What do you think about marriage?

[jagalman]

What do you think about marriage? do you encourage a single Men or women for marriage??

Ok relation's are good but when it come's for marriage!! i say yay!!

i have fear from marriage i dont know why? maybe because responsibility or something else like surprised women behaviour after marriage!! (for all women's out there this is my point of view so pls dont take it personnal because nobody is perfect)

i think sometime's reading, hearing to much stories about divorced couples makes you avoid marriage!! specialy when some of your friend's are divorced!!


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Discuss!!!

[garth]

What do you think about marriage? do you encourage a single Men or women for marriage??

Ok relation's are good but when it come's for marriage!! i say yay!!

i have fear from marriage i dont know why? maybe because responsibility or something else like surprised women behaviour after marriage!!

i think sometime's reading, hearing to much stories about divorced couples makes you avoid marriage!! specialy when some of your friend's are divorced!!

Discuss!!!

Marriage is not for me, to many relegious and social rules and conditions to adhere to. Why do it? If your happy in your relationship, stay togeather, have fun, be content. If its not happy times, then split.

Why would I ask for some external body's consent me being with the person I enjoy being with, I don't want or need anyones permission to do what feels right to me.

Then thats my view, I don't care if other people marry, its there choice, I respect there views and decisions, I just can't get involved in it myself.

[tinmenace]

It's a very personal thing and shouldn't be institutionalized like it is now. If you're married to someone in your heart, then no law or piece of paper will ever change it. If you don't feel that way about anyone, ok. It's all about personal preference and what you want out of life.

It shouldn't be forced on anyone. It shouldn't be expected of anyone, and I think everyone should be allowed to marry whomever they want...black/white... gay....straight...old/young....whatever they want to do is ok by me.

Clearly marriage is not for you at this point, so why worry about it so much. You're using up too much energy thinking about it. Do something constructive with your energy (which you seem to have a lot of). Focus, instead, on world peace for every human being.

[tinmenace]

Right on Garth!

[jagalman]

why worry about it so much. You're using up too much energy thinking about it. Do something constructive with your energy (which you seem to have a lot of). Focus, instead, on world peace for every human being.[/B]

Of course we should worry about that because it's a problem of society! everyone comes from a different culture, i am not making a big problem of this, but it's a civil problem!!

I run from most of my relation's specialy when it comes to marriage thing, because women's want that after a long successful relation and i dont know what i want, that's why i run!!:eek:

[i am all i am]

Marriage is not for me, to many relegious and social rules and conditions to adhere to. Why do it? If your happy in your relationship, stay togeather, have fun, be content. If its not happy times, then split.

Why would I ask for some external body's consent me being with the person I enjoy being with, I don't want or need anyones permission to do what feels right to me.

Then thats my view, I don't care if other people marry, its there choice, I respect there views and decisions, I just can't get involved in it myself.

Well said Garth,

The institution of marraige.

Makes me think of a mental institution (psychiactric hospital) where you go to get 'committed' for the term of your natural life. And it's usually a 'high priest' (psychiatrist or mental 'quack') conducting the 'ceremony' (ritual) that confirms you being 'committed' to the 'institution'.

Each to their own, live and let live.


With LOVE.
_____________________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITE DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

[jagalman]

The institution of marraige.
Makes me think of a mental institution (psychiactric hospital) where you go to get 'committed' for the term of your natural life. And it's usually a 'high priest' (psychiatrist or mental 'quack') conducting the 'ceremony' (ritual) that confirms you being 'committed' to the 'institution'.
Each to their own, live and let live.



That's the problem!! US Men's accept that and we prefer it like that! but when it come's to women's they want marriage, i think religion thing made specialy for women's to protect their investments!! lol!!

[limelady]

What do you think about marriage?

Sux!

[jagalman]

Sux!

Lol!!

