies or flies cellular though they are cells I think. In deep meditation it is like a microscope they appear larger with more detail. When I see, always if I summon them in my mind they will appear as dark spots of mass not of light, they are there "flies in my eyes" I call them. I make them come and go from my sight at will. They appear when danger appears or when I need comforting. They also appear when I Sit at Peace they are my closest friends. we've been through alot together. They communicate in their own way. "Lord of the flies" get it. If they exist why not Aliens. I almost always meditate with my eyes open. You can't see in the dark.

Peace


I saw a hawk this morning
After talking to a dove
And then it rained hard again
I whistle then it rains
I went home and took a nap
When I woke up the sun was shining

[quilliard]

Awesome post. So Satan surrended himself in front of you that is cool. What did he look like to you? I see his eyes in others eyes that he can use. I can feel him and his minions when they approach. Which hasn't been for a year thank God. What's up with Loki the trickster, Why does God need to build an army? I believe in God and Angels and Demons but Aliens are their children too. There are alot more than one or two trust me. Everything manifests itself in both worlds the here and now and the spirit world.

I will share a real secret a gift I was given when I met the old man. I see the microsopic life in my eyes they are like butterflies or flies cellular though they are cells I think. In deep meditation it is like a microscope they appear larger with more detail. When I see, always if I summon them in my mind they will appear as dark spots of mass not of light, they are there "flies in my eyes" I call them. I make them come and go from my sight at will. They appear when danger appears or when I need comforting. They also appear when I Sit at Peace they are my closest friends. we've been through alot together. They communicate in their own way. "Lord of the flies" get it. If they exist why not Aliens. I almost always meditate with my eyes open. You can't see in the dark.

The army thing is an "analogy" meaning all are getting on the same side. The battle for good and evil has shifted to pretty much good in control. So to speak.

I have had Satan with me for a while. The past year is when he really started to attack back, not at me, but when I was attacked. What I picture is the "classic" Big horns, deep red "thick" skin, very strong, nude. Satan needs no armor. There was a big contingency of "We want Satan back in hell." as no one trusted "themselves" and needed a scape goat, but that was then.

What is up with Loki, he came to me several times, wanted to play. It is a long story. Just let it go at that. I will tell you later my encounter. For the most part, the "Demi-Gods" that are with me are at ease and ready to "attack" in the name of love.

As for the Alien thing. I know what you mean. I have seen in vision what they "want" to look like, but these are not visions of the "default" world and we must go with what we know. If aliens are to come they are welcome in as you are correct all is a part of God, known and unknown to us. But why not the Alien thing, because they would have done their thing already. It would be easy to fly into a "safe" place and announce themselves. It would. I do not think there would be as much panic as they would be treated like "stars". That is why.

Confusion is the enemies only real weapon. With it you can divide and conquer. Well I have so many connected to me that there is no more enemy it is all me. I have absorbed all the energy and "entertained" all along the way. It was not something I would consider being fun.

Now with confusion comes the searching for answers that best work with what we have. Aliens is the easiest to just agree with if you need most to take a leap of faith. It is strange isn't it Aliens before God but I digress... So now and just go with me for a second. You are connected to several spirits living and dead. Of these spirits they do not know who is who as all where in hiding so to speak. So what they do is try to persuade you to what they think is the most logical solution for something that doesn't make any sense at all. It is up to us to decide from what we know as truth to decipher and lead.

I get the points of light as well not all the time but sometimes they are mostly dark sometimes it is like 1000 fireflies all lit up sometimes a little from column A and a little from column b

You know I do believe that more will start to join the discussion and more light will be shed on the subject if we don't quit here.

My question is, what to do now? I personally am making a prediction about december 12th 2012 through December 21st 2012 Karma Shock. I have had many tell me that a miracle was needed. I am going with this. For nine days all on this planet will feel the best they ever had in their lives. God will make Gods presence known through sharing Gods love in the only way God can.

I believe this to be true. And it will happen, for me I know it will as I believe it will and I am.

Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

----And this just in----

http://www.everydayhealth.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-and-spirituality.aspx?xid=ob_cc_bipolar

Bipolar Disorder and Spirituality

This is a joke written by a psychiatrist friendly author that does not match the actual topic, but in my world, Passerbye999 we are on to something and Confusion is being through into the mix.

I just spoke to someone and when I told them what was going on in my life they kept saying "And you want to preach in the streets, right?" and my answer is "No" there is enough preaching. Then he was like "Well you probably feel you have to give this message out?" and I am like "No. That message of "It is going to be O.K." could have been just for me.

But you watch as the level of "God spoke to me!" rises so will the "need" for drugs so the psychiatrists will say.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

I hope others will join us with their stories too, the weirder the better. People will see the connections between so called symptoms easier and they will see there is always a strange pattern to the madness. I have been 100
% for over a year and the memories don't bother me. As a matter of fact it was cleansing sharing the story in pieces. I feel a weight has been lifted off of me. It is no good holding that kind of stuff in it creates depression. It makes one want to feel seperated, isolated. You feel violated and repress it. For when you speak of it you are judged and dismissed. For me now, my story is out of me no longer buried but brought out of the closet. Others should feel the same sense of release.

Don't get me wrong quilliard I am not done yet but the majority of my story is out all that is left is pieces. Which I assemble like a jig saw puzzle and put together one at a time. It is a strange web that we are weaving though that's for sure.

Peace



I wrote a lot today
But it was all garbage
With weird ideas
It felt the same as always
I am craving something new

I feel lost in time
Segregated from the past
Stuck in my present
Still thinking of other times
Sometimes of other peoples

Keeps my mind off things
Learning of other cultures
Civilizations
Especially the ancients
Those from before written time

I look at the world
And wish it was like back then
Living off the land
Brought us closer to nature
Closer to the earth’s spirit

I crave that in my life
Connecting with the sacred
It is no idol or god
But I praise it all the same
And worship it in my name

[quilliard]

I hope others will join us with their stories too, the weirder the better. People will see the connections between so called symptoms easier and they will see there is always a strange pattern to the madness. I have been 100% for over a year and the memories don't bother me. As a matter of fact it was cleansing sharing the story in pieces. I feel a weight has been lifted off of me. It is no good holding that kind of stuff in it creates depression. It makes one want to feel seperated, isolated. You feel violated and repress it. For when you speak of it you are judged and dismissed. For me now, my story is out of me no longer buried but brought out of the closet. Others should feel the same sense of release.

Don't get me wrong quilliard I am not done yet but the majority of my story is out all that is left is pieces. Which I assemble like a jig saw puzzle and put together one at a time. It is a strange web that we are weaving though that's for sure.

I know what you mean. There is a strange pattern here, so much of what we say is not exactly the same, but follows the same thread. Just letting it out helps, especially when you are not being told your crazy.

[passerbye999]

I have writers block and have been waiting for someone to say something to stir up some conversation. Mabye there has been an imformation overload. I don't know.

I was reading that most Bi polar people consider their manias a sacred sort of thing. Sacred maybe personal for sure. What is a sacred experience though? Is it spriitual enlightenment? A sanctified or sacred experience doesn't have to be spiritual enlightenment necessarily. It is just something that is intimate and personal to the experiencee. If it points toward the spiritual dimensions it could point to a spiritual awakening or Enlightenment.

In most cases we will never know because sacred experiences are personal experiences and are treated as such. Only those that announce themselves as a Son of God or Daughter of God seem to have the desire to share. The Prophets take a lot of heat because of the voices they talk to in their head. When even the voices treat themselves allegorically. Prophecies incorrect etc. that is why I shy from predictions and deal with the here and now.

It is harder to disclaim me for my only weird stuff was manic stuff and manias are weird to say the least. They use your religious, mystical and philisophical understandings to shock your world. The more understanding before hand the greater the shock. Breaking things down then building them back up again. The human mind loves to perform this function.

The weird thing is the children of God declaration. It freaks people out so they ridicule it or go silent. They will shut the imformation provided out by instinct. For example I had my top student my " Disciple" read these postings. I did it because he knows alot because he was present through every mania at least in parts. Always visited me in the hospital no one else would. So I wanted him to know the story behind the incidents. He was present during two of my weird street encounters.

Even he who does not judge me and respects me as his "Master" of around 13 years can't bring himself to read all of my blog. It was to much imfo and he admitted he wasn't going to finish. Back to lessons don't wan't to hear anymore. He is a good man and I trust him like no other he said" You sure have been writing."

I am already an enlightened master that is why I have such dedicated students. They don't want to hear these things about me though. It scares them on a base level as it does most people. Talking politics and religion are conversation killers yet they are the only subjects I want to write about.

A Chan book would be about nothing, how many pages could I drag it out for, talking about no mind. Kung fu book boring to write about motions and you can never substitute real teaching for words and pictures. I have lost everything because of this illness and it's diagnosis. I still myself try to define if the "sacred" experience was even worth it. I was happier before I was spiritually awakened going through five manias total 1 then four in a row annually at the same time of year. The last 4 devestated me. I have been simply recovering for the last year. Real or not, meeting people who knew my thoughts or not, why me? Why do I have to be a Son of God walking in God's ways.

I started posting on a feeling, I continue on a feeling. It is because I can't talk straight out to anyone I know, they don't want to listen, that I write. It is as simple as that I think. I think there is a lot of us passersbyes teachers of the spirit, teachers of pain, anguish and suffering, teachers of the light.
Floating around to possibly only teach one future teacher mabye with luck many.

Many views one reality, many realities one view. To tell you the truth I believe I have met Jesus to a couple of times or an Angel. I remember coming up from behind a young street youth one time and he turned to his left and looked at me straight in the eyes and said" The Lord had me turn my eyes toward you" I had met him before and he tested me and I passed. He had met Jesus in a dream and that Jesus had told him personaly where heaven was and that many preachers on the street had failed to answer the question. I told him simply it was in his heart. He started crying and I left.

Never saw him again after those two encounters. The other was a homeless man named Mark who I met at my court date for the custody for my son and when I left my lawyers office the day I went manic. He set me off. Talking about the still small voice to me and stuff. Right there on the street with people walking by. I sat smoking cigarrettes with an Angel or Jesus in spirit.

In my experience Angels like to take hosts that are crackheads and stuff. They enjoy your joy at being free and encourage you to step out. Step out of the system. They tell you why are you still there walk out. When you step out the say it was about time. The world makes you feel guilty because you failed the system but the system failed you. They are there at those moments to say it's alright once you go to the hospital you are back in anyway. I threw my wallet away twice Id and all. Some nice person mailed it back to me. While I was in the hospital.

The Angels enjoy you going to the nut ward to. You know as well the day will come so you do what you have to do until then. Once there it is a drama of madness into the realm of the unknown. I remember a schitzofrenic preacher named Mike we used to rap prayers and stuff it was a trip. When they let him out he went down to Eglington Square too and was arrested though for preaching and brought back. I tell you there are no athiests in a mental ward. Only confused people trying to figure out what is going on. We had many prayer sessions , Christians and Jews together. Since I am technically both I had a blast. It was always a count down to Sabbath. When we would only use the Sabbath elevators all of us going for a smoke. All the young pretty women hung out with me. It was a nice experience the hospital and outpatient hospital. There were pretty nurses on the ward too. Everything was fine until I was forced to relocate. I lost my apartment and job during the last mania. I was in there for 4 weeks plus 3 weeks day hospital no income I was done.

Everyone I met was on disability or trying to go on disability. If it is spiritual enlightenment why are so many on disability or heading there. They can't function in society properly. Unless they are wealthy to begin with.
I still am for the arguement not against it but these are serious issues. Are these people disabled or is the society they live in disabled. Is it the manias or the medication which causes the disability. There is no happy disabled life at 1400 dollars a month. When a 1 bedroom apartment costs you 900. So you are forced into hostels onto the street into half way houses anywhere than what you would call home.

All because you are bi polar all because you broke, the system destroyed you and now it walks away unforgiving. That is the story for most Bi polar 1 people. Not a nice story is it. Your prophets are on the streets stoned and drunk and homeless. Why do you think we meet each other on the street so much. We can all talk in code our own code it is weird. Please get us off the streets world. Do not cast us away as you have done in the past. Why are we spending money on war when our children are starving and dying on the streets. The streets are unforgiving so are the majority of people. "Get a job" they say "you bum" when not even the government will hire you. They die alone and forgotten usually in the winter. I have poeple to back me so I will be alright but my brothers and sisters not so lucky need help.

This is why I think they keep these experiences in they are personal messages to them to help them through their crisis's. We used to be medicine men, visionaries, spirit walkers, prophets, saints now we are diseased and dismissed. All because God talks to us. People are jealous I think maybe that's it jealous that God doesn't talk to them. They should be happy that God doesn't talk to them or they would be persecuted to. This is just a start for me in this cause I think. We need to be treated with eqaul rights because we are not afforded our basic rights.
When society breaks it's poeple it should look after those people. There is lots of fucking money out there on the mystery money tree. Give it to the homeless and disabled. They shouldn't have to live as lesser people. If treated properly many can be recycled back into the system. Society is getting worse not better. It is a time for change.

Peace


The world is afraid of communism
They fear the tyranny of fascism
But I am afraid of democracy
Democracy breeds capitalism
Socialism protects us from them all

I met many suicidals in the hospital and wrote this for them. There is a whole other dimension to mania and depression it lies in self hate. Self hate, Self love the circle that must be broken. Sometimes spiritual awakenings are dark. I have never experienced one like that but have met and talked to those who have. Emo's people dub them. Just creepy cutters they should finish the job properly some say. Bi polar is a weird and possibly lethal disease that allows one to see and hear differently to help them through the war inside them. The spiritual awakening is a survival instinct nothing more and nothing less. To some death is solace. Manias can help you live or they can help you die, they serve both purposes.

Commit suicide
That’s what your spirit cries out
You try to comply
But your soul cries out danger
For fate says it’s not your time
But because you tried
A piece of you indeed died
Became a martyr
So the rest of you would live
The only evil is death

[quilliard]

This is why I think they keep these experiences in they are personal messages to them to help them through their crisis's. We used to be medicine men, visionaries, spirit walkers, prophets, saints now we are diseased and dismissed. All because God talks to us. People are jealous I think maybe that's it jealous that God doesn't talk to them. They should be happy that God doesn't talk to them or they would be persecuted to. This is just a start for me in this cause I think. We need to be treated with eqaul rights because we are not afforded our basic rights. .

Passerbye999 I have heard the same from a few people that are not in the same situation as we. There was a time when people listened to others and took what they said as a way to look at the world around them. Those days do seem to be gone. From what I have seen is that the medical community believes they don't have the answer, but throwing drugs at people will solve the problem, never looking at the fact that the drugs may be causing the problem. I have personally had a doctor tell me he was going to put me on drugs until I forgot about God. Man that was wrong. Then when I got upset and said "You can't do that." they got a court order to shot me up with drugs.

Freedom of religion is out the door in this country.

[passerbye999]

Yep my doctor had me arrested by my ex wife and mother and I was taken right in and shot up too. Good thing for them and me I was on a good trip at the time and not psychotic or there could have been violence. I never broke any laws I was just wandering around in the spirirt casting spells. People in some faiths do it all the time unfortunately I was married to a Christian. My mother was in Alberta at the time and was going with what my ex wife had said. My ex wife had the power to put me in the hospital. Yes your Doctor can veto your freedom at any time.

When my mom found out the whole story she was pissed. My doctor shrugged his shoulders and my ex went all the way in the courts to having me restrained from my son until 16 even though I have never been violent towards him. It is all based on what you might do. What others have done.
I remember being yelled at by the judge for being manic when I was manic. What is that? I have thought about doing a blog all about that. The only reason I went peacefully with the cops was because they were women and quite good looking. Celibate or not I do have a soft spot.

The police arrest you and take you straight to the hospital cuffs and all. When I was arrested with drug possession as a kid it was just a fine. I had an incident with rifles when I was 15 A guy shot at me I shot at him with my semi automatic 22 to scare him away. He was in a valley I had the high ground. I peppered the ridge above his head. The RCMP just told me to be careful about how I transported my rifle. The other guy got a warning too.

Go manic I get arrested go figure. It doesn't make much sense to me either. I grew up with rifles and knives and their problems no criminal record. I think I am a prophet and the world goes crazy. Lock him up and take his kid away.

You see our thoughts are more dangerous than rifles, more dangerous than a gun battle in the mountains at least to the mounties heh. It all depends on who presses charges I found that out. Doctors are the trump card. All of my doctors barely knew me. How can they become judges as well. Maybe more powerful than a judge until court comes then they trump.

Forced medication, forced reintegration into society, forced compliance. It is already a fascist state for real. Just step to the other side reader and experience it for yourself. Jump into the rabbit hole like Alice and meet the Queen of Hearts they are her laws. In the old days jesters where allowed to call the King a fool the only person allowed. Now with no Kings the goverment kills the jesters for calling it a fool.

You see I was judged not by my actions but by "My Hospital Records
' brought into court illegally and allowed by the judge. The time I thought I was Satan or Cain. Even the doctor who had me arrested wrote a letter to the court saying there was no reason for my son being taken from me. It was inadmissable. 40 years of life meant nothing only a 3 week mania. I told the doctors I told everyone I could I was who I was or thought I was. Just like I have told the readers throughout this blog. Judges would rather scream than listen. She judges spirituality now too. New Canadian Government Policy. Justice Katarynich is her name. I really have no love for this person.

I am bitter anahata not at the fight or because of the fight but because I have fought so long and have been squashed because of silence. Silence can be deafening though as words prove.

Quilliard it is insulting isn't it. It causes manias too because it causes depressions. Every Doctor can have their mental patient arrested and confined at their discrimination. The line is " harm to others or harm to yourself, or not being able to look after yourself(which is wide open, throw away your wallet you are not looking after yourself, even though it's a matter of interpretation. " Follow me" it was a conscious and hard decision)"

Yeah I really did try following Jesus twice, both times the world dragged me back kicking and screaming. Now I do it as part of the world though still following. I need to eat and be sheltered. No one takes in wandering aesthetics anymore.

Peace



I am coming to the point I have nothing else left to say
For I am sure people are making a bigger deal than it is
Professing to understand and to teach that which can never be grasped
If they could grasp the ungraspable, how could it be the ungraspable?
Looking at the mystery and seeing it for what it is
Comes only when the mystery reveals it is no mystery
What is now known will allow one to grasp what is ungraspable
The known and the grasped, they teach us nothing and that we control none of it
Sunrise then sunset seasons changing pass
The cycle of life and death ever turns
Moments fleeting move on in their own time
Seeing them now as they pass before me
Reminds me of clouds adrift in the sky
I relinquish myself
And fight the thousand foes
Just to be me again

[passerbye999]

Quilliard why do you think we posted and keep posting on this site? Do you feel if everyone is just listening or ignoring the conversation now that we have appeared to have taken over. Two Sons of God on a Son of Gods Website. It is a trip.

I am here to support him to. maybe that shapeshifting thing is what I describe as those eyes. People have changed on the inside right before me it is what I call possession. It is all allegorical, metaphors that are real. Chameleons are reptiles and shapeshifters. There is a huge conspiracy to run the world it's all in how you percieve it in your own personal reality. Here is something important if there is no paranoia or anxiety in such a theory it is not an illness.

I am sorry for the Canadian hospitality you have received in the past David. I didn't know you were such an evil writer that your books should be banned from free shelves and your speeches silenced until I looked you up on wikidpedia. I have friends that have shared your lectures from the past that is all until now. I find it funny books like Necremicremicon, Satanic Bible, Mein kamf and other such treasures are sold but not your books for awhile or still.

I haven't read your books but I will share my belief an evil Jewish/Gentile conspiracy the Illuminati if you will. There are evil Jews a small group who know the old magic, Mystiscism and Gentiles who practice as well. They are the only ones except a small group of Good Jews who know how to pronounce the real name. No one knows who the other is. It has been kept that way in secret for millenia for a reason. Father to son kind of stuff. Checks and balances. Powerful stuff just as powerful if not more than voodoo. Doesn't make you or I anti- semitic. People twist words all the time to support their own ideas. Bad people have bad agendas good people good. Though most of the time the good stay neutral which is bizarre.

There are many like Crowley who use the scriptures for dark purposes. From many faiths. Whole forms of magic have been based off of Angel and Demon worship and summoning. The Kabbalah is a real interesting read. Jews are just sensitive about such stuff even mentioned about them because of Hitler. He consulted a Jewish Mystic until he had the mystic killed it is documented knowledge. Then Hitler went on a spiritual and ethnic cleansing campaign. Ask the Gypsies they were hammered too.

Magical peoples slaughtered like our ancient european ancestors the Druids. There is a strong connection in my mind between the Druids and the Ancient Jews (White and Black Dragons). Hitler thought he was Caesar and acted like him trying to destoy them Both. So Jews the only ones left are literally gun shy. Even the swastika is a magic symbol, wasn't just picked, the symbol of universal peace reversed. Forever tarnishing the symbol of universal peace in the minds of a whole people. Like the Pentagram to Christians. Money is magic and covered in symbols. It controls the minds of the masses. So these bad guys need to control the money to control the masses. Do you see all the unsaid connections and how they could be taken?

The only prophesy I will make is that in my lifetime it will all go down a transformation for our children it was a promise made to me that I would see it before I die. I always fought for the children or made peace for them, God made me a promise. If I am wrong on that one sue me ashes aren't worth much though. Even I wouldn't be dissapointed if it didn't happen it's all in the interpretation. Look at Nostradomas. My lifetime could be eternal if we don't die but transition so change could take an eternity or if I die tommorrow my wish could be granted then. So much for prophecy. Only the message is important not the time or date. The message is eternal. The message of Faith, Hope and Love in all of their forms.


“Sing to me a new song
You might say
I’ll reply I can’t
The song is eternal
Change only occurs
In the voice”

Sons of God got to stick together it's lonely on the mountain the pyramid will turn upside down some day though and we won't be so lonely anymore. One pyramid pointing down, one pointing up, overlapping and intersecting they become one, inside and out, within the circle. The day when everyone realizes they are all Children of God.

Peace


This poem is going to really bother some people. I put it here because I want to no other reason. I was just thinking about White and Black Dragons and Caesars that is all and mean no harm. I know that St. George is many peoples patron saint this poem is not about belittling him but the title of Pope and this offices history of destroying whole cultures. I feel I need to say this for clarification. The titles of Royalty by blood or Holy by office are absurd to me. It is why there is so much spiritual confusion today.

They have always maintained elite status in society through this confusion. I wonder what the Cathars think? Oh sorry they're all dead. The Templars? Sorry them too. All we have is what is left and what has been recently discovered(nag hammadi scrolls, qumran scrolls etc.) What is in that vatican??? They are like packrats. They seek things out and don't like to share. Catholics and Christians my Brothers and Sisters wake up!

This office is your yoke they know it and hide any evidence left against them in their vaults. Read Origen this dude was on the outside edge a founding father of christianity (185-254 ad) he beleived in reincarnation. They all did in the early days of Christianity. when did it change? At Nicea the first Pope Constantines move to keep the throne of Caesar eternal. It has worked for 1500 years.

George and the dragon
The great serpent of evil
A knight and his cause
Slaying the snake of reason
Just like Alexandria

The great library
Where Christians burned the books
They lost everything
thinking they gained a kingdom
All in the name of the Lord

Hitler burned them too
With the backing of the church
Rome never left us
It wears the robes of a Pope
A worshipper of the sun

[quilliard]

Quilliard why do you think we posted and keep posting on this site? Do you feel if everyone is just listening or ignoring the conversation now that we have appeared to have taken over. Two Sons of God on a Son of Gods Website. It is a trip.

You know Passerbye999, I have a few theories on why people have stop posting.

1. It is hard to tell someone they are crazy when they are not alone.
2. I think we are scaring some people with our honesty.

That is pretty much it.

Man that sucks what happened with your kid and your ex-wife. I am really sorry. You are right the psychiatric profession has (actually always was) become a huge scam to sell drugs. How can you tell what a persons issues are if you don't talk to them. How can you tell if someone has an issue? It is ludicrous.

And the problem is once you are "branded" with the mark of the "beast" you are screwed. Period. There is no going back to what life you had it is just what can you scrape by with.

So now that we have this "opportunity" I am curious what to do with it. In the past when I met people that where "special" they always wanted to do bad things. It was all about money. Now I am not saying that making a living is a bad thing, but it is not everything. "Quality of life before quantity of objects" and all. So what to do?

For six years I have been trying to get someone to talk to me about this past hello and now I have you Passerbye999. So what do you want to do? The worst thing that happens is what we want to try doesn't work. What do you say, I have faith. We are stronger together than separate.

As for predictions I have made several that have come true. I am going with one official one though, and that is "Shock the Karma" on December 12th 2012 - December 21st 2012. KARMA SHOCK! Everyone on the planet is going to feel fantastic, wonderful, and at peace. It will happen.

(Note to people that think winning lottery numbers are proof of a miracle, get a life)

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

You know Passerbye999, I have a few theories on why people have stop posting.

1. It is hard to tell someone they are crazy when they are not alone.
2. I think we are scaring some people with our honesty.

That is pretty much it.

Man that sucks what happened with your kid and your ex-wife. I am really sorry. You are right the psychiatric profession has (actually always was) become a huge scam to sell drugs. How can you tell what a persons issues are if you don't talk to them. How can you tell if someone has an issue? It is ludicrous.

And the problem is once you are "branded" with the mark of the "beast" you are screwed. Period. There is no going back to what life you had it is just what can you scrape by with.

So now that we have this "opportunity" I am curious what to do with it. In the past when I met people that where "special" they always wanted to do bad things. It was all about money. Now I am not saying that making a living is a bad thing, but it is not everything. "Quality of life before quantity of objects" and all. So what to do?

For six years I have been trying to get someone to talk to me about this past hello and now I have you Passerbye999. So what do you want to do? The worst thing that happens is what we want to try doesn't work. What do you say, I have faith. We are stronger together than separate.

As for predictions I have made several that have come true. I am going with one official one though, and that is "Shock the Karma" on December 12th 2012 - December 21st 2012. KARMA SHOCK! Everyone on the planet is going to feel fantastic, wonderful, and at peace. It will happen.

(Note to people that think winning lottery numbers are proof of a miracle, get a life)

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

One of your spititual gifts may be divination. I think we should keep talking. It is getting clearer as we move along. I think you are right with the silence especially with the honesty. I really have felt like writing today. 3 posts. I hope your prediction does come true. We'll wait expectantly.

As for my son when he's older we'll work it out. Life is a long time and I am a likeable guy.

I like how you branded it the mark of the beast. Maybe we are the anti- christs out to confuse the world with our insane babbling. Bi polar anti christs
sons of the lord of the flies. Spreading the evil of Love and Peace. Even self redemption through understanding " I am". No blind faith but belief from experience. It took balls for you to say you were the messiah and so you are.

We are baptizing with water and fire. It is the truth that is powerful, there can never be to much. Honesty adds weight to words that float like feathers in the air, grounding them. Truth penetrates to the core of the soul, it is usually a disturbing experience. It gives me tingles or makes me cry it is an entity unto itself. I call to her "wisdom" and she answers me "truth." It is not about money we are anonymous so lets roll with it.

As for others joining in they will when they have something to say. Until then we do make a good team. I have visited other discussion forums on the subject none are like this. This forum is unique. I sent you a PM let me know if you recieve it okay.

Peace

[quilliard]

One of your spititual gifts may be divination. I think we should keep talking. It is getting clearer as we move along. I think you are right with the silence especially with the honesty. I really have felt like writing today. 3 posts. I hope your prediction does come true. We'll wait expectantly.

One of the things I noticed is that when people go through this, they are usually alone. There is a big "your on you own" faction of people I have met in the past. If we start to look at what is common when this happens it would probably be a lot easier to talk the person that is awakening to a calmer place.

I find it amazing that psychiatrists are so quick to put people on drugs without talking to them, then after the person is on drugs, from what I have seen is they get worse. They just drool when they try to talk, until they just give up and don't say what they are really thinking or believe that they are mentally ill.

As for the Shock the Karma thing, it will happen. All the audience has to do is have some faith.

One of the things that I kept getting when things where more "crazy" in life was the message that "We live in a backwards world". Not us, but those trying to contact us. I was supposed to say things backwards so they would understand. A big one was renounce God and that means you believe is God. It was a lie though as the messages I was getting only had one word reversed. I mean if things where actually backwards then wouldn't the entire sentence be backwards. Did you ever get that?

[passerbye999]

yeah I did have my moments when I thought riddles spoken backwards and ideas presented backwards would either confuse or remove confusion through magic. I remember confusing myself trying to do this in my head and stopped.
circular thoughts can go both ways, whole or in pieces. I also wrote a poem that I posted on how I believe God views creation backwards as through a mirror, a mirror of a million scattered pieces. Crazy man crazy.

I wrote this yesterday too is it redundant do you think quilliard? If it is I am spent and have gone full circle.


I want to write about the process of healing that a mania provides for the manic for a bit. Before I called it a “survival instinct” and so I believe it is. When the ego implodes in on itself from the constant contraction of depression and agitation from anxiety it has to reform and starts from fresh. All old worldly attachments of possessions are gone instantly. All other concepts of God and Self are gone instantly. In an instant you become a naked baby of adult years. Sensations assault you leaving new impressions as you form in maturity to this new other worldly dimension you find yourself at one with. All of your guilt is washed away and you play in your new found freedom full of energy and the spirit. You are at one with creation and God they both speak to you. In your thoughts through your senses, you are alive and vital. Wanting to express these feelings of awe and wonder but don’t know how. Other peoples confusion confuses you. You are in the dream though so it moves on and you play along.

For the first time not having any cares takes the yoke of stress and worry off of you and allows the soul to have a break from the constant bombardment it has received on a daily basis. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy but even play costs Jack money. Pressure builds and the mania is the souls PRV (pressure relief valve) in this case a Safety valve. In these low times before the souls fight or flight it begins to make a decision for you. Suicide or mania. Suicide can be very slow and crippling it is not always quick. The long suicide is the better though because at least you are alive. Mania is the souls fight response. Suicide the flight response. During the mania the soul shows the world of the spirit to you a whole new dimension to life. Something passed over before or missed in the search. Usually it points out your process of chronic suicide to you. When I sat and had psychotherapy mixed in with suicidal’s I could relate it is when I first saw it could be chronic as well as immediate.


The mania introduces you to your conscious and subconscious minds how they interact with each other. You become the you you always wished you could be. For awhile you are at peace with all of creation, no struggle anymore, without death. Is this a form of death you think to yourself a form of passing over. Have I entered the Middle Kingdom?
I stand with heaven above me and the world below me. I am, I am a child of God, I am God, I am one. Being God and knowing there is only one God I am Satan too for Satan is God For God Is God over all and Satan is a part of God. Being a part of God I am all that is God whoever was God and all that will be God. I am eternal. I want to live like this forever you think to yourself why do others want to take this from me? I used to say “ If this is a dream don’t ever wake me up.” I didn’t either even the drugs I take don’t stop the spirit just dull it a bit. The want to understand and label something that cannot be categorized . How do you medicate the spirit it is impossible. What gives the manic strength is their spirit. It will turn on and off at their will. Most just give up and turn it off. Some live the life. I am in the Middle Kingdom.

Nudity is accepted not just tolerated. No more shame at your looks or body shape. All the stereotypes lose their meaning. You have love for everything and everyone. You release yourself to the one and are embraced. God comforts you, God talks to you. Satan tests you. Rebuilding the Temple on solid ground. You may even meet or talk to Jesus as you become him by embracing him as he reaches out to you. Parables you understand the parables, you speak in parables. You have become an ancient sage. A wise healer and find your spirit guides. Others see you and declare who you are. “You are him or her , you are the one”. “ You are a messenger a child of God.” “Announce yourself and be heard for my voice is your voice.” God whispers in your ear. Now you realize you have worth. You have a purpose. You only have to follow it through.

Many have experienced what I just described. It is a cleansing. I say to anyone who has experienced this that you are cleansed. You have been baptized with fire. It is healing it is love. Follow your inner self which ever way it steers you in the end you will find your destination. It is a mystic experience and should be regarded as sacred for you have become a saint. God recognizes you who cares what others think. Most importantly you are a new and improved you. The depression and anxiety relapses are usually because of your mood and are situational.Your mood can change at your will especially if you define your purpose. A good outlook and healthy body are all you really need the rest is gravy.

Peace

[quilliard]

yeah I did have my moments when I thought riddles spoken backwards and ideas presented backwards would either confuse or remove confusion through magic. I remember confusing myself trying to do this in my head and stopped.

I think that is a common thinking with this as well. It is strange that there are so many common things but all that ever is brought up by doctors is "racing thoughts" which they never define.


I stand with heaven above me and the world below me. I am, I am a child of God, I am God, I am one. Being God and knowing there is only one God I am Satan too for Satan is God For God Is God over all and Satan is a part of God. Being a part of God I am all that is God whoever was God and all that will be God. I am eternal. I want to live like this forever you think to yourself why do others want to take this from me? I used to say “ If this is a dream don’t ever wake me up.” I didn’t either even the drugs I take don’t stop the spirit just dull it a bit. The want to understand and label something that cannot be categorized . How do you medicate the spirit it is impossible. What gives the manic strength is their spirit. It will turn on and off at their will. Most just give up and turn it off. Some live the life. I am in the Middle Kingdom.

You are so dead on and not redundant at all. I had the same argument and was fought at every turn. That is arguement one of the reasons why I say, "I am". I argued that for close to a year. When someone would ask me what has happened I would say "God replied to me." then they almost always, mostly psychiatrist, would say "Is God here with us now?" and I would say "Of course." then the inevitable "Well can you point him out to me?" would be said and I would say "Look in the mirror, look at you desk, look at your computer, look at anything they are all a part of God, there for God is with us now." Philosophy doesn't sit well with psychiatrists I have found.


Nudity is accepted not just tolerated. No more shame at your looks or body shape. All the stereotypes lose their meaning. You have love for everything and everyone. You release yourself to the one and are embraced. God comforts you, God talks to you. Satan tests you. Rebuilding the Temple on solid ground. You may even meet or talk to Jesus as you become him by embracing him as he reaches out to you. Parables you understand the parables, you speak in parables. You have become an ancient sage. A wise healer and find your spirit guides. Others see you and declare who you are. “You are him or her , you are the one”. “ You are a messenger a child of God.” “Announce yourself and be heard for my voice is your voice.” God whispers in your ear. Now you realize you have worth. You have a purpose. You only have to follow it through.

When people come up to you and say these things it is very hard as my response was always "So what am I supposed to do? I have done all I can as a man, what do you want from me?"

Now things have calmed and the "joy ride is over" as I heard one night as all the voices and imagery soon stopped after that. The issue I have now that is has moved to a new phase, I find I have no purpose, I was doing better work before this happened. I was so close.


Many have experienced what I just described. It is a cleansing. I say to anyone who has experienced this that you are cleansed. You have been baptized with fire. It is healing it is love. Follow your inner self which ever way it steers you in the end you will find your destination. It is a mystic experience and should be regarded as sacred for you have become a saint. God recognizes you who cares what others think. Most importantly you are a new and improved you. The depression and anxiety relapses are usually because of your mood and are situational.Your mood can change at your will especially if you define your purpose. A good outlook and healthy body are all you really need the rest is gravy.

I have heard this from others on my path as well. A lot of people seem to think the same way we do.

So now one of the reasons I think this happened to me is so we could do exactly what we are doing right now. Talk about it, so when it happens to others they have the proper "tools" to defend themselves as it is easier to accept understanding of something unknown when you know you are not alone.

You have a great night passerbye999, you are alright in my book.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

I notice your symbol is of the black dragon. write as private message to me and tell me more about yourself. I have a lot we can talk about, trust me that I cannot put here live on the forum.

I am still curious as to what this was all about. I tried PMing but recieved no response. What's up with this erniemink?

[passerbye999]

After all of the Western Religious proofs for manias being a spiritual awakening, I now will go to the East. To the rising instead of the setting sun. I pulled these quoted sections off of wikipedia. So people will see I am not just making things up. Especially being a Chan Master. For Chan all I have to say is” Fly like the birds in the air,grow like the lilies in the field” or “ Be mindless when mindful and mindful when mindless” Practice Empty Awareness, from no mind no worries. Be Buddha and be happy!


The Buddha of the Shurangama Sutra states:

“My uncreated and unending profound Enlightenment accords with the Tathagatagarbha, which is absolute bodhi, and ensures my perfect insight into the Dharma realm [realm of Ultimate Truth], where the one is infinite and the infinite is one.”

Could bi polar mania be an initiation for the one who enters the flow? The one who squashes the first 3 fetters? Don’t be confused “I am” is a state of oneness. In a mania and in Thervada Buddhism all aspects of the self are removed along with it’s attachments in the first level. Not fully enlightened but still an enlightened being by definition. The first level is accomplished through mania, can the others be as well? It is true the manic goes through a death of the self and they usually challenge traditional rituals and beliefs. They also lose all doubt and make a spiritual leap of faith.

“The early Buddhist tradition preserved by the Theravada features four progressive stages of bodhi(enlightenment):
· Srotāpanna (Sanskrit; Pali: Sotapanna) “One who has entered the flow”
· Sakridāgāmi (Sanskrit; Pali: Sakadagami) “Once returner”
· Anāgāmi (Sanskrit, Pali) “Non-returning”
· Arhat (Sanskrit; Pali: Arahant) “”Vanquisher of enemies”

The Pāli Tripitaka identifies 10 fetters:[3]
1. belief in an individual self (Pali: sakkāya-diṭṭhi)
2. doubt or uncertainty, especially about the teachings (vicikicchā)
3. attachment to rites and rituals (sīlabbata-parāmāsa)
4. sensual desire (kāma-cchando)
5. ill will (vyāpādo or byāpādo)
6. lust for material existence, lust for material rebirth (rūpa rāga)
7. lust for immaterial existence (arūpa rāga)
8. pride in self, conceit, arrogance (māno)
9. restlessness, distraction, anxiety (uddhaccaŋ)
10. ignorance (avijjā)

As you can see you can still be enlightented a completely enlightened being and still be prideful and arrogant because you are ignorant. We are all ignorant it is the one fetter no one shakes until the end. People really don't understand what they are talking about with the concept of enlightenment in most cases. Zen masters would use these bad attributes to teach their students. Sometimes I do. To a polite person I play arrogant, to an arrogant person I am polite. Just trying to balance things out a bit in the individual. Most times humilty is hidden conciet and pride. What is the intention behind the smile? Most times the arrogant person is displaying hidden anxiety.