And why is that? can you share your experience!! if you like!!:D

[Anders Lindman]

Marriage out of mechanical social habit is a bit robotic, but if people find joy and meaning through marriage, then that is a bit more constructive. :)

[tinmenace]

Marriage out of mechanical social habit is a bit robotic, but if people find joy and meaning through marriage, then that is a bit more constructive. :)

Hej Anders,

Bravo!

[llogun]

marrage is ok if you meet the right partner

[roxanna]

I agree with you all here. I personally dont need it. I only do it if my partner really felt they wanted that. Otherwise Im good as is. Cheers

[limelady]

Lol!!

And why is that? can you share your experience!! if you like!!:D

Lets just say 'been there done that'.......NEVER again! :D

[i am all i am]

Lets just say 'been there done that'.......NEVER again! :D


Once bitten, twice shy.

or

Once married, sucked dry.



With LOVE.
_________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

[Anders Lindman]

Hej Anders,

Bravo!

Thanks.

[garth]

Right on Garth!

Well said Garth,



Thanks... cheers...good on ya

[astral]

marrage is ok if you meet the right partner

I've been married for 4 years, together for 9, and it is still the best thing going.

Marriage doesn't work if you are with the wrong person, end of.

When you find the one, you just want to cement your relationship, as I have. I would heartily recommend it.

You have to know it's what you want though...you can't just enter into it as you would the latest fad, like celebrities like to do.

[notaslave]

I was married so its not something I can say was a bad thing it worked for as long as it worked.

But I was married for a long time (longer than most stay together these days) so I can see how it was beneficial for both parties. The problems arise when one party thinks it is for life and takes it for granted and stops trying.

I have never seen marriage as for life. Indeed it would work better if it had to be renewed annually like road tax.

[bigus_dickus]

what does "marriage" mean?

you should first answer this question and then say how you feel about it.

and you should also ask this question to your mate, before you make a decision.

what do you mean by this word? not what the churches, governments and theories think, but you.

[lilloz]

A few loving words said under the stars in a secluded spot would be my ideal marriage. You don’t need a piece of paper to solidify a partnership.
In my opinion if you’re happy together you don’t need it, really all a wedding is these days is a big piss-up and a waste of money!

[jagalman]

A few loving words said under the stars in a secluded spot would be my ideal marriage. You don’t need a piece of paper to solidify a partnership.
In my opinion if you’re happy together you don’t need it, really all a wedding is these days is a big piss-up and a waste of money!

But the problem that we live in different culture and tradition!!!
In most cultures womens stay virgin till marriage!! so both ways your stocked to marriage!!:eek:

[jagalman]

I was married so its not something I can say was a bad thing it worked for as long as it worked.

But I was married for a long time (longer than most stay together these days) so I can see how it was beneficial for both parties. The problems arise when one party thinks it is for life and takes it for granted and stops trying.

I have never seen marriage as for life. Indeed it would work better if it had to be renewed annually like road tax.

I think everyone would have a good marriage if there wasnt a material world!
because once material thing's enter between couples you can say goodbye for family!!

[phoenix1]

Marriage.....er ....no thanks I'll take a rain check on that.
Bonding of two entities without paper...then thats a better ballpark for me in any case.

Registry offices, Churches, Expense, Bullshit, Piece of Paper, Permission, the done thing, etc.....all these words initially spring to mind.Cant get a good job(if you where looking for one UNLESS you are MARRIED ????? Ad infinitum

It is easy to prove love...without a facade.

But then,,,,that is just my humble oppinion.

[thirdwave]

Relationships scare me, never mind marriage!!! :)

[notaslave]

Relationships scare me, never mind marriage!!! :)

Yes I prefer to be alone too LOL I have done the marriage thing (not a mistake) and I have lived with someone too (a huge mistake) but its all a learning experience. On balance at this time I prefer to live alone.

[tinmenace]

But the problem that we live in different culture and tradition!!!
In most cultures womens stay virgin till marriage!! so both ways your stocked to marriage!!:eek:

Yeah, ain't dogma and indoctrination great? NOT! It forces people to perpetuate it's restrictions on freedom.

So, if you're a guy living in that kind of oppression, best you find yourself a forward thinking and modern woman who is free of the trappings of cultural and religious dogma and wishes to get it on without becoming a hauzfrau. Someone who is unafraid, someone who sees the unfairness of the situation and wants to break it's pathetic cycle.

If you're a woman and you want an intimate relationship (without marriage) without being murdered or disowned by your entire country (possibly the entire region) then walk away from the fear and you'll attract a forward-thinking man who'll respect you while enjoying a loving relationship with you.

If everyone continues to perpetuate the "culture", then there will always be people being forced into miserable situations (like unwanted marriage) because of it. So, the suffering of mankind continues, and we only have ourselves to blame because we allow it.

Bottom line is you have the power to do whatever you want. You just have to believe it and do it.

[notaslave]

Yeah, ain't dogma and indoctrination great? NOT! It forces people to perpetuate it's restrictions on freedom.

So, if you're a guy living in that kind of oppression, best you find yourself a forward thinking and modern woman who is free of the trappings of cultural and religious dogma and wishes to get it on without becoming a hauzfrau. Someone who is unafraid, someone who sees the unfairness of the situation and wants to break it's pathetic cycle.

If you're a woman and you want an intimate relationship (without marriage) without being murdered or disowned by your entire country (possibly the entire region) then walk away from the fear and you'll attract a forward-thinking man who'll respect you while enjoying a loving relationship with you.

If everyone continues to perpetuate the "culture", then there will always be people being forced into miserable situations (like unwanted marriage) because of it. So, the suffering of mankind continues, and we only have ourselves to blame because we allow it.

Bottom line is you have the power to do whatever you want. You just have to believe it and do it.

Whoa. What are you saying here? That marriage is necessarily a bad thing for women?

[tinmenace]

Em, I hope that's not what I said. How did you come to that conclusion?

[notaslave]

Em, I hope that's not what I said. How did you come to that conclusion?

It wasnt clear which is why I asked.

[roxanna]

Ok I can't believe Im saying this but it just ocurred to me that there maybe one way that marriage can be beneficial to a relationship. Its got the more "permanent" feel to it.(I am divorced I know nothing is permanent). What I mean is one is less inclined to just drop it off and leave when something is wrong but more then likely stick and work on fixing it. There is less tendency to just "throw in the towell" so to speak. Still Im pretty sure its not for me persay, but does throw some light on how people tend to give up far easier in non-marriages then in them. Dont know but one thing is for sure relationships take alot of effort, understanding and forgiveness to work. If one isnt willing to take the work alongside with the joy of one best not be in one. Just my opinions on it. Cheers

[tinmenace]

I was addressing jagalman's apparent dilemma concerning relationships outside of marriage in his culture.

I have a post somewhere before that which explains how I feel about marriage.

[tinmenace]

Its got the more "permanent" feel to it. What I mean is one is less inclined to just drop it off and leave when something is wrong but more then likely stick and work on fixing it.

You're right. But judging from the divorce rate and spousal murders, I'd say that it's not a sure fix in keeping people together. If someone wants out bad enough, they'll get out. If someone wants to stay bad enough, they'll stay. It's up to the individual.

[seamus]

Roxanna your sig is right on!

Let me check in as someone who has never been married at age 36.

As long as one party is looking to the other for happiness and security, there will be problems. I mean major probs. There will always be little spats and such. But I am learning that happiness starts in MY heart, not in YOU doing what I want YOU to do to make ME happy.

s

[who elsie]

Fascinating debate. It is great that people have so many different opinions on marriage, because it should all be down to personal choice. If it feels right, you should do it, if it doesn't, don't. Simple as that. Only it isn't. I think we need to spare a thought for people from certain cultures who have no choice about whether they marry or not. It is often something they must do, or lose everything. Weird world!