That is why when a real teacher talks it scares them for there is no inhabitions about going to the source of the problem. No matter how intimate. You want to be enlightened you have to go there, to deep intimacy with yourself not sexual but of a deep personal nature. You have to dig out the skeletons and bare them for all to see then get rid of them. Releasing your shame and guilt in all aspects of your life. For the manic this happens instantly, no digging. It is the most sensuos experience anyone can have.




In the Pali canon, Ānanda states that he knows monastics to achieve nirvana in one of four ways
· one develops insight preceded by serenity (Pali: samatha-pubbaṇgamaṃ vipassanaṃ),
· one develops serenity preceded by insight (vipassanā-pubbaṇgamaṃ samathaṃ),
· one develops serenity and insight in a stepwise fashion (samatha-vipassanaṃ yuganaddhaṃ),
· one’s mind becomes seized by excitation about the dharma and, as a consequence, develops serenity and abandons the fetters (dhamma-uddhacca-viggahitaṃ mānasaṃ hoti).”


#4 possibly mania? Seems to describe it to me. Ones mind becomes seized by excitation and abandons the fetters without insight or serenity is definately describing mania. Nirvana is reached by insight, serenity and mania. They try and most of the time succeed in taking nirvana away from you. It only goes if you believe it's gone. If you believe it's there it will be there again. You can leave it but it can never leave you.


“In Theravada, although the Arahants have achieved the same goals as the Buddha, there are some differences among Arahants due to the way of their practice.[citation needed]
In the Pali Canon, the word “tathagata” is sometimes used as a synonym for arahant, though the former usually refers to the Buddha alone.[12]
These three awakened beings are classified as Arahant:[citation needed]
1. Sammasambuddha, usually just called Buddha, who discovers the truth by himself and teaches the path to awakening to others.
2. Paccekabuddha, who discovers the truth by himself but lacks the skill to teach others.
3. Savakabuddha, who receive the truth directly or indirectly from a Sammasambuddha.
For those that have destroyed greed and hatred (in the sensory context) with some residue of delusion, are called anagami (non-returner). Anagamis will not be reborn into the human world after death, but into the heaven of the Pure Abodes, where only anagamis live. There, they will attain full enlightenment.”


Notice all Buddhas discover the truth themselves whether they teach and share depends on their choice. Teaching usually for compassion and love. I am Lohan and thus a form of Arhat. I think I do this anonymously because then I do it for free and am free from the ego attachments of what I am trying to teach. My teaching in this case is confirmation and validation for the enlightenment initiation experience of a Bi Polar manic in so called crisis. It may be like an extended acid trip but in the end you will discover who you really are.

Nirvana

“Differing religious traditions have described this fundamental religious experience in different ways:
· Nullification and absorption within God’s Infinite Light (Chassidic schools of Judaism)
· Complete detachment from the world (Kaivalya in some schools of Hinduism, including Sankhya and Yoga; Jhana in Buddhism)
· Liberation from the cycles of Karma (Moksha in Sikhism, Jainism and Hinduism, Nirvana In Buddhism)
· Deep intrinsic connection to the world (Satori in Mahayana Buddhism, Te in Taoism)
· Union with God (Henosis in Neoplatonism and Theosis in Christianity, Brahma-Prapti or Brahma-Nirvana in Hinduism)
· Innate Knowledge (Irfan and fitra in Islam)
· Experience of one’s true blissful nature (Samadhi or Svarupa-Avirbhava in Hinduism)”

As weird as it sounds manias especially my manias as described blend with all the aspects of Nirvana provided above. Everyone. Now the reader can truly see that I am of both worlds East and West. An amalgamation of all that is good and similar in both. A Vanqisher of Enemies who teaches the word of God. That teaching is that if handled properly manias could all be positive spiritual experiences instead of sometimes being negative. There are writers who say that ceratain teachers awaken at times of their need in cycles, maybe in our present society we are having such a cycle re-occurance because we have a lack of true teachers for they are treating our newly enlightened very badly. When they themselves are usually unenlightened. Alas though even the enlightened can be deluded for they are still ignorant as are we all. The hardest fetter to shake, the last one.

That is the catch 22 the bi polar person faces, they understand it well though so may have gone to the final level. They understand that everything is a delusion. That nothing is real for real. Everything is a lie heh quilliard. Some just don't know how to deal with these new found super powers. Who would? You have to see the white elephant to know the white elephant, some of us sat with it and rubbed it's trunk. Some are afraid because of it's size and demeanor so it's fight or flight. When they learn the elephant is wise they cease to fear as well. When they cease to fear love fills in the void. Then and only then is there true peace. You cannot tame the elephant or be tamed by it, you must meet as equals with respect. Once you're in the flow though you got to go with it, it is hard to swim against the current.

Peace

Now I have come full circle.

[quilliard]

So passerbye999 did you ever get bombarded by "Signs?" For a while I was getting nailed with "Signs" everywhere.

These signs where like clues to what was going to happen or a path to follow.

For me they where just pretty straight forward, most real bad at first then they got better.

There was a bench in Sacramento, when life sucked really bad for me, and on it was scratched "Kill yourself" that summed it up for what the world was telling me and there it was scratched in to wood. Then when I went back, about a year later. A year of fighting "demons". Defining what I meant. Another story. I went back to the the same bench. Where it once said "Kill yourself" before now said "You are what you make, Create Love".

Another guy told me that he told me was seeing "7's" everywhere.

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[lesleypumpshaft]

This is a really interesting thread and I have often wondered about this. My father is bipolar, his mother may well have been and I was diagnosed this year after an episode of psychotic depression where I believed I was being punished for all the wrong doings I had comitted towards others in this lifetime and previous ones. I was tormented by what I thought at the time were demons.

Each time I have had these episodes of depression it is like having my ego completely shattered and feeling broken. Then comes acceptance, and then a process of rebuilding and reflecting on what may be learned from these situations. IMO episodes of mania and depression are usually triggerd by stress.

I am on medication, but I think it has helped and I was so close to comitting suicide or being sent to hospital so I am continuing to take it as it has bought blessed relief, my experience of both ends of the bipolar spectrum is that it is debilitating and painful. Lithium is not an option for me, so I take an anti convulsant which seems to work for bipolar. However, I have recently discovered Kundalini Yoga which has also been a life saver!

I stoped taking the SSRI's as they started to induce mania, and it wasn't the "good" sort either, just agitation, rage, anxiety and insomnia, but I did start to get very creative.

What I would like to ask others who are bipolar is whether their mania is always a pleasant experience as mine starts off being very spiritual, but usually ends up being complete hell. Once I couldn't sleep for about two months, hardly went outside my flat because I was so paranoid and was having conversations with my gran who had been dead for about 5 years. I did create some of the best art I have ever made and it felt as if I had tuned in to a universal flow of energy and it worked through me to create the art.

It bothers me when people have a romantic image of the tortured artist and bipolar though, there is nothing special about alienating friends and family while being manic and out of control. There is nothing romantic about not being able to get out of bed, eat or wash yourself either.

I think that just as we only see a fraction of the spectrum of light, so most people only experience a fraction of the possible range of human experience. Mental illness is just experiencing another part of that spectrum. Maybe experiencing these states can lead a person to a more spiritual path as the mind is opened to accept a wider range of experiences/perceptions?

[quilliard]

This is a really interesting thread and I have often wondered about this. My father is bipolar, his mother may well have been and I was diagnosed this year after an episode of psychotic depression where I believed I was being punished for all the wrong doings I had comitted towards others in this lifetime and previous ones. I was tormented by what I thought at the time were demons.

I had this one too. I think this is a common factor to all involved go through.

Each time I have had these episodes of depression it is like having my ego completely shattered and feeling broken. Then comes acceptance, and then a process of rebuilding and reflecting on what may be learned from these situations. IMO episodes of mania and depression are usually triggerd by stress.

I am on medication, but I think it has helped and I was so close to comitting suicide or being sent to hospital so I am continuing to take it as it has bought blessed relief, my experience of both ends of the bipolar spectrum is that it is debilitating and painful. Lithium is not an option for me, so I take an anti convulsant which seems to work for bipolar. However, I have recently discovered Kundalini Yoga which has also been a life saver!

I stoped taking the SSRI's as they started to induce mania, and it wasn't the "good" sort either, just agitation, rage, anxiety and insomnia, but I did start to get very creative.

What I would like to ask others who are bipolar is whether their mania is always a pleasant experience as mine starts off being very spiritual, but usually ends up being complete hell. Once I couldn't sleep for about two months, hardly went outside my flat because I was so paranoid and was having conversations with my gran who had been dead for about 5 years. I did create some of the best art I have ever made and it felt as if I had tuned in to a universal flow of energy and it worked through me to create the art.

It bothers me when people have a romantic image of the tortured artist and bipolar though, there is nothing special about alienating friends and family while being manic and out of control. There is nothing romantic about not being able to get out of bed, eat or wash yourself either.

I think that just as we only see a fraction of the spectrum of light, so most people only experience a fraction of the possible range of human experience. Mental illness is just experiencing another part of that spectrum. Maybe experiencing these states can lead a person to a more spiritual path as the mind is opened to accept a wider range of experiences/perceptions?

For me I was fine then I got prescribed a bunch of anti-depressants at the same time. I got off them and haven't taken anything in a several years. The stuff they gave me just made me like a zombie, but didn't stop what was happening.

As for if I think any mania is pleasant, is no. I think by definition mania's never end pleasantly. But there is always something to learn from each. Do you think. I would not call it a good lesson learned, but a lesson none the less. My experience lasted about seven years. I have a few good memories from it, but over all I would say that mania's are not fun.

You know

And I agree with you. There is nothing romantic about being the "tortured" anything. I am an artist as well. I know there is a flow thing in these phases of mania's, it is just being able to see the edge. So you can pull back. It is like knowing limits. After a while you learn to "deal" with the situation and move on.

Did you ever get the Super Hero vibe, like you had telepathy. I think that is common as well. LOL. I had so many thoughts, some of them are very funny, others are sad.

Shock the Karma

[lesleypumpshaft]

I had this one too. I think this is a common factor to all involved go through.

Sometimes I feel so isolated and ashamed of being the way I am, it is really good to know that other people have been there and understand and don't judge - thanks. :)

Do you think that people are really tormented by demons in this situation? I am in two minds as at the time I also thought that the government were spying on me from the school next to my house. I can look back and see the funny side now.



For me I was fine then I got prescribed a bunch of anti-depressants at the same time. I got off them and haven't taken anything in a several years. The stuff they gave me just made me like a zombie, but didn't stop what was happening.

As for if I think any mania is pleasant, is no. I think by definition mania's never end pleasantly. But there is always something to learn from each. Do you think. I would not call it a good lesson learned, but a lesson none the less. My experience lasted about seven years. I have a few good memories from it, but over all I would say that mania's are not fun.

You know

And I agree with you. There is nothing romantic about being the "tortured" anything. I am an artist as well. I know there is a flow thing in these phases of mania's, it is just being able to see the edge. So you can pull back. It is like knowing limits. After a while you learn to "deal" with the situation and move on.

Did you ever get the Super Hero vibe, like you had telepathy. I think that is common as well. LOL. I had so many thoughts, some of them are very funny, others are sad.

Shock the Karma

The super hero vibe, yes, I know the one only too well, at one point I believed that I was transforming in to some sort of higher being like an angel or fairy, that was quite nice at first!

I think we can learn a lot about ourselves from the mania, I don't even understand my own moods and I often wonder what it all means.

[passerbye999]

Do you think that people are really tormented by demons in this situation? I am in two minds as at the time I also thought that the government were spying on me from the school next to my house. I can look back and see the funny side now.

The super hero vibe, yes, I know the one only too well, at one point I believed that I was transforming in to some sort of higher being like an angel or fairy, that was quite nice at first!

I think we can learn a lot about ourselves from the mania, I don't even understand my own moods and I often wonder what it all means.



Hi lesleypumpshaft inner demons outer demons both are real while they are tormenting you. From that torment during mania you can become paranoid, it is only natural. It's about releasing subconscious primal fears. As you overcome them or are squashed by them it is natural also to envision yourself as a super natural bieng yourself tapping into your own power so to speak. To overcome this bombardment. No mania ever ends well it usaully ends in some sort of confrontation with death or dying symbolicly or real death sometimes. The ultimate battle with fear.

The romanticism comes from the intimacy of the experience. To some intamacy is whips and chains you know to some wine and flowers. It is all relative to the experience of the individual and their individual mania. My Father is Bi-polar and suicidal so are most of his siblings. I am bi polar and have never been suicidal except understandinding about my chronic suicidal traits of the past, like smoking and drinking alchohol. I do neither now.

It is about understanding your self. Who you are and what your beliefs or views are and how they stand up to the surreal. How they stand up to a shifting reality that has no substance yet is very real to the perceiver. How you feel when you sense euphoria and how it can twist into different feelings.

It is a sensual exploration of what makes you you and in the end understanding comes from acceptance. You have lived in and survived the unreal the real shouldn't be so trying now. As for suicide it is like masturbation when death is the ultimate orgasm. It is a release but is empty, emptier than depression, for I believe it passes depression on into the afterlife.

Depression can be overcome with a remembrance of the spirit moments, the euphoric moments which were full instead of empty. They come at first so you can draw on them through the mania and afterwards. You know everyone experiences depression one way or another it is not the same for euphoria.

It is the gift, the poetic expression within that lifts the self up and heals it. Moods flow naturally though we must watch them, make a chart of your cycles. Try interpreting your experiences like a dream using dream symbolism and similar methods to help understand what your mind was trying to say. What I believe is that everyone is a split personality, the conscious and subconscious you. In a mania the subconcious pops out and says boo! The conscious then has to figure out what to make of this apparation of insanity. We know the characters, here is the conlict, the climax we call mania and the end of the story depends on how much the reader likes mystic fantasy. Bieng able to interpret or not the metaphors of the writer.

I don't like the tortured artist view either it is better to have the view of artist who has picked themselves up from the bottom and survived. The tortured artist, the survivor an alive artist who now knows the secrets of their soul. Who becomes from torture an expressive artist. The torture is because hell is in the soul and so is heaven so to speak I am just talking concepts. When you get to death real or imagined you are in hell balance is purgatory" The middle Kingdom" and mania is heaven which eventually casts you down to hell again. The artist who has probed the depths of their soul. The philosopher artist. The Sage.

They are never respected and live hard miserable lives but find happiness in memories and moments. Being Bi Polar sucks but we have to live with it forever. We can only focus on when we were angels or demons while living the life of each. Remember and know we survived and continue to survive. That is what being bi polar is about surviving. Picking ourselves up each time we fall. Until we find balance in purgarory the middle kingdom a normal yet unique kind of life. Proper meds and yoga will definately help you on your journey. Meditation and self discovery is what you need to discover some of the teachings revealed through you depressions and manias. Then you will be just a simple ordinary artist within yourself.

I hope I haven't spoken out of place.

Peace

[passerbye999]

So passerbye999 did you ever get bombarded by "Signs?" For a while I was getting nailed with "Signs" everywhere.

These signs where like clues to what was going to happen or a path to follow.

For me they where just pretty straight forward, most real bad at first then they got better.

There was a bench in Sacramento, when life sucked really bad for me, and on it was scratched "Kill yourself" that summed it up for what the world was telling me and there it was scratched in to wood. Then when I went back, about a year later. A year of fighting "demons". Defining what I meant. Another story. I went back to the the same bench. Where it once said "Kill yourself" before now said "You are what you make, Create Love".

Another guy told me that he told me was seeing "7's" everywhere.

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

Hey quilliard yes many signs in many forms. Symbols, shapes, numbers especially 0-9 had special signifigance amd meaning. Every number had to be added down to one digit and analyzed.

I remember 1 being God, 2 being God (+/-), 3 being God (+/-) and mankind, 4 being God(+/-) and mankind (+/-), 5 being the individual human being, 6 being unification , 7 being knowledge, 8 being wisdom, 9 being spirit, 0 being wholeness.

I would hear thoughts and see numbers and the messages would work like morse code. Masonic symbols were huge lot of masonry stuff in my manias mostly masonry that's why people should read closely anyhow. Gestures, symbols and signs. Signs like you saw on the bench I call graffiti the happen as often if not more than meeting the "ones" on the street.

I even saw one sign written on a bus that said Hi and then my initials. Right infront of me. Then a voice asked me to find the next sign. You know quilliard that is all i did in my manias is follow the voices from sign to sign as they educated me in how to read them. To see the magic everywhere. Then to feel the signs for they have power. Thoughts and words carry great weight and symbols and signs magnify them.

For example quilliard your experience on the bench. How did you feel before, during and after reading the messages each time. Then how you feel about the overall time encapsuled message. From death to life on the same bench and then how you feel about the why of it?

It is what we call Seeing and Hearing. Were the voices talking to you at both times you went to the bench. The time in between manias the fight never stops with demons that is now a part of life for you isn't it? It becomes easier though doesn't it? It's all about survival some are warriors some are farmers, some farmers chose war and some warriors chose farming.

It's all about choice seeing the signs and hearing the voices. You have to open your whole being up to the experience, stroke the elephants trunk. You only discover the elephant from the mania he stays forever afterwards with you. You have to choose though whether you continue to embrace him as friend or cast him aside. This is 7 + 8 which equals 15 or (1 God+5 Individual=6 unification) 6, or knowledge plus wisdom equals unification. Were you gained the knowledge from mania, the elephant is wisdom of the mania and with them together you are unified because from knowledge and experiential wisdom comes true understanding as you merge with the God experience.

What is this white elephant you may ask. To a soldier the elephant is his initiation into combat the spectre of death. To the scholar it is gnosis. To the priest it is the holy spirit. To the manic it is mania. To me it is all combined.


I write everything in signs and symbols I bet you can to quilliard. Most of us can if we let ourselves automatic write. You know some of the stuff I write shocks and embarrasses me but I don't care because it is pure thought. Just like when I walked the streets of the biggest city in Canada searching for signs and finding them it is how I was given an apple. It is why I ate a peach. It is why it came to a three day invocation of God. Signs.

People planted and wrote and built signs everywhere to lead me to the Square. In a field I found a knife and a piece of wood stuck in the ground beside each other. As I followed the imaginary path I came upon a bench under trees with the branches covered in ribbons. This is were I left the wood and metal. Then I moved on to the trees that look just like orions belt where I sat. Then I came to a bench covered in peace signs that I never saw again after that day. The bench lead me to the Afro- American man on the hill. The man I hope to meet again. which lead me to the apple. there were more signs but those are what I remember off hand it was a few years ago.

It is funny how we remember everything from manias in a self perspective. You know we remember first person the experience it is not forgotten unless buried. You would expect a mind altering psychosis would either not be remembered or remembered as an alternate personality but it is not. It is a real experience with real memories. Euphoric, scary or deadly it is real.

I believe entities mess with us. Call them spirits, gods, aliens whatever we don't know what they are but they mess with us using our religious baggage.
They may have created religion themselves. I believe in a creator God above all but these other things are real though as real as you or me. They can alter reality and perception and it takes a strong mind to deal with them. They come when you are weak and you are like a baby in a mania. Wolfs preying on the lambs.

They give the signs, they are Good , Bad and Neutral and can become each other so you lose the concept of who is good or bad you only except what is.
As long as they aren't threatening you lose interest in them.

When I thought I was the King and Priest I remember a man on the bus growling to himself, I got off the bus and didn't notice him following me. He approached me at my transfer and in a growling voice told me after looking into my grocery bag that he should have my beer for he was the King. He started challenging me over my kingship a real man I had never met. At a bus stop, I walked away from him and I could feel him all the way home.

These entities possess people and have a spiritual agenda that they manifest on earth. I believe all Bi Polar I people have met them whether they will admit it or not is another story.

It is like chi kung when ever I go outside to practice it is still as I am still them at once there is a connection and as I move a wind blows and I move with the breeze. I can find a breeze where there was no breeze. How is this? This is chi kung. There is so much to learn in the Eastern arts that do teach us about these things and how to prepare your whole being to deal with these situations.

I only needed chi kung and meditation in my manias for it was a spirit based world. People you may not know it but you have souls and spirits, some people can talk to your soul and you would never know it. Most of the telepathy I experienced I believe was this connecting on a conscious level with peoples souls. It was a split between them swearing at me or saying hello. Most were hello though. It still happens on meds.

I take meds to keep me up I have no use for depression. It causes mania. My first mania was cool. I learned the knowledge as it was provided and had no bad experiences. So thats were I try to stay a little up but not too much. Energy balls burn out fast like falling stars. There is a physical aspect to this condition because the mind is superconductive and radiates positive and negative vibes to the extreme. Bi polar persona is like a magnet that is always repelling never attracting as in others but it cycles unless you stop the cycle.

I think we need meds but not the way they are provided or used at this point. Without proper meds you are like a delay fused time bomb especially if self medicating. Lithium though is complete garbage, Zyprexa the same and Haliperidol or Seraquil. Refuse that stuff at all costs. There are many alternative meds basically limit the anti- psychotics and get anti depressents to stop the depressive cycle. The doctor's will fuss but too bad you are the patient. I wanted to write about meds again because this is an illness but it has interesting to say the least blessings and curses. We are not normal and never will be, but we are human beings marked with the taw(the mark, X)and are special and unique in our own way.

Bi Polar friends there is a thin line between sanity and insanity, between insanity and genius, between genius and madness. We know them all well don't we. We are the travelers who traverse the line back and forth we cross.
It takes a toll on the whole it truly does and balance is the answer breaking the cycle. It is better to achieve enlightenment from serenity and intuition than mania but manics have no choice at first what happens after that is their choice though. I wouldn't wish my 5 manias on anybody most of them were from not taking my meds.

I had a problem with taking them for years 5 manias later and now finally a good doctor with the proper meds there is no more worries and I am happy. I still talk to God and tell her all about it she's alright, I tell her everything she's only concerned with my moods nothing else. A good doctor is very important if I am happy she is happy if I am down we talk about it try something new if it works great if not oh well on to something else. Within 3 months of meeting her I was healed. She is my Virgin Mary, my healer. She reads this so that is for her.

I wanted her to read it so she would know me and my story. Doctors need to know and be receptive to the infomation. Where are the Jungians now we need them back in force? All mental crisis is usually spiritual or religious in nature and must be analyzed through dream interpretation and artistic therapies. They are artist diseases and must be cured through the individuals artistic nature. I know more about Carl Gustav Jung than most Psychiatrists that scares the shit out of me. They are all mostly clinical now which puts the ill in a poor place for health and wellness.

A deep cut needs to be stitched and allowed to heal so does the mind and a scare is left to remind one of the injury like a tattoo. The better the stitching the less the scaring and the faster the mending. Continual cleaning of the wound prevents infection. When the doctors deal with the mind they just combat dress the wound and leave it. No sanitation involved no proper sutures just cover it up it up and wait for evac. Where evac would be return to "normal?" thought processes. They don't stich the wound and it leaves a big scare sometimes there is infection it is barbaric. There is alternative healing which is better but it costs to much the government doesn't pay.

I am one of those alternative people trying to decide in myself how I can even charge anymore for a gift that was given over time. How can you charge for what is free? Being free it is what it is. It was never mine in the first place it just came to me. This is why I am not teaching officially right now. I don't know how to answer this question. Governments should pay doctors not the people. Medicine , health and wellness should be free. The government should hire me to teach and all teachers and pay them the same as doctors. Then the tax dollars would be going some where good. Education and Health and Wellness Free.

We would have a more productive, healthy and enlightened society that nurtures the weak instead of casting them away. Moving toward a unified society based on equality. Not Utopia "the place of no place" it could be real different cultures all equal provided the same basic rights and freedoms based on a healthy and enlightened society. Enlightened Anarchy. The system is in place it just needs a few tweeks on expenditures and tax revenues and a Judgicial overhaul. Politics and monetary systems will be able to create this Place of Freedom and Prosperity for all.

Sorry for going off topic but the conversation flowed in a direction and I followed it. That's what I do. It was good hearing from you again Quilliard. You are a writer I have read some of your works you are alot like me even in cultural background I think. Sono patzo and you? I say this because I have met certain specific nationalities more often in the ward than others in a real metropolitan city. Toronto. There is 5 million of every sort of people there, cultural districts and all. Like a little New York. At least that's the way it tries make it self out. The three most common cultural nationalities I met in my hospital Jews and Italians(catholics) and muslims from north africa and turkey. The reason I put the muslims together is because they have the same culture where ever they are from in a Islamic Country just like Diaspora Jews. Jews and Italians the most though.

Why do these cultures or societies have they same high quantity of mentally ill? The Romans and the Jews maybe too much pressure from religion makes them snap. Same with Moslems. All are equal here. The pressure of religion is too much for many people. It is a pressure that never stops tormenting from the inside and out the Faiths make it that way. It is their purpose to conquer the world and all they cause is mania and breakdowns in their flock.

Oh well I have written to much again. What other kinds of signs are you seeing or have seen Quilliard? What kind of people did you meet? What did they say to you? That bench message sign was extremely cool. You know my story I would like to know more of yours if you are willing to share. For the guy you talk about did the "7" refer in someway to Jesus it does alot of the time. What if every Bi polar persons mission is to help someone else through the process of mania and depression? Many in out patient hospital talked about this how many followed it through though?


Peace

[lizzyking]

I don't know if bipolar mania is spiritual enlightenment, but, it might not be a bad thing regardless and/or nevertheless, hence the 'dumbing down' with drugs.

Some commentators believe that hypomania actually has an evolutionary advantage.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania#Possible_benefits

[passerbye999]

I don't know if bipolar mania is spiritual enlightenment, but, it might not be a bad thing regardless and/or nevertheless, hence the 'dumbing down' with drugs.

To be honest with you I agree . For I don't know if anyone truly knows what spiritual enlightenment really is and it is a concept that can't be categorized. But there is something there in manias and there are benifits as well as disabilities that come with the condition.

But if managed well one can live a harmonious balanced life and feel more spiritual( another concept hard to really define)after the experience, especially during it. It is that euphoria that people cling to in their memories of mania.

You need to experience it even if the mind makes it up itself it is way better than drugs or sex. It is wholesome. It is that experience and it's beneifits that your quote talks about. It can and usually does go to far though into different forms magnifying all emotions. When it is held though or summoned it is beautiful to hang out in. That is meditation.

I will say this if it is made up in our mind and only of our mind then we truly are gods because it is the mystic experience. Euphoria and mania. Here's the truth the some old manics are enlightened the others and the young not so much. After many manias you start to make sense of your journey. I have met older and wiser men and woman than me all manics in the wards and outpatient hospitals. If they would only talk you have to pry it out of them and be deemed worthy enough to gain such secrets they are all reclusive.

If you think I am bizarre in a weirdly intelligent way you would be completely amazed and in awe of what these people say in almost no words. They hit everything dead center to the point everytime and couldn't be bothered about what you think about it. They are always right and extremely eccentric. People cling to them like magnets even the doctors and nurses treat them special. By my third time I was one of them a young one but one none the less by the last I was the man. It's weird when the doctors have you teaching the nurses and patients chi kung and meditation while you are in the hospital. Complete in and out priveledges right from the start. It was more like a resort than a hospital.

The elderly manics are who I hung with the most because I was put in thier ward twice instead of the hardcore adult ward. I learned so much in those months. They all loved my writing and symbol stuff. Encouraging me to write and advocate my political ideals. I would write speaches practice on them then throw the speaches away. They would sometimes join me in my protest march it was fun. Super intelligent yet disturbed individuals. Older but just like me.

When I was in the other ward they always wanted to talk to me, everyone always wanted to walk and talk with me, I was always walking and talking. I felt like Aristotle. They would come to me asking about quotes and asking my opinion on matters. In a short while of this talking they would come down faster than the meds. They were engaging in real conversation again with someone non judgmental. I would find their real problems and give them ideas on how to fix it. They were usually family problems based off of religious ideas or the reverse for real.

It always came back to family though. Stress is the biggest trigger and nothing can stress you out more than a bad family situation. Once you snap it's all about religion. All those months, all those different people, the same basic story. From teenagers to 93 year olds same story. Work and family causing breakdowns from the pressure of the overwhelming stress they create in the individual. The individual crying out for acceptance and recieving nothing but non acceptance.

Some bi polars are real scary though and need to be locked up at times, bad manias are like bad trips it's all about state of mind. More people should at least try acid or mushrooms to know what I am saying. I did alot in the middle to late 80's you can control a trip or it can control you it is as simple as that, same with a mania. Rage in a mania rage in a person period. Poor self control and conscience in the first place. A good person will have a good mania a bad a bad because it simply amplifies the state of mind one is in. Bad can become good and good bad. So it comes down to self control and conscience (Always feeling tested to practice self control). A violent mania they failed the test unless it was real self defence.

I have said this to these type of bi polars who I do not like to be around for they exude bad vibes. One of them kept taunting me as I walked one day, I ignored him for awhile he never spoke but his intentions were aggressive he didn't like people talking to me and he was a big boy. I simply told him if he kept it up I would put him through the dance of pain, that he better start getting it together because he was not all powerful as he thought and portrayed keeping everyone on edge until I called him on it. He still didn't talk but ceased being aggressive by choice. It's not all illness it is personality as well. He was talking and playing piano in a couple of days and we became friends and stretched together(I taught him stretching exersizes). Never hold a grudge. This man had the security called putting him in isolation on numerous occasions for having violent rages in the ward terrifying the women.

Enlightenment and manias are a state of mind so they are equal but is one the other who really knows. No one really overcomes suffering they just learn to tolerate it within themselves. In this light maybe they are one and the same. For nothing teaches suffering and its release like being Bi Polar. It happens on a cyclical basis. If studied properly people could learn alot about the human condition from a differnt aspect. Studying insanity to better understand sanity. For what is sane and what is insane?

Imagine if everyone had a mild hypomania(euphoric and energized) then they could decide for themselves with no bad trip. It could be a new evolution of human consciousness. It is why everyone should go manic for understanding. It always goes away even on it's own without meds. Twice I checked myself in after the manias was tapering off for rest and healing my feet were usually tattered from all the walking and needed weeks to heel proprely sometimes my marches in the ward were slow and awkward.

They didn't over medicate me because I told them the story I knew all the doctors they knew I was down by then so it was rest and on to trying a new med because I refused to take the last. That was a fight I had with the doctors. If I didn't like the meds I would stop taking them and end up manic. They always made me stay for 30 days in ward then 3 weeks outpatient hospital. It was a yearly spring equinox ritual for three years.

It was like those dudes who hurt themselves on purpose, the sorer my feet the stronger my dedication. Well when you come down naturally the thought process goes to time to admit myself the ride is over. I completely rode out a 3 month mania without being hospitalized until it had passed naturally. I wrote about it. In between my manias my consecutive ones I was still manic it is what quilliard talks about in a recent post about dealing with demons. I would do it all again even with the temporary loss of my son the illness never took him from me the law did. My awareness greatly expanded from the experiences.

Peace

[lesleypumpshaft]

passerby999, not speaking out of place at all, in fact I really enjoy reading your posts.

[passerbye999]

I wanted to make a short defined post on the concept of enlightenment. In both the East and West it refers to the overcoming of suffering within yourself from a bombardment of external situational suffering. It is simply defined as that.

Isaiah says " From the anguish and suffering of his soul he shall see the light." He refering to the Enlightened One The Everlasting Prince of Peace.
This can apply to anyone and everyone though and explicitly describes the process of mania. It has always spoken to me and I use it as a footstone of my teachings on manias or awakenings.

Buddha says "Life is suffering as described in the Four Noble Truths and through the following of the Eight fold Path you can overcome the cycle of suffering." Mania is one of the ways of awakening probably the most profound. It allows one to understand the Truths and the Path clearer if they learn from the experience instead of denying it's signifigance.

The key is suffering, enlightenment comes from suffering, no suffering no enlightenment. We need the one for the other. That is the learning experience in life the knowledge we seek. The worse the suffering the greater the awakening of God or the Beast within. Usually it is God who shows his/her Face within.

For those of you who feel ashamed because you are not as neat as you were before or feel less clean than you did before, less energetic, not as organized it is all because you are not being bothered by these stressful useless standards anymore subconsciously. To keep you from the external suffering you impose on yourself to conform to societies standards which are all out of whack because of the advertizing industry of corporations.

Life is about moments not schedules. If you start to smell too bad you do wash. It will change as your awareness expands and you start to see the situation for what it is. Depression is inner suffering in response to external suffering. It is like having tunnel vision, you need to slowly open the blinders and look out side the box.

Affirmation and acceptance of your experiences will heal you if you can learn to do this meditation of self introspection. You have nothing else to do while lying in bed so go for it. It will get you out of those long dark sleep cycles or insomnia because you will cease hating yourself and feeling sorry for yourself.

My advice to Bi Polars in a long arduos depressive cycle is make yourself manic but control it. We all need to explore this aspect of our mind for it is healing. Treat it like a shamanistic peyote trip. Release yourself go mystic or semi mystic and be free of your yoke, the bondage of self imposed depression.

It is self imposed to no one can tell me otherwise I have lived with it for over a decade and have conquered it by living in a semi manic state. It is clinical but it is an illness of the mind and can be cured in the mind. A state of mind. You have to learn to control your moods thats the answer to the riddle. If you are balanced in your emotions which Chan teaches then you have no problems.

Chan is " Sitting at Peace" when we meditate we meditate with our eyes open staring into nothingness but being aware of everything. We are aware of everything but pay no particular attention to any one thing. We are using peripheral as well as focused/nonfocused vision to expand our awareness of our surroundings and ourself everything becomes one. You can not do this if your eyes are closed.

This state of mind neutralizes emotions and becomes natural as breath. You still feel anger when it is warranted but not otherwise, happiness when it is warranted same thing same with all emotions. They are like the clouds passing overhead sometimes covering the sun. Some "Zen Hippie" huh. I just shared a secret you will probably find no where on the internet. That is why we are so scary in combat.

No fear, no emotion, no thought just emptyness it is scary to behold if your facing such a person because in this mind state the energy expands powerfully and can be felt like a cushion of electro magnetic energy. To the uninitiated it will seriously freak you out. After a while one gets used to it. It becomes natural too sensing these energies.

I hope this posting I made helps someone out who is suffering bi polar depression at this time there is hope and life isn't really so bad.
I basically described one of the most powerful meditations in the world. A 1500 yr old secret, Master to Student passed down for generations. From the " Young Forest Temple" Shaolin. A purposeful meditation that you can make become you naturaly just like the breathing that is practiced with it during the exersize. 5 minutes a day for about 10 years and you are good to go. More minutes a day less years. Until you become one with it.

We practice Natural or Buddhist Breathing as adverse to Reverse or Taoist Breathing. Personaly I dabble in the reverse since I have mastered the Natural. Where the abdomin expands with the inhalation through the nose and contracts to the diaphragm with a rolling motion while the exhalation is through the mouth which is slightly open and the tongue is up it's point touching behing the top front teeth.

Sitting at Peace:

In the meditation you start in a sitting position with your back straight and your head up with the chin slightly tucked in. Usually the half- Burmese position (crossed legs). The hands are open and palms facing upward resting on the knees. No finger positions just palms open and elbows slightly down and in. You begin with a deep sigh in through the nose out through the mouth. Then as you inhale the next natural breath about 4-5 seconds through the nose you stare forward to a obscure point to your direct front and as you begin to exhale through the mouth you let your peripheral awareness expand. The exhalation is 10 seconds long it must be counted out silently in the mind don't count the in breath just make it short and natural. At the end of the exhalation you have contracted your stomach into the diaphragm you make a "tuh" sound as to remove your tongue from the connection with your upper mouth. This relaxes the diaphragm which allows the " Dream Cycle" to go smoothly. The Dream Cylce is the transition to the next breath. There can be no gasping. so realaxing the diaphragm with the "tuh" sound done softly allows you to smoothly inhale again while replacing the tongue to it's contact point without gaspingby releasing the pressuse temporarily on the diaphragm. You keep your awareness expanded for 36 breaths the 37 is a final sigh signifying the end of the exersize. On the very last exhalation before the final sigh you bring your awareness back to the original obscure point. So 4-5 second inhalations, 10 second exhalations, belly dancing like contraction with the outbreath, expansion of belly like a big buddha belly on the in breath. The stomach rolls like a giant sutle or powerful wave depending on the intensity of the breath, they can be done soft hard or anywhere in between. Rolling up and rolling down for 36 breaths with 2 sighs. The sighs are extermely important just like yawns. Very secret things. This can be done standing in a realaxed straight position as well or in a chair or lying down. In time the counting goes away only when you can perform the exact same task without counting. In the middle stage there is just a beggining and an end to the exersize. Eventually you do it always naturally make it go dormant or revive it it is you. Empty Awareness. . :):):)

Just like this ancient meditation was given to me I just want to help people even if they don't respond and only want to read while I am still here. It can't and won't go on forever. My interest is here for now though. I will pay my way by sharing secrets openly once in a awhile. This meditation is Shaolin Kung fu. It seems like nothing but is very much something or it wouldn't have been passed down in secret for 15 centuries. Like I said before all the secrets are simple things. Like yawning and stretching where yoga and chi kung came from. The stretching yawn is the most powerful chi kung natural force which like the sigh they regulate the temperature and awareness of the organs and mind. I am way beyond kicking and punching. Most people do not understand these health and wellness benefits I can make people yawn like crazy it is great and liberating. My own chi kung exercises developed by me tap into these sacred ancient powers of the sigh and yawn and stretch. Thus my avatar. Boddhidharma embracing the heavens and earth through himself while in a big yawning stretch.

Peace


Pebbles in a Pond

I drop a pebble in a pond
In concentric circles
The ripples wax and wane
Away from the point of impact

They ebb and roll moving away
Far beyond my sight
Will they become a wave
That crashes onto some distant shore?


Mind

The evening clouds of amber hue
mirror my warming fire.
Lucid, sitting at peace,
I stare into glowing embers.
To the crackle and snap
the flames flickering dance.
Fascinated, I dance with them
by letting go of mind.
I see in their hunger
the very essence of nature.

[quilliard]

Sometimes I feel so isolated and ashamed of being the way I am, it is really good to know that other people have been there and understand and don't judge - thanks. :)

Do you think that people are really tormented by demons in this situation? I am in two minds as at the time I also thought that the government were spying on me from the school next to my house. I can look back and see the funny side now.

The super hero vibe, yes, I know the one only too well, at one point I believed that I was transforming in to some sort of higher being like an angel or fairy, that was quite nice at first!

I think we can learn a lot about ourselves from the mania, I don't even understand my own moods and I often wonder what it all means.

Understanding is important. Not judging comes from experience.

Personally I do think that there is something more that we can not explain so easily. I mean I can put it into words but it is hard to prove. When I was in the thick of it I saw and heard so much that I could not explain. What I had learned made no sense to me until maybe days later. And the worst part was that the "demons" where getting such a huge kick out of it.

I use the word demon not because of what I think they look like but because of the actions.

Being followed by the government is very common as well. I felt that for a while, but brushed it off. The reason I felt that was because I thought they would be the only ones with the technology to do what was happening.

And I hole hardily agree with you, we can learn a lot from what we experience. I am hoping that if someone else has the same issue that they will read this and realize that they are not alone.

It is so tough when you try to talk to someone about it and they just keep saying "Your not making any sense." I got that from a doctor. After talking on this forum I know that he is full of poo as he probably had many people come through his office and all say generally the same thing. So how could it not make sense? It doesn't make sense to him. He was not listening.

I have a cold right now and I am afraid that my writing is not making sense. I will talk to you guys later.

Shock the Karma

[mycharona]

No.

[montag]

No.
Maybe you would care to share with us your reasoning instead of leaving a glib one word response..:)

[passerbye999]

Understanding is important. Not judging comes from experience.

Personally I do think that there is something more that we can not explain so easily. I mean I can put it into words but it is hard to prove. When I was in the thick of it I saw and heard so much that I could not explain. What I had learned made no sense to me until maybe days later. And the worst part was that the "demons" where getting such a huge kick out of it.

I use the word demon not because of what I think they look like but because of the actions.

Being followed by the government is very common as well. I felt that for a while, but brushed it off. The reason I felt that was because I thought they would be the only ones with the technology to do what was happening.

And I hole hardily agree with you, we can learn a lot from what we experience. I am hoping that if someone else has the same issue that they will read this and realize that they are not alone.

It is so tough when you try to talk to someone about it and they just keep saying "Your not making any sense." I got that from a doctor. After talking on this forum I know that he is full of poo as he probably had many people come through his office and all say generally the same thing. So how could it not make sense? It doesn't make sense to him. He was not listening.

I have a cold right now and I am afraid that my writing is not making sense. I will talk to you guys later.

Shock the Karma

You make total sense in the connection with the government watching we all experience it in one way or another. How do we all come to this same conclusion? Then dismiss it but are we being maniulated and watched? The experience does feel like that at times.

Conspiracy people believe in this kind of stuff. as for the doctor lots of them just scribble without listening. You know my first mania came during psychotherapy with a Dr. Caspar Tutors $300 an hour and he didn't take any responsibility except to phone my wife and advise her to have me locked up.Which I refused to do at first I put my sanity in our churches hands and was told everything I said was biblical and prophetic but you can not be who you claim you are which was a prophet. Their answer binded me to a contract which I had signed that my wife had written up to force me to admit myself to the hospital on a Boy Pastors descision who wasn't even at the meeting or confrontation we had. I had faith in the church until then.

Imagine how I felt when they picked their own prophets based on non prophetic tendencies, these people were preachers not prophets. Prophets scream at the church always have. Keeps them in check. I scared them with my understanding and they thought I might need to be exorsized until the exorcist crew decided I was quite cool instead of possessed. I was into Apologetics and Exegesis at the time. I knew more than the child pastor scared him and was truly sent to bondage in the name of Jesus by the church and they new about the document and what was on the line for me.

A doctor who dumped me and a pastor who absently judged me. Wow.

The things making sense later is very true to for even the weirdest things come to light as the experiences move on. Can the government though create, control or detect manias or crackups? I can't see it but why the same story so many times? From non paranoid people lots of times they are aware acceptive and not paranoid of the situation. Like myself. But I did write an blue blood and mason a nasty letter and signed and addressed it. So mine could have been very real at the "Square". I could be still watched but I don't care anymore or I wouldn't have written what I did.

You seem to be a master of being judged too Quilliard and are very empathic towards it in yourself and others. Judgment without trial. No defence just guilty. Guilty of what though experiencing alternate realities and entities.
Some people make millions off of what we are shunned for but do we all like me purposefully put ourselves in that situation in the first place instead of making millions. Do you know what I mean? The patient gives the doctor to much power it is only when that power is given is it exerted on you. When you accept the diagnosis. It makes me think about the begining of this thread and some of the things Drael was saying.

Have you ever tried alternative health care Quilliard like others have posted about? Different ideas. Did you create a method of your own to adapt? You said it has been almost a decade of these experiences for you. That's a long time. When you choose not to answer questions I understand . I'll still ask if it's alright with you to stir up a dialogue between us and others. You asked for it in a previous post .I fully accept and will answer anything you ask me to the best of my ability.

"A Bi Polar Invasion" lol, Don't worry folks the Shock and Awe campaign is over. Talk to you later.

Peace

[lilith light]

Why are so many people being diagnosed with bipolar, and therefore projecting on themselves by turning into that label?
If you think you are experiencing spiritual enlightment. DON'T go to the doctor, ffs. You might get labelled as bipolar.

You dont seem to see this in third world countries. Oh look, he's got mania coz he had his arms chopped off and saw his family killed in a war..
No wonder, that explains his insanity, or should we confuse that with spiritual awakening! :eek:

Mania means violent madness, obsession;craze.

Perhaps you are using the word too loosely.

I don't trust the many personality disorders people get labelled as by doctors, and then pumped with pills, just to escape their thoughts.
It especially seems to happen in America. Where many seem to have psychiatrists as part of everyday life.
If you keep talking, I'm sure they'll eventually find some syndrome to stick on your persona. That way you can act it out and start to believe that is you.

Just how the system wants diverse thoughts, as a reject.
Boxed and tagged.
Label Insanity.
Enlightenment?
You'll be crucified, in one way or another.

Something in you, does it to yourself.
Find that lost element of your own control in your mind naturally.
Then, trust your instincts. Go with your intuition. Listen to your heart.
Don't let any stranger readily label you, unless your problems are truly disturbing and have taken over your life in a bad way.
Then seek help, but find the right path to do so. Research the many avenues.

It's just how they want you spiritual upstarts.
Self absorbed and under control.

[passerbye999]

passerby999, not speaking out of place at all, in fact I really enjoy reading your posts.

Thanks I appreciate that.

[lilith light]

My first serious relationship a long time a go ended with my girlfriend having what was diagnosed as acute psychosis. This lady set me on my spiritual path and opened my eyes to many things I would never have thought possible before(I would have been classed as an atheist when we met).

To cut a long story short she went through what I would now recognize as enlightenment or illumination of some sort. Sadly though at the time this wasn't understood and she was dragged off to hospital, locked up and heavily medicated. The doctors at the hospital told me the best thing for me to do for her was to move and get on with my own life. Being only young at the time I reluctantly took their advise and moved on.

I saw her again a year or so later and the lady I once knew had been replaced by this drugged up caricature of her former self, very sad it was like someone had turned her light off, all that was left was her shell.

I've just read this. That is very sad. Heartbreakingly so.

Thankgoodness you had the strength and foresight to still see a spiritual pathway from such a tragic end and recognise what she taught you. Perhaps, because of that, in you, a part of her lives on, and that the rest of her became as a star twinkling in the universe, looking to meet you on another level.

*Hugs you*

[passerbye999]

Why are so many people being diagnosed with bipolar, and therefore projecting on themselves by turning into that label?
If you think you are experiencing spiritual enlightment. DON'T go to the doctor, ffs. You might get labelled as bipolar.

You dont seem to see this in third world countries. Oh look, he's got mania coz he had his arms chopped off and saw his family killed in a war..
No wonder, that explains his insanity, or should we confuse that with spiritual awakening! :eek:

Mania means violent madness, obsession;craze.

Perhaps you are using the word too loosely.

I don't trust the many personality disorders people get labelled as by doctors, and then pumped with pills, just to escape their thoughts.
It especially seems to happen in America. Where many seem to have psychiatrists as part of everyday life.
If you keep talking, I'm sure they'll eventually find some syndrome to stick on your persona. That way you can act it out and start to believe that is you.

Just how the system wants diverse thoughts, as a reject.
Boxed and tagged.
Label Insanity.
Enlightenment?
You'll be crucified, in one way or another.

Something in you, does it to yourself.
Find that lost element of your own control in your mind naturally.
Then, trust your instincts. Go with your intuition. Listen to your heart.
Don't let any stranger readily label you, unless your problems are truly disturbing and have taken over your life in a bad way.
Then seek help, but find the right path to do so. Research the many avenues.

It's just how they want you spiritual upstarts.
Self absorbed and under control.

There is a lot of truth in these words. I really agree about using the term mania so loosely, but apparently it is the one that has made the label. I hate to use mania and spiritual awakening because the experience is both but neither.

It needs its own name at least for conversation sake how about euphoria. The mania I refer to is spiritual in essence but there is psychotic episodes which are different but they are lumped together clinically. So euphoria becomes psychosis to the doctors.

I agree about not going to the doctor if an awakening is happening just have people aware of it near bye watching you. If you are alone like I was most of the time try to stay around people at least, crowds are good for safety.

If it is a psychosis you won't think it is a spiritual awakening because you are psychotic without the ability to reason. If you think it is a spiritual awakening it probably is because you are not psychotic you are euphoric still with the ability to reason. The ability to reason is the difference.

I like that" Spiritual Upstarts" on with the Revolution!

Peace

[lizzyking]

To be honest with you I agree . For I don't know if anyone truly knows what spiritual enlightenment really is and it is a concept that can't be categorized. But there is something there in manias and there are benifits as well as disabilities that come with the condition.

But if managed well one can live a harmonious balanced life and feel more spiritual( another concept hard to really define)after the experience, especially during it. It is that euphoria that people cling to in their memories of mania.

You need to experience it even if the mind makes it up itself it is way better than drugs or sex. It is wholesome. It is that experience and it's beneifits that your quote talks about. It can and usually does go to far though into different forms magnifying all emotions. When it is held though or summoned it is beautiful to hang out in. That is meditation.

I will say this if it is made up in our mind and only of our mind then we truly are gods because it is the mystic experience. Euphoria and mania. Here's the truth the some old manics are enlightened the others and the young not so much. After many manias you start to make sense of your journey. I have met older and wiser men and woman than me all manics in the wards and outpatient hospitals. If they would only talk you have to pry it out of them and be deemed worthy enough to gain such secrets they are all reclusive.

If you think I am bizarre in a weirdly intelligent way you would be completely amazed and in awe of what these people say in almost no words. They hit everything dead center to the point everytime and couldn't be bothered about what you think about it. They are always right and extremely eccentric. People cling to them like magnets even the doctors and nurses treat them special. By my third time I was one of them a young one but one none the less by the last I was the man. It's weird when the doctors have you teaching the nurses and patients chi kung and meditation while you are in the hospital. Complete in and out priveledges right from the start. It was more like a resort than a hospital.

The elderly manics are who I hung with the most because I was put in thier ward twice instead of the hardcore adult ward. I learned so much in those months. They all loved my writing and symbol stuff. Encouraging me to write and advocate my political ideals. I would write speaches practice on them then throw the speaches away. They would sometimes join me in my protest march it was fun. Super intelligent yet disturbed individuals. Older but just like me.

When I was in the other ward they always wanted to talk to me, everyone always wanted to walk and talk with me, I was always walking and talking. I felt like Aristotle. They would come to me asking about quotes and asking my opinion on matters. In a short while of this talking they would come down faster than the meds. They were engaging in real conversation again with someone non judgmental. I would find their real problems and give them ideas on how to fix it. They were usually family problems based off of religious ideas or the reverse for real.

It always came back to family though. Stress is the biggest trigger and nothing can stress you out more than a bad family situation. Once you snap it's all about religion. All those months, all those different people, the same basic story. From teenagers to 93 year olds same story. Work and family causing breakdowns from the pressure of the overwhelming stress they create in the individual. The individual crying out for acceptance and recieving nothing but non acceptance.

Some bi polars are real scary though and need to be locked up at times, bad manias are like bad trips it's all about state of mind. More people should at least try acid or mushrooms to know what I am saying. I did alot in the middle to late 80's you can control a trip or it can control you it is as simple as that, same with a mania. Rage in a mania rage in a person period. Poor self control and conscience in the first place. A good person will have a good mania a bad a bad because it simply amplifies the state of mind one is in. Bad can become good and good bad. So it comes down to self control and conscience (Always feeling tested to practice self control). A violent mania they failed the test unless it was real self defence.

I have said this to these type of bi polars who I do not like to be around for they exude bad vibes. One of them kept taunting me as I walked one day, I ignored him for awhile he never spoke but his intentions were aggressive he didn't like people talking to me and he was a big boy. I simply told him if he kept it up I would put him through the dance of pain, that he better start getting it together because he was not all powerful as he thought and portrayed keeping everyone on edge until I called him on it. He still didn't talk but ceased being aggressive by choice. It's not all illness it is personality as well. He was talking and playing piano in a couple of days and we became friends and stretched together(I taught him stretching exersizes). Never hold a grudge. This man had the security called putting him in isolation on numerous occasions for having violent rages in the ward terrifying the women.

Enlightenment and manias are a state of mind so they are equal but is one the other who really knows. No one really overcomes suffering they just learn to tolerate it within themselves. In this light maybe they are one and the same. For nothing teaches suffering and its release like being Bi Polar. It happens on a cyclical basis. If studied properly people could learn alot about the human condition from a differnt aspect. Studying insanity to better understand sanity. For what is sane and what is insane?

Imagine if everyone had a mild hypomania(euphoric and energized) then they could decide for themselves with no bad trip. It could be a new evolution of human consciousness. It is why everyone should go manic for understanding. It always goes away even on it's own without meds. Twice I checked myself in after the manias was tapering off for rest and healing my feet were usually tattered from all the walking and needed weeks to heel proprely sometimes my marches in the ward were slow and awkward.

They didn't over medicate me because I told them the story I knew all the doctors they knew I was down by then so it was rest and on to trying a new med because I refused to take the last. That was a fight I had with the doctors. If I didn't like the meds I would stop taking them and end up manic. They always made me stay for 30 days in ward then 3 weeks outpatient hospital. It was a yearly spring equinox ritual for three years.

It was like those dudes who hurt themselves on purpose, the sorer my feet the stronger my dedication. Well when you come down naturally the thought process goes to time to admit myself the ride is over. I completely rode out a 3 month mania without being hospitalized until it had passed naturally. I wrote about it. In between my manias my consecutive ones I was still manic it is what quilliard talks about in a recent post about dealing with demons. I would do it all again even with the temporary loss of my son the illness never took him from me the law did. My awareness greatly expanded from the experiences.

Peace


Cheers bro, great post.




Omegas can help keep it smooth, if one wants to avoid pharmaceuticals.

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/Omega-3.htm


Vegans can do flax seed instead of fish oil. I recommend getting the organic flax seeds and grinding them up in coffee bean grinder for best potency. Hemp seed is good too.

[passerbye999]

Cheers bro, great post.

Omegas can help keep it smooth, if one wants to avoid pharmaceuticals.

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/Omega-3.htm


Vegans can do flax seed instead of fish oil. I recommend getting the organic flax seeds and grinding them up in coffee bean grinder for best potency. Hemp seed is good too.

Cool thanks man . I am big on fish and eggs and lots of veggies I agree they help. I take omega capsules too. To keep me engergized and alert for exersize and studies.

Peace

[lesleypumpshaft]

Cool thanks man . I am big on fish and eggs and lots of veggies I agree they help. I take omega capsules too. To keep me engergized and alert for exersize and studies.

Peace

I find this kind of diet helps, as does daily exercise. I lost my job during my last bout of depression, so I am looking for work right now. between applying for jobs I do Kundalini Yoga and meditate to ease the stress of being an unemployed bum lol.

Bipolar seriously effects your career! I have to go to the local outpatients in a bit to see the chap who helps you sort out work. I keep quiet about anything of a spiritual nature to him, my CPN or Psychiatrist. They are all really good people, but I am aware of the fact that any mention of awakening or spirituality could result in them thinking I am psychotic again.

The funny thing is that I am relatively well at the moment and very calm and lucid, and that is the thing about bipolar, you can look normal, and be totally normal. I agree with what passerby999 says about trying to trigger mania, I often think it is a desirable state and I enjoy feeling the inspiration and feeling of energy and creativity. Since being on the Lactimal I feel creatively dead, yet on the positive side, I am not "inflicting" myself on my family.

The thing is that I still feel some of the pain of the depression I had earlier in the year, I feel that if I didn't have this medication I might slip back and that would certainly result in suicide, anything to stop feeling pain. I have no idea why I feel it, but even when I am well or manic it is always there like a sword of Damacles hanging over my head! I have taken certain cold medications in the past as a couple always trigger an episode of mania.

[montag]

I've just read this. That is very sad. Heartbreakingly so.

Thankgoodness you had the strength and foresight to still see a spiritual pathway from such a tragic end and recognise what she taught you. Perhaps, because of that, in you, a part of her lives on, and that the rest of her became as a star twinkling in the universe, looking to meet you on another level.

*Hugs you*
What nice thoughts, thank you...:)

[quilliard]

You seem to be a master of being judged too Quilliard and are very empathic towards it in yourself and others. Judgment without trial. No defence just guilty. Guilty of what though experiencing alternate realities and entities.
Some people make millions off of what we are shunned for but do we all like me purposefully put ourselves in that situation in the first place instead of making millions. Do you know what I mean? The patient gives the doctor to much power it is only when that power is given is it exerted on you. When you accept the diagnosis. It makes me think about the begining of this thread and some of the things Drael was saying.

Have you ever tried alternative health care Quilliard like others have posted about? Different ideas. Did you create a method of your own to adapt? You said it has been almost a decade of these experiences for you. That's a long time. When you choose not to answer questions I understand . I'll still ask if it's alright with you to stir up a dialogue between us and others. You asked for it in a previous post .I fully accept and will answer anything you ask me to the best of my ability.

This has been going on for a long time in my life. It was out of control. I was under the impression that I was being judged, by all. But the thing was that I never really did anything wrong. So when a doctor would try to get me to take drugs I at first said OK but all that happened was that I lost the ability to speak without slurring, motor skills, had horrible shaking, jerking muscles but the "messages" where still coming through loud and clear. The drugs don't work. Also I was curious why me saying that "God replied to me" was such a horrible thing. That is what I fought the most. I would say that and doctors would laugh at me or say that they would give me something to stop those thoughts. WRONG!

The problem is that a psychiatrists job is, today, to just make the patient "Manageable", they don't care what happens to them, the doctor just wants the patient to be manageable. That is so wrong on so many levels.

As for what I did during this time, well it started slowly, at first I would see some "light" anomalies and then things didn't look right. But what I saw happening was very similar to what I saw my brother go through. For him, he was fine until he was in a car accident and hurt his back then he got depressed, then the prescription drugs came and then the mania.

So I would be going along and all of a sudden I would get bombarded with the message "There is money hidden and all you have to do is find it." and I was like "B.S. there is no money, I saw this with my brother. I know this is a lie." and I would, if you saw me, be arguing with myself about it.

Then there was "We are space aliens" and I again would say "B.S. there are no aliens, I saw this with my brother. I know this is a lie." And so on and so on. But I did know something was happening.

Then there was God contacting me. That was so annoying as the only real message that didn't come from inside my head was "It is going to be OK." God sent me that message over and over. And the more I got the message the worse things became.

When things got real crazy what I did was try to keep my "Talking to the air" to a minimum in public and really let it out when I was alone. If I was outside I pretended to talk on the cell phone. There where so many questions being asked to me. I knew most of it was a lie, but it was happening. I would get messages and then be able to find what was being told to me.

After a while I just surrendered totally. My conversations became not as much "What do you want from me?" but "What can I do for you?" So when I would hear a question or see a vision I would try to figure out what it meant.

It was hard to try to think about the message as if it was for everyone, not just me.

I have never tried alternative medicine as I saw what was happening as a good thing that was destroying my life. I tried exercise and eating healthy, but nothing worked. I tried meditation but darn if that did just get me to the Visions and Voices faster.

There was a while that I could close my eyes and interact with these entities. I could touch them and move them around. Then I got to the point that I could, with my eyes closed, grab bits of light and stretch it into a stick or ball it up and play with it.

After a while I started meeting others and they started to confirm what I was talking about, by either telling me something that I thought I was the only one who knew or witnessing things that where happening around me.

One person I met told me that "We are orphans". When I asked him what he meant he explained he thought that people like us where left behind. That "Aliens" or Angels abandoned us.

But the one thing that got me through this the most was the list of Common Sense Ideals that I have wrote. When ever I got stuck on what to do I just referred to the list. I didn't always like the answer I got but it was always the right thing.

I have a theory on why some people have this experience and that is because they are respective to it. We have been taught that there is more after life and I do know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed so in my opinion it is very possible that there is another "level" we can't explain. So what happens in my opinion is that certain people are chosen by "lost souls" so to speak and they are looking for answers as to why "Their" version of heaven or God does not exist. They are looking for someone to lead them so to speak.

I also believe that some "souls" are just jackholes that like to screw with people.

When this finally stopped for me was just a few weeks ago. I was lying in bed and the visions where flashing and the voices where going then from the lower part of the back of my head I heard "Alright, the joy ride is over." and it all stopped. Things have become very calm since then. The thing that gets me is, I have never used the words "joy-ride" in my life. It was real out of the blue.

Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

The thing is that I still feel some of the pain of the depression I had earlier in the year, I feel that if I didn't have this medication I might slip back and that would certainly result in suicide, anything to stop feeling pain. I have no idea why I feel it, but even when I am well or manic it is always there like a sword of Damacles hanging over my head! I have taken certain cold medications in the past as a couple always trigger an episode of mania.

Hi lesleypumpshaft. A possible reason that you feel depression, in my opinion, is you are a sensitive person. If you are not upset about anything in your life maybe you are just too sensitive to what is happening on the news and around you. That is one of my issues too.

There is no easy way to let this go. One of the things I did to try to get me out of the forced-funk that I was going through was to think of a favorite memory. It was really tough too as I don't really have one. Life sucks. So what I did was make one up. I figured if I was supposed to be nuts then what would be the problem if I had a favorite fantasy that I never told anyone about.

You have a great one, I am glad you are part of the thread.

Shock the Karma

[truthlovelife]

Out of interest do you think 'conspiracy' websites like these are theraputic for anyone with mental health problems? Or do you think they add fuel to the fire?
I myself find most threads on here to be negative (accept this one).
As we know patterns of negative thinking create negative emotions and behaviour, we create our own reality. Just a thought!

[passerbye999]

I find this kind of diet helps, as does daily exercise. I lost my job during my last bout of depression, so I am looking for work right now. between applying for jobs I do Kundalini Yoga and meditate to ease the stress of being an unemployed bum lol.

Bipolar seriously effects your career! I have to go to the local outpatients in a bit to see the chap who helps you sort out work. I keep quiet about anything of a spiritual nature to him, my CPN or Psychiatrist. They are all really good people, but I am aware of the fact that any mention of awakening or spirituality could result in them thinking I am psychotic again.



The funny thing is that I am relatively well at the moment and very calm and lucid, and that is the thing about bipolar, you can look normal, and be totally normal. I agree with what passerby999 says about trying to trigger mania, I often think it is a desirable state and I enjoy feeling the inspiration and feeling of energy and creativity. Since being on the Lactimal I feel creatively dead, yet on the positive side, I am not "inflicting" myself on my family.

"The thing is that I still feel some of the pain of the depression I had earlier in the year, I feel that if I didn't have this medication I might slip back and that would certainly result in suicide, anything to stop feeling pain. I have no idea why I feel it, but even when I am well or manic it is always there like a sword of Damacles hanging over my head! I have taken certain cold medications in the past as a couple always trigger an episode of mania.


It sounds funny doesn't is the stress of the unemployed bum. You would figure no stress but infact more. No healing, how can you heal when you are forced to still deal with the affaiars that broke you in the first place. If you had real time to heal and make sense of things you wouldn't be stressed and the healing would be faster. Yoga will sure help out alot. Kung fu is yoga for anyone that doesn't know. My new school will probably be called "Ch'an Yoga" it is where I am heading in my path.

I agree speak of that stuff only to the receptive you will start to feel more positive about the experiences rather than talking to deaf ears. Learning more about yourself. Kind of like the program I watch once in a while "Psychic Kids". Many psyhics are labeled Bi polar from a young age. Open mindedness allows a bud to bloom into a beautiful flower. Another translation to the "Fly like the birds in the air and grow like the lilies of the field" Be business like in mind and mindless in business. It takes an open mind and acceptance for any connection you make to channel this in yourself.

This feeling normal thing is because exept when and if you have a brief psychosis (if they happen in a mania they are for brief times that even confuse the perspective of the manic who is still lucid but they are not constant ) it is fleeting and you are lucid of the experience. what I am saying as that you are normal. It is not craziness this type of bi polar. Remember many spectrums. This blog is about a group within the group who are probably completely misdiagnosed.

Sorry about how I blog I am an amateur, like a baby on the internet. Here is how you break the cycle it is not easy. you don't force yourself into mania all you do is make a large circle very small. So instead of cycling with big long depressions and big long manias you deal with a smaller faster cycle of them both. this is Balance skimming the edges of balance cycling in a circle spinning so fast there is no depression or mania just both at once.

I told you from the beginning of my postings people I was the master of the mixed episode. That is where you want to be to start finding the level of euphoria you wish to maintain. Balance is the mixed episode where you move to the center of the circle to escape it's orbit.

The symbol is a circle with a dot in the center it is the first step from the circle of cycles. The second is the 1st degree of unity the Taoist Wheel, the third the 1st degree of seperation the triangle, allowing a third entity into the unity. The fourth the taw, the mark, X the 2nd degree of unity spiritual to temporal, The fifth the pentagram the 2nd degree of seperation, balance, the golden mean. The sixth the hexagram the 3rd degree of unity, porportion,spiritual to astral. The seventh the fairy star , the 3rd degree of seperation, knowledge into the arcane, the entrance of gnosis. The eighth The Buddhist Wheel, the 4th degree of unity, gnosis , wisdom, enlightenment. The ninth the enneagram the forth degree of seperation and fifth degree of unity, the realm of the spirit. Magic.

anyway if a full blown mania could be scaled at +5 and a spiraling depression is -5 balance would then be a FLAT 0. Ideally the bi polar should want to be and be allowed by civil rights to stay at and maintain a +1 level. this is what I do when i talk to doctors they just give me the pills I need to solve my own diagnosis. Don't be afraid of suicide, don't be afraid of mania. Just don't go to either. There is a wide spectrum of places you can hang in in your consciosness.

Your surety of suicide in depression concerns me though because it is like you have already given up in a way to it. do you know what I am saying. The pain you feel is empathic. You pick it up from everywhere you need to learn to channel it thats all. Pain, anguish, suffering you will continue to suffer until you can release these Beasts from within you by losing all attachments to them.

You don't have to answer back, ask yourself where does the pain come from? how does it manifest? How does it enter you and effect you. It may not be pain at all but some kind of spiritual attack using pain as a weapon. Everything is war sister. Always has been always will be. You are becoming a spiritual warrior. Yoga meditation and all. Learn and master yourself. Follow no ones beliefs but yours so you have to find yours.

If your pain is temporal ignore it it will go away. Just like a blow or a cut. If you let it slow you down or pause you are dead in conflict. The conflict is in yourself and your honesty about suicidal thoughts I appreciate so I can offer advice to help you the best way I can. If you were mortaly attacked on the street would you not defend yourself? these thoughts and fears of them even fleeting are a mortal attack on your being. Your mind craves the death.

Defeat suicide in your mind, defeat death, you really do not need to die or beleive you are going to die. Simply symbolicaly die. That was the old you on th the new you everyday. everyday a new you. That is why we as beings cannot be defined we continue to change. Give the mind what it wants but on your terms for it serves you not visa versa. You have chosen your path well follow it through you may even have another type of awakening which is cool too.

The real buddhist awakenings I have had them on and off for 25 yrs they have nothing to do with mania or bi polar so I have left them out. except once in the very beginning of the blog I mentioned them to try to gain credibilty on the thread. I will say it is not easy getting people to believe and accept the truth but I am patient, that is true humility patience.

I wish you well truly and God speed on your new journey.

Peace

[truthlovelife]

This is true the stronger the consciousness the greater the breakdown and then when you heal you are even stronger than before having had the experience. What is Zen? There is more diversity in this practice than in any other especially in the beginnings when different branches were always at odds with each other. Zen is the mind, the conscioussness this makes it as diverse as the population of earth. Zen is also not a religion the original masters were eccentric at best crazy at worst and all loners who would rather write poetry and meditate than integrate with society and share their knowledge. There is no community in true zen only the individual and the individual doesn't exist. So zen is nothing and I denounce it yet I practice it.
Enlightenment comes in many forms and means many things but to me it means an intimate understanding of reality and it's myriad forms through direct experience. I did have breakdowns does that discredit 20 years of teaching and practicing Shoalin Kung Fu. My Chi Kung is more powerful than ever all because of these breakdowns and my understanding of them. So since Hakuin isn't alive to diagnose me and I wouldn't listen to that dirty old shaveplate either he had his own zen. What is sick and healthy zen? Only dillusional zen where without a complete breakdown of self the individual beleives their interpretations of ancient masters are correct based on self understanding without direct experience. Koans are useless for study they are records of the masters they can only point to a direction not find the destination. Once you become a zen master the riddles all say they same thing and you realize they were a hindrance rather than help for a student. If they stopped thinking of the solutions they might find the answer. Zen is not a religion it is awareness and perception using the mind of no-mind. It was zen that helped me control my manias it is a tool not a doctrine. It is simply a living meditation. We build many religions out of nothing because we find something there.

"In the realm of the thousand Buddhas he is hated by the thousand Buddhas: Among the crowd of demons he is detested by the crowd of demons. He crushes the silent-illumination heretics of today, and massacres the heterodox blind monks of this generation. This filthy blind old shaveplate adds more foulness still to foulness." Hakuin Zenji, Self Portrait

I could do this whole discussion using Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or Taoist Philosophy too. I like zen though because it is neutral. But here I go. "I am the way, the truth and the life no one comes to the Father but by me" The way, the truth and the life are in each one of us. This makes us holy and it is how we approach God (Father/Mother : El +Elat : Yahweh + his Asherah: Abba Emma). The Taoist symbol is the closest description to God than any name and all names are just descriptions. One people one God many names. Many realities to describe the experience. You see now at this moment right now I am a zen prophet ever heard of such a thing? The reason I used that famous quote is because it trancends religion. Read it as you are saying it yourself with no Jesus involved. Change Father to God for clarity.
It is an affirmation of self. How I live my life is how people perceive me and my relationship with the Creator and Creation. This is the ideal self, a motivated self. When you are reading me it is you though how do you live your life? Do you understand the way? Do you know the truth? Do you live the life? Do you know God and does God know you? If you and I all discover the answers we can read the line as we ending with us.
When you live this life you attract people who want to know more and they then begin their own search and then you begin to have an Enlightened Anarchy. Ghandi beleived in it to. That is the Messiah everyone standing as one.
The world would change for the better poeple just don't understand their own power, the power of Self. I beleive in Jesus and the teachings that are actually his but it's hard to beleive he'll come flying in on the clouds and save us when we can save ourselves it's in our power and always has been.

"A man gains enlightenment and becomes crazy, a crazy man gains enlightenment and becomes a man again"

I crossed to the other shore and then came back. The other shore is complete emptyness inside of you it is pleasant and it is numb at the same time. You have no cares for anything not even your family yet you share affinity with everything. I chose life there is no need to live a living death it will come for me in its time anyway.
I think that is what makes me unique. I lived and understood the riddle and that was enough. It cost me my family everything that is what true enlightenment does it strips you of everything until there is only you. I didn't want to become a beggar because it is not understood in Canada the same way it is in Tibet and other similar countries. If you want to truly follow Jesus it is the same path you have to give everything away and follow an almost identical path. How few people actually do this for real. Shouldn't they be provided for because they absolutly hate money and the false concepts of power yet they are still human and part of our society. All I ask for in life is food and water and a roof over my head. Some friends and family close by. And to teach the wisdom I have accumulated over my lifes journey. I offer it for free. People can take me as they will it bothers me not.

I will share this before I lost everything like Job I was sitting in my Kung fu studio late at night praying and pleading for my answers to my path in life. There were three overhead flourescent lights in the studio one was out on the far right I was under the middle one and then a voice in my head said " You are completely surrounded by darkness(then the left light went out no kidding) but you are sitting in the light. Do you have to lose everything to realize you never had anything at all? The kingdom of darkness is like the giant Goliath the kingdom of light like the shepard David what will you do?" I answered out loud 'where's my sling?" The voice then said "If you follow this course you shall surely die."(eventually I did symbolically die) I answered "Then I will be in good company." Then over the next 9 years I slowly gained incredible insights to my questions but I lost absolutely everything. And I have never been happier my outlook on the world has changed for the better. Life isn't so bad it's better than enlightenment. My only dissapointment was having to leave my son in a different province for awhile. I am a hermit right now about to introduce myself back into society and chose this site because of Mr. Icke. I have listened to him and others like him for years some awakenings for me have come from him and others like him that's how it works.

Is this self prophesy or divine I don't know, anyone who has experienced fate in action will know how I felt through the whole process everwhere I turned there where walls. All I know is I learned to pass through them but I couldn't leave any attachments to them. I am alway manic in a sense. I don't like the word and I don't like that know one really knows what this is so they medicate it to go away. No one likes you happy and confident it's not like them, they say it's not like you but it is you. You have to be crazy to become poor to fight for the poor. I am most likely misdiagnosed because I take almost no medication and my episodes so to say were just like what I am doing on this website sharing my insights and just hanging out in the spirit. Without my ex wife life is good her and her church put me in the hospital they even wanted to exorsize me it was a laugh. All for saying what I am saying in this site. I just want to talk so now I am talking if anyone wants me to stop I will.
'

Peace

Great post you have been brave to realise and follow true wisdom, i agree with most of the philosophy of this post, its a shame that your wife did not understand your beleifs and experiences, however that is not her fault, it can be extremley hard for family members and society to come to terms with radical out of the box views and consequent behaviours, we have been conditioned from birth to only accept 'social norms'.

[quilliard]

Out of interest do you think 'conspiracy' websites like these are theraputic for anyone with mental health problems? Or do you think they add fuel to the fire?

I myself find most threads on here to be negative (accept this one).
As we know patterns of negative thinking create negative emotions and behaviour, we create our own reality. Just a thought!

My theory is that if we keep our thread honest it will be therapeutic. Hopefully no one is getting hopped up on what we write, because all they would have to do is ask for clarity or add what is happening to them.

As for creating our own reality, I would disagree. The world is a shared canvas and we are all the artists. Our reality is what is displayed on that canvas by many artists.

I believe Karma is like a pebble dropped in a calm pool of water. It hits the water and a ring goes out in all directions then is reflected back off what is around.

When it reflex's it is affected by what it hits. And then comes back to you.

I believe that we are all connected to a point and some are on each others wavelengths, that is why they see and hear random things. I believe that this is true in both "default" and "spirit" world.

From what I have been seeing is that we have too similar "experiences" to write this off as a "chemical imbalance". Which can't be proved anyway.

I have experienced too many things and others have with me. I believe that Satan and God speak through me at times. Satan I have an image off. Both passerbye999 and myself both had the thoughts come to us that we where being asked to take over his job when we died. That is a strange thought to have just randomly.

So what I think will happen is that more people will come here and talk freely about what is happening in their lives. Some will come and some will go, but this thread will be up for a long time and maybe someone will find it helpful.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Out of interest do you think 'conspiracy' websites like these are theraputic for anyone with mental health problems? Or do you think they add fuel to the fire?
I myself find most threads on here to be negative (accept this one).
As we know patterns of negative thinking create negative emotions and behaviour, we create our own reality. Just a thought!

This thread is special because it can and has been theraputic already to some. Even with one just me it was worth posting to me. 1 thought 1 voice rallies other voices, yes and as those voices cry out, this change in the consciousness occuring is inevitable. Our only forum is from " Conspiracy sites" We give credualability to each other. The Mad helping confirm the Confused eh! (had to use an eh, Canadian you know ) and the Confused providing for the mad.

Look at this site what it does. They try to help the widows and orphans man, in their own way yes but they are trying. David Icke has been trying for years. Yes it is how he makes his living giving lectures, educating people to a different spectrum of ideas. sometines ideas are negative should they not be explored as well to see if indeed there is any light in them.

I talk on a thread for free same intention by the grace of his website. His Name gets people to read my thoughts. They wouldn't come to listen to mine.
Even passerbye 999 for who is he. Yet the thoughts are read people are educated and helped. So fuel the fire I hope so then fan the flames. From out of the darkness shines a beacon of light. Emanating and growing in spectrums. In time the only darkness left will be inside hidden in the specrums like shadows in sunlight.

It is all about intention and this is the most imformative thread on the web for this topic and I am happy about that. It took a lot of honesty and humility. People just have to read a lot instead of watching videos. The videos are an ispiring start to the journey though they triggered me to start writing. Think of the writings of the other authors and my contributations on this thread as an eppendix with commentaries to the videos. For it is the truth. 1 thread and 2 videos.

when I came to this site originally montag had the videos as the first post maybe still does. This is the thread on the subject and we are imformed that is probably why you said exept this one on being negative. It is all of that with a positive message and all of the conspiracy theory stuff fits into every mania so I'm "Good to go, just like Jack the Bear."

As for me I have started to spread my tenacles into other threads on the site.
It's all like weaving a big web to me. Differnt topics different teachings. Same Epic Poem.

Peace

[passerbye999]

This has been going on for a long time in my life. It was out of control. I was under the impression that I was being judged, by all. But the thing was that I never really did anything wrong. So when a doctor would try to get me to take drugs I at first said OK but all that happened was that I lost the ability to speak without slurring, motor skills, had horrible shaking, jerking muscles but the "messages" where still coming through loud and clear. The drugs don't work. Also I was curious why me saying that "God replied to me" was such a horrible thing. That is what I fought the most. I would say that and doctors would laugh at me or say that they would give me something to stop those thoughts. WRONG!

The problem is that a psychiatrists job is, today, to just make the patient "Manageable", they don't care what happens to them, the doctor just wants the patient to be manageable. That is so wrong on so many levels.

As for what I did during this time, well it started slowly, at first I would see some "light" anomalies and then things didn't look right. But what I saw happening was very similar to what I saw my brother go through. For him, he was fine until he was in a car accident and hurt his back then he got depressed, then the prescription drugs came and then the mania.

So I would be going along and all of a sudden I would get bombarded with the message "There is money hidden and all you have to do is find it." and I was like "B.S. there is no money, I saw this with my brother. I know this is a lie." and I would, if you saw me, be arguing with myself about it.

Then there was "We are space aliens" and I again would say "B.S. there are no aliens, I saw this with my brother. I know this is a lie." And so on and so on. But I did know something was happening.

Then there was God contacting me. That was so annoying as the only real message that didn't come from inside my head was "It is going to be OK." God sent me that message over and over. And the more I got the message the worse things became.

When things got real crazy what I did was try to keep my "Talking to the air" to a minimum in public and really let it out when I was alone. If I was outside I pretended to talk on the cell phone. There where so many questions being asked to me. I knew most of it was a lie, but it was happening. I would get messages and then be able to find what was being told to me.

After a while I just surrendered totally. My conversations became not as much "What do you want from me?" but "What can I do for you?" So when I would hear a question or see a vision I would try to figure out what it meant.

It was hard to try to think about the message as if it was for everyone, not just me.

I have never tried alternative medicine as I saw what was happening as a good thing that was destroying my life. I tried exercise and eating healthy, but nothing worked. I tried meditation but darn if that did just get me to the Visions and Voices faster.

There was a while that I could close my eyes and interact with these entities. I could touch them and move them around. Then I got to the point that I could, with my eyes closed, grab bits of light and stretch it into a stick or ball it up and play with it.

After a while I started meeting others and they started to confirm what I was talking about, by either telling me something that I thought I was the only one who knew or witnessing things that where happening around me.

One person I met told me that "We are orphans". When I asked him what he meant he explained he thought that people like us where left behind. That "Aliens" or Angels abandoned us.

But the one thing that got me through this the most was the list of Common Sense Ideals that I have wrote. When ever I got stuck on what to do I just referred to the list. I didn't always like the answer I got but it was always the right thing.

I have a theory on why some people have this experience and that is because they are respective to it. We have been taught that there is more after life and I do know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed so in my opinion it is very possible that there is another "level" we can't explain. So what happens in my opinion is that certain people are chosen by "lost souls" so to speak and they are looking for answers as to why "Their" version of heaven or God does not exist. They are looking for someone to lead them so to speak.

I also believe that some "souls" are just jackholes that like to screw with people.

When this finally stopped for me was just a few weeks ago. I was lying in bed and the visions where flashing and the voices where going then from the lower part of the back of my head I heard "Alright, the joy ride is over." and it all stopped. Things have become very calm since then. The thing that gets me is, I have never used the words "joy-ride" in my life. It was real out of the blue.

Shock the Karma

I think this is your best post yet. You have been honest with me about angels and aliens or at least the announcing of themselves that way and the playing with light, very cool, can you summon it or does it just come?

The souls, the lost souls, the wandering jew. Why is there no heaven or no hell? Armies of souls in legions lost in the desert of the netherworlds. I told them it was only a dream that when they go to sleep again and wake up they would be born again into the same life but different bodies. Same children, spouses different situation. All because of the soul.

Families are part of the same soul forever. Whole bloodlines one soul They are a soul and form a soul. A marriage on heaven and earth. I broke my cycle by becoming celibate so when I come back next I will be a Boddhisvatta. Teaching unconditional love basically what I am teaching right now but no fetters from birth.

I don't want to blend with everything for a lot of lifetimes I like life more than death I feel it strongly in my very being or soul. I do not fear death for I fear nothing but phobos I conquered it in my manias.

It is the another riddle for the one who conquers phobos with eros is eternal and a great beacon of light. " Tell the Spartan's passerbye, that here obedient to their laws we lie." This is the exact epitath on the stone in Thermopolae for the fallen 300. How did they master their fear of certain death and conquer it and turn thenmselves into killing machines to the very end a 3 day fast of life against overwhelming odds. The answer is Eros they did it for their families and community, they did it for their soul.

To all the souls alive or dead I say love yourself and love others it is the most powerful healing magic. I wish I could go back to the bench that last day at the Square and talk to that old man again too. I would tell him it is the same as life except you have no body. When you die in death you come back to life. It is only the transitions that are painful.

Mind you the old dude like the dozens others that actually communicated with me in their ways could have been older in the cycles than me. I believe I have a very old soul.

Many lifetimes of searching for and attaining enlightenment. My kung fu came from inside my teacher left me 3/4 of the way I had to finish it myself it took me 10 years but I did it never copied anything from anybody. I just solved the riddle that was all.

I should have made my avatar name Riddler instead of Passerbye. I love solving real true riddles that are worth the effort not silly brain twisting ones though. Forget the clues they can mislead go only to the source always. The answer is almost always known and simple just not so easily seen being hidden in plain sight. Listening is very important to help you see. I was always told by the voice in my head "Trust yourself" as I waded through a world of magical mystic riddles.

I was told it was my magic in the first place I spent the 3 mths befor the fast booting around and seeing magic everywhere knowing somehow I was interconnected with it powerfully. Souls used to say glad your back this is all yours the magic. I remember one day I was lead to a stand of birch trees in the richest part of the city a few blocks from the Square. as I walked to it there was a homeless native man walking alone through the park with a red winged black bird flying in circles around him and his hands. I was awestruck
and his soul said to me this is for you I alsmost cried. For I was Merlin the Red Winged Blackbird. It is always a mystic experience when I see one of those birds even pictures stir up feelings.

I chose the name or nickname Merlin "Blackbird" consciouscly as my Magical name and Title I was PenDragon the Red Dragon, I was already the White and Black Dragon but this was in my Blood to. It was all about names and what they really mean like my given names from birth " Wise or Goodly, Man of the North, From out of Tunisia or Tonsured. Then I had a name given to me by an angel in a lucid dream Daniel "God's Judge" I chose Merlin to make it five and I was also named a sixth Lucifer the "Bright Morning Star."

So you see at the Square I was actually 6 people all me. 6 names. 5 given, 1 chosen then 6 become 1. I was the Red Winged Blackbird Gods Judge Wise and Moodly Man from the North who is Tonsusred from out of Tunisia the Bright Morning Star. Horus. Names and a name hidden within names real birth names , given names and a chosen name.

That became all in one. Names are just titles but have power and flow together and tell you who you are. everyone has six names you have to find and be given then I you can choose yourself. It is how I answer when dealing with spirits I am Merlin or Horus.

I am not talking crazy and trying to spook people but this is my reality and my feelings and thoughts about them. Call me Merlin if you like Horus would be insulting though because it is a title that signifies the whole Jesus preached this teaching of Horus in his own way. All jews do whether they like to admit it or not they"Took all of the secrets of Egypt with them". They are ancient astrologers the need to be to keep their calenders and cycles ordered they are very ordered. Meticulous with writing and keeping secrets.

The Black dragon is Judiasm for they even were black and I am one of them I have their Dragon Spririt so their battles are my battles. The White Dragon is Druidism ancient paganism that just changed robes in some cases same stuff though. I am by birth one of them most of anscetors are celtic in origin. As are all Europeans, we are celts one big tribe seperated into little tribes. Bieng one of them there battles are my battles too.

My first name is of welsh origin my middle French and my last Lombardian Italian. 1/4 of me is from a different tribe of Celt The Britons So the third Dragon in me is a Red Dragon that melds with the White and Black. This makes my wheel like the taoist but with red dots instead of black and white. For the red is within each side of my person.

What I am saying with all of this mindbending stuff is that I beleive there where 3 ancient tribes that my ancestors originally cam from North African Semetics, Isolated British Celts and the Tribes from the Swiss/Lombardian area 3/4 of me comes from there. Or more simply celts and semetics together having the same beliefs and history of genocide we both have had our share.


To the Jews while Rome was destroying your Temple they massacred every single Druid in europe. I cry and cryed at the square Ynys Mon rember the Druids our Ancient Holy People erased from history it is why it was so easy for Christianity to spread. I approached God that night not as a Jesus not as a Prophet, I appraoched God as a Druid swearing and cursing and spitting and all. God told me He liked it it has been hidden for a long while i found a staff that night and carried it with me until morning when I put it down and walked 10 miles home happy again to be alive.

Thats why when I dance, spin and whisle(the whistler)God usually answers with signs from Narure the most powerful and base Magic. I don't do it unless I am in the mood to do it I only feel to do it when I am euphoric. I use Yahweh as the name for God but I am really Just a Druid coming out of the closet. I have a dep soulful cry to go there someday to Ynys Mon. I think I died there once maybe a few times because there is no other place i have this kind of desire to go to for no particular reason but a deep longing inside. I wanted to escape ther in my next mania.

Powerful Nature changing magic is not casting silly spells it is about signs and times, about seeing and hearing and sensing, about human sacrifice where you bare your own heart to the knife. You are Issac and God is Abraham. You see it isn't you casting magic at anytime magic just happens it is given not casted. You don't summon the storm, you are waiting and it is given because you watched and waited. God loves the "Searchers" and will almost always answer with signs and wonders.

You know from 2001 to 2009 it was really one long mania that progressed in stages to culminate in a 3 yr High to low euphoric cycle. It was never a different trip as a continuation of what's still going on it is just the weird phase of the lower thoughts. It all fits together in place. I discovered I was a Druid no one can say I am not. Not many real druids around that invoked rian storms and rainbows. To talk to about it the experience you know what I mean? Some one to talk riddles with.

Anyway so now you see how i came to the conclusion that I am many things but mainly three Dragons. In the White most became Christians so the White Dragon could symbolize as well Christianity. Christianity then and Judiasm intermingling with the Red Dragons being Druidism with Chan inside to keep the balance. A Taoist symbol with two red dots intead of black and white. My symbol my name as you will because it desribes me anscesterly.

Hear is a cool example of thoughts a bi polar person has and how through connections they lead to different thoughts repeating until they find an answer from nothingness or they break down from what is dubbed"circular thinking" with " racing thoughts" nothing is cool to them they don't see and appreciate an answer that makes total sense. If they understood the concepts of awakening and blend it with the practice they have that would be a good start.

Not all awakening are manias and not all manias are awakenings that is the truth. We need to seperate the two immediatly so that the newly awakened one doesn't have to deal with the concept of insanity at all. They can explore there new world in a safe and protective environment. They should be told they are special and helped through their problems kindly. Same with psychics they should be helped by the government they know the concept is real they use it.

The more you hear about my story doesn't it get weird yet still make sense, it has reason. I only brought up my real name to show the thought pattern and it flowed with the conversion. I will not post it. But if someone figures it out thats cool I have nothing to hide. A hexagram of names very weird I never personaly or consciously chose one except Merlin. Life is made up of hexagrams ,life is at it's base a hexagram pattern ask the quantum phyisicists. All of my family tree started playing out in hexagrams a true coven I think is 6. My opinion thats all. Another opinion of mine is that it's all about blood lines, genetics.

Heres my weirdest theory when you wake up and meet these people they can tune in and recognize your condition.
They tell us straight out we are aliens going in and out using human bodies.. Maybe its just by blood mixtures. Manics love to tell you the true meaning of there name. Everything means something and is coded for safety and self preservation. I was Cain the Destroyer and was one of the two who created the first "tohu va bohu" and had come back to make things straight. I was told I have three wives waiting for me. I couldn't deal with one why would I want three? That's what I said to the voice word for word. I mate to love is okay more is just a burden.
I say this because bi polar people can be like rabbits when it comes to sex, part of the condition.

I got way to long but said what I wanted to say. thanks Quilliard your posting gave me some juice because I related to it strongly. This is like psychotherapy online. I will talk to you later.

Peace

[passerbye999]

Great post you have been brave to realise and follow true wisdom, i agree with most of the philosophy of this post, its a shame that your wife did not understand your beleifs and experiences, however that is not her fault, it can be extremley hard for family members and society to come to terms with radical out of the box views and consequent behaviours, we have been conditioned from birth to only accept 'social norms'.

I agree and thanks. I think she will come to understand and be more open to my thoughts in time so will my son. Not nesessarily my world view but me I hope. It's their loss otherwise. I have dedicated black belts ready to go when I am ready to open up a studio again. Other peoples children can learn and grow from my teachings so I shouldn't be selfish anyway.

It is truly their loss that they love me but refuse to even listen so they maybe could understand me. She married a Kung Fu Young master me what did she expect.Then she married one of my blackbelts. she was a student before she married me. They are raising my child and I can do nothing. thats the only real thing that pisses me off. When my son truly understands this then maybe he will understand and come back to me again.

There is no honor in their union what so ever and that is what he is seeing as right. I will be deadly honest here the only thing that saved one man from a terrible beating was that my son loves him because he was a special student and always hung around me privately at our house. He was there when my son was born all the way through.

I would have gone to jail voluntarily for that beating and made every day in jail worth it.In the old days I would have killed him for betraying his master that's what we did. Couldn't do it because of a boy they stole from me because her family has more money for lawyers than mine. It is all about who can throw the most at those blood sucking vampires who get loaded while you lose everything. The courts encourage it it is ridiculous. There is no law in the land.

You can't win if you are marked. I even had to pay her court costs for her fucking me right up the ass without lubricant with a monster dildo. Sorry for sensitive eyes but it is how I feel about that. She jail raped me. Wealthy families are good at this. It gives them a sense of power. I lost before even starting because I was bi polar.

Sorry for going negative there but sometimes both sides of the spectrum need to be traveled through to see a clearer picture of a story and person. She did destroy me in a way but not my spirit it does piss her off that part of me. Spirituality pisses her and those like her right off. They get hostile. I have to admit I do hope one of those joins our happy forum.

I am an Apologeticist and Exegesis master of my own realm of theology and am silently waiting for one of the hostiles to actually put up an arguement besides " no" in no context. I don't like to be locked up and they are the ones responsible with their views of reality blinders on. Weak and puny they think they are powerful but are not. They can lock us up and drug us but never take away our spirit. " Swing low sweet chariot coming to carry me home"
We are a voice crying out from the widerness make straight the paths for Wisdom and Love. It's never been a problem in the past Bi polar mania why is it now? Most of the great people that founded our society were bi polar. The tables have turned it appears. They self medicated and did quite well for themselves in history.

I will be honest THC is the key but they refuse to use it. Pot it is the medication it can be capsuled and injested. I argue with the doctors all the time about this. Off the record "It's okay if it makes you feel better, How much are you doing?" On Record" I never said a thing." They know because thousands of patients a day come in telling them it's the only thing that works and they want it legally and free. They are on the meds saying all we need is pot.
Pot and alchohol oldest and most natural cure for the manic. Marijuana and Beer the ancient and still best cure.
I smoke lots of pot off and on my doctor and close students all know. I am thinking of going just fish, cheese and vegatbles and fruit and grains. With pot instead of pharmasuticals. In all the span of mankind it has only ever been illegalized in our generation. When it is needed the most. I am not saying cocaine and chemicals I am saying weed. Mushrooms only if you want a mystical experience. Organics baby. I am a Zen Hippie that's why I never really argued that I wasn't but not doe eyed, my eyes are like piercing points of nothingness.

How much we deny ourselves because of myths and fables. I left the pot part out until the right time it appears this is that time. Give us weed and let us live like everyone else. I don't remember if I talked about my 40 day rastafari weird fast. Stoned and drunk all of the time. Just blitzed for forty days counted them off. Why I started I don't remember it just became about counting the days. Talking with souls just whacked out of my mind. Argueing with the Devil. I would never do that again but I smile thinking about it. They were traditional shamanistic spirit walks in a way. They found my spirit guide for me and much more. "Weed , weed , weed, all we need is weed."

With todays technology we shouldn't have to smoke it. If you want to keep a manic down at least keep them stoned for mercy sake. You have already squashed their spirit and they remember what it felt like. Nothing else is satisfactory after feeling euphoria you are instantly addicted for life. Take it away and flatness and depression are all that is left. Another sticky issue and I dived right in. Oh well I have said worse.

Sorry if I got off topic but I tend to do that.

Peace

[lesleypumpshaft]

Hi lesleypumpshaft. A possible reason that you feel depression, in my opinion, is you are a sensitive person. If you are not upset about anything in your life maybe you are just too sensitive to what is happening on the news and around you. That is one of my issues too.

There is no easy way to let this go. One of the things I did to try to get me out of the forced-funk that I was going through was to think of a favorite memory. It was really tough too as I don't really have one. Life sucks. So what I did was make one up. I figured if I was supposed to be nuts then what would be the problem if I had a favorite fantasy that I never told anyone about.

You have a great one, I am glad you are part of the thread.

Shock the Karma

Thanks quilliard, and it is great to read peoples posts on this one.

I think you are right, I have always been very sensitive since I can remember. When I was very young, about 18 months, two years old I can remember actually hearing the thoughts of the adults around me, and some of them really were not nice, especially my fathers. He was also bipolar and often got very angry, I remember being very afraid of him as I knew he wished a lot of the time that I wasn't there.

It sounds crazy, but this is true. So I have felt this way as long as I can remember, I spent years trying to block this out with drugs and alchohol, trying to "dumb" myself down. Now I am just coming to accept that this is the way I am, maybe even one of my good points, but you are spot on, this is the source of my pain, I feel the pain of other people.

It sounds funny doesn't is the stress of the unemployed bum. You would figure no stress but infact more. No healing, how can you heal when you are forced to still deal with the affaiars that broke you in the first place. If you had real time to heal and make sense of things you wouldn't be stressed and the healing would be faster. Yoga will sure help out alot. Kung fu is yoga for anyone that doesn't know. My new school will probably be called "Ch'an Yoga" it is where I am heading in my path.

I agree speak of that stuff only to the receptive you will start to feel more positive about the experiences rather than talking to deaf ears. Learning more about yourself. Kind of like the program I watch once in a while "Psychic Kids". Many psyhics are labeled Bi polar from a young age. Open mindedness allows a bud to bloom into a beautiful flower. Another translation to the "Fly like the birds in the air and grow like the lilies of the field" Be business like in mind and mindless in business. It takes an open mind and acceptance for any connection you make to channel this in yourself.

This feeling normal thing is because exept when and if you have a brief psychosis (if they happen in a mania they are for brief times that even confuse the perspective of the manic who is still lucid but they are not constant ) it is fleeting and you are lucid of the experience. what I am saying as that you are normal. It is not craziness this type of bi polar. Remember many spectrums. This blog is about a group within the group who are probably completely misdiagnosed.

Sorry about how I blog I am an amateur, like a baby on the internet. Here is how you break the cycle it is not easy. you don't force yourself into mania all you do is make a large circle very small. So instead of cycling with big long depressions and big long manias you deal with a smaller faster cycle of them both. this is Balance skimming the edges of balance cycling in a circle spinning so fast there is no depression or mania just both at once.

I told you from the beginning of my postings people I was the master of the mixed episode. That is where you want to be to start finding the level of euphoria you wish to maintain. Balance is the mixed episode where you move to the center of the circle to escape it's orbit.

The symbol is a circle with a dot in the center it is the first step from the circle of cycles. The second is the 1st degree of unity the Taoist Wheel, the third the 1st degree of seperation the triangle, allowing a third entity into the unity. The fourth the taw, the mark, X the 2nd degree of unity spiritual to temporal, The fifth the pentagram the 2nd degree of seperation, balance, the golden mean. The sixth the hexagram the 3rd degree of unity, porportion,spiritual to astral. The seventh the fairy star , the 3rd degree of seperation, knowledge into the arcane, the entrance of gnosis. The eighth The Buddhist Wheel, the 4th degree of unity, gnosis , wisdom, enlightenment. The ninth the enneagram the forth degree of seperation and fifth degree of unity, the realm of the spirit. Magic.

anyway if a full blown mania could be scaled at +5 and a spiraling depression is -5 balance would then be a FLAT 0. Ideally the bi polar should want to be and be allowed by civil rights to stay at and maintain a +1 level. this is what I do when i talk to doctors they just give me the pills I need to solve my own diagnosis. Don't be afraid of suicide, don't be afraid of mania. Just don't go to either. There is a wide spectrum of places you can hang in in your consciosness.

Your surety of suicide in depression concerns me though because it is like you have already given up in a way to it. do you know what I am saying. The pain you feel is empathic. You pick it up from everywhere you need to learn to channel it thats all. Pain, anguish, suffering you will continue to suffer until you can release these Beasts from within you by losing all attachments to them.

You don't have to answer back, ask yourself where does the pain come from? how does it manifest? How does it enter you and effect you. It may not be pain at all but some kind of spiritual attack using pain as a weapon. Everything is war sister. Always has been always will be. You are becoming a spiritual warrior. Yoga meditation and all. Learn and master yourself. Follow no ones beliefs but yours so you have to find yours.

If your pain is temporal ignore it it will go away. Just like a blow or a cut. If you let it slow you down or pause you are dead in conflict. The conflict is in yourself and your honesty about suicidal thoughts I appreciate so I can offer advice to help you the best way I can. If you were mortaly attacked on the street would you not defend yourself? these thoughts and fears of them even fleeting are a mortal attack on your being. Your mind craves the death.

Defeat suicide in your mind, defeat death, you really do not need to die or beleive you are going to die. Simply symbolicaly die. That was the old you on th the new you everyday. everyday a new you. That is why we as beings cannot be defined we continue to change. Give the mind what it wants but on your terms for it serves you not visa versa. You have chosen your path well follow it through you may even have another type of awakening which is cool too.

The real buddhist awakenings I have had them on and off for 25 yrs they have nothing to do with mania or bi polar so I have left them out. except once in the very beginning of the blog I mentioned them to try to gain credibilty on the thread. I will say it is not easy getting people to believe and accept the truth but I am patient, that is true humility patience.

I wish you well truly and God speed on your new journey.

Peace

Thanks for your opinions, yes, being unemployed is stressful, I have a family to think about and I live in a rural area with few jobs, I apply for new ones everytime I see them.

What you say about symbolically dying is very interesting though, during my last depression I actually felt as if I died and as if my entire psyche had been smashed and now I feel as if I have to rebuild it with solid foundations and with right intentions.

I have never been in to yoga until now and it is by a coincidence that I met a friend who introduced me to it. The odd thing is that I 'got' the kundalini yoga straight away, I feel as if I have done it before and it has come really easily to me. I have visions during meditation of a phoenix rising from the ashes which reassures me that I was meant to go through this in order to symbolically die and be reborn with new wisdom and awareness - hope that makes sense.

As for the suicidal thoughts, I have always been very sensitive and I hope that from my daily practise I will be able to gain mastery over this and use it to my advantage rather than simply being constantly bombarded by an influx of other peoples thoughts, emotions and energy. On the good side are the beautiful experiences that come from being so sensitive.

Last year when it snowed I went out for a walk in the forest, I looked up and a flake of snow fell between my brows (my third eye), I immediately heard a gong sound from within my head and I was then attuned to the vibrant life force of the forest around me and aware of an entity, I then knew that I was a part of that web of life, was the entity maybe an angel? At the time I felt like I had recieved a blessing. I had a really rough year with a severe physical illness. I supose I just need to hang on to these experiences and not dwell on the dark times.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this thread, and as for your ex, no need to appologise, some people just seem to have a sense of entitlement and no empathy towards others, I totally understand why you feel this way.

[passerbye999]

[QUOTE=lesleypumpshaft;1059359041]

What you say about symbolically dying is very interesting though, during my last depression I actually felt as if I died and as if my entire psyche had been smashed and now I feel as if I have to rebuild it with solid foundations and with right intentions.

I have never been in to yoga until now and it is by a coincidence that I met a friend who introduced me to it. The odd thing is that I 'got' the kundalini yoga straight away, I feel as if I have done it before and it has come really easily to me. I have visions during meditation of a phoenix rising from the ashes which reassures me that I was meant to go through this in order to symbolically die and be reborn with new wisdom and awareness - hope that makes sense.

As for the suicidal thoughts, I have always been very sensitive and I hope that from my daily practise I will be able to gain mastery over this and use it to my advantage rather than simply being constantly bombarded by an influx of other peoples thoughts, emotions and energy. On the good side are the beautiful experiences that come from being so sensitive.

Last year when it snowed I went out for a walk in the forest, I looked up and a flake of snow fell between my brows (my third eye), I immediately heard a gong sound from within my head and I was then attuned to the vibrant life force of the forest around me and aware of an entity, I then knew that I was a part of that web of life, was the entity maybe an angel? At the time I felt like I had recieved a blessing. I had a really rough year with a severe physical illness. I supose I just need to hang on to these experiences and not dwell on the dark times.

QUOTE]

You are spot on and totally make sense to me. You already did it "The Death" I think to take this new path in life and talk the way you do. you may not even know it. If you see the pheonix you are the pheonix. So you are a pheonix I use the same analogy too. When I first started kung fu I would see a tiger which became an old man which dissapeared entirely over time. they are encouraging visions. you have been reborn so crawl, then walk, then run. the snowflake incident sounds like an awakening to me for real. Probably a Good Entity( Angel? The definitions confuse me could very well be though but I will stay neutral). They do guide. I started kung fu also the same way you describe 20 yrs later I am still the same young man inside just a little wiser. If you haven't died the death you will soon. It is simply a matter of remembering when you did. Which apparently you already do. you are right also cling to the magical moments they are your bastion in times of sorrow.

Anyway take care. I am glad you joined the thread. I hope you get a job soon.

Peace

[lesleypumpshaft]

You are spot on and totally make sense to me. You already did it "The Death" I think to take this new path in life and talk the way you do. you may not even know it. If you see the pheonix you are the pheonix. So you are a pheonix I use the same analogy too. When I first started kung fu I would see a tiger which became an old man which dissapeared entirely over time. they are encouraging visions. you have been reborn so crawl, then walk, then run. the snowflake incident sounds like an awakening to me for real. Probably a Good Entity( Angel? The definitions confuse me could very well be though but I will stay neutral). They do guide. I started kung fu also the same way you describe 20 yrs later I am still the same young man inside just a little wiser. If you haven't died the death you will soon. It is simply a matter of remembering when you did. Which apparently you already do. you are right also cling to the magical moments they are your bastion in times of sorrow.

Anyway take care. I am glad you joined the thread. I hope you get a job soon.

Peace

You are right about the symbolic death, it is all a part of the birth, life, death, rebirth cycle, it is when we can't let go that we have a problem. I was very ill (physically) last year and when I was in hospital I realised that the illness had it's roots in an emotional and spiritual problem of not being able to let go of past regrets, guilt and hurts. It was after this that the incident with the snowflake took place.

At the time I was not even manic, and as for angels, I get confused by that too, but I say angels for the sake of simplicity. It was a good entity for sure, unveiling the truth of existance and the interconnectedness of life. Sometimes when I remember it I am moved to tears of joy.

Since taking up my yoga practise and meditation I am often feeling these states of love and joy which are so intense they move me to tears, this is not mania as I am sleeping just fine and not feeling manic. In kundalini Yoga one uses the mantra Sat Nam - I bow to the truth. I hope to discover the truth of myself, my purpose as I align with my inner truth, find direction and my souls purpose.

Thanks for encouraging words about the job, the law of averages would suggest that I will get one at some point, I am a designer by trade, but there is none of this type of work around here so I am just looking for an honest living to put food on the table. Sometimes I do think what is the point of being "spiritual" as it doesn't actually pay the bills, in some ways I wish I could go back to sleep, but that is not an option, the only way is to press forward with my own journey and have the conviction to follow through to the end.

Thanks for all your insightful posts and for letting me join in with this awesome thread.

Sat Nam

[passerbye999]

In kundalini Yoga one uses the mantra Sat Nam - I bow to the truth. I hope to discover the truth of myself, my purpose as I align with my inner truth, find direction and my souls purpose.

Thanks for all your insightful posts and for letting me join in with this awesome thread.

Sat Nam



We were all meant for being on this site at this time. We are here for the same reason. Healing. We help heal each other. Others learn which is healing also. I have done lots of psychotherapy and this is what is going on.

Psychotherapy is powerful and heady stuff. when connections are made stories come out into discussion and other connections are made and the discussion continues and grows. It is the stories we all want to hear in the end. Our own little myths and fables that bring us together through a story. True stories are the most intrigueing of all. We find a primal link in them a unity.

Each participant feels validation and acceptance. the thereapist in this case is the forum advisor and we are the patients leading the group under the therapists discression.

I shouldn't have swore in past postings but in psychotherapy emotions do need to be embraced to gain insight into a situation. Emotions and swear words are not evil just shocking for they embody the feelings. I do not talk like that very often when I do I do it on purpose for the desired effect.

this thereapy I am talking about validates the sites whole arguement though.
For we all share the same experiences. Sat Nam


Peace

Heres a few tankas writing gives me peace.

The thoughts of my soul
Are reflected through my pen
Ink smears on a page
All the scribbles and scratches
Wear out a lot of my pens


This moment right now
Of silence and reflection
Before the words come
Is the beauty of the craft
For here within it lies peace


What is poetry?
I know not, I find I write
What comes as it comes
I may not be a good poet
But I am no stranger to the pen


Writing a tanka
is like a drink of water
Mixed with some honey
The sweet nectar of word play
Lingering on the palate


Tanka poetry
Elegance in expression
Capturing a thought
Then crafting it into form
Simple yet thought provoking

[passerbye999]

I just came back from my Doctors appointment it was an awesome appointment. My doctor addmitted to not reading this thread yet but is going to now. All we talked about was this subject and our views were very similar except our stands on weed. I agree with her it brings out latent schitzophrenia in schitzophrenics which is not cool.

the discussion came down to figuring out like I did for people to stay euphoric instead of getting high. We both agreed. I only smoke when I am depressed and have no juice or for the pleasure of it. I don't drink anymore so what's the problem.

The only problem is what society thinks should that bother me no way. I'm with Snoop and Woody and many others, many others. I started smoking it when I was 13.and smoked it on and off for years. It has been since twenty a roughly 5 yr cycle of on and off use. I did a lot of drugs until I was 21 then quit totally for 5 yrs then went on and off for 5 yrs then quit for a few years again completely and have been on and off ever since.

Mainly Mushrooms, weed , hash and oil. I spent those formulative years in the Kamloops in the interior of B.C.. Lots of mushrooms around there if you know where to look you can just pick them. I tried acid a couple of times didn't like chemicals so stayed away, still do and always will.

Weed the same it is grown everywhere. It part of Canadian culture whether the feds and right wing butt heads agree or not. their kids are probably smoking it, they are probably smoking it or have smoked it. It's not gonna make us Commie Red Bastards so what is the problem. Alchohol will kill you faster and isn't as good for the purpose of use. Its only because of the States we have this problem here we legalize it they give pressure its illegal again. They should mind their own business.

So here I post this as well as I present myself on the street the real me. Nothing to hide. So you may make a picture of me in your mind on many complex levels. A Prophet, A Lohan, A Nazirite, A Wizard.And none of the above being just an ordinary person. A strange brew but just like many of you enlightened and knowing it. If you are enlightened and do do something wrong like smoking a cigarrette or joint it won't dissapear and you won't be backtracked or side stepped. You just had a smoke nothing more. A new experience on to the next.

If an enlightened being is in fear of losing their light they never had true light at all. True light allows one to be free and never diminishes it only glows stronger. There is no such thing as sin only correct and incorrect action. Some times you have to make up your own rules to win the game without being disqualified. Rules within the rules you are bound to that allow you to be free of the others restraints.


Peace

[truthlovelife]

We live in a material world of dense matter flesh and blood, and are also maybe spirits having spiritual experiences, it is clear we need to get a balance. If we constantly live in a enlightened state of spiritual being we miss the point of what it is to be a physical human being here on earth with limitations. To be able to function 'effectively' not just for ourselfs but for the benefit of others in this world and society we need to ground ourselfs in reality or maybe risk existing in a 'fantasy', could our fantasy lives be a resistance or escapism to a crapy reality?

[quilliard]

I think this is your best post yet. You have been honest with me about angels and aliens or at least the announcing of themselves that way and the playing with light, very cool, can you summon it or does it just come?

Summoning is not really the right way to put it anymore as "We" are working together. This has been a real wild trip. Remember when I said that the one that was screwing with you, Belzaba I think, could come to me and join me. I thought he did. I got attacked for a little but it has been become so repetitive that I just kicked his butt a couple of times and then showed him what my "Team" had to offer, so to speak, with the light is a meditation thing I use to do, I would close my eyes and focus on lighter shades on the inside of the lid and then try to manipulate it. After a while I could spin a ball and then stretch it into "sticks" and spin them.


The souls, the lost souls, the wandering jew. Why is there no heaven or no hell? Armies of souls in legions lost in the desert of the netherworlds. I told them it was only a dream that when they go to sleep again and wake up they would be born again into the same life but different bodies. Same children, spouses different situation. All because of the soul. [/QOUTE]

There is a heaven and we are already here, partly. As for hell, hell doesn't work. And why would God purposely lite a fire of torment purposely within God?

And in my opinion I have a very powerful group of souls in my Army of Modern Lovers.

It is my understanding that the soul is not connected to one family. We are all family. All souls are related. We all come from One soul, so there fore we are all soul-family.

[QUOTE=passerbye999;1059358888]
Families are part of the same soul forever. Whole bloodlines one soul They are a soul and form a soul. A marriage on heaven and earth. I broke my cycle by becoming celibate so when I come back next I will be a Boddhisvatta. Teaching unconditional love basically what I am teaching right now but no fetters from birth.[/QOUTE]

You can't break the cycle. That is not possible. The cycle will continue no matter what one individual does. We have the power to change the tides of human discourse but not to divert destiny.

You know the one thing that I noticed was that "Love" is the common theme with pretty much all stories. It is always about love.

[QUOTE=passerbye999;1059358888]
Heres my weirdest theory when you wake up and meet these people they can tune in and recognize your condition.

They tell us straight out we are aliens going in and out using human bodies.. Maybe its just by blood mixtures. Manics love to tell you the true meaning of there name. Everything means something and is coded for safety and self preservation. I was Cain the Destroyer and was one of the two who created the first "tohu va bohu" and had come back to make things straight. I was told I have three wives waiting for me. I couldn't deal with one why would I want three? That's what I said to the voice word for word. I mate to love is okay more is just a burden.

I say this because bi polar people can be like rabbits when it comes to sex, part of the condition.

I got way to long but said what I wanted to say. thanks Quilliard your posting gave me some juice because I related to it strongly. This is like psychotherapy online. I will talk to you later.

Peace

Aliens going in and out of bodies. I got that one too. But I believe they are just confused souls. I kept saying "Well if you are aliens, come and get me and lets go. But they never could do that. They did show me in a vision what a female alien would look like. She had a pretty face.

Where you given a name by the ones that came to you? A knickname of sorts? I was told my name is Trinity. I am not supposed to say it as it is supposed to be a secret, whoops, it is out.

I like talking to you too. I have to go. I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[quilliard]

Thanks quilliard, and it is great to read peoples posts on this one.

I think you are right, I have always been very sensitive since I can remember. When I was very young, about 18 months, two years old I can remember actually hearing the thoughts of the adults around me, and some of them really were not nice, especially my fathers. He was also bipolar and often got very angry, I remember being very afraid of him as I knew he wished a lot of the time that I wasn't there.

It sounds crazy, but this is true. So I have felt this way as long as I can remember, I spent years trying to block this out with drugs and alchohol, trying to "dumb" myself down. Now I am just coming to accept that this is the way I am, maybe even one of my good points, but you are spot on, this is the source of my pain, I feel the pain of other people.

If we where allowed to have super powers we would be empath's. I think alot of us are that way.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Summoning is not really the right way to put it anymore as "We" are working together. This has been a real wild trip. Remember when I said that the one that was screwing with you, Belzaba I think, could come to me and join me. I thought he did. I got attacked for a little but it has been become so repetitive that I just kicked his butt a couple of times and then showed him what my "Team" had to offer, so to speak, with the light is a meditation thing I use to do, I would close my eyes and focus on lighter shades on the inside of the lid and then try to manipulate it. After a while I could spin a ball and then stretch it into "sticks" and spin them.


There is a heaven and we are already here, partly. As for hell, hell doesn't work. And why would God purposely lite a fire of torment purposely within God?

And in my opinion I have a very powerful group of souls in my Army of Modern Lovers.

It is my understanding that the soul is not connected to one family. We are all family. All souls are related. We all come from One soul, so there fore we are all soul-family.

You can't break the cycle. That is not possible. The cycle will continue no matter what one individual does. We have the power to change the tides of human discourse but not to divert destiny.

You know the one thing that I noticed was that "Love" is the common theme with pretty much all stories. It is always about love.



Aliens going in and out of bodies. I got that one too. But I believe they are just confused souls. I kept saying "Well if you are aliens, come and get me and lets go. But they never could do that. They did show me in a vision what a female alien would look like. She had a pretty face.

Where you given a name by the ones that came to you? A knickname of sorts? I was told my name is Trinity. I am not supposed to say it as it is supposed to be a secret, whoops, it is out.

I like talking to you too. I have to go. I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

Hey bud. Yeah I was given names or nicknames like I wrote about earlier. never spoken out loud by anybody ever. They were secret names in a secret place. Never to be spoken until the time is right. I spoke them because the time is right for me. I am Lucifer Merlin Daniel _ _ _ , I am Horus. Was the just of it though as you know I am really only _ _ _ . You know what I mean.

Lucifer searching for his Diana with Artemis and Apollo as his guides. I don't pray to or worship Lucifer for I am Lucifer it is my 1st given name. I am the bright morning and evening star Venus herealding the Moon and the Sun. Jesus claimed to be and was titled Lucifer too. Everyone inluding Satan or Set wants to be Lucifer for then you are Horus. The Son of God. Heir to the Throne in heaven.

Aliens to them I suppose I would be Daniel son of Cain. For I am one of them by blood so are all of us. Daniel is my only and up until now most secret name. My power name. It was hard to tell it as well for it was supposed to stay secret but posting gives me a chance to challenge them to see what happens as secrets are revealed.

They are there quilliard and they are real. Not the jumping of souls that we see but there actual corporeal form. They do these things man it is them I am telling you. They might even be doing it from their home planets themseves we send our own kind of messages to them. Maybe they are here and can do this telepathy soul jumping stuff but hide. Some of the people are just ordinary that you meet though and that is the strangest of all like the old man on the bench or the woman I sat by who just silently read the Koran or the Jewish Lads asking me to wink or the man that said "something like a messiah."

Look Horus is a title. The title of the enlightened being. It is gnosis the bright morning and evening star. It is Conscience, Pure True Conscience. Horus will lead the way. The " Tests" are all challenging your conscience. When you pass the tests you are Horus for Horus is within you and is you.

We have a spirit , a soul and a conscience within our consciousness. Each needs to be exersized and trained molded like a kung fu form. Practiced until it is you them throwing it away and going freestyle yet the motions of the form appear randomly flowing with other motion from other forms until all form now goes away and there is simply motion and stillness that is all.

I was a bewildered messiah for many years before I realized I had always been the messiah. What do I really mean by this statement? If I had some one truly enlightened along the path they would have told me I was already there so I wouldn't have had to search so hard for what I already had within me. These are good teachings I am sharing.
They want you to search I say don't.


Off to the Other Shore

It will be a journey
A long difficult journey
But there is no choice

When the sun disappears at night
It still returns with the morning

Yesterday was cold
Today is bright and sunny
Tomorrow we’ll see

It’s a long way to the river
And then I still have to cross it

So I need a boat
Can’t get to the other shore
Without a good boat

Where will I get a boat? I don’t
See one around here anywhere

If I can’t find one
Just lying in wait to be found
I’ll have to build one

Can’t use anyone else’s
So I’ll build one along the way

Yesterday I left
Today I’m trudging along
Tomorrow who knows

I’m on my way to the river
But it is hard to build this boat

I did not know
It would be so much trouble
To construct a boat

Maybe I should have thought of that
Before I left on this journey

Oh well it’s too far
To turn around and go back
The way which I came

I think it’s best to keep going
It’ll be easier later

Well I made it here
Not too soon - Hello River
I’m ready for you

It’s taken me months but I have
Finally finished my rowboat

Watch out here I come
There we go in the boat and
Out on the water

Isn’t it nice weather out
Yep perfect to go out boating

To the other shore
Rowing to the other shore
I’m off and rowing

It is so hot under the sun
Fish hide under the boat for shade

Rowing along
Water laps at the hull
Long even strokes

With an oar in each of my hands
I can’t even adjust my hat

Rowing still rowing
How long have I been rowing
Now grey streaks my hair

The harder I row the longer
It takes to reach the other shore

The less I do
The farther I get
Funny isn’t it

So I’ll just stop and rest awhile
It’s nice out here on the water


Peace

[passerbye999]

We live in a material world of dense matter flesh and blood, and are also maybe spirits having spiritual experiences, it is clear we need to get a balance. If we constantly live in a enlightened state of spiritual being we miss the point of what it is to be a physical human being here on earth with limitations. To be able to function 'effectively' not just for ourselfs but for the benefit of others in this world and society we need to ground ourselfs in reality or maybe risk existing in a 'fantasy', could our fantasy lives be a resistance or escapism to a crapy reality?

This is why I wrote the Koan " A man gains enlightenment and becomes crazy, a crazy man gains enlightement and becomes a man again." this new man is Gnosis incarnate though. Having mastered themselves in th Two Worlds of Ultimate Reality. No ordinary man but still an ordinary man. A True Teacher. How many have solved that riddle? To be able to even have written it and understand it for it was a journey lived and traveled.

Is the surreal fantasy? I totally agree with you about living in the enlightened state.

The body is simply a vessel of the consciousness. There are two conscious active states( they are actually entities unto themselves) the conscious and the subconscious, and one inactive the unconscious. I have seperated from my body twice. There is just consciousness even then in the material world. It is much the same mind set as mania. I have experienced both. I have also really experienced the true awakening which I wrote about briefly, where after meditation one day I was about 30.

I was numb in body mind and spirit. Numb you say what do you mean? I mean numb ,empty and numb. The experience lasted for days inside outside I was normal. It was the pure consciousness
I had experienced when I seperated from my body. It is not a fantasy this world. It is death. Death in life and life in death.

The question is should we polarize to one state or the other or should we be bi polar living in both worlds?

It is not escapism it is reality. A split reality but reality non the less. You have to master both realities to be of any use in either. Everything blends the hard reality creates hard spiritualism that is all. As the reality softens so does the spiritualism for they blend easier.

Peace

[quilliard]

Hey bud. Yeah I was given names or nicknames like I wrote about earlier. never spoken out loud by anybody ever. They were secret names in a secret place. Never to be spoken until the time is right. I spoke them because the time is right for me. I am Lucifer Merlin Daniel _ _ _ , I am Horus. Was the just of it though as you know I am really only _ _ _ . You know what I mean.

Lucifer searching for his Diana with Artemis and Apollo as his guides. I don't pray to or worship Lucifer for I am Lucifer it is my 1st given name. I am the bright morning and evening star Venus herealding the Moon and the Sun. Jesus claimed to be and was titled Lucifer too. Everyone inluding Satan or Set wants to be Lucifer for then you are Horus. The Son of God. Heir to the Throne in heaven.

Aliens to them I suppose I would be Daniel son of Cain. For I am one of them by blood so are all of us. Daniel is my only and up until now most secret name. My power name. It was hard to tell it as well for it was supposed to stay secret but posting gives me a chance to challenge them to see what happens as secrets are revealed.

They are there quilliard and they are real. Not the jumping of souls that we see but there actual corporeal form. They do these things man it is them I am telling you. They might even be doing it from their home planets themseves we send our own kind of messages to them. Maybe they are here and can do this telepathy soul jumping stuff but hide. Some of the people are just ordinary that you meet though and that is the strangest of all like the old man on the bench or the woman I sat by who just silently read the Koran or the Jewish Lads asking me to wink or the man that said "something like a messiah."

Look Horus is a title. The title of the enlightened being. It is gnosis the bright morning and evening star. It is Conscience, Pure True Conscience. Horus will lead the way. The " Tests" are all challenging your conscience. When you pass the tests you are Horus for Horus is within you and is you.

We have a spirit , a soul and a conscience within our consciousness. Each needs to be exersized and trained molded like a kung fu form. Practiced until it is you them throwing it away and going freestyle yet the motions of the form appear randomly flowing with other motion from other forms until all form now goes away and there is simply motion and stillness that is all.

I was a bewildered messiah for many years before I realized I had always been the messiah. What do I really mean by this statement? If I had some one truly enlightened along the path they would have told me I was already there so I wouldn't have had to search so hard for what I already had within me. These are good teachings I am sharing.

They want you to search I say don't.

I aurgued with them that I would have no name that was secret as it would be only another trick. Trinity is my "Super Hero" name. :D

I was Horus for a little while. Some days I was many "entities" I got the feeling that "something" was looking for them and a theory was that who they where looking for just had not woken up in their "host". For me it was weird as, I Am and have been all. And I do mean that as what I can remember. I have a lot of memories.

I too was searching for love, Love is a very common theme as everything stems from it. I found her and her name was B.J., she pronounced it Bhee Jhee. She was from Mongolia, after we spoke for a while she asked me if I was Genghis Khan. It was a perfect moment in my life. I had found her.

Then I haven't seen her since. But it was her. She came to me later in vision. I would wait a life time to see her again. When I kissed her hands before we part from the top of that hill over looking San Francisco I was filled with light and felt as I never had before. It was intoxicating. But I digress...

And I will not argue that a part of me went with the Space Alien from another planet thing for a while. But it was not important to what was happening. One night when I was working with my "friends" I asked to see an alien. When I closed my eyes they showed me one. She had a very long head, her body was white, she had a very human like body. One of the reasons I thought it was a costume was that the head was to big and the beings balance would be off all the time.

I have had many that come to me. I have seen 5 separate type of visions. Each having a "style" of its own. The last one that came to me, I call Mr. Big Hands as all he shows is his hands and image he wants to show. Well he came to me and showed me a rabbits hole. And I was like "There is no way I am going into a hole with a door on it, I don't trust any of you." That was a big thing I had going with the ones I call friends now. Trust, they broke my trust. And they did lie to me as everything that came true, came from me, all they did was try to influence me into their way of thinking.

As for inheriting Heaven, can't do it. No one can. We will never get the lease to that property.

But that was then and this is now. Things are going to get really good coming up.

Shock the Karma

[edelweiss pirate]

Re OP.

For the past five years my researches and experiences have indicated that what is termed Illumination is actually a form of schizophrenia.

Of course there are degrees of severity, but some people find a little bit of mania in their lives makes thing more interesting.

In my new book I detail this quite heavily. I talk about how the brain chemistry of the mind can be altered by shocks and trauma to produce the schizophrenia toxin and psychotropic drug, adrenochrome, I also detail the effects and signs of 'illumination' along with a way to cure the negative symptoms.

[passerbye999]

Re OP.

For the past five years my researches and experiences have indicated that what is termed Illumination is actually a form of schizophrenia.

Of course there are degrees of severity, but some people find a little bit of mania in their lives makes thing more interesting.

In my new book I detail this quite heavily. I talk about how the brain chemistry of the mind can be altered by shocks and trauma to produce the schizophrenia toxin and psychotropic drug, adrenochrome, I also detail the effects and signs of 'illumination' along with a way to cure the negative symptoms.

I agree with your posting for the beginning of your book. It is a build up for your medical arguement. You must be schitzophrenic I assume or have been diagnosed is as being schitzophrenic. You give no arguement about Illumination and schitzophrenia though. Not that I would totally disagree with you for I am not schitzophrenic and have to rely on written or verbal material like everyone else. It is bold to state that all illumination is schitzophrenia.
I don't like the talk of shocks and trauma to the brain to trigger dopamine which is released naturally in an episode anyway. We don't want dopamine from what I have read and what I have seen released in a disbalanced amount.

If what you are getting at is that enlightenment is sickness I will completely disagree with you. What we want to know though is if sickness can lead to enlightenment which I do 100% believe. A mind state is not a chemical imbalance but a way of thinking a thought process anyone can achieve this no drugs or manias involved. The question to me is if through this suffering they can reach the state faster. Manias appear from my research to act like a guide to the manic teaching whatever the mind wants to share. What may seem a grumpy loner is lots of the time a balanced and happy person inside they just don't like to share. Enlightenment isn't just laughs, giggles and fuzzy feelings it is Hardcore Mind Control from expansive empty awareness. Can you control your mind through a mania with no anti psychotics I did twice. Knowing you are manic then riding it like a rolloercoaster hands waving and everything. It takes enormous amounts of self control and a faith in conscience. For the rollercoaster likes to jump from track to track and you are always wearing a poker face for you are still living normally in society. I went to work everyday until I quit. I was manic steamfitter/pipefitter I was a genius at the hydronic system and still am. Yes readers not only did I do all that weird stuff but I went to work too. No one knew the difference(living in two worlds keeping them seperate). I quit to throw my wallet away and begin my 3 day fast. Can a schitzophrenic do this work during a crackup and appear completely normal with no paranoia? I have never experienced hallucination unless on drugs, no drugs in the mania no hallucinations for me. The people I met and talked to were real I don't have a " Beautiful Mind" no Bi Ploars do. It is mainly how we percieve things that makes us unique as a condition. We have middle perception not sane, not insane and usually very spiritual.

This is from wikipedia.

Manic episode
Main article: Mania
Mania is the signature characteristic of bipolar disorder and, depending on its severity, is how the disorder is classified. Mania is generally characterized by a distinct period of an elevated, expansive, or irritable mood state. People commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased need for sleep. A person's speech may be pressured, with thoughts experienced as racing. Attention span is low, and a person in a manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may become impaired, and sufferers may go on spending sprees or engage in behavior that is quite abnormal for them. They may indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants, cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills. Their behavior may become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. People may feel out of control or unstoppable. People may feel they have been "chosen" and are "on a special mission" or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual drive may increase. At more extreme phases of bipolar I, a person in a manic state can begin to experience psychosis, or a break with reality, where thinking is affected along with mood.[7] Many people in a manic state experience severe anxiety and are very irritable (to the point of rage), while others are euphoric and grandiose.


We live in a reality of Love and Hate, rage and euphoria, we may never go psychotic I never did. Psychosis only in extreme cases. Here is Schitzophrenia according to wikipedia.



Standardized criteria
The most widely used standardized criteria for diagnosing schizophrenia come from the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version DSM-IV-TR, and the World Health Organization's International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, the ICD-10. The latter criteria are typically used in European countries, while the DSM criteria are used in the United States and the rest of the world, as well as prevailing in research studies. The ICD-10 criteria put more emphasis on Schneiderian first-rank symptoms, although, in practice, agreement between the two systems is high.[18]

According to the revised fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, three diagnostic criteria must be met:[19]

1.Characteristic symptoms: Two or more of the following, each present for much of the time during a one-month period (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
Delusions
Hallucinations
Disorganized speech, which is a manifestation of formal thought disorder
Grossly disorganized behavior (e.g. dressing inappropriately, crying frequently) or catatonic behavior
Negative symptoms: Blunted affect (lack or decline in emotional response), alogia (lack or decline in speech), or avolition (lack or decline in motivation)
If the delusions are judged to be bizarre, or hallucinations consist of hearing one voice participating in a running commentary of the patient's actions or of hearing two or more voices conversing with each other, only that symptom is required above. The speech disorganization criterion is only met if it is severe enough to substantially impair communication.
2.Social/occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time since the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care, are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset.
3.Duration: Continuous signs of the disturbance persist for at least six months. This six-month period must include at least one month of symptoms (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
If signs of disturbance are present for more than a month but less than six months, the diagnosis of schizophreniform disorder is applied.[19] Psychotic symptoms lasting less than a month may be diagnosed as brief psychotic disorder, and various conditions may be classed as psychotic disorder not otherwise specified. Schizophrenia cannot be diagnosed if symptoms of mood disorder are substantially present (although schizoaffective disorder could be diagnosed), or if symptoms of pervasive developmental disorder are present unless prominent delusions or hallucinations are also present, or if the symptoms are the direct physiological result of a general medical condition or a substance, such as abuse of a drug or medication.

Confusion with other conditions
Psychotic symptoms may be present in several other mental disorders, including bipolar disorder,[20] borderline personality disorder,[21] drug intoxication and drug-induced psychosis. Delusions ("non-bizarre") are also present in delusional disorder, and social withdrawal in social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder. Schizophrenia is complicated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) considerably more often than could be explained by pure chance, although it can be difficult to distinguish obsessions that occur in OCD from the delusions of schizophrenia.[22]

A more general medical and neurological examination may be needed to rule out medical illnesses which may rarely produce psychotic schizophrenia-like symptoms,[19] such as metabolic disturbance, systemic infection, syphilis, HIV infection, epilepsy, and brain lesions. It may be necessary to rule out a delirium, which can be distinguished by visual hallucinations, acute onset and fluctuating level of consciousness, and indicates an underlying medical illness. Investigations are not generally repeated for relapse unless there is a specific medical indication or possible adverse effects from antipsychotic medication.

"Schizophrenia" does not mean dissociative identity disorder—formerly and still widely known as "multiple personalities"—despite the etymology of the word (Greek σχίζω = "I split").
To be diagnosed with mania according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a person must experience this state of elevated or irritable mood, as well as other symptoms, for at least one week, less if hospitalization is required.

This is why I keep saying there are manias and psychotic episodes this is the distiction and the similarity. Manias only become in extreme cases psychotic. Euphoria is for real a feeling unlike anything exept death, a outer body experience or enlightenment which are all the same thing. The doctors won't let people explore mania for the doctors fear of possible psychosis from the experience. my last statement says a lot because you may become psychotic you must be sedated. The law uses this against us too. Simple because we are not schitzophrenic we are something different the whole range of bi polar disorder. In my search personaly no offence to schitzophrenics I share some of your pain and suffering for real but I have found in no case I have met any insight into the subject of enlightenment or awakening in their experience. They can be extremely intelligent, geniuos and spiritual but it is not the same trip. If you are diagnosed as being schitzophrenic and experience bi polar tendencies you are probably misdiagnosed. This is not elitism for we are talking about illnesses and enlightenment and spiritualism. Mainly though enlightenment. Only through the pain, anguish and suffering do we share equally. But which trip will push the envelope into the Realm of a Thousand Buddhas faster and clearer. Clearer is the defined word though does the light shine on mania or psychosis, sanity or insanity? I am not talking about spiritualism it is equal ground as well. Just enlightenment. There is no insanity in enlightenment it is a bi polar opposite of it. The Taoist Wheel is the story of the bi polar person written ages ago all about us. It is our emblem whether some know it or not. The perfect symbol of our cycling lives. It rests within the Buddhist Wheel right in the center a Wheel in a Wheel way in the middle of the air and inside of us. You see of all mental conditions on the planet the bi polar mindset is the ripest for the picking. The harvest is ripe but we have to seperate the wheat from the chaff. That was a spiritual statement. God talks to me you know. We are the lost sheep of Isreal hiding while the wolves circle. I feel I can personaly reach Bi Polar people and help them become enlightened because I am them.


You see I am not even 100% sure manias are enlightenment or if I am just enlightened and happen to be bi polar. It is what I am trying to discover from all this posting. It is why I appreciate others peoples info about themselves. You included. So tell us more friend. I have a total of around 25yrs on the subject but am willing to listen to your ideas. You are a good writer I really like your ideas on symbols and religion and societies and the such.

We are all 33 that is what they try to hide. It equals 6. The hexagram unity. From heaven to earth and from earth to heaven. 2 pyramids reaching towards each other and blending as one for they mirror each other. Contained in a circle they are restricted outside of the circle they are free. 2 become 1. So now they are 3. Heaven , earth and man all 1. there are no secret mysteries that can not be revealed.

Peace

[truthlovelife]

Or Is the actual spiritual 'enlightenment' of mental illness (mainly schizophrenia) mearly a form of spirit possession?
Poeple i have known who become acutely psychotic sometimes actually look possessed! The glazed glassy eyes, the eratic unpredictable behaviour, knowledge of forgotten wisdom they may not have not previously known, and ability to seemingly switch between different consciousness (one minute happy then angry, and not be aware of what they had just done).

Just a thought!

[passerbye999]

Or Is the actual spiritual 'enlightenment' of mental illness (mainly schizophrenia) mearly a form of spirit possession?
Poeple i have known who become acutely psychotic sometimes actually look possessed! The glazed glassy eyes, the eratic unpredictable behaviour, knowledge of forgotten wisdom they may not have not previously known, and ability to seemingly switch between different consciousness (one minute happy then angry, and not be aware of what they had just done).

Just a thought!

That is an interesting thought and has merit for an interesting short discussion. I believe that it is possible in all illness of the mind. Possession happens within and without the individual. They can see or sense soul jumping which is just a different description of possession. Spirits have tried to posses my since I was a child I learned to let them hang but respect my space. I see the possession in others and the people I said I met on the street were possessed but they where also most likely mentally ill for they where street people. Entities can access us better through mental illness in any form. When you are ill God communicates with you through other prophets. It is a code that we share. I call it the Holy Spirit when it is of God which is most of the time for me I never forget to acknowledge my Mother.
The other entities are various but have the same ability to possess people.
It is how spirits communicate possession. It is the only real confirmation for what is being said in your head. It is here again the doctors have it all wrong.

This is psychosis to them. They were never there how do they know? The mania is real and diagnosed but the aspect of the spiritual dimension is misunderstood. All shrinks seem to turn into athiests because of us and we become more spiritual inspite of them. You have to experience a person you would never normally talk to talk to you telling you what you are thinking and really talking to you confirming you are not psychotic because that is the manics fear as well. Meet the person another time it was like the event never happened then meet them again and they astound you again. You know it is not the person but something possessing the person.

The Holy Spirit, Satan and other entities can do this to anyone at anytime they seem to choose the mentally ill the most. It may be only one entity that is a trickster a shapeshifter , it may only be God ,Angels and Saints no bad guys just them. Saints would be anyone who dies and hasn't come back yet. The anger and rage we possess they try to unpossess us of it.

It needs to be released somtimes it is a natural function that we repress. Once the anger or issue is dealt with most manics will say "I know I will never have an episode again because I delat with my issues." Ask a Doctor if that is true or not. Ask a doctor how many patients say that to them. I did that is what I was told by my Doctor.

She seperates thoughts from clinical issues so is open to her patients experiences. She was really interested in my enlightenment experience and my linking it with my out of body experience and she seemed intrigued. It is insights like that that I shared with her is why she is reading my blog.

That brings me back to out of body experience , consciousness in death so if we are spirits there can be spiritual possession as well and mentally ill people are targets. I use the term mentally ill loosely, very loosely.

I hope this adds to your observation.

Peace

[quilliard]

Re OP.

For the past five years my researches and experiences have indicated that what is termed Illumination is actually a form of schizophrenia.

Of course there are degrees of severity, but some people find a little bit of mania in their lives makes thing more interesting.

In my new book I detail this quite heavily. I talk about how the brain chemistry of the mind can be altered by shocks and trauma to produce the schizophrenia toxin and psychotropic drug, adrenochrome, I also detail the effects and signs of 'illumination' along with a way to cure the negative symptoms.

Whoa that is some scary stuff. Happy Halloween! This is so funny because I came to this thread today I thought it was going to be hit with a psychiatrist.

Here is a Halloween story for you about a man that goes for help in understanding what is happening and is thrust into hell.

Once upon a time there was this man and God replied to him. For real. Several times. The signs around him where taking him on a journey, but it was so much for one person to take.

So the man finally went to a church as he thought they would surely understand and was as polite as could be and laid it out straight. The people at the church said they would call but instead had the man committed.

Two "interns" and a three police show up at the mans door and take him to the hospital where after several hours of waiting patiently a doctor comes into the room and say "So what is going on." So the man tells him and the doctors says "I think you are not going to stop going to churches to give them your message so we are going to keep you for observation and give you something for your thoughts." and said "You can't just put me on drugs until I forget about God." and Dr. Burger says "Well we are going to try. You can consider this your crucifixion."

So I end up in this rehab/psych ward with a bunch of people that are being "treated" until they can barely speak I am forced to sit down with another doctor that's only reply is "Your not making sense." and I keep saying what part doesn't make sense.

So I tell him that I don't take prescription drugs if there is not a problem, it is against my religion, and he gets a court order, in the middle of the night, and I am shot up with garbage that does nothing to "cure" me.

So I get so mad at what has happened that I call for a lightening strike to kill the person that sent me in to the drug induced restraint that is doing nothing but giving me shakes and I can't sit down.

I was so mad I told another man that was there named Michael what I had asked for. Later when I was talking to my mother trying to get out of that place, I told her that I called for a lightening strike.

Three days later there was a story in the newspaper. Wednseday July 21st 2010, Asbury Park Press, Headline - "Lightening kills man watching blaze" and the story is of a man that is killed by lightening from the St. Catherine Laboure.

For the rest of my time in the psych ward all I said to the doctor was "Your drugs are great, I feel great, can I leave now."

I kept the article to remind me.

Boo!

You know what is kind of funny, you are pushing shock treatment I am pushing the Shock the Karma thing which is on December 12th through Decemebr 21st 2012 it is going to feel like everyone is being hugged by God. Everyone on the planet is going to feel better than they ever did. No drug will compare, no emotion known to this day will compare.

It is going to be a huge blast of love injected into the earths karma.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Whoa that is some scary stuff. Happy Halloween! This is so funny because I came to this thread today I thought it was going to be hit with a psychiatrist.

Here is a Halloween story for you about a man that goes for help in understanding what is happening and is thrust into hell.

Once upon a time there was this man and God replied to him. For real. Several times. The signs around him where taking him on a journey, but it was so much for one person to take.

So the man finally went to a church as he thought they would surely understand and was as polite as could be and laid it out straight. The people at the church said they would call but instead had the man committed.

Two "interns" and a three police show up at the mans door and take him to the hospital where after several hours of waiting patiently a doctor comes into the room and say "So what is going on." So the man tells him and the doctors says "I think you are not going to stop going to churches to give them your message so we are going to keep you for observation and give you something for your thoughts." and said "You can't just put me on drugs until I forget about God." and Dr. Burger says "Well we are going to try. You can consider this your crucifixion."

So I end up in this rehab/psych ward with a bunch of people that are being "treated" until they can barely speak I am forced to sit down with another doctor that's only reply is "Your not making sense." and I keep saying what part doesn't make sense.

So I tell him that I don't take prescription drugs if there is not a problem, it is against my religion, and he gets a court order, in the middle of the night, and I am shot up with garbage that does nothing to "cure" me.

So I get so mad at what has happened that I call for a lightening strike to kill the person that sent me in to the drug induced restraint that is doing nothing but giving me shakes and I can't sit down.

I was so mad I told another man that was there named Michael what I had asked for. Later when I was talking to my mother trying to get out of that place, I told her that I called for a lightening strike.

Three days later there was a story in the newspaper. Wednseday July 21st 2010, Asbury Park Press, Headline - "Lightening kills man watching blaze" and the story is of a man that is killed by lightening from the St. Catherine Laboure.

For the rest of my time in the psych ward all I said to the doctor was "Your drugs are great, I feel great, can I leave now."

I kept the article to remind me.

Boo!

You know what is kind of funny, you are pushing shock treatment I am pushing the Shock the Karma thing which is on December 12th through Decemebr 21st 2012 it is going to feel like everyone is being hugged by God. Everyone on the planet is going to feel better than they ever did. No drug will compare, no emotion known to this day will compare.

It is going to be a huge blast of love injected into the earths karma.

Shock the Karma

Hey quilliard that post chafed a bit huh. I agree. The links referenced were interesting conspiracy threads though if you're into that sort of thing , I am.
I hear your pain though and know the shakes and pacing well. They shot me up with Haliperidol twice month long shots of misery. It took more enlightenment to fight that experience than any mania. It was a mind altering soul shattering experience, no balance or healing there. Just a month of being forced into subjigation with no reason. I had committed myself. This was the end of one years manias. It was zombie summer so I say Boo! too.

Still stayed me though it was just very , very hard worse than acid to find peace in that situation. While the drug spiralled me down into a forced semi labotomy. I couldn't even practice kung fu or meditaion I was that fucked up. To me that is wild no kung fu what do you mean? It's all I know and you want to take it from me from your fears not the reality doctors. Then I met this doctor and everything changed no more fighting just healing. I wish you could find a doctor like her it is a blessing in hard times. Even a Chan master sometimes needs a good shrink just like a heart surgeon for if and when they have a heart attack. I never get sick with colds and flues and such but no one can beat their genetics. Somethings are just meant to be. Illness is part of everyones lives we suffer different maladies that's all. Just remember we are not our illnesses.

As for your prediction it is in writing I hope so for all of us it does come true. Shock the Karma. I hope you are right though instead of some predictions of tohu va bohu. I personaly think it will just be another of my little brothers birthdays. My son will have just turned 16 within days, same with my exwife ,my dad, my grandfather with their birthdays. We are all split between Leo,s and Sagitarrius's. It's always a good season for my family. I am just interested in the alignment and planet x more scientific than spiritual interest but both sort of go together. I am not big on predictions unless made very vague yet defined they never fit into a scenario and it takes a while for the scenario to appear. Yet some psychics do nail it right on so all the power to you brother. Many manics are psychic. As for me here it is using someone elses poems this time.

Death

He whose insights penetrate here is a truly great man

Hakuin Zenji


The Monkey

The monkey is reaching for the moon in the water
Until death takes him he'll never give up.
If he would let go of the branch and disappear in the deep pool
The whole world would shine with dazzling pureness

Hakuin Zenji

The Bridge of Mama

Who has the jointed bridge of Mama in his heart,
Him would I have throw it across the world of men.

Hakuin Zenji

Zazen

" Hey , bonze!
wonder of wonders
you're doing zazen today"

"Sure!"

Hakuin Zenji


It just keeps raining I can't help the down pour soon the flood waters must level and slowly diminish though leaving only a gentle stream tricklig on into the resevoir.


Daito Kokushi as a Beggar

Wearing a straw mat among the crowd of beggars,
Through his greed for sweet melons he's been taken alive.
"If you give me the fruit without using your hands,
Of course I'll enter your presence without using my feet."

Hakuin Zenji

You see I have to do what I am doing it is an old mans wishes. One of my Teachers wishes for the one who knows these things to share so others may shine as well. All of my teachers but one are dead. For the past decade I have only learnt from them. Can't be a doe eyed zen hippie when your insights have truly penetrated death and the jointed bridge of Mama is in your heart. My mind let go of the branch and I immersed myself into emptyness a long time ago. The death undertanding I gained only more recently. If I didn't talk on this site no one would get to know what I am saying. You don't have to go to a monastary you are the temple the only temple that truly exists for the individual. Jesus said the same thing. How many can relate to these words? From one pebble how far will the ripples travel? This is who I really am. How many are like me? I would like to talk to them.


Peace

[quilliard]

Or Is the actual spiritual 'enlightenment' of mental illness (mainly schizophrenia) mearly a form of spirit possession?
Poeple i have known who become acutely psychotic sometimes actually look possessed! The glazed glassy eyes, the eratic unpredictable behaviour, knowledge of forgotten wisdom they may not have not previously known, and ability to seemingly switch between different consciousness (one minute happy then angry, and not be aware of what they had just done).

Just a thought!

The thought I have is that we can not be possessed but we are suggestive. And for myself, sometimes it was like I was being asked to do something over and over again.

I never got to the point that I was not aware of what I was doing. I was always able to argue my point.

I think that some spirits (Happy all saints day by the way), I was approached and shown many things through vision. I am real curious if this happens to anyone else.

Can anyone else close their eyes and see another world? Sometimes I can see up to about one to seven minute "scenes" or what I believe are other peoples "memories", it is something that they can send to us.

Now I have heard many tricksters. But I have seen "opportunities" that have been offered as "gifts" for doing such a good job.

Here are the highlights of what I have "scene" it was a wild ride.

I saw a man fall to his left knee with a cross over his right shoulder from his eyes.

I saw from a crowd, a man fall to his knee with a cross on his shoulder and I cried as I could do nothing.

I saw as a bird flying over the ocean.

I saw as a cow being lead to slaughter.

I saw a young man about 12 in a burlap robe with long black hair. (This one made me laugh, it looked like a shampoo commercial, later I saw a kid that could have matched the kid I saw in my vision. I had to stop and look twice. It was weird. His mom looked like someone I knew in the past as well)

One night I asked to see my "love" and I saw a man that looked like a hologram from CNN that shock his finger "No", a Japanese female model on her knees looking up with a big smile on her face wearing a red and white striped shirt. I jumped. There was an old women walked by in a bikini that was like a ghost, classic walking soul. She was laughing.

I saw two women kiss

I saw a "parade" of men with makeshift weapons marching of to war. One bent over and laughed at me as they passed. Then I saw a horse with smoke coming from its nostrils, surrounded by smoke, with a rider on its back as the horse reared to it's back legs.

I saw a man engulfed in fire over and over in a loop, but it seemed like it was created with 3-d studio max.

Mr Big hands showed me two baby's that where cross between cats and human.

Mr Big hands showed me a rabbit hole, like the one in Alice in wonderland.

I saw a lot of people that would not show their faces but showed their bodies.

I saw a man with a long penis. It was like a tail on the wrong side if the body.

I saw a babies face. I saw many faces. Many, many, many faces.

I saw a ballet dancer spin one one foot. Pierrot.

I witnessed from someones eyes an old Japanese women giving me a gift and she said "This is for you." This sticks out as it was the first time the sound almost matched the "video" so to speak.

Another time a young Japanese boy came to me and said "My name is" then paused and then said "Hy!". It was so cool. I said "Hello Hy." The sound and the video matched perfectly.

I saw a little girl run up to me, grab my arm, and said "Come on, let's go." She was like a classic ghost.

Man the list goes on. I am going to stop now. If you get anything like this let me know.

Hey Passerbye999, thanks for the kind words about Shock the Karma. I believe it will work because of the gravitational pull with the alignments of the planets. Also it could be like self hypnosis. Think it will happen for two years and your body may respond. It will be like being hugged by God. I can argue why even self hypnosis is an act of God.

I hate the drugs too. The biggest problem is they force them on you when you don't need them all the time or over medicate.

The first time I "lost it" because my wife left me and it caused many things to come out. I went to a hospital and they put me on Haldol. I wasn't doing anything but crying a little. Why do doctors always put people in chemical restraints for something a sleeping pill will help.

So did you ever check out Dump Miner. That is one of my books. You can check it out at DumpMiner.Com

It is what I think the world could become.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Hey Passerbye999[/B], thanks for the kind words about Shock the Karma. I believe it will work because of the gravitational pull with the alignments of the planets. Also it could be like self hypnosis. Think it will happen for two years and your body may respond. It will be like being hugged by God. I can argue why even self hypnosis is an act of God.

I hate the drugs too. The biggest problem is they force them on you when you don't need them all the time or over medicate.

The first time I "lost it" because my wife left me and it caused many things to come out. I went to a hospital and they put me on Haldol. I wasn't doing anything but crying a little. Why do doctors always put people in chemical restraints for something a sleeping pill will help.

So did you ever check out Dump Miner. That is one of my books. You can check it out at DumpMiner.Com

It is what I think the world could become.

Shock the Karma[/QUOTE]

Hey quilliard yeah I started reading after this post and I like it it is interesting political, spiritual fiction with a Gattaca, Orwell kind of feel I will let you know more once I have finished reading it..

Divorce and marital problems do create the ultimate triggers for a manic and in that time of sorrow it is unfortunate how sometimes the illness is treated.

You know a weird story about posting on this site. On my last posting I had just finished some editing and pushed save then everything went wonky.Norton popped up there where hundreds of threats. I got kicked out of the site and had to run Norton Anti Virus to be able to get back in. I could enter any site but this one. I could enter from other computers in my house but not my laptop. I just want to say I have no idea how people do this stuff. I am fairly computer illiterate and find it amazing people can actually do things like this. I find it amazing that I am even worth the effort. It doesn't annoy me though instead it causes the exact opposite feeling of wonder. It cost me a couple of hours of time that is all. How do they do that though it is truly amazing to me? This was no accident. I have had viruses before but not like this where they are designed to enter your computer and shut you down temporarily from talking. I have four witnesses to what I am saying and we are all baffled. Just thought I would share this for interest sake. When Norton finished I could just enter again, weird or what?


From sitting at peace
Silent illumination
From koan study
Conformity to the law
By keeping public records


These posting are big koans because once written they have truly become public records.


Buddha on a rock
Relaxing in the sunshine
Sitting peacefully
While stretching in the garden
Nearby a tree mimics him


Koans help record then direct one to an experiencial or awakening understanding.


Welcome warm spring air
Relaxed my lungs breath it in
Calmly I exhale
Crows fly by my harmony
Insects are beneath my feet


If they make sense to you and you understand you are enlightened it is as simple as that.


For example the story of Huineng the Sixth Patriarch of Chan and Zen. Authorship is from wikipedia article Huineng. All Chan and zen practitioners know this story it is well written here though so I will use it. Notice though like Christian Baptism something that was given so easily is now so hard to get.
Baptism true baptism is a symbolic ritual that symbolizes this initiation into understanding. So many enlightened individuals that seek baptism are refused or made to change their ideas to become one with the others. The problem is Quilliard is that they all have their own rules each church and they can only go by what they have been taught not what they know. Their Bible can be used against them they know this so follow certain key things to keep their power established. "Their" being the Leaders, the higher ups, the Elders. Not all elders are wise most are foolish having been brainwashed for a lifetime they are bound to their beliefs and ideas and do not want to lose their authority to a young crazy person. Lose their whole system of beliefs for an upstart no way. Lock him up and keep him quiet. The Church has done it for millenia not just Christians though it is an old problem in Buddhism too.




Becoming the Sixth Patriarch

The Sixth Patriarch Cutting a Bamboo by Liang KaiOne day, Hongren announced,

The question of incessant rebirth is a momentous one. Day after day, instead of trying to free yourselves from this bitter sea of life and death, you seem to go after tainted merits only (i.e. merits which will cause rebirth). Yet merits will be of no help if your Essence of Mind is obscured. Go and seek for Prajna (wisdom) in your own mind and then write me a stanza (gatha) about it. He who understands what the Essence of Mind is will be given the robe (the insignia of the Patriarchate) and the Dharma (the ultimate teaching of the Chán school), and I shall make him the Sixth Patriarch. Go away quickly.


Delay not in writing the stanza, as deliberation is quite unnecessary and of no use. The man who has realized the Essence of Mind can speak of it at once, as soon as he is spoken to about it; and he cannot lose sight of it, even when engaged in battle.

However, the disciples said to each other that they didn't need to write any gathas, and that surely their teacher and head monk, Venerable Shenxiu, would become the Sixth Patriarch. So only Shenxiu wrote a gatha for Hongren. As the head monk, Shenxiu was well-respected and under great pressure to produce a gatha that would qualify him as the next patriarch. However, he was uncertain as to his own understanding, and eventually decided to write a poem anonymously on the wall in the middle of the night, announcing his authorship only if Hongren approved.[4] It stated:

The body is a Bodhi tree,
the mind a standing mirror bright.
At all times polish it diligently,
and let no dust alight.

When the disciples saw this gatha on the wall, there was a great stir. When Hongren saw it, he told them, "Practice according to this gatha, you will not fall into the evil realms, and you will receive great benefits. Light incense and pay respect to this gatha, recite it and you will see your essential nature." All the disciples praised and memorized the gatha.

However, privately, Hongren told Shenxiu, "You have arrived at the gate, but haven’t entered it. With this level of understanding, you still have no idea what the supreme Bodhi mind is. Upon hearing my words, you should immediately recognize the original mind, the essential nature, which is unborn and unceasing. At all times, see it clearly in every thought, with the mind free from all hindrances. In the One Reality, everything is real, and all phenomena are just as they are."

Hongren asked Shenxiu to compose another gatha that demonstrated true understanding. Shenxiu tried hard but couldn’t come up with another verse.

When a young novice passed the rice mill chanting Shenxiu's gatha, Huineng immediately knew this verse lacked true insight. He went to the wall, and asked a district officer there to write a poem of his own for him. The officer was surprised, "How extraordinary! You are illiterate, and you want to compose a poem?" Whereupon Huineng said, "If you seek supreme enlightenment, do not slight anyone. The lowest class may have great insights, and the highest class may commit foolish acts." In veneration, the officer wrote Huineng’s gatha on the wall for him, next to Shenxiu's, which stated:

Bodhi originally has no tree.
The bright mirror also has no stand.
Fundamentally there is not a single thing.
Where could dust arise?

菩提本無樹,
明鏡亦非台;
本來無一物,
何處惹塵埃?


Nanhua Temple, where Huineng taught and lived.Huineng then went back to rice pounding. However, this gatha created a bigger stir; everyone was saying, "Amazing! You can’t judge a person by his looks! Maybe he will become a living bodhisattva soon!" However, when the alarmed Hongren came out, he just casually said, "This hasn’t seen the essential nature either," and proceeded to wipe the gatha off with his shoe.

One night, Hongren received Huineng in his abode, and expounded the Diamond Sutra to him. When he came to the passage, "to use the mind yet be free from any attachment," Huineng came to great enlightenment—that all dharmas are inseparable from the self nature. He exclaimed, "How amazing that the self nature is originally pure! How amazing that the self nature is unborn and undying! How amazing that the self nature is inherently complete! How amazing that the self nature neither moves nor stays! How amazing that all dharmas come from this self nature!"

Hongren told Huineng, "If one recognizes the original mind and the original nature, he is called a great man, teacher of gods and humans, and a Buddha." He passed the robe and begging bowl as a symbol of the Dharma Seal of Sudden Enlightenment to Huineng.

Although this story is as clearly stated as it can be, it should also be noted that Huineng was not permitted to make himself known as the Sixth Patriarch until later on. This was due to the fear that his fellow monks might be angered that he had been made the Sixth Patriarch and not Shenxiu or one of the other monks who had seniority over him.


Maybe the reason why for holding people back is because of others peoples feelings alone, it all comes down to feelings I think. Another old and profound story. Kill the enlightened man then we get his position. If me speaking bothers some people tuff. I am pretty hard to kill and don't care much about their opinions. I do it for those who listen and enjoy they may not agree with everything but usually agree with the overall discussion but that is communication. We hear what we want to hear and see what we want to see. I wove my own robe and carved my own bowl when I removed confusion and false humility from my mind. If you beleive it can't happen to you or didn't happen then it won't or is lost.

I have not been lying to you people from the beginning or making up a story for who could write such a story by making it up. I left out the wildest part but still alluded to it. I am sure some even read it as I was writing and editing. So they know it to them I would appreciate for now at least that it stays out of my story. Anyway way more people are enlightened than they give themselves credit for. Some bi polars and schitzophrenics are enlightened through the process of their illness. Some Bi polars are enl;ightened instantly from mania. I truly believe this for in me it erased the confusion and taught me some pride is essential to livng a healthy life. I also learned that if you are silent who will ever know your thoughts, you have to be brave but it is satisfying. Confusion just needs to be erased and then you will accept your enlightenment.

When people become enlightened there is always confusion, when it goes away through acceptance you are a Buddha or Christ (Messiah). I am really fueling the fire and fanning the flames now. Fire in the rain. An unexstinguishable fire in a torrential rain storm. Just like Elijah. How many Buddhas and Christs are there probably millions right now world wide. Buddha and Jesus are everywhere. The Anti Christs are those who would deny enlightenment in the individual without intercession from any power or principality.

As I move along in these postings it all becomes clearer to me why God had me post in the first place. For the benifit of me and the readers.
How many professionals and masters teach on a posting site for free. They are all over the internet showing snippetts trying to get you to pay for more. There is now nothing they can tell you I haven't already told and I will make it clearer like a clanging cymbol or gong. You just have to wrap yourself around the concept of "no mind", " no thought"," no feeling", " no thing and every thing", " Empty Awareness" and "following, emerging or blending and leading."


Sorry I suppose for teaching and preaching Chan but It is what this discussion forum is all about just like religion and spirituality. Before I stop writing on this forum I intend to leave a lot of written material for those who are interested to go through. Some may read and have to read some things two or more times to figure out some of the cool seeds I have planted. Soon I will probably go back to Judiasm and Christianity in the posts but not yet I am cycling appaently between them.


Consciousness is life
Life within a collective
Clouds beneath the sun
Floating in an azure sky
Blend with the comforting light


Time passes me by
I try to catch up with it
But fall short it’s pace
Long are the hours I’ve sat still
Too tired to keep up the chase


Shalom

I memorized this Koan of Huineng it is awesome.

Life and death, day and night
Flowers grow and then they fall
Only today do I realize
my nose points downwards

[quilliard]

Hey quilliard yeah I started reading after this post and I like it it is interesting political, spiritual fiction with a Gattaca, Orwell kind of feel I will let you know more once I have finished reading it..

I really hope you like it. I worked very hard on it. There is a link on the home page were you can download the pdf and there is a nice flash slide show. I really think it turned out well. I hope it gets the message across.


You know a weird story about posting on this site. On my last posting I had just finished some editing and pushed save then everything went wonky.Norton popped up there where hundreds of threats. I got kicked out of the site and had to run Norton Anti Virus to be able to get back in. I could enter any site but this one. I could enter from other computers in my house but not my laptop. I just want to say I have no idea how people do this stuff. I am fairly computer illiterate and find it amazing people can actually do things like this. I find it amazing that I am even worth the effort. It doesn't annoy me though instead it causes the exact opposite feeling of wonder. It cost me a couple of hours of time that is all. How do they do that though it is truly amazing to me? This was no accident. I have had viruses before but not like this where they are designed to enter your computer and shut you down temporarily from talking. I have four witnesses to what I am saying and we are all baffled. Just thought I would share this for interest sake. When Norton finished I could just enter again, weird or what?

One time I sent in my taxes with Turbo Tax and when I did I got nailed with virus. It really pissed me off too. I did nothing all day except my taxes, hit send, connect to the IRS, submit, and then BLAM VIRUS ATTACK! It happened during my "The government is out to get me" phase of my life. :)

Sometimes the scum just figures out a way to seep through.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

I really hope you like it. I worked very hard on it. There is a link on the home page were you can download the pdf and there is a nice flash slide show. I really think it turned out well. I hope it gets the message across.

Shock the Karma

I am enjoying it but it will take me awhile to read your novel through to the end. I have a question do you think the problems of people experiencing spiritual awakening or enlightenment being locked up and medicated is because of our global society and our knowledge networks of written material on the subject. What I mean what may happen in a monastary in Tibet is now happening in Small town where ever and the system simply has no understanding and religiuos institutions are watered down because of this cultural blending. Where one organization may accept the awakening and another will reject it yet both organizations are under the same umbrella.

For example Baptists and Pentecostals chances of being recieved in a Pentacostal church is higher than a Baptist church simply because of their core beliefs. Pentecostals are big into manifestations and possession by the holy spirit. Where to baptists this is alien to there beliefs and worship. The problem is there is so many dominations and non denominations it is a crap shoot to determine which would be receptive to these experiences.

It usually goes down to the founders beliefs. Each denomination has a human founder of fairly recent times who based there ideas to come closer to the truth as they saw it. A truth muddied through war and genocide and book burning. Each church just as each person has a relative perspective to reality which they define as a world view. Each view is based on what knowledge is attainable at the time to define it. When knowledge comes from inside intead of from documentation it always freaks people out. For it is based off of intuition and is innate yet can comes from God.

They cry for these type of people to come from God and when they do they have no idea what to do with them. This means they must not know God very well. For God is the weirdest entity there is and has always been misunderstood always will be. Anyone who claims to truly know God's ways is delusional so we are all delusional who are religious and feel our way is right. It is our ignorance that divides us on this issue even the enlightened.

Shall we all go on medication to balance these psychotic ideas. Maybe so if God exists God can communicate in any way or form God chooses. How do men determine who recieves these gifts or not? If anyone believes in God they should be medicated the same way as those as God has talked too. For we are all delusional according to science. Science says there is no proof for God. Billions of people would be on meds the pharmacutical companies would love it. Spiritualism is an illusion, a deception, a delusion they all say even the churches if it doesn't fit their view.

So I lift my hands and pray. The Singer sings his Song. A Gentile is the Singer of Israel.

"Hear me O Israel, YHWH our God , YHWH is one, Blessed be the name of YHWH"
"Shema Israel, YHWH Eloheinu, YHWH Echad, Baruch Hashem YHWH"

"I await understanding and discernment among the masses, YHWH I await your healing for you are El. Let it be so." ( Amen means let it be so, El means God)

"Maranatha YHWH Maranatha" (Maranatha means come quickly or come oh Lord)


You see my first and greatest teacher is YHWH He and his Spirit of wisdom and truth Ruach Hakodesh they taught me Kungfu , Chi Kung and Meditation.
My Master abandonded me and they took over because I asked them too. I wish I could share all that they have given me but I can't only they can do that. You just have to ask for the right things. Money and success are not the right things. Enlightenment is a right thing apparently even through the use of eastern philosophical practices. YHWH's laws are truly simple Ours are way to complex and off on a tangent. Call God whatever you want just call and you will see if you are serious the mysteries that are there for us to enjoy, we just have to ask for the right things. Then follow through with developing those gifts.

Yeshua or Jesus or Joshua was an awesome teacher teaching these things even greater than Buddha for he found what Buddha ignored.
He found God and trancended the barriers that had been imposed in peoples minds allowing them to reach God and have a personal relationship with Him. With no need for churches or priests. Just two or three coming together in the name of God that was what Jesus taught as Church. Church is not a building or an organization it is the union of a few in the presence of YHWH. Many little groups instead of one big one but all belonging to the whole. Sounds like Zen to me. YHWH is the Chan Master. Taught me everything I know. People love my Kung fu but know one cares how I truly got it. Years of praying and training alone in the hall at night with the ancients watching me. There is no seperation between my kung fu and my faith they are one.

I have waited years to say these things. With no judgement. I was taught kung fu by YHWH and am still learning from YHWH. I get intuitions from prayer and train and develop techniques and concepts. Meditation and prayer are two different things both should be practiced equally I believe. Prayer is simply talking to God nothing that needs to be formal. You approach your Father as a child and children are innocent so they are nurtured and natured. Just talk to God and see what happens. When He answers back in his way though my advice is keep it to yourself and stay away from the hospital. It appears I am shifting from prophet to apostle. Passerbye999 the 13 Apostle. I was that for a while too, lol. I am really enjoying posting on this site I have never done anything like this before truthfully, it is fulfilling. We are keeping it going quilliard.


Shalom

YHWH

He is the true god
He will be what he will be
The mighty mover
The original capstone
The Rock of the foundation
He is who he is
The great and mighty mountain
His Hosts are present
We were made in their image
Man and woman created by him
He is Holy God
He was and is and will be
His spirit hovers
She is his lady and him
The two of them, they are one
Them and the Hosts and us one


Psalm
Your Spirit made me Lord
Your breath gives me life
When you take away my breath
I will die and return to the dust
Until you send your Spirit
To awake and renew me Lord
Which I wait for expectantly
Oh possessor of heaven and earth
I place you before me always
I walk in your ways alone
Let my days be long and many
Filled with joy in your presence
I lift my hands to praise you
Oh great God, then I bow down
And worship you with my face
Toward the ground, an offering
May my prayers be like incense
May my meditations be pleasing
As I rejoice in your majesty
And humble myself before your throne

[mauviene]

Absolutely not.

Enlightenment is a eastern religious concept...and you must define which traditional concept you are referring to. Then you must realize it is something above the commonplace level of consciousness..not an illness, which is below, caused by something put in our food or vaccines a child.

[passerbye999]

Absolutely not.

Enlightenment is a eastern religious concept...and you must define which traditional concept you are referring to. Then you must realize it is something above the commonplace level of consciousness..not an illness, which is below, caused by something put in our food or vaccines a child.

Hi this answer might get me in trouble but who cares. Mauviene you have no idea of what you are talking about. Unless you can come up with a better more imformed arguement I completely disagree with you and will not even offer an explanation exept I think you are highly unimformed on the subject.
Have you even read this thread?

Peace

[mauviene]

Hi this answer might get me in trouble but who cares. Mauviene you have no idea of what you are talking about. Unless you can come up with a better more imformed arguement I completely disagree with you and will not even offer an explanation exept I think you are highly unimformed on the subject.
Have you even read this thread?

Peace

Trouble?

No I didnt read the whole thread but Ive seen that website..I'm just stating a fact..that enlightenment is found only in new age theories and eastern religion. And it is always about transcending the ego..not having any sort of "psychic" ability.

[passerbye999]

Trouble?

No I didnt read the whole thread but Ive seen that website..I'm just stating a fact..that enlightenment is found only in new age theories and eastern religion. And it is always about transcending the ego..not having any sort of "psychic" ability.

What I meant by trouble is negative opinion. The ancient and present masters have always had psychic abilities which includes energy transmission.
They practice the power of the mind. Have you ever met a master? You have now. The concept of enlightenment in it's various forms is in all cultures. Each has a different piece to the puzzle. Please read my posts they will take you through a weird journey of truth and then hopefully you will understand.
At least changing you from absolutly no to a possibly no hopefully.

Peace

[quilliard]

Hello mauviene. I would disagree. There is a psychic thing happening. You have to put it in perspective.

The strongest bound psychically is with the "spirit" side. For me after that I found that some people where "connected" psychically.

I have seeing to much with my eyes open and closed to not believe that some are evolving.

Just my opinion.

Hey passerbye999, hope all is well. I personally believe that there is a lot of people like me out there that have had a very similar experience and they are scared to tell anyone because they don't want to go on the meds. The only time I tried to hurt myself was when I was on Prescription drugs. (They are no good when taken without some form of counseling).

I also agree with you, why do people build a massive place of worship then commit people that come to them that have claimed to have had God speak to them? That makes no sense. I am never going back to a "Religious" office again.

As for the going back on the meds. I have no idea what to tell you. I don't take them. I have a deal with my "Team" and we are working together. There is no fighting anymore. Now it is like play time when they come around. I have "Life" and "God" figured out enough to know more than I should. I am fine where I am at.

I know what we write about will bring others to this thread that are experiencing what we have.

I don't feel any embarrassment when I post on this thread, I am glad you are strong also. There are a lot of strong people that post on this thread.

Here is a question. Do you ever "vibrate" when relaxed? Sometimes when I lay down I will start to "hum" and vibrate. It has lasted for a few minutes one night and came to me in pulses.

Anyone get this too?

[edelweiss pirate]

Here is a question. Do you ever "vibrate" when relaxed? Sometimes when I lay down I will start to "hum" and vibrate. It has lasted for a few minutes one night and came to me in pulses.

Anyone get this too?

Yes.

It became particularly strong when I used to smoke dope in my twenties. This is why it was known as 'buzzing'. Or being on a 'buzz'. At some point it becomes too strong, especially if mixed with hard boozing, and that is generally when you throw up.

It's a kind of buzzing feeling. I get it less now in my thirties than when I was a kid. Does it decrease with age? I don't know....

These days when I meditate I get the buzz back.

If you continue with it and reach a peak eventually you lose all sensation of your body and you enter a pure state of still consciousness.

Nirvana, zen state. This IS enlightenment, egoless and non physical condition, but nothing to do with the other 'enlightenment' or 'Illumination' which the mystery schools and occult orders teach, this really IS schizophrenia. It's covered in my 'new book' somewhere, take a look.

[passerbye999]

Yes.

It became particularly strong when I used to smoke dope in my twenties. This is why it was known as 'buzzing'. Or being on a 'buzz'. At some point it becomes too strong, especially if mixed with hard boozing, and that is generally when you throw up.

It's a kind of buzzing feeling. I get it less now in my thirties than when I was a kid. Does it decrease with age? I don't know....

These days when I meditate I get the buzz back.

If you continue with it and reach a peak eventually you lose all sensation of your body and you enter a pure state of still consciousness.

Nirvana, zen state. This IS enlightenment, egoless and non physical condition, but nothing to do with the other 'enlightenment' or 'Illumination' which the mystery schools and occult orders teach, this really IS schizophrenia. It's covered in my 'new book' somewhere, take a look.

Ok I get a clearer picture of what you are saying. I read a lot of your conspiracy stuff but could find nothing on this subject. Could you give me a better idea of what you are saying with the illness stuff on this thread because you have a lot of written stuff to go through?

Peace

[passerbye999]

Hello mauviene. I would disagree. There is a psychic thing happening. You have to put it in perspective.

The strongest bound psychically is with the "spirit" side. For me after that I found that some people where "connected" psychically.

I have seeing to much with my eyes open and closed to not believe that some are evolving.

Just my opinion.

Hey passerbye999, hope all is well. I personally believe that there is a lot of people like me out there that have had a very similar experience and they are scared to tell anyone because they don't want to go on the meds. The only time I tried to hurt myself was when I was on Prescription drugs. (They are no good when taken without some form of counseling).

I also agree with you, why do people build a massive place of worship then commit people that come to them that have claimed to have had God speak to them? That makes no sense. I am never going back to a "Religious" office again.

As for the going back on the meds. I have no idea what to tell you. I don't take them. I have a deal with my "Team" and we are working together. There is no fighting anymore. Now it is like play time when they come around. I have "Life" and "God" figured out enough to know more than I should. I am fine where I am at.

I know what we write about will bring others to this thread that are experiencing what we have.

I don't feel any embarrassment when I post on this thread, I am glad you are strong also. There are a lot of strong people that post on this thread.

Here is a question. Do you ever "vibrate" when relaxed? Sometimes when I lay down I will start to "hum" and vibrate. It has lasted for a few minutes one night and came to me in pulses.

Anyone get this too?

Hey bud things are well I hope they are for you too. I agree it takes courage and many people have shown that courage by posting even the ones we diagree with. As for the vibrating no not really only a couple of times when I was manic it felt like electicity shooting through me though and it came in pulses though. The one time it was powerful and happened when i started to think I could be Jesus that a waving jolt came and then a voice told me I was just me. It was three heavy pulses freaked me right out. Like I grabbed a electric fence or something. Things like that always helped me from going over the edge completely. It was always about being the reincarnation of these different figures never thinking I was actually them until that time. I would stand cross legged with my arms spread and mediatate never did it before or since it was like a empathic meditation or I would sit like the hangman from the Tarot. I practiced meditating and breathing in all sorts of symbolic positions. At times it was more like zen madness than zen sickness but it is truly neither it was just mania. I know both well the spiritual and the enlightened and I believe manias are spiritual in nature but can lead to enlightenment in most cases but it is just not nurtured into realiztion most of the time. People simply give up the search or are lost in the surreal and cling to it instead of what it was trying to teach you.

I would agree with many that I do not have much use for spiritual gurus or the new age movement they teach dangerous practices as holy practices like astral projection, if the spirit was meant to leave the body in life it would naturally all the time it is bad enough it does it on it's own once in a while.
Those that have really expereinced this phenomenon are quite freaked out by the experience with no pleasure involved. Most just live in their illusions and delusions called dreams and actually believe they are real. They can seem and appear real but they are always just dreams people have to come to terms with that. One thing you learn quickly in a mania if you want to use it is that it is a dream while awake and illusions and delusions are identified. This way you can determine the path the dream wants to lead you in. Then you can observe without being a direct participant in the illusions. At this point you can identify the real in the surreal like the people I met on the street and stuff. I only talk about observed real things not fantasy things that were already rejected as being surreal. Meditation can be a dangerous practice that can induce psychosis and some times people just don't wake up because it is a self hypnosis.

This is why people should seek qualified teachers and not learn off of the internet. The meditation practice I shared will not do these things to the individual and actually teach you empty awareness and non attachment but it will still need personal instruction to really grasp the exersize and years of mentored practice. Correct meditation and energy work is all about inside work not outside work for it is always invasive someway, exterior works. I learned this a a young man I used a type of telepathy to get girls and get them to call me instead of me them by implanting thoughts in their head it is easy to do anyone can do it with concentration and visualiztion. My ex wife was the one who explained to me it was wrong when I first started dating her because I admitted to doing it because she was the one I started sharing secrets with. She was right about that and I never did it again for anything. It used to sit with groups of people in college and do these psychic things it amazed people. Sometimes I would be wrong and they would laugh but when I was on fire they were amazed. I switched from mind freak to a student of the mind and here I am now 20 yrs later almost still a student of the mind. There are no more mysteries to me though it never ceases to amaze me. The telepathy I talked about was and is real.

There are so many obstacles to the untrained mind that it might just get lost while experimenting. Enlightenment requires a scientific approach. We don't go around splitting atoms willy nilly why do people do this with their mind with no understanding or training. False Teachers the maggots of the earth they are responsible the sons of the lord of the flies. Teachers will be judged the harshest in the end even above murderers for they deal with other peoples minds. That is why I am always so careful of what I say. I am only trying to uplift bi polar people from their suffering and show they can be enlightened as well as being bi polar. By simply sharing. We are outcasts told our thoughts are delusional but that is not true in most cases. Once you are labeled you lose all credibility instantly and have to re earn it but who listens because it is all just manic drivel to them.

That is how we feel anyhow but it is not necessarily true. Strangers have no idea you are bi polar only your family unit can really judge you and your friends. Any one else you meet is on fresh terms. Like always attracts to like and soon you can find a new circle that accepts you for who you are. If Family and friends are your triggers because of their attitude toward your thoughts you have to seperate yourself from those triggers. Non attachment is not easy but is the only way to live a healthy life inside. But your family is still your anchor you need an anchor so you don't drift away. Practice non attachment and find a good circle of friends and you will be alright. Schitzophrenics same advice.

Some people think I am Mad as the Hatter but if they met me they would change there mind so I don't care. Some of my family unit thinks I have demons( in laws) Demons did ruin my marriage for real but I wasn't possessed neither was she or my child but they were real and present in our affairs before I went manic the first time. They have always pestered me probably always will but I don't care I defeated them and always will. Churches may not think you are jesus or a prophet but the sure do believe in demons rightly so. Every culture believes in demons. Demons are real if you are destined to do something good they will be on you like magnets. Manias allowed me to defeat them that is all that I can say. Manias brought the two worlds together so we could fight on equal terms. There is serious power in a mania everything is enhanced when I went into Super Warrior State I truly was, would have scared myself if I could have seen it, I felt it that was enough. The demons are gone for now but Toronto is full of them. Edmonton is a lot quieter of an aura it is also my birth place, Alberta, I have power here they don't. I'll tell you it's hard battling them on their turf. I challenge them by writing. I challenge them by telling my story. I want to meet a black man in a white sedan again. Thats the real reason I am on this site the rest is just pure enjoyment knowing it pissess some beings and entities right off while it helps some. It's my job I am only semi retired now. Next time I won't be manic though. They are done my manias and I am doing something good I feel so I hang. I didn't intend to write this much and for it to turn into what it did.

What about you Quilliard is there someone from that time you would like to meet again for similar reasons?

Peace


Day Dreams

Dancing with daydreams
In the sunshine and the shade
Flowers rise and fall
Reflections in a mirror
As the dust settles
The wind rises up again
Blowing things around
A tsunami in the mind
Elemental is the brain


Dreams

the sun rises dawning a new day
stirred awake I long to stay in bed

looming half-sleep clouds my mind
conjuring again this nights dream

childhood memories of joy and pain
re- experiencing the chagrin

though this time as a grown man
dealing with a Childs problems

It’s surreal to say the least
one would think an adult could make changes

but the outcome is the same
and the past remains unchanged

I continue to stay in my dream
finding comfort in its illusions

being content to just spend time
with the child that once was me

[quilliard]

Hey bud things are well I hope they are for you too. I agree it takes courage and many people have shown that courage by posting even the ones we diagree with. As for the vibrating no not really only a couple of times when I was manic it felt like electicity shooting through me though and it came in pulses though....

Peace

Passerbye999 you are so right in so many ways in your post, in association with me.

I have to say, I never got the pulse so hard it hurt. I actually got the impression it was teaching me or programming me. At one point I thought that I had caught them so to speak as I had a lot of proof and I argued to the "spirits" that where "connected" to me, "Why stop here. Why not go for the whole thing. World peace." Another story.

One time I was laying in bed and I heard a voice say "I am going to try to help you." and I felt like an old melt hat band was put on my head and then slow steady, like that of being on high speed.

I didn't get the feeling that when it was over that it helped. Funny note for me. At one point I was really pissed off at psychiatrist so it felt like I had to work with every "spirit" psychiatrist wanna-be because they didn't want me to be mad at them. They didn't help. On either side.

As for the visions. I personally believe that what you have the potential to do is "Create your own Heaven". For real. What the person sees is what is displayed to them. For me I have battled the demons enough and all have been vanquished.

I believe that if I let my "Common Sense Ideas" guide me I am good. I write about the world I am creating on Quilliard.Com. I call it the Allataw System. I figure why not, if I am wrong and there is "nothingness" I will be fine, I won't care, I will have no idea. So why not!

I am so with you on the meditation practice. I practiced the "Line spinning" all the time. On my birthday as a gift I was treated to a show of line spinning that was incredible. It started with two lines over lapped spinning in opposite directions and when they met they would bounce in the opposite direction and change shade, from dark to light. It went on for nearly 20 minutes. It was the best show I ever saw, but I digress...

I will talk to you later.

Yes.

It became particularly strong when I used to smoke dope in my twenties. This is why it was known as 'buzzing'. Or being on a 'buzz'. At some point it becomes too strong, especially if mixed with hard boozing, and that is generally when you throw up.

It's a kind of buzzing feeling. I get it less now in my thirties than when I was a kid. Does it decrease with age? I don't know....

These days when I meditate I get the buzz back.

If you continue with it and reach a peak eventually you lose all sensation of your body and you enter a pure state of still consciousness.

Nirvana, zen state. This IS enlightenment, egoless and non physical condition, but nothing to do with the other 'enlightenment' or 'Illumination' which the mystery schools and occult orders teach, this really IS schizophrenia. It's covered in my 'new book' somewhere, take a look.

What I have is not effected by alcohol or weed. I scheduled a "session" so to speak once. I thought I was supposed to call for Angels to pick up souls at 10:00 pm that night and I went home laid down, literally hoping to die, not knowing what to expect and then it started and it felt great. That went on for ten minutes that night.

I have also seen "Energy anomalies" in the air. They would be like Ghosts I guess. I think they are spirits as well. I saw one bounce off this amor I use to have and then I was another come to me an become one with me. I saw the "Dark haired boy" vision soon before that.

Well I will take a look at your book and tell you what I think. You should take a look at mine. It is called "Dump Miner" you can read it at http://www.dumpminer.com It is what I think the world is going to become and kind of already becoming if all do not stop and look at the signs. I even have a road map on how to obtain peace that I wrote. The book and the Ideals are actually one of the reasons why I got so attacked by the spirits.

In addition, I have to say I do not think their is a way to 'jump start' or 'jump stop' the process once it has started with electricity but I do think that people can learn to understand and in understanding they can accept what is happening in a way that does not effect their lives.

As what is happening is learning. We are evolving.

Shock the Karma

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Quilliard you're awesome. I'll talk to you later

peace

[mauviene]

What I meant by trouble is negative opinion. The ancient and present masters have always had psychic abilities which includes energy transmission.
They practice the power of the mind. Have you ever met a master? You have now. The concept of enlightenment in it's various forms is in all cultures. Each has a different piece to the puzzle. Please read my posts they will take you through a weird journey of truth and then hopefully you will understand.
At least changing you from absolutly no to a possibly no hopefully.

Peace

Most of the time if you think your a master or enlightened your not. Anyhow..I mean an absolute no..I think even coordinating the two that being bi polar means your spiritually enlightened is a direct attack on the concept of enlightenment. people are born with this disorder..you have to reach enlightenment. Psychic powers have nothing to do with enlightenment. There are many of miserable psychics..enlightenment is always complete fullfillment.


Hello mauviene. I would disagree. There is a psychic thing happening. You have to put it in perspective.

The strongest bound psychically is with the "spirit" side. For me after that I found that some people where "connected" psychically.




You can be psychic and not enlightened..the two are completely different concepts but the east and the new age see both side by side quite often

[passerbye999]

Most of the time if you think your a master or enlightened your not. Anyhow..I mean an absolute no..I think even coordinating the two that being bi polar means your spiritually enlightened is a direct attack on the concept of enlightenment. people are born with this disorder..you have to reach enlightenment. Psychic powers have nothing to do with enlightenment. There are many of miserable psychics..enlightenment is always complete fullfillment.


What formal training have you had in any Eastern concepts of enlightenment to say with such certainty there is a distiction? Have you been manic?
I agree with you about most people claiming to be enlightened are not. That is why the real ones stay silent. I think that is wrong. Has nothing I have posted made sense to you or is it all dissmissable? I am just asking it's one of the reasons I post, very few people say anything. Do you think I should stop? If so that's cool your one of the few so far. I expected more than just a couple I will tell you. Truth is the hardest thing to believe.

Peace

[edelweiss pirate]

Ok I get a clearer picture of what you are saying. I read a lot of your conspiracy stuff but could find nothing on this subject. Could you give me a better idea of what you are saying with the illness stuff on this thread because you have a lot of written stuff to go through?

Peace

You only have to click on my link below and read through the chapters.

I make it all quite clear.

Page 9 first post, you can hardly miss it.

Ok since you DID miss it. Here it is:



But to return to the question “What is enlightenment?”, like any paradigm in this world society has created another anti-truth to combat it. If the dogma of materialism is not a sufficient deterrent for people who wish to find enlightenment in this world, then there is a final line of defence for the establishment.
The fake enlightenment, the Illumination (commonly termed Luciferian). This step usually ends in absolute obedience to the establishment, in particular to the secret group which practiced this ancient piece of witch craft. The aim of Illumination is to break down the ego and create a change of brain chemistry in the member of their cult or an inductee. This is effected by creating great waves of stress, fear and uncertainty in the mind of the person targeted by this technique, what follows is a chemical reaction, as uncertainty grows fears become irrational and a panic starts to rise, a flight or fight paradigm, chemicals are released by the brain to supercharge the body to get out of the perceived dangerous situation, adrenalin is released for the duration of the panic and if the panic can be sustained and a sudden shock comes into play, then a permanent chemical imbalance takes place, the adrenalin in the blood breaks down and is converted into adrenochrome which if you remember, Hunter S Thompson actually ingested in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. His attorney rather illicitly obtained some which he hoped to use as a psychedelic:

“The adrenaline glands from a living human body,” “I know, but the guy didn’t have any cash. He’s one of these Satanism freaks. He offered me human blood-said it would make me higher than I’d ever been in my life...They nailed this guy for child molesting...” In this sentence we have an exposure of Satanists involvement in child abuse, blood drinking and human sacrifice, much like the kind of thing Bill Schnoebelen talks about in his extraordinary Interview with an ex-vampire DVD’s which I advise you to purchase and watch as soon an possible.

The effects of Illumination are very similar indeed to LSD consumption except LSD eventually wears off and you can go to sleep and break the spell. However the Illumination is not designed to wear off and is the reason why masonry and witchcraft has degrees, it is a continuous process, mind control must be reapplied, the narrative of the person in questions psyche must continue to be moulded by the secret society and its agents.

I reached these conclusions myself but during some research for a post I was making on the David Icke forum I found details of scientific study dating from the 1950’s outlining and substantiating the link between adrenochrome and schizophrenia. The research carried out by Dr. Michael Friedman and Humphrey Osmond however has been largely ignored by the establishment as many doctors and pharmaceutical companies feel the search for an elusive ‘schizophrenia toxin’ to be either an unprofitable venture, or a road less travelled. They discovered that the symptoms of schizophrenia were so similar to mescalin or LSD use, that they theorised that the schizophrenia toxin must be some forum of hallucinogen substance. They concluded that because mescalin (as a methylated derivative of phenylethylamine) was similar in molecular structure to adrenalin, and therefore that possibly adrenalin was the source material for this as yet unknown hallucinogenic ‘schizophrenia toxin.

This theory was further strengthened by one of their test subjects who suffered from asthma, reported that deteriorated adrenalin which he had inhaled, prompted an psychoactive episode similar to mescalin. Serotonin is a neuro-transmitter, a chemical which allows electrical impulses to pass from one nerve cell to the next a chemical produced by the pineal gland, it regulates sleep patterns, makes us feel happy, comfortable or sleepy. It is this neuro-transmitter which anti-depressants try to stimulate the production of, in a more extreme instance, MDMA (methylenediozymethamphetamine), or ‘ecstasy’ increases the release of three neuro-transmitters, serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. At university I knew a person who was an habitual user of ecstasy, often taking it two or three times a week and often taking five or more pills each time. With time this person started exhibiting the symptoms of full-psychosis, such as insomnia and extreme paranoia. Suffice it to say, I expect many people of my age (34) know or remember someone who took WAY too many pills, way too often, during the halcyon days of the UK rave and techno scene, and will remember these a few friends who seemed to be having more and more trouble functioning without the pills and seemed to need more and more each time to release their meagre supplies of serotonin. Fortunately time heals all but psychosis is a habit it’s hard to break and one can only hope that most of these hardcore ravers got through their trouble and are now to be found sipping cups of teas and living perfectly banal lives but with always with a fondness for the glory days at places like the Bluenote and the Complex, and with a slightly hazier memory when it comes to the come-downs. Rather disturbingly, phenylalanine, which is being added to a wide range of soft drinks, children’s sweets and gums, in large doses, interferes with serotonin production and becomes a neuro-toxin, which means the electrical signals of consciousness are not being sufficiently transmitted through the brain, and this leads, in the same way as the pill head on a comedown with raging paranoia, to psychosis. Some commentators say this is why there is an inexplicable increase in ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) among children, and combining the serotonin depleting aspartame/phenylalanine soft drink and candy diet along with the alpha trance inducing tv hypnotising kids and implanting violence and death directly into the core of their subconscious mind, is it any wonder our kids are going nuts?

What we have here is a precise chemical formulation of schizophrenia, according to Friedman:
“When the concentration of serotonin is lower than the concentration of adrenalin, adrenochrome formation is accelerated. When the ratio is reversed, oxidisation is inhibited.. When too little serotonin is present the formation of adrenochrome is accelerated’

Furthermore Friedman reports that :’if the body lacks antioxidants (free radical scavengers) more adrenochrome will be formed’. This is the first indication that the unpleasantly psychotropic effects of schizophrenia can be reduced and mitigated by the use of dietary supplements! A connection is also made by Dr Friedman into the relationship between the amount of the B vitamin Niacin present in brain synapses and the rate of adrenalin which oxidises to adrenochrome.

Dr Abram Hoffer further develops this relationship and in his 1998 book Vitamin B-3 entitled Schizophrenia: Discovery, Recovery, Controversy, he related how in 1952 he effectively proved in double-blind, placebo controlled tests, that niacin (vitamin B3) could cure schizophrenia. But of course, such a simple and cost effective solution to one of the modern day plagues of society would never be popular among the profession itself, especially when the almost limitless possibilities of revenue to be gained from a wide range of counter chemical compositions designed to hide or mask the symptoms of schizophrenia rather than cure it, provide a limitless well of revenue for the economically motivated pharma companies, not to mention the psychiatric institutions, the counsellors, psychiatrists and a whole raft of professionals of one grade or another, who would be somewhat lost if their very raison d’etre were suddenly replaced by a handful of cheap and natural vitamins.

Adrenochrome in the blood has many effects on the human body, these include: inability to sleep, hallucinations and heightened senses. The brain works much faster as the adrenochrome has an amphetamine type effect on the brain, so thoughts come very quickly and there often different thought paths occurring at one time, the result of this is to make connections and be more aware of things that most people wouldn’t notice or perceive.

The person becomes much more able to read a person by looking at their gestures, movements, even their sweat reveals information that the quickened mind can detect. The senses eventually become overcome with the onslaught of information and the associating thought patterns continually being drawn, suddenly a veil is lifted and the sight that the ego protected you from, namely all the boundless fear and pain in the world, is seemingly absorbed into them, the world becomes a nightmare and a permanent bad trip, the broken ego cannot rally its forces and create sense of the chaos of ideas associations and hallucinations, madness follows. They are then put to work.

These Illuminated people are extremely useful in an empire. They will pledge themselves to any group which will protect them from the uncertainty and perceived dangers of the outside world and the associated fears they have. If they work hard they will be richly rewarded when they retire and will be able to pass their madness in relative luxury and ease.

Many world leaders have been said to have heard ‘voices’ including Winston Churchill who was told where to sit by this voice at important meetings of world leader, ‘sit here’ or ‘sit there’ it would command him. More recently, and rather more alarmingly, during the 2003 Israeli-Palestinian summit which took place at Sharm el-Sheikh, George W Bush informed a senior Palestinian politician that: ‘I am driven with a mission from God. God would tell me “George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan” And I did. And then God would tell me “George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq” And I did.’



But dear 'Saint'George and Winston are not alone, other notable members of the God’s coffee morning club are a wide range of infamous serial killers, all strangely, parroting a similar ‘divine mission’, and that their undoubted evil deeds, are somehow twisted so as to appear to be something approaching difficult but essentially moral work.

Herbert Mullin was caught shortly after he killed his thirteenth victim. He had been resident in mental hospitals since 1969 for burning himself after hearing voices. Apparently he had ceased taking his anti-psychotic medicine and heard a voice inciting him to kill. Extraordinarily his murder spree was justified as the highest possible good in that he believed, or was probably ‘told’ by these voices, that if enough people weren’t killed according to a required ‘death rate’ then the earth would have to take things into her own hands by triggering a huge earthquake which would restore the population balance. As with the homeless schizophrenic street gang called The Arthurs we encountered in chapter 3, later, Mullin believed that his victims psychically conveyed to him that they must be killed. Similarly Peter Sutcliff, the ‘Yorkshire ripper’ heard God’s voice apparently emanating from a grave he was digging (he was a mortuary worker) which commanded him to take part in a ‘divine mission’ to murder prostitutes.

Albert Fish, arguably one of the most evil serial killers to have ever lived, and often known as ‘the real Hannibal Lector’ was the son of 32nd degree freemason Captain Randall Fish. Fish came from a family which was said to have a long history of mental illness. Fish began his career in New York in 1890 and began raping children and committing bizarre sexual acts. Apparently Fish junior got a taste for human flesh while staying in China in 1894 were there was a famine of such proportions that young children were regularly bought and sold for meat in butchers. Fish seemed to be obsessed with cooking and eating the ‘sweet ass’ of a child. Fish believed he was a reincarnation of Abraham, and reasoned that if what he was doing was ‘wrong’ then an angel would have stopped him just as one had supposedly prevented Abraham from sacrificing his son Isaac. He also reported hearing the voice of John the apostle when his wife left him instructing him to wrap himself up in a carpet and claims that no less a personality than God instructed commanded him to torture and castrate little boys. Apparently just before he was electrocuted in the electric chair he was reported to have said :’I don’t even know why I am here’. One can almost imagine that the possessing demon had finally abandoned Albert Fish’s after a lifetime of using it to perform evil outrages, and left the indigenous consciousness to finally wake up and wonder what it was doing sat in an electric chair. Who knows?

Ignatius Loyola, Socrates, Joan of Ark, Ghandi and modern day celebrities such a Brian Wilson and Anthony Hopkins all report hearing voices, often voices which are extremely critical, as in Hopkins’ case as he relates hearing during a television interview the voice saying: ‘Who the hell do you think you are. You’re just an actor, what the hell do you know about anything?’ John Forbes Nash, the mathematician who devised ‘Game Theory’ and whose life was dramatised by Silvia Nassar in her book A Beautiful Mind, explains relative to his condition as a schizophrenic that could: ‘no longer sort and interpret sensations or reason or feel the full range of emotions’.

Mark Chapman, the murderer of John Lennon, was an Illuminated assassin, doubtless ‘trained’ by the very groups we have been discussing. Before he shot Lennon he reportedly heard a voice in his head saying ‘Do it! Do it! Do it!” over and over again. But all of his life Chapman had been speaking to what he termed ‘little people’ and that he saw himself as their God.

It is the origin of these voices which must pique our interest now. Where do they come from and what are they? Do these voices originate in the person’s subconscious? Or do they come from elsewhere. And what is a subconscious?

It is the origin of these voices which must pique our interest now. Where do they come from and what are they? Do these voices originate in the person’s subconscious? Or do they come from elsewhere. And what is a subconscious? What is meant by the term ‘unconscious?’ and why such derogatory terms for our non waking states? Are these not further examples misleading anti-truths designed to further root us into a solely material existence?

[quilliard]

Most of the time if you think your a master or enlightened your not. Anyhow..I mean an absolute no..I think even coordinating the two that being bi polar means your spiritually enlightened is a direct attack on the concept of enlightenment. people are born with this disorder..you have to reach enlightenment. Psychic powers have nothing to do with enlightenment. There are many of miserable psychics..enlightenment is always complete fullfillment.

You can be psychic and not enlightened..the two are completely different concepts but the east and the new age see both side by side quite often

What I think is happening is that people that are going through enlightenment are being labeled as Bipolar.

Now what if the two came together. A psychic path to enlightenment.

And what is enlightenment? If I am happy with my surrounding and have not one question to ask, am I not enlightened?

For me, I was enlightened by more than one group. I think Bipolars have the traits that make them receptive for spirits to communicate. I have other thoughts as well but I will refrain from going on.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

You only have to click on my link below and read through the chapters.

I make it all quite clear.

Page 9 first post, you can hardly miss it.

Ok since you DID miss it. Here it is:

Thanks for quoting it for me. So you believe in enlightenment but not spiritual enlightenment. You deny the aspect of God because of the murderous traits of a few who were mentally ill and past figures that have moulded our current society. I would say if Socrates was mentally ill that would prove my point. You can be both enlightened and mentally ill. You can bet Pythagorus was too. How many others? Would this also confirm or deny God?

As for new age cults that is a problem of misimformation and high charisma of the leader. The cult phenomena happens lots in kung fu schools. Real masters do not want cults they want to teach the student to go their own way all the while hoping they don't go the cult way. I am still not in agreement about manias though but you do present a good arguement and I like the way you write. Cheers.

Peace

[passerbye999]

What I think is happening is that people that are going through enlightenment are being labeled as Bipolar.

Now what if the two came together. A psychic path to enlightenment.

And what is enlightenment? If I am happy with my surrounding and have not one question to ask, am I not enlightened?

For me, I was enlightened by more than one group. I think Bipolars have the traits that make them receptive for spirits to communicate. I have other thoughts as well but I will refrain from going on.

Shock the Karma

Hey bud mauveine doesn't like the mentally ill much thinks Buddha wasn't crazy mustn't have read his story or any other religious figures in history. They were all mentally ill that is what made them special and different than the norm. Allowed them to explore new ideas without restraint. Allowed them to create whole new trends in their society. Some where driven, some were calm all were enlightened. Van Gogh was tortured by his illness yet created art, awesome art, enlightened art. To limit the concept of enlightement is like limiting the individual. Strange people are allowed to glimpse the secrets of creation and time. It is proven by the lifes we now lead. What do you think?

I think people would rather follow than be. Spend their lives searching instead of being content. Giving their faith to a dream. Where is there fullfilment in emptyness? Where is there anything in emptyness? People base their beliefs and opinions on nothing. For real. God is nothing, so are we. Yet we exist. So is existance really nothing? Is it the universe moving or is it our minds moving? Nothing is stillness all is motion. Perception is reality. Only through an empty mind can we truly percieve but life is sweet so we live in both worlds. What does this have to do with fulfillment? Now Contentment that's another story. when you are content then you will be fulfilled. You can be content without being empty of mind. You can be content just being. That is the ultimate enlightenment. All journeys are circles this is what I learned from walking my circle. A 20 yr cycle. I learned that years ago it just keeps proving itself to me. People claiming a different enlightenment are the ones I question but not harshly unless they are teaching foolish teachings that can be dangerous to people.

Peace

[meditationman]

many now would still consider him and most of us here mentally ill for some of the views we hold.

Well, anyone that goes against the grain is liable to be viewed as an outsider, or wierd. The issue is that a very small percentage of the population actually thinks for themselves. It can be incredibly hard to do, as we as humans are conformists by nature.

[bibimbap]

Ive also thought bipolar may be spiritual.
Imagine, if we really exist on other dimensions, maybe we're just tuned into them and susceptible to changes in our moods there. Maybe something good or bad's happened in another dimension and you're feeling the repercussions. Or you could be picking up something else entirely. In that case I suppose the thing to do would be to meditate and try to see where its coming from, and then try to shield yourself from it.

[quilliard]

People claiming a different enlightenment are the ones I question but not harshly unless they are teaching foolish teachings that can be dangerous to people.

Peace

I agree with you. Sharing what is happening and happened can only help enlighten ourselves.

And I agree with you that many have used the term enlightenment for profit. Which never works out good.

I believe that we are going into an age of evolution and we are going to gain a huge step up on mental capability as more will learn how to connect to another. I also believe that with this will come a heightened sense of intuition. As the two go somewhat hand and hand. The more you know about your surroundings the more likely you are not to have an accident.

I think we are going to have all types of people saying all types of things like now, but they are going to be in groups as they are going to notice that some of the visions they are having are the same to someone else.

I think that over time we will all be connected to a state where we will instinctively move towards the direction of love as it will be less painful. Like a river flowing, a few will divert many onto a new path in the same direction. The map just got bigger.

It is wild.


Well, anyone that goes against the grain is liable to be viewed as an outsider, or wierd. The issue is that a very small percentage of the population actually thinks for themselves. It can be incredibly hard to do, as we as humans are conformists by nature.

It is true. Then years later people look back and go "Ohhhh, that is what they meant. I did not see that coming."

Conforming is the path frequently taken. I agree

Ive also thought bipolar may be spiritual.
Imagine, if we really exist on other dimensions, maybe we're just tuned into them and susceptible to changes in our moods there. Maybe something good or bad's happened in another dimension and you're feeling the repercussions. Or you could be picking up something else entirely. In that case I suppose the thing to do would be to meditate and try to see where its coming from, and then try to shield yourself from it.

Imagine, if we really exist on other dimensions.
My understanding is we don't. Others do. They have found a way to connect.

maybe we're just tuned into them
YOU ARE DEAD ON WITH THIS. This is my belief as well. We are tuned in. It has to do with our biorhythms, what we say, the wavelength our brain is on. When I am still I am contacted more frequently. When I meditate. But it is always new to me what comes. Rarely does a "Mr. Big Hands" come along. I don't see the same image style from most. Most spirits are just getting in their shots. They have a plan as well and they want to let everyone have their thing. So to speak.

Do you believe you are tuned in? Does the "experience" make sense to you? It is like a puzzle that has been through over time and you get all the pieces as you go and they fall into place. Do you see imagery when you meditate? Can you interact with voices that comes to you? Is it a random bombardment of nonsense or does the string make sense.

I met a guy that was figuring out family law. He was on the street. He couldn't stop working on how to fix the system. I met several others like him working on causes. We are all working on saving the world. What is that all about? One thing I saw about bipolar people is they are always trying to save the world. Maybe we should listen to what we are saying. It seems more common thinking than not.

I could go on with what you wrote. Something good is happening.

Question: What if I told you this is the reason the "Aliens" are not landing is... They don't want to get chopped up. Would you believe me? Think about it, they come however from far away, in the name of love, and then they see what we do to aliens. They chop them up. Right? And the worst thing an alien ever was accused of doing was probing someone now and again. I don't think the punishment fits the crime.

I believe there where many confused souls lost walking around waiting for what was promised. Kind of a nice purgatory. But there is more and I can't explain it all in a few paragraphs.

Shock the Karma

[meditationman]

Question: What if I told you this is the reason the "Aliens" are not landing is... They don't want to get chopped up. Would you believe me? Think about it, they come however from far away, in the name of love, and then they see what we do to aliens. They chop them up. Right? And the worst thing an alien ever was accused of doing was probing someone now and again. I don't think the punishment fits the crime.


Shock the Karma

So you've seen enough proof to believe that there absolutely has been visitors from other planets on this Earth? I'm curious.

I did see something on Discovery that explained how the patterns that ancient artifacts were put together had to have had interactions from extraterrestrials, because the level of accuracy in the designs could've only been designed from an aerial view, and there were no airplanes back then.

[zsymon]

Question: What if I told you this is the reason the "Aliens" are not landing is... They don't want to get chopped up. Would you believe me? Think about it, they come however from far away, in the name of love, and then they see what we do to aliens. They chop them up. Right? And the worst thing an alien ever was accused of doing was probing someone now and again. I don't think the punishment fits the crime.


I would rather be be killed and chopped up than go through what some of
the people went through when they were "probed". There are some nasty
horror stories from abductees, a fate like that seems worse than death.

[quilliard]

So you've seen enough proof to believe that there absolutely has been visitors from other planets on this Earth? I'm curious.

I do not know if there has been visitors from other planets. I do know that something is happening. We are becoming connected.

I have to say that a lot of the ones that come to me think that they are aliens or came from alien "tribe" so to speak.

If I am forced to show only concrete proof I have scene none, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

I don't want to talk about aliens landing because I do not want to look like a nut job. Then again too late.

What I think is happening with aliens is that they are not going to land. They know nothing of any probings. They don't look like "Greys", they actually have a long head. I was shown one through vision. I saw a female with a long head, she was in white and her surroundings where in white.

So what if I told you that I kind of believe that we have already been invaded so to speak by these "Aliens" but they are not here but they do control people from time to time. It is all a matter of suggestion.

And what they do is they find someone receptive and then make suggestion. Now some of the ones that have done this to me think they are "Aliens", they all think they are Aliens.

So now let me ask you a question. What if I told you something is going on. We are not alone, but at the same time, they are not really on this "dimension" with us so what are you going to do.

Shock the Karma

[lightgiver]

A bipolar cell is a type of neuron which has two extensions. Bipolar cells are specialized sensory neurons for the transmission of special senses. As such, they are part of the sensory pathways for smell, sight, taste, hearing and vestibular functions.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/27/Gray625.png

A neuron (pronounced /ˈnjʊərɒn/ N(Y)OOR-on, also known as a neurone or nerve cell) is an electrically excitable cell that processes and transmits information by electrical and chemical signaling. Chemical signaling occurs via synapses, specialized connections with other cells. Neurons connect to each other to form networks. Neurons are the core components of the nervous system, which includes the brain, spinal cord, and peripheral ganglia. A number of specialized types of neurons exist: sensory neurons respond to touch, sound, light and numerous other stimuli affecting cells of the sensory organs that then send signals to the spinal cord and brain. Motor neurons receive signals from the brain and spinal cord and cause muscle contractions and affect glands. Interneurons connect neurons to other neurons within the same region of the brain or spinal cord.


Pain in the neurons of brain can be defined as a perceived inability to cope with an unpleasant or painful life situation. It include stress arising from within the neurons of the brain, such as anger, anxiety or grief. . It is in the neurons of brain which decide whether a situation is stressful.. Pain in the neurons of brain is different from pain in the physical body.

http://www.heavenlygardens.org/samadhi/step5.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuron

[montag]

A bipolar cell is a type of neuron which has two extensions. Bipolar cells are specialized sensory neurons for the transmission of special senses. As such, they are part of the sensory pathways for smell, sight, taste, hearing and vestibular functions.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/27/Gray625.png

A neuron (pronounced /ˈnjʊərɒn/ N(Y)OOR-on, also known as a neurone or nerve cell) is an electrically excitable cell that processes and transmits information by electrical and chemical signaling. Chemical signaling occurs via synapses, specialized connections with other cells. Neurons connect to each other to form networks. Neurons are the core components of the nervous system, which includes the brain, spinal cord, and peripheral ganglia. A number of specialized types of neurons exist: sensory neurons respond to touch, sound, light and numerous other stimuli affecting cells of the sensory organs that then send signals to the spinal cord and brain. Motor neurons receive signals from the brain and spinal cord and cause muscle contractions and affect glands. Interneurons connect neurons to other neurons within the same region of the brain or spinal cord.


Pain in the neurons of brain can be defined as a perceived inability to cope with an unpleasant or painful life situation. It include stress arising from within the neurons of the brain, such as anger, anxiety or grief. . It is in the neurons of brain which decide whether a situation is stressful.. Pain in the neurons of brain is different from pain in the physical body.

http://www.heavenlygardens.org/samadhi/step5.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuron
http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/3737/braincelluniverse1.jpg

[passerbye999]

These last two posts are very cool especially the pictures. It makes me think about the microcosm and macrocosm concepts. The yoga htm was an interesting read as well. Meditation is very important and is clinical if done correctly, it is neutral to beliefs and deals with the electricity and chemistry of the brain through thought and visualization or observation of inner processess. Chi kung uses these same processess the neuron article was a little deep but it totally describes what the chi kung and meditation practitioner plays with. These neuro pathways and energy flow, the spinal cord and the brain all are trained together. Until eventually chi and thought are one. The Lesser and Greater Heavenly Circle exersizes deal with this concept. Sublimation Breathing deals directly with these synapses. The only reason I state this perspective is because Chan is actually a cross between Buddhism and Taoism and I wanted to show a comparison between it's concepts and yoga. It was probably a yoga master who founded the system or a few over time. There is nothing pure with Chan it is a blend of different cultures and ideas synthesized into a simple coherrent concept. Chi kung is the yoga of Chan. It developed from dhyana to chan to zen now it is in the west and needs a new name, the name" meditation" which is the translation of the three other names. We still practice wall gazing. Anyway I enjoyed the posts and the article.

Peace

[quilliard]

lightgiver Interesting stuff.

Now what if a group from another dimension was able to vibrate that cell with "Thought" that came to you as "Imagery" or "Sound".

Now what if these same "Beings" had the ability to put any "Imagery" or "Sound" in a receptive host and show them more.

One of the things I have been sorting through through this is that the ones that where trying to get through where confused about what they where. Could you imagine being in a world of "Nothing" but dark. Seeing shadows in the distance that went no where.

Then you start to connect with others like you. Then you figure out how to screw with humans, that makes the time go. Then one day you find someone that can take it and understands. You wake up. On both sides.

Then over time more and more come and they all want to interject there opinion of what "Heaven" is and they argue their points and some even want you dead because it goes against what they believe. It is very similar to this side that way.

Now what I have done is worked with the ones that came to me. My "Army of Modern Lovers" is strong and consists of Angels and Reformed. Reformed are pretty much the hard asses. They fought long and hard because they thought they where going to be left behind, in a way.

When some in the "Spirit" world found out that I was cool with letting Satan host in me I was attacked for what seemed ever as everyone wanted to kick Satan's ass as they blamed him for everything, but I digress...

So what I am getting out of my thing is that these "Entities" have figured out a way to communicate and they would like to.

So what do you think about that? Does that match what anyone else gets? I am curious. I have other theories that all go in the same direction as to connection.

Shock the Karma

[lightgiver]

lightgiver Interesting stuff.

Now what if a group from another dimension was able to vibrate that cell with "Thought" that came to you as "Imagery" or "Sound".

Now what if these same "Beings" had the ability to put any "Imagery" or "Sound" in a receptive host and show them more.

One of the things I have been sorting through through this is that the ones that where trying to get through where confused about what they where. Could you imagine being in a world of "Nothing" but dark. Seeing shadows in the distance that went no where.

Then you start to connect with others like you. Then you figure out how to screw with humans, that makes the time go. Then one day you find someone that can take it and understands. You wake up. On both sides.

Then over time more and more come and they all want to interject there opinion of what "Heaven" is and they argue their points and some even want you dead because it goes against what they believe. It is very similar to this side that way.

Now what I have done is worked with the ones that came to me. My "Army of Modern Lovers" is strong and consists of Angels and Reformed. Reformed are pretty much the hard asses. They fought long and hard because they thought they where going to be left behind, in a way.

When some in the "Spirit" world found out that I was cool with letting Satan host in me I was attacked for what seemed ever as everyone wanted to kick Satan's ass as they blamed him for everything, but I digress...

So what I am getting out of my thing is that these "Entities" have figured out a way to communicate and they would like to.

So what do you think about that? Does that match what anyone else gets? I am curious. I have other theories that all go in the same direction as to connection.

Shock the Karma

With good vibrations ;)

http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/3737/braincelluniverse1.jpg

[passerbye999]

I agree everything takes place on the quantum level then manifests in the cellular level. It is all frequencies of sound and spectrums of light the manifestations of base energy, most likely dark energy which is neither good nor evil. Consciousness exists in levels so communication would happen in levels so the consciousness or subconcious could understand and interpret these signals. Everything comes down to darkness and light but at these levels neither exists there are simply shades of grey. That are not grey for there is no color.

Everything is an optic illusion of reality fed by those bi polar cells in the eye. Eyes are the mirror of the soul so if our brain is in pain as lifegiver states then our perception will be of suffering. Once the pain and suffering of the cells is neutralized there will be a different perception of reality. Everything comes down to the eyes but what if you are blind? Then you would use the other lesser senses to a higher degree and develop the highest sense naturally extended feel perception. Something those with sight can only learn through meditation.

I always wondered if people born blind can visualize sight in their minds eye understanding the concept of color. They can see the synapse flashes as we all can who meditate with your eyes closed. The golden flashes of light in the minds eye. Many meditation practitioners are really learning to be blind if you take away the spiritual connotations.

Quillard messages are all external it doesn't really matter how they form in the mind though it is cool to have a basic understanding of our recievers for transmissions and how we percieve these messages. I don't think the entities figured it out they exist on this plane of thought so it is natural to them just as it is natural to us if we train these abilities. You have to think of it like talking on a broadband radio you tune into a channel and no one can hear whats going on but you. You simply go through the dial and see what transmissions you recieve by viewing all frequencies at once. This is what the mind does it has the ability to do this and discernment and coherence must be trained to make sense of it without confusion. Its not as simple as touch fire and it hurts so don't touch again or taste candy and it is sweet and enjoyable. For fire creates candy and candy can break a tooth. What this means is that my advice is do not embrace or dismiss the messages simply take them in filter them and release them. This stores them in the subconscious for a later date, we call this subconscious recall. When it is appropriate the mind will bring back the imformation with the connection it sees as an intuitive thought, then you repeat the process and the concept grows and defines itself over time.

Though the meetings you can never forget or simply discard filing them away for they refuse to leave the mind and you wonder what their true meaning really was. One man that i met a few times kept telling me to keep my promise and get the homeless off the streets I never actually spoke to him but he spoke to me, how he knew my thoughts at that time is a mystery. It was a manic promise I cannot keep and it still hurts. Instead now I am almost homeless even though I have backers to invest when I decide to open up my doors again. I love teaching but hate the business side of it that is my dilemma. :confused:

I can't believe we are already on page 24 of this thread it seems like page 5 when I entered was only yesterday. It has just came to life with only a few negative responses to the original question and those only came down to a different interpretation of enlightenment. This is a must read from a great chan master Hanshan Dequing. It is about enlightenment for beginners.

http://www.angelfire.com/electronic/awakening101/essentials.html

Lightgiver you give a good vibe. I like your quote at the bottom of your post it speaks truth like a prophecy or a spell. I really like your avatar too.

Peace


Northern Lights

arboreal strands
dance upon the solar wind
a cosmic ballet
of particles colliding
with the upper atmosphere

rays flashing in space
form the fluttering ribbons
of emerald fire
that drape across the night sky
silk brocade blown in the wind

a luminous symphony
scored by merry dancing lights
that crescendo to
form a golden corona
framing the heavenly play

then almost as soon
as it begins the show ends
and the bands disperse
disintegrating in a
diffusion of glowing lights

illuminating
the surrounding scenery
while the flames pulsing
flicker on and off until
once again night is master

[passerbye999]

I wrote this in 2000 I think it is imformative to the concept of chi and meditation I have an ever clearer understanding now but it is where I was before I first went manic in 2001.It was for a newsletter for my students and those interested in the subject. I went manic almost 10 yrs to the date I started teaching. With no signs of being bi polar before this. The doctors say it is innate and usually reveals itself in the 30's. I say I worked hard for the experience. Who knows though. Manias are just different thoughts and experiences to sort through.

CHI AND CHI KUNG

“ Know the mind through internal wisdom;
Cultivate the body with external discipline,”… Bodhidharma

In order to understand the meaning or the purpose of chi-kung, one must first understand the concept of chi. Chi is a term, which has a very wide use and understanding. It is used to describe many things in Chinese culture, especially in the arts of science and medicine. The exact meaning of chi varies from individual to individual based upon the context it is used. Translations may vary from gas, breath, air, blood, energy, etc. Invariably though, the term in reference to the art chi kung, refers to the “life-force” which is present in all animate and sentient beings. To say chi is a concept used exclusively by the Chinese would be in error. Many cultures in the past and present have similar views on this energy. In Indian it is referred to as “Prana”, in Hebrew “Ruakh”, in Greek “ Pneuma”, in Polynesian “ Mana”, in Japanese “ Ki’, and in western society it would be best viewed as “ Biomechanical Energy”. All of these concepts are very close to the principle of chi.

Kung fu, simply meaning, hard work and time in togetherness as a martial endeavor is almost totally dedicated to the development and use of chi. To understand why this is so, think of chi as the energy which travels through our neuro networks to stimulate the muscles. In order for any action in the body to occur, the mind must first send an impulse of energy through the nervous system to the muscles. In turn the muscles carry out the command of the brain as a physical function. It is common knowledge in the present age that most humans use only a small portion of the capacity of their brain. Understanding this, if we could develop more mental energy within our body and train our minds to use this energy, then we will enhance our ability to use our mind and the amount of energy directed by it to supply our body. It has been known for an extensive period of time, in chi kung circles that breathing, the development of chi and the training of the mind are directly interrelated. It is essential then to train the breathing pattern of the body to be regulated and controlled by the mind, as well as training the individuals mental discipline and awareness at the same time. Thus the very essence of chi kung (energy work) is to harness, direct, and control this energy (chi) from the patience and discipline of training the mind through breathing exercises.

“Breathing for peace, strength and kindness;
Meditation for the mastery of the mind, for wisdom and
for the understanding which encompasses the circle of life.” O.E.Simon

CHI FLOW - VESSELS, MERIDIANS, AND CHANNELS

To start the discussion of chi, we must first discuss the natural flow of chi in the body, the Dan Tian, and the aspects of the “Three Partners”. There are 8 vessels and 12 meridians as well as millions of channels in which the chi flows based on breathing and the 24-hour cycle of the day. The 8 vessels are where the major chi flow occurs. Out of the 8 vessels 3 are used predominantly in this form of chi kung. They are the conception vessel, the governing vessel and the thrusting vessel. The conception vessel is located on the front of the body along its centerline and is linked with the governing vessel, which runs along the centerline on the back of the torso. These 2 vessels form the largest vessel in the human body. This vessel surrounds the centre line of the torso, creating a circuit, which allows the Chi to complete a full circulation. This circulation is known as the Greater Heavenly Circle. The path of circulation in the Greater Heavenly Circle is: up the Governing Vessel, beginning at the bottom of the torso, moving over the head, and down the Conception Vessel, returning to the bottom of the torso. The thrusting vessel is located in the middle of the torso along the centre line and draws original chi from the lower Dan Tian through the marrow, up the spine to the upper Dan Tian in order to nourish the activities of the brain. The 12 meridians connect the vessels. Chi flow switches from one meridian to the next every 2 hours, again completing a full revolution in 24 hours. The tiny channels direct the flow of chi from the meridians to the skin or to the marrow in the bones depending on the natural breathing cycle. During inhalation chi is drawn into the marrow through the bones, during exhalation chi is drawn to the skin.

DAN TIAN

The human body has 3 energy centers where chi is stored. They are referred to in Pinyin as “Dan Tian”, which translates as “calm point”. The 3 energy centers are the lower, middle and upper Dan Tian. The lower Dan Tian is situated around 2-3 inches below the navel and is the home of original chi. Original chi, also known as water chi is chi that has been converted from original essence. The middle Dan Tian is located at the solar plexus and is the home of post-birth chi. Post-birth chi, also referred to as fire chi, is chi, which has been derived from the conversion of the essence of food, water and air. The upper Dan Tian is located on the Crown Point of the forehead and is home of the spirit and the chi that is necessary to supply energy to the brain.

THE THREE PARTNERS

In chi kung chi is viewed as 3 separate aspects, which create a whole. These aspects are completely interchangeable and have the capacity to become the state of each of the other two. These 3 aspects are Ching, Chi, and Shen. They are known as the 3 partners.

Ching is considered the densest aspect of chi and is situated in the lower Dan Tian. Ching is the original essence, which is considered the base energy of all life and is the source, which the life force is created from. Chi is the energy derived from the conversion of original essence and from the essence of external substances, such as food, air or water. This concept of chi is divided into two entities, fire and water chi. Fire chi is situated in the middle Dan Tian and water chi in the lower Dan Tian. Shen is the spirit; it is situated in the upper Dan Tian and is responsible for governing the mind so it can regulate itself, the interaction of the 3 partners and the flow of chi in the body. Shen is the most ethereal aspect of chi and is most commonly associated with the concept of consciousness.

The roll of shen in governing the mind is best understood when one understands the concept of the mind as viewed in the practice of chi kung. In chi kung the mind is broken into 2 aspects they are Yi and Hsin. Yi refers to the wisdom mind, which is the state of consciousness produced from mental balance and clarity of thought. Hsin is the emotional mind, which is the state of consciousness produced when the emotions are allowed to govern the process of the mind. It is then important for the shen to govern the wisdom mind in order to control the emotional mind. The best way to visualize this relation of these two minds with shen is to view the wisdom mind as the control center of the body. It must control the emotional mind; as well as order the chi to circulate. The shen is the control center of the wisdom mind and helps to raise the morale of the chi, keeping the circulation efficient. Shen is also responsible for governing the interaction of the 3 partners and the flow of chi within the body. This is best understood when we see the rolls of the 3 partners and how they effect life. When the production of ching in an existing being ceases, the being ceases to exist. This is because there is then no base substance for original chi to be converted from and there is not enough essence in post-birth chi to supply the being independently. It is also a problem when post-birth chi becomes deficient, since it is derived from the air we breathe, the water we drink and the food we eat. If we are denied its substance there is again not enough essence to convert to chi to supply our existence, even if we have a healthy supply of ching. The shen is then responsible for being aware of the interaction of ching and chi in the body by maintaining mindfulness in the governing of the mind, the state of health of the body and the circulation of chi.

“ A person whose ching is full is physically fit and healthy, one whose chi is plentiful is emotionally stable and full of vitality, and one whose shen is abundant is mentally fresh and spiritually mature.” Wong Kiew Kit

Thus the strategy of chi kung is to balance the water and fire chi in the body so it does not become excessive or deficient which will allow a healthy and efficient flow of chi through the vessels, meridians and channels. This is accomplished by first developing an abundant chi through the cultivation of ching and then converting this essence into original chi. Followed by the combination of fire and water chi in order to maintain chi balance. All the while both phases are regulated by training the shen to govern the mind and to raise the moral of the chi in order to permit a strong flow of chi within the body creating an efficient circulation, which will nourish the body, reducing the process of natural degeneration. So it is important to make sure the ching, chi and shen are abundant by maintaining a proper exercise program, a healthy diet and a regular practice of chi kung.

WUSHIN

“Life and death, day and night;
Water flows and flowers fall.
Only today I know that my nose points downwards.” Hanshan Dequing

The final stage of chi kung is mind training, or stated more accurately training the mind of “no-mind”. This training focuses on attaining the state of “wu’, which is the pure state of silence and clarity, referred to as enlightenment. The exertion of effort to achieve this goal is referred to as practice. Originally there is nothing in the mind, but as the years in ones life accumulate ego develops. Ego as understood in this method of thought refers to a collection of mental events, which create ones perception of existence, and hence the path their life will take. Ego if left to grow unchecked creates within the mind illusionary perceptions of reality based on passions, deluded thinking; emotional conceptualizations and deep rooted habitual tendencies. Reality then becomes relative to the individual and these perceptions they harbor will deny them insight to understand the universal laws of truth. The practice then simply returns the mind to its original pure and devoid state. This is achieved by balancing whatever state of mind one is in, so as to purify and relinquish deluded thought, self-clinging and traces of habitual tendencies. Once deluded thinking ceases awareness of the “true mind” and realization of the “true self” ensues.

“Last night I saw two iron oxen fighting with each other next to the river bank.
They both fell in the river.
Since then, I have not heard anything about them.” Hanshan Dequing

The practice itself consists of two methods meditation and koan training. Meditation consists of six levels: relaxation, regulation, visualization, circulation, contemplation and tranquility. These levels are then divided into three phases. The first phase is referred to as “ chi-breathing” it consists of the levels of relaxation and regulation. It concerns itself with the development or the breathing method, which allows the practitioner to develop abundant chi and to relax the body so the chi will flow smoothly. The second phase is called “ mind following” it includes the levels of visualization and circulation. It concerns itself with the circulation of the chi cultivated in the first phase by directing it through exercises of visualization. The third and final phase of meditation is “ wushin “ training; it consists of the levels of contemplation and tranquility. It concerns itself with training quiescence of mind; this silence brings clarity of thought and balance.

“No need at all of hills and streams for quiet meditation;
When the mind has been extinguished even, fire is refreshing.” Unknown

The koan is directly translated as a “public record”. It can range in size from single syllable to multi-syllable stanzas. It is an account of an awakening experience, which is a profound revelation of truth acquired through practice. An awakening is an instant insight into reality and is brought about when the “no-mind” state manifests itself through self-experience. It is thought that the insight revealed through this manifestation is brought about by maintaining a moderate but disciplined regimen of meditation practice and by forbearing the desire to over-intellectualize. Koan training is then, the composition and contemplation of parable like poems, which guide the practitioner on the path to enlightenment.

“If you want to write such a poem, you must first be capable of such a mind;
If you want to paint such a picture, you must first be capable of grasping such a form.” Unknown

In the training of the mind, whether only one of the methods are practiced or both. The focus of the mind is always on now. The past is behind us, the future will be based on how we think, feel and act in the present moment. To enjoy life and to be at peace, each individual moment of our lives must be experienced as if it were our last. Then we can learn from our experiences and use this knowledge to help us lead a better life.

“Breathing in I relax my body, breathing out I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment, knowing it is a wonderful moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh

SUMMARY

If one truly wishes to train and understand the science of chi kung. . One can develop quiescence of mind, the illuminating silence that brings forth understanding. From this understanding comes clarity of thought and mindfulness, which help to maintain equilibrium in ones physical, mental and spiritual beings. One can also develop a soft strength, but a full strength. Developed from the training of the mind and breathing, it is of the relaxed and flowing. Having hollowness yet fullness it has the feeling of the tide, soft and steady but with immense innate force

“Experience is everything, to learn only by reading is equivalent to listening while having ones ears covered.” Fu Yen


Peace


From sitting at peace
Silent illumination
From koan study
Conformity to the law
By keeping public records

[quilliard]

Quillard messages are all external it doesn't really matter how they form in the mind though it is cool to have a basic understanding of our recievers for transmissions and how we percieve these messages. I don't think the entities figured it out they exist on this plane of thought so it is natural to them just as it is natural to us if we train these abilities. You have to think of it like talking on a broadband radio you tune into a channel and no one can hear whats going on but you. You simply go through the dial and see what transmissions you recieve by viewing all frequencies at once. This is what the mind does it has the ability to do this and discernment and coherence must be trained to make sense of it without confusion. Its not as simple as touch fire and it hurts so don't touch again or taste candy and it is sweet and enjoyable. For fire creates candy and candy can break a tooth. What this means is that my advice is do not embrace or dismiss the messages simply take them in filter them and release them. This stores them in the subconscious for a later date, we call this subconscious recall. When it is appropriate the mind will bring back the imformation with the connection it sees as an intuitive thought, then you repeat the process and the concept grows and defines itself over time.

Though the meetings you can never forget or simply discard filing them away for they refuse to leave the mind and you wonder what their true meaning really was. One man that i met a few times kept telling me to keep my promise and get the homeless off the streets I never actually spoke to him but he spoke to me, how he knew my thoughts at that time is a mystery. It was a manic promise I cannot keep and it still hurts. Instead now I am almost homeless even though I have backers to invest when I decide to open up my doors again. I love teaching but hate the business side of it that is my dilemma. :confused:

Passerbye999 you say that you have to think of it like talking on a broadband radio you tune into a channel and no one can hear whats going on but you.

But what if they ones sending the signals could hear and see what was happening. Enough to know what direction you are going, so to speak. And what if these "entities" worked together to help direct the issues many are having in life as they have nothing else to do.

You wrote "You simply go through the dial and see what transmissions you recieve by viewing all frequencies at once." Well what if they can show you things that where more controlled.

One of the things that I believe is that a lot of these "Entities" can not see each other. They know others are around but can not see or hear them as they are in a different "dimension" so to speak. And what if these "entities" have been trying to get through to us and we have been pretending it is mental illness.

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

Passerbye999 you say that you have to think of it like talking on a broadband radio you tune into a channel and no one can hear whats going on but you.

But what if they ones sending the signals could hear and see what was happening. Enough to know what direction you are going, so to speak. And what if these "entities" worked together to help direct the issues many are having in life as they have nothing else to do.

You wrote "You simply go through the dial and see what transmissions you recieve by viewing all frequencies at once." Well what if they can show you things that where more controlled.

One of the things that I believe is that a lot of these "Entities" can not see each other. They know others are around but can not see or hear them as they are in a different "dimension" so to speak. And what if these "entities" have been trying to get through to us and we have been pretending it is mental illness.

I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

I see what you're getting at Quilliard. Coud very well be. I believe we can pick up these frequencies that would also allow for direct transmission from entities and we could and sometimes do confuse them with mental illness. That moves back into the psychic realm of discussion. I was simply suggesting how to deal with these perceptions in a chan sense. It doesn't mean they are not real.

When all is an illusion like magicians we can play with illusions but we cannot allow entities to play with our lives. I even question my messages from God and my conscience. Trying to define what they mean over time. When I was manic it was different it was a bombardment and there was no time everything was immediate. Now looking back through the hourglass it is still hard to define but I accept it for what it was, a journey through my self.

I still get messages quite often I simply take them for what they are and move on. They are usually comforting or encouraging messages. How about you what kind of messages do you recieve and how do you deal with them?

Talk to you later

Peace Friend

[passerbye999]

Quilliard I finished viewing your "Dump Miner" site I really enjoed it, good work on the characters.

http://dumpminer.com

Nice presentation. I think it was worth your effort.
It speaks your cause, who you are, where you are or were and where you want to be quite well.
I know it is a we message but the story comes from you. Shock the Karma


Peace

[montag]

I wrote this in 2000 I think it is imformative to the concept of chi and meditation I have an ever clearer understanding now but it is where I was before I first went manic in 2001.It was for a newsletter for my students and those interested in the subject. I went manic almost 10 yrs to the date I started teaching. With no signs of being bi polar before this. The doctors say it is innate and usually reveals itself in the 30's. I say I worked hard for the experience. Who knows though. Manias are just different thoughts and experiences to sort through.




Peace


From sitting at peace
Silent illumination
From koan study
Conformity to the law
By keeping public records
Excellent read thanks, please post some more..:)

[passerbye999]

Excellent read thanks, please post some more..:)

Thanks Montag I appreciate your words. I had to dig that up from old files from my school that closed in 2002. September 11/01 destroyed my life literally. It is why I say and keep saying stress is the key trigger to mania and depression. It was validated with my other manias. Anyway what I am saying is the poems and old written works are about done. I completely shared myself on this thread. I am willing to stay and chat but to stir ideas up in me I need questions or comments. I no longer feel the need to argue the arguement. For I am proof in the pudding that a person can be both.

I personally think people make enlightenment out to be more than it is. If people would stop searching for what they already have and stop judging others with bias for who they are then the answer might reveal itself for what it is a koan. When this koan is given consideration the answer is revealed that everything will be as it is. You see chan has a fault there is no I. Yet it is all about I. If we are nothing what is the point of life. "I am" is a greater teaching than "I am not".

Here is an example when Boddhidarma met the Emporer the Emporer asked "who are you that comes before me" or something like that and Boddhidharma answers "No one, there is no one before you" and walks away.
Many consider this man to be very special but to himself he doesn't exist. He has no ties or friendships recorded in all of history. What kind of teacher teaches seclusion and reclusion. I think Boddhidharma was depressed thinking he was nothing. Empty awareness is necessary emptyness is not.


So we have to determine what is really meant. What is the teaching that will help man kind. Chan by itself cannot do this. It is empty. Empty is good for it is the base but much is built on this base. Boddhidharma also meditated facing and gazing at a wall for nine years. ( He used tooth picks to keep his eyes open and tea to keep him awake) pretty harsh training but understandable for someone trying to prove a point.

What I am saying is that chan is an illusion that all is emptyness when the emptyness is only in the mind. The universe is full and growing it has laws that govern it. We as pieces of the puzzle will never understand it. I and I am gives us a place, a function, a uniquness all our own that was intended to be. Way back in one of my first posts I said I denounce chan and I meant it but I use it. It is a tool. I rejected true enlightenment too because of this understanding. True enlightenment is empty with no attachments, no emotions. There is no fulfillment it is simply weird. Awakenings are what is cool, really cool they bring you in touch with things, bring whole new understandings. I say again spiritualism and enlightenment are two completely different things. Spiritualism is an illusion to chan so I am a magician playing with illusions. Now you know what I meant by that. I also have God the greatest dillusion as my capstone. A footstone made of Chan with YHWH as my capstone. The middle of the pyramid is Philosophy.

Religion is completly about blood,flesh, ejaculation and ferilization, even on a spiritual level. Think os a mania as an ejaculation of the conscious that is then nurtured or fertilized. Baptism of the spirit same thing. Baptism of water is returning to the womb to be reborn. Big in sybolism is religion, I denounce it too. That leaves reason and logic, philosophy. The psychic stuff and entities are a whole different subject and when they decide to bother someone can be tedious at best. I went there for you quilliard. I wonder how many of your army of modern lovers are real entities that comunicate with you. I really do. Anyway thanks again Montag it was good hearing from you for the first time. Its nice to know people are interested in my thoughts. Heres the last of my written works for newsletters and stuff. Exept new stuff for my new webpage and style and studio name.

Peace

This is from 2002 (rough copies all I have left forgive spelling errors)

There is a great need in our society for individuals to come back to the essence of life for we drift away from it being thrust into the everyday affairs that carry us farther away from peace within ourselves and closer to the chaos that is modern living. Too seldom do we draw back and spend time with ourselves nourishing and nurturing the very health of our body and minds, allowing us to recharge and rejuvenate, replenishing what is spent within ourselves; given to the tasks of everyday living. To sit at peace, to stretch and exercise properly is the only way to maintain a healthy active lifestyle, allowing one the energy and discipline necessary to accomplish tasks with health and vigor. Chi Kung is life, it is the breathe of life, it is the practice of living, it is the way of the spirit.

The mind is a fertile field and one should cultivate it with fruitful crops and weed out what is undesirable so that no harm will come to the potential of the possible yield at harvest. The mind is intimately connected with the body and if one yields plentiful, both prosper. If both yield well, there is an abundance of stored-up provisions to be drawn upon in time of need. If there is drought and the crops fail there will be famine.

Chi is like a flowing river that passes on into endlessness, following a direct path that passes on indifferent to what it passes through. Chi Kung teaches the mind to direct the flow of this river, irrigating fertile fields dug by the discipline of the body and mind. To a person who does not practice, the river passes straight through, flowing by but of no use to that individual, leaving them to wait for rain to water their fields. The practitioner irrigates, directing the river into channels of living water that nourish the fields, then drought has no effect and when the rain comes they are a welcome blessing, not a necessity.


Since the river flows on and continues to follow it’s natural path we cannot control it or capture it and store it up for the current is too strong and water has no solidity so it will seep through one’s fingers. Trying to contain it will be to no avail for it will stagnate and evaporate. So we must direct it by channeling ditches that alter the flow to where we need it by providing a means to allow the flow to continue on to it’s destination and gaining sustenance from it as it passes by.

Water has three states in which it can exist: solid, liquid, and gas. It can become any state and then form into another without altering it’s basic properties. Yet, each state is distinct from the other. So it is with Chi. There are three states in which it exists. They are called Shin, Chi, and ching; where shen would be the vapor, chi the liquid, and ching the solid, for it is the most dense of the three. All the states are the same as water and are considered one in three aspects.

Health and longevity come from proper living, which includes proper eating, breathing, stretching, and exercise (both aerobic and anaerobic). These things develop stamina, vigor, dexterity, flexibility, and vitality. But the key is sitting at peace, for once it is understood and practiced it becomes the essence of all other practices. It is the core for it brings the mind into union with the body so it becomes present in all activities and guides the body, nourishing and nurturing it. Mindfulness is the ability and discipline of the mind to be aware and in the moment. One actively participates in the experience of life in a concentrated fashion. It is the state of being awake and aware of each moment and all that each moment brings. Mindlessness is the ability and discipline to let go of attachments, letting the mind be still so that it is aware of everything but does not pay attention to any one individual thing. When mindfulness and mindlessness are practiced together, a person is intuitively aware of themselves and their surrounding environment. Much can be gained in the area of clarity and insight from such a still, yet active, frame of mind. Effortlessness is the ability to let go of attachments and follow changes without desire. This brings a more natural response to the changes that one experiences, instead of fighting them and bringing conflict, one accepts the situation as it arises, blends in with it, and follows it to the conclusion, indifferent to the outcome that may be and dwelling in the moment, exercising mindfulness and mindlessness. These two disciplines lead to effortlessness. Effortlessness is then simply mindfulness and mindlessness blended together in practice. Sitting at peace teaches one to develop and nurture such strength so they become second nature that is also effortless. Effortlessness in action.

When the mind is still it rests in a latent state in which manifestations are easily recognized and dealt with accordingly. There exists a peace which is profound and powerful. A peace of intuitiveness that allows understanding through association. Bringing unity out of chaos and calmness out of anxiety, transforming fear into understanding. The understanding provides opportunity to nurture good through the examination and reflection of what is bad. Evil then becomes a tool of learning and hardship a measure of perseverance which builds character. Good and evil, up and down, life and death, they become, and are, all the same coin and the coin is the coin and when tossed it matter little what side lands face up for either face leads to understanding and peace; if the face is ignored and the attention is to the coin not it’s appearances. For an appearance is simply a manifestation of a moment and the next moment brings a different manifestation and the cycle carries on into eternity. For the coin is eternal with a continuing cycle of change that if fought leads only to misery, if embraced leads to suffering, and if anticipated leads only to sin. For sin brings forth misery and suffering. Light and dark mean nothing. It is what lies beyond them that counts. What lies before them, amidst them, and after them is the essence of existence and to exist peacefully is to understand and follow without question, accepting the manifestations for what they are, appearances, brief moments captured in time, and not dwelling on them, but on what is the essence in which manifestations my occur. What are then opposites anyway, but a categorization made by man to label existence according to terms his mind can understand and identify with. Based solely on his experience associated with his interaction with them and the feeling he acquires as his emotions and mind come to deal with the reality of these moments. If attachments are made then desire becomes the focus. For desire clings to some manifestations, rejects other, and yearns for what it cling to. Being blind, desire walks aimlessly onto oblivion and so must rejection itself if nurturing and understanding of a natural and right frame of mind is to be accomplished. How then does one accomplish all these things. It is done by the practice and discipline of sitting at peace. Cultivating awareness and becoming more sensitive to the nature of existence and how it connects with all creation. Understanding oneself leads to understanding others and together this leads one to an understanding of everything and one’s place within it.



1998



THE WAY

Philosophy:

The Peaceful Way; The path of peace is the path to understanding and wisdom,
to be peaceful is to live a life of peace,
to understand is to be tolorent towards difference,
to be wise is to be compassionate,
for in return happiness and peace will abound.





Kung-fu roughly translated into english means hard work and time in togetherness. Hard work truly describes the effort and discipline required to do the endless repititions and countless movements the art requires. Time is what it takes to gain the insight and understanding to allow this art to lead you to a healthier, happier life. Kung-fu teaches us respect and patience. Respect is practiced on three levels; firstly to ones self, then to others and finally to everything which inhabits our universe. Patience is the key to the art of kung-fu. All goals set, whether short or long term, can only be achieved through a patient approach to training. The ultimate achievement of the art is the mastery of the mind, body and spirit. This cultivates well bieng and a sense of a peaceful harmony existing between the intrnal and external influences in our lives. Exrernal influences could be identified as any disturbance in ones immediate environment where as internal influences are the mental, physical and emotional disturbances from within.

In order to accomplish this balance , the art of kung-fu with it’s distict training concepts becomes very important. The accumulation of vast knowledge alone though, is not enough. The experiences from the results of training the art, coupled with the knowledge of understanding how to preform the techniques for maximum benifit, wisdom and insight are cultivated. A book, for example, is simply a jumble of meaningless words without experience to bring it to life. Wisdom is aquired through a relationship between gaining the knowledge of words and the experiences of the readers past to identify the message they are intended to convey from the writer. This allows the reader an association with the knowledge to personal success’ and failures. Once gained wisdom will never be lost, but knowledge with no connection to the readers experience will be meaningless and soon dissipate. This is because there is no relevant relationship with the readers life thus the mind will simply file this knowledge away to make room for meaningful input. On the other hand, if there is no relevant experience to draw from at that specific time the subconcios mind will store the imformation, so the wisdom will spring forth on its own when the imformation is applicable to the individuals needs.

Mastery of ones self , the goal of kung-fu, is understood in the meaning of the symbolic Five Animal System. The system is made up of the essences of ; the Tiger, Snake, Dragom, Crane and Leapord. The Tiger, Snake and Dragon symbolize the three treasures Jing, Chi and Shen. Jing is essence or martial power and is the internal force that brings to life the feeling of the Tiger. Chi is internal energy, an intrinsic energy that manifests the soft internal strengh of the Snake. Shen is the mind or spirit and emphasises the calm, peaceful, tranquil, yet reactive quality of the Dragon. ( A practitioner whose jing is full will be physically fit and healthy; whose chi is plentyful is emotionally stable and full of vitally;
whose shen is abundant is mentally fresh and spiritually mature.) The Leapord produces speed and dexterity. Whilr the crane produces elagance, tranquility and stability. Each animal in turn stands for a separate piece of the individual. Therefore by mastering the essenses of the Five Animals System you master yourself, each animal is not to be trained individually but as all five creating a whole product.

The main purpose of training is achieve longevity, health and happiness. “Breathing for peace, strength and kindness; meditation for the mastery of the mind ( enlightenment ), for wisdom and for the understanding which encompasses the circle of life. “ GMS . Kung-fu then strives to achieve this goal by energizing the mind and body , strengthening the internal organs, increasing blood flow throughout the body , by stretching and strengthening the limbs combined with breathing exersizes creating a form of meditation in motion. Through the process of applying this method of training to ones life , there is a revival of senses that had been man’s since the beginning of time , senses that have lain dormant because of the softness of civilized life. Subconscious recall was one of the most important of these senses, or for a better word abilities. The ability to define a situation and to react to it quickly and correctly without hesitation. By using this ability, with the self defence techniqes of the system incorporating the life force , chi, and the “ no-mind “ state would make a highly experienced practitioner almost invincible. Especially against multiple assailents., for this artist could define without thinking, which assailent would be the greatest threat for example who is closest etc., so he would not have to waste energy or movement and could utilize those benifits to defeat his opponents as if by magic.

The path to peace is to overcome the struggle within onesself. To learn to accept ourselves for who ad what we are, venturig inward to confrot our greateast fears ad acceptig them for what they are, ot trying to chage or coquer them. I life we are pulled I many directions, seemigly all at once, creating inner turmoils that may manipulate themselves into fear. The path is the straight forward journey to reach the goals we set for ourselves I life. These fears are crossroads which if ,followed lead us from our intended destinations. Whereas, if we accept them ad pass over them, we can continue om our journey. There is o special exersize to prepare you to overcome these obstacles. Sometimes kug-fu itself is one of the obstacles that are presented to us on our way. We must simply believe in the ability to accept and bridge these faults and have faith in God to help us through. In my opinio nothing can be achieved that is worth anything without the blessing of God. Inner strength, true inner strength, is lent to us in our times of need from God and no other source. God’s backing will lead a person over and through all obstacles that this world and thier lives place before them. From God’s teachings and through observing his divine creations of the universe, earth and man. We can learn the lessons of life through man’s interaction with nature and his relationship with the world around him. The universe and world are a set of scales in balance . In the perfection of the world itself, if something unbalances the scale harm comes in one form or another. There cannot be good without evil just as there cannot be light without dark. The universe in which we inhabit is formed of cycles, everything moving in unison , forming one gigantic machine. Through the study of this machine, we can learn alot to help us be a better part of it. Kung-fu itself follows these principles of nature; circles and torques, motion and acceleration, force and energy. By using the natural laws of physics to our benifit and adapting them to our lives is far easier than working against nature , which man has tried to do since he first began to inhabit the earth. Instead of trying to control the world and try to conform it to our needs , we should instead try to conform to the world by following the path it leads us on and learn from the experiences this path provides. The system then follows the path of nature , passing through the for characteristic periods of life.


Spring: Youth, the beginning, renewal of life.
Summer: Maturity, learning, growth.
Fall: Ripening of age, experience, knowledge.
Winter: Old age, purity, wisdom and understanding.


Each season signifies a phase of life and the attributes which are gained, creating the circle of life. This circle represents our journey which begins and ends at the same point. Beginning and ending in innocence, coming from and returning to God. This philosophy is shown through the use of sashes to show progress through these phases . White representing the beginning or innocence moving through the colors to black which denotes expert skill but also shows the fall from innocence, then progressing to white again showing the purity and understanding which has brought the stundent back to innocence again but tempered with wisdom, this sash is denoted by the color silver.


I wrote this for another newsletter trying to sell my own style in 1999.




I KNOW ONLY WHAT I KNOW



Many people have inquired over the past few years into the effectiveness of our system of kung fu compared to various martial systems. So in this newsletter and in the next three newsletters to come I will state the aims and benefits of our system. Starting in this article with the philosophy of Dien Dao. In the future articles I will discuss our training theories and methodology in the fields of stretching / conditioning, chi kung/ meditation and self-defense. The information to be provided will discuss the effectiveness of our system, describing how the training guides the practitioner to attain the most important goals in life: health, peace and well being. How our system compares to other systems however is irrelevant, for the martial artist should be intent on mastering oneself not defeating other martial artists.

The aim of Dien Dao Shaolin Kung fu is to cultivate morality through the practice of instilling and maintaining proper moral habits. The student’s goal is to become a positive, contributing member of society through applying and contemplating this aim.

There are two aspects of morality the morality of deed and the morality of thought. The morality of deed consists of the following character traits Humility, Respect, Righteousness, Trust and Loyalty. It concerns our relationship with the self, the individual, the group, the community, the society, the nation and the world as a whole. If the character of a student consists of these traits it is justifiable then, that he or she will use the knowledge being learned in a righteous manner. The morality of thought includes the character traits of; Will, Endurance, Perseverance, Patience and Courage. It concerns itself with the internal cultivation of these traits in order to reach the final goal. If a student possesses these traits of character it is believed they will have the tools to dedicate and discipline themselves for the lengthy journey to enlightenment.

The moral habits are; Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Behavior, Right Concentration, Right Mindfulness, Right Discipline, Right Intention and Right Effort. Through the development of these habits one can instill the correct method of thought and action that will allow the necessary character traits to become embedded into our being.

In our method of practice there are four stages and three levels we must pass in order to reach the final goal of training. The four stages represent our life’s journey paralleling the four characteristic phases of nature, the seasons. Spring (Youth) is associated with desire (defense). Summer (Maturity) is associated with knowledge (offence). Fall (Ripening of Age) is associated with experience (defense and offence combined). Winter (Old Age) is associated with enlightenment. All human beings desire to know it is in our very nature to learn as much as we can about everything that effects our lives. This process of learning provides knowledge and knowledge combined with experience creates wisdom. Wisdom allows understanding and when wisdom and understanding are combined with mindfulness enlightenment is achieved.

The three levels deal with how each individual concept is absorbed. They are acquisition, contemplation and understanding. Acquisition is the gaining of knowledge by developing the skills and methods of practice. Contemplation is the gaining of experience through study and practice. Understanding is the gaining of enlightenment.

The philosophy of our system is based on the understanding and application of three ancient Chinese philosophical theories. These 3 theories are the yin and yang theory, the 5-element theory and the 8-trigram theory. The yin and yang theory is based on the concept of balance, the striving to achieve the mean between extremes. The 5-element theory is based on the concept of mutual productivity and destructively, the interrelation and the effects of thoughts and actions (this is generally represented by the relationships of five natural elements metal wood, water, fire and earth). The 8-trigram theory is based on the concept of continual change, the relation of the life cycle to universal truth. Legend states that in the beginning there was Wu Chi (the void), from this arose Tai Chi (the grand ultimate) the interrelation of the two major forces (yin and yang) thus forming the two symbols. The two symbols created the four figures, which represent the extremes of the two symbols (Greater and lesser yin and yang). The four figures begot the eight trigrams, the eight levels of yin and yang from extreme yang to extreme yin in comparison to their related aspects of nature (heaven, lake, fire, thunder, wind, water, mountain and earth). The eight trigrams being composed of two arrangements the early heaven arrangement and the later heaven arrangement. The early heaven arrangement shows the balance of opposing forces while the later heaven arrangement shows the continual change from one aspect to another. By the combination of these two arrangements the I Ching’s sixty-four hexagrams are produced. These three theories are interrelated with each other and should be studied individually for a greater understanding and then practiced as one for maximum benefit.

The five animal theory more or less encompasses all three of these theories but is primarily derived from the 5-element theory. The five animals relate to five different aspects of the human being. The practice of all five of these aspects as one will eventually develop a healthy, balanced and skillful individual on the whole, rather than focusing solely on individual aspects that fit into only particular situations in life. The five animals are the dragon, snake, tiger, leopard and crane. The first three animals represent the three treasures. The three treasures being the dragon (shen) spirit or consciousness, the snake (chi) mind or internal energy and the tiger (jing) body or original essence. It is said that a person whose jing is full is physically fit and healthy, one whose chi is plentiful is emotionally stable and full of vitality and one whose shen is abundant is mentally fresh and spiritually mature. The leopard and the crane represent the more physical aspects of motion and form. The leopard dexterity and fluidity. The crane elegance and tranquility.

In order to achieve the aim of our system, the student must develop the kung fu body, mind and spirit. The kung fu body is healthy, strong, flexible and dexterous. The kung fu mind: knowledgeable, patient, willful and wise. The kung fu spirit: concentrated, mindful, righteous and vital. This is accomplished through the understanding of the philosophical theories applied through the physical, mental and spiritual methods of training. The physical method of training our system consists mainly of strengthening, stretching and conditioning exercises. These exercises are designed to achieve a healthy body which is extremely agile and if put into a confrontation of a self-defense nature is able to withstand certain abuses that an untrained body cannot. All physical exercise is trained both aerobically and anaerobically for maximum strength and endurance. The stretching exercises focus on gaining flexibility in the tendons, ligaments as well as the muscles and are generally practiced by use of both stretches and contractions. Conditioning exercises are trained in a reasonable and patient manner, never using harsh methods, which may harm the body. The mental method of our training in consists of chi kung or energy work. Chi kung in it’s most basic essence is made up of specific breathing exercises for exercising the internal body, concerning itself with the strengthening of the viscera, the development of internal energy and the regulation of this same energy. The spiritual method of our training consists of meditation. Meditation is concerned with the training of the mind itself. Generally through exercises that direct the mind (Called mind following), but sometimes through exercises of contemplation or visualization.

All the concepts I have stated to this point seem rather daunting in their complexity, but in truth they are very simply applied through non-complicated exercises. Through moderate and continuos repetition of these exercises the student becomes healthier. Gaining more awareness of themselves and their abilities. This in turn creates true self-confidence and self-esteem, not confidence and esteem based on irrational ego, but based on the rational understanding of ones strengths and weaknesses. The mind though, must participate directly and sometimes indirectly in all exercises whether they are in the realm of meditation, chi kung or combative theory in order to achieve greater and lasting results.

This training method in and of itself is far superior in my mind to the approach of massing great quantities of information. For I believe it is more desirable to have an in-depth understanding of the self and others rather than acquiring a great wealth of knowledge with only a base understanding of it. Quality is always better than quantity. Understanding will conquer more of life’s obstacles than the imposition of ones knowledge and beliefs. The indirect approach far exceeds the direct, with this understanding most conflict is usually avoided. Brute force will very seldom conquer adversity, where true skill and the understanding of the antagonist will end most confrontations without the need for violence. Thus peace, the ultimate wish of all mankind in all three aspects (physical, mental and spiritual) can be achieved through the continual and dedicated practice of our system of kung fu. Benefiting the practitioner with the morality and correct development of habits which will allow him or her to reach any goals they desire in their lifetime, without having to infringe on the rights of others to do so.

[somethinganonymous]

it could very well be a symptom of ascension.

[passerbye999]

it could very well be a symptom of ascension.

What an interesting statement. Could you expand on that thought?

Peace

[montag]

Thanks Montag I appreciate your words. I had to dig that up from old files from my school that closed in 2002. September 11/01 destroyed my life literally. It is why I say and keep saying stress is the key trigger to mania and depression. It was validated with my other manias. Anyway what I am saying is the poems and old written works are about done. I completely shared myself on this thread. I am willing to stay and chat but to stir ideas up in me I need questions or comments. I no longer feel the need to argue the arguement. For I am proof in the pudding that a person can be both.

I personally think people make enlightenment out to be more than it is. If people would stop searching for what they already have and stop judging others with bias for who they are then the answer might reveal itself for what it is a koan. When this koan is given consideration the answer is revealed that everything will be as it is. You see chan has a fault there is no I. Yet it is all about I. If we are nothing what is the point of life. "I am" is a greater teaching than "I am not".

Here is an example when Boddhidarma met the Emporer the Emporer asked "who are you that comes before me" or something like that and Boddhidharma answers "No one, there is no one before you" and walks away.
Many consider this man to be very special but to himself he doesn't exist. He has no ties or friendships recorded in all of history. What kind of teacher teaches seclusion and reclusion. I think Boddhidharma was depressed thinking he was nothing. Empty awareness is necessary emptyness is not.


So we have to determine what is really meant. What is the teaching that will help man kind. Chan by itself cannot do this. It is empty. Empty is good for it is the base but much is built on this base. Boddhidharma also meditated facing and gazing at a wall for nine years. ( He used tooth picks to keep his eyes open and tea to keep him awake) pretty harsh training but understandable for someone trying to prove a point.

What I am saying is that chan is an illusion that all is emptyness when the emptyness is only in the mind. The universe is full and growing it has laws that govern it. We as pieces of the puzzle will never understand it. I and I am gives us a place, a function, a uniquness all our own that was intended to be. Way back in one of my first posts I said I denounce chan and I meant it but I use it. It is a tool. I rejected true enlightenment too because of this understanding. True enlightenment is empty with no attachments, no emotions. There is no fulfillment it is simply weird. Awakenings are what is cool, really cool they bring you in touch with things, bring whole new understandings. I say again spiritualism and enlightenment are two completely different things. Spiritualism is an illusion to chan so I am a magician playing with illusions. Now you know what I meant by that. I also have God the greatest dillusion as my capstone. A footstone made of Chan with YHWH as my capstone. The middle of the pyramid is Philosophy.

Religion is completly about blood,flesh, ejaculation and ferilization, even on a spiritual level. Think os a mania as an ejaculation of the conscious that is then nurtured or fertilized. Baptism of the spirit same thing. Baptism of water is returning to the womb to be reborn. Big in sybolism is religion, I denounce it too. That leaves reason and logic, philosophy. The psychic stuff and entities are a whole different subject and when they decide to bother someone can be tedious at best. I went there for you quilliard. I wonder how many of your army of modern lovers are real entities that comunicate with you. I really do. Anyway thanks again Montag it was good hearing from you for the first time. Its nice to know people are interested in my thoughts. Heres the last of my written works for newsletters and stuff. Exept new stuff for my new webpage and style and studio name.

Peace

This is from 2002 (rough copies all I have left forgive spelling errors)





1998




I wrote this for another newsletter trying to sell my own style in 1999.
Thanks for that passerby,

I'm studying for exams I have coming up next week so I'll read through what you've posted and comment on it when they're out of the way.

All the best
montag:)

[passerbye999]

Thanks for that passerby,

I'm studying for exams I have coming up next week so I'll read through what you've posted and comment on it when they're out of the way.

All the best
montag:)

Good luck on your exams. I will talk to you later.

Peace

[quilliard]

I see what you're getting at Quilliard. Coud very well be. I believe we can pick up these frequencies that would also allow for direct transmission from entities and we could and sometimes do confuse them with mental illness. That moves back into the psychic realm of discussion. I was simply suggesting how to deal with these perceptions in a chan sense. It doesn't mean they are not real.

When all is an illusion like magicians we can play with illusions but we cannot allow entities to play with our lives. I even question my messages from God and my conscience. Trying to define what they mean over time. When I was manic it was different it was a bombardment and there was no time everything was immediate. Now looking back through the hourglass it is still hard to define but I accept it for what it was, a journey through my self.

I still get messages quite often I simply take them for what they are and move on. They are usually comforting or encouraging messages. How about you what kind of messages do you recieve and how do you deal with them?

Talk to you later

Peace Friend

I am curious about what kind of messages others get as well. I take the messages as direction or time to think about what is going on. I get the signs all the time still.

I am glad you like the book. Thank you for taking the time.

[passerbye999]

I am curious about what kind of messages others get as well. I take the messages as direction or time to think about what is going on. I get the signs all the time still.

I am glad you like the book. Thank you for taking the time.

Your welcome Quilliard it was my pleasure.

Signs and messages they are an interesting aspect to the discussion. I recieve signs all of the time too. Messages only once in a while manly when I was manic. Once you start seeing signs they don't go away you can ignore them but they never go away. I call it "The Sight". Your perception changes so your reality changes within the matrix of infinite realities.

A bird appearing at a certain moment of thought shares understanding with the moment. It has meaning to the observers then they part ways never to forget that moment in time. Impressions of the mind alter our sight then our understanding. You look at chi the first time you see it it is like a white mist or that is the way the mind percieves it for it is an unknown quantity in regular perception.

It takes deep meditation to see the chi. You know it is circulating as you watch the mist move like on a gentle wind up your spine arounrd your head and down your front. You only "see" where it passes your through your peripheral and frontal vision. If you focus your gaze to it it dissapears when you look properly with the mind expanded yet focused so everything is observed yet attention is placed on no particular thing then you see it.

It is random to the mind yet part of the mind weird eh. Well seeing signs is the same kind of thing it is just natural to some people to be sensitive to the spiritual matrix in the lattice of space and time. I use these terms in a mathematical sense we live in a matrix which travels through the lattice of space and time. A circle bi sected. Two fish chasing their tails. Again the Taoist wheel old magic, real magic.

With signs it is what you are thinking at a particular moment when something happens to confirm the thought. I call them miracles if you look you can see them every day. Mind you you have to be thinking the right thoughts at the right time. Messages are actual communication from another entity. I have experienced it it is wierd, I have experienced it so much I am numb to it. It is not illness here but paranormal activity. What do you think Quillirad?

Peace

[cornilouse]

No, its just another way of inventing an apparent condition so that pharma can sell you more drugs. The 'victim' then personally identifies with his perceived 'diagnosis' and fights for their own personality destruction.

Thats Bullshit...

I have Bipolar disorder and I have always had the same symptoms for a long time, the doctors gave it a name....

And anyways, depression and mania, and the link between the two was first recognised in the second century by Aretaeus of Cappadocia.

Living with Bipolar is a fight, to keep hold of your sanity, the drugs that the state provide are not perfect, but they do help - imo, the statements you make are no different to the attitudes of doctors who use eletric-shock therapy and other such things

[passerbye999]

Thats Bullshit...

I have Bipolar disorder and I have always had the same symptoms for a long time, the doctors gave it a name....

And anyways, depression and mania, and the link between the two was first recognised in the second century by Aretaeus of Cappadocia.

Living with Bipolar is a fight, to keep hold of your sanity, the drugs that the state provide are not perfect, but they do help - imo, the statements you make are no different to the attitudes of doctors who use eletric-shock therapy and other such things

I agree the proper medication does help and I think necessary to keep away the insanity of the illness. They deter the negative side effects of this condition. Like hearing voices, feeling strangely and viewing situations in wierd ways. To the exreme anyway I like to be a little up most of the time. So I can experience these things in a milder fashion.

Peace

[quilliard]

I agree the proper medication does help and I think necessary to keep away the insanity of the illness. They deter the negative side effects of this condition. Like hearing voices, feeling strangely and viewing situations in wierd ways. To the exreme anyway I like to be a little up most of the time. So I can experience these things in a milder fashion.

Peace

I find that the drugs hinder the healing process. I also believe that there are a lot of people that are misdiagnosed.

Now I agree that in a height of a mania, the right drug may work, but I do not agree that the person should take them forever. The body just adjusts over time and becomes dependent on them.

I know several people that take their "scripts" regularly and still have episodes years later. The reason why is that the drug is not working anymore, so the doctor ups the prescription. And it goes on. My question is if the drug is not working why use it?

My main issue with the Pharm industry is that they own the psychiatry industry and have a strong hold in the U.S. If doctor's would do their jobs this would be a none issue. To many psychiatrists think of the drug as a quick cure and doctor/patient time has become "How do you feel." and the patient going through a checklist of symptoms from the drug, "My leg won't stop shaking, I can't sit down anymore, I can barely talk, but I still have the same thing going on in my head." Then the doctor says "Your body will adjust to that." and then ups the dosage.

Well I kind of went on a rant. Anyway.

And Passerbye999. I agree with you about the drugs helping you experience what is going on with you in a milder fashion. A question. What worked for you for the voices?

Also speaking of signs, I have been having a great time, with the "Random spectacular nature" show that goes on in my backyard.
Two nights ago I was just thinking silly thoughts to myself and a Cooper's hawk landed in a tree that had dropped all its leaves just 15' from me. It was really cool. I like to think hawks bring luck, for fun.

Then last night I was staring in the sky in my yard and I saw a shooting/falling star. It was huge too. I could actually see the rock that was falling split into two before the glow went out. It lasted for like three to four seconds. It was awesome.

Well I will talk to you later.

Shock the Karma

[drael]

The body just adjusts over time and becomes dependent on them.

This is true of all psychiatric drugs, as a process in the brain called "down regulation" means that all brain drugs are less and less effective over time. Eventually the brain rebounds, exhibiting the symptoms worse than before. (Ie eventually the drug has the opposite effect)

thats just an unavoidable quality of neurons and receptors.

Which is why its so especially odd, that doctors, who are taught this, prescribe lifelong psychiatric medicines. It flies in the face of science....

What i found with drugs is this - the side effects, potential fatalities and diseases the mood stabilisers can cause, can be a greater danger than a little mania. But that should be a balanced, rational choice made by the individual, which risks are acceptable and which arent.

DSMIV is obviously a primitive and innaccurate beast, and theres nothing causal about the science of mental illness as yet, so you could easily have some completely unrelated problem, and you'd never know if the drugs were "working" or not. Thats not really medicine, is it?

And advice i always restate - i found myself able to manage my symptoms, and reality check using techniques such as DBT and mindfulness. A little "mind practice" and also thought/reflection about your experiences (which most dont do) can help alot. (FYI DBT has clinically proven effectiveness, but doctors still wont support non-drug treatments as yet. They should still have heard of this stuff though, and they are _useful_ skills to minimise and deal with delusions). What ive found is it is actually possible to _learn_ to cope better IME.

[quilliard]

This is true of all psychiatric drugs, as a process in the brain called "down regulation" means that all brain drugs are less and less effective over time. Eventually the brain rebounds, exhibiting the symptoms worse than before. (Ie eventually the drug has the opposite effect)

thats just an unavoidable quality of neurons and receptors.

Which is why its so especially odd, that doctors, who are taught this, prescribe lifelong psychiatric medicines. It flies in the face of science....

What i found with drugs is this - the side effects, potential fatalities and diseases the mood stabilisers can cause, can be a greater danger than a little mania. But that should be a balanced, rational choice made by the individual, which risks are acceptable and which arent.

DSMIV is obviously a primitive and innaccurate beast, and theres nothing causal about the science of mental illness as yet, so you could easily have some completely unrelated problem, and you'd never know if the drugs were "working" or not. Thats not really medicine, is it?

And advice i always restate - i found myself able to manage my symptoms, and reality check using techniques such as DBT and mindfulness. A little "mind practice" and also thought/reflection about your experiences (which most dont do) can help alot. (FYI DBT has clinically proven effectiveness, but doctors still wont support non-drug treatments as yet. They should still have heard of this stuff though, and they are _useful_ skills to minimise and deal with delusions). What ive found is it is actually possible to _learn_ to cope better IME.

The side effects do not out way the healing in my case.

What is DBT? And it is funny you should say reality check as I was just in the yard again and did a "Reality" check on what I have in my life. As I was sitting there I thought about all the cool things I saw over the past few days and about what Passerbye999 wrote, that it is what you are thinking about when you see the signs and I thought about the hawk that sat in my tree two days ago and then the one that sat on my fence in Sacramento and as I did I looked in the tree and thought "It would have been cool if I said 'Dear God if everything is going to be alright let a hawk land in that tree' and then the hawk landed here like it did like in Sacramento.' and then a hawk landed in the tree. 'You are very cool, thank you.' I thought. It has become hawk central in my yard. LOL

Also I agree with the learning to cope statement you made. I believe that what we are going through is a growing process. It is like learning something. It may be tough at first, but then one day you go "I get it." and are able to understand what is happening to you in relation to what is around you and still function in society.

And that is where I think the drugs totally fail. As when you are on them I find I can do nothing else but be on them. They destroy me. And all I do is lose hair and get fat.

I don't think their is a need for psychiatrists anyway. All they do is push experimental drugs.

I find what helps is realizing that what is happening is real to you and you need to realize that some around you can't "grasp" what is happening. It is like calculus to them.

I also find that going to a common place and talking about what had happened in a place like this is a very good thing to help control "Mania". Letting it out. Myself and others I have met seem to need to "Let it out" more than once as the story is so fantastic, and where times when it seems like the whole world is in on it. A place like this helps balance what is going on.

Shock the Karma

[passerbye999]

And Passerbye999. I agree with you about the drugs helping you experience what is going on with you in a milder fashion. A question. What worked for you for the voices?

Shock the Karma

Zeldox ( Zibrasidone) I take 80mg a day and I experience no side effects. My wonder drug I call it. Never miss a day. I refuse to take pills that effect my energy or thought levels but ones that work I am dedicated too. I have taken lithium, seraquil, haliperidone, zyprexa, lamatrigine, gabapentin( I liked that one good buzz so they took it away), Now I take divalproex 750 mg and zeldox 80 mg thats it. No more zombie man or manic man.


Drael I agree manias should be reflected on. As a matter of fact I think it's necessary for the healing process. Weird or not they are mystifieng experiences that not everyone has the fortune or misfortune of experiencing. You completely change from the experience and if you have more manias you will continue to change. 4 heavy ones and 1 mild one were enough for me. I learned about myself though and a lot of metaphysical truths were discovered. You were at the beginning of the thread glad you're back.

Peace