[i am all i am]

Roxanna your sig is right on!

Let me check in as someone who has never been married at age 36.

As long as one party is looking to the other for happiness and security, there will be problems. I mean major probs. There will always be little spats and such. But I am learning that happiness starts in MY heart, not in YOU doing what I want YOU to do to make ME happy.

s

Beautifully said Seamus.

If you're not looking to find somethig within another, you can find it within yourself.

37 and never married.


With LOVE.

[roxanna]

I agree with you seamus and tinmenace. Thats so true. I myself though despite the one positive I could see in marriage would prefer to abstain from going down that road again. I think I can find someone mature enough to be with and stay off that route and have the security etc that goes with a strong relationship. Actually going through a very painful breakup which led me to think of how in marriages one tends to perhaps and this depends on the individuals but perhaps work a tad harder rather then just giving up. So needless to say at least temporarily or who knows how long my views are colored on the subject.

[roxanna]

Actually one more thing. No one is wrong in this discussion its just and individual process of thought. An interesting topic with which to exchange our views on definately. Cheers

[tinmenace]

Actually one more thing. No one is wrong in this discussion its just and individual process of thought.

Right! It's a very personal thing.

[oneofmany]

Once bitten, twice shy.

or

Once married, sucked dry.



With LOVE.
_________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

This is a classic comment :D

As for marriage (I dont even like the sound of the word) what can I say that hasn't already been said.

Does anybody know the true meaning of the wedding ring?

Was J.R.R Tolkein right when he said

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
http://gfx.download-by.net/screen/8/8898-the-lord-of-the-rings-the-one-ring-3d-screensaver.jpg


was he onto something?

[i am all i am]

Cheers Oneofmany,

Great post with the Lord of the Rings quote.

Love it.


With LOVE.
_____________________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMORISON YOU.

[janeway]

I agree it is totally personal. I never go into discussion with someone who wants to get married.

I have had 3 relationships in the past where these man wanted to get married. Until the time they wanted to make "it formal"?!?; we had a fantastic time, really devoted to each other. After my refusal, it becomes a problem.
So I have the idea that most man want to be married.
One of these man said to me: "I want it all"; and when I asked him what he mend he just proposed. But I thought we already had it all.
Sharing everything friends, family, buying a house together, joint bankaccounts, and so on... and than it has to become even more formal, brrrrr, it just sets me the other way (the way out).

I have the feeling that marriage is like ringing a pigeon; this one is MINE forever! So I prefer to run away.

I also had to refuse twice being asked to be a witness to a marriage from 2 friends of mine, because I don't believe in marriage myself.
Fortunately they understood, because they kind of know me.

[bigus_dickus]

i think humans have no idea about marriage and some, maybe most, do it for the wrong reasons.

marriage is something that happens on the soul level, when two souls decide to merge and share an experience as one.

humans have no idea about that, they go with expectations and attachments instead sharing and freedom and they end up chasing themselves to get their joy back.

is it all in reverse on this planet or what?

only god can join into marriage, who -news flash- is you when you do it for the right reasons.

no man can do it, it's all false and bureaucratic shit.

[pollock]

I agree with biggus, me and my man have been together for 6 years, (not counting the two years when we were young), and from the moment we decided this was it and our future was to be shared come good or bad, I felt "married", I mean joined together by a force greater than us.
I would never need another person saying some words to feel that, in fact no words could do justise to the power I feel is involved when you do really meet a person with whom you are conected by bonds not only physical or mental!
We did get married though, this winter, but only to get tax benefits, in Denmark if you are married and only one person works that person gets the tax reduction of the non working spouse.
And it was hilarious, we went to the lokal mayor, stood infront of him and held hands, he said the old "with the power invested in me" but he also read a sweet poem about the ups and downs of married life and he was genuinly happy about us being happy together, so all in all it was a pleasant experience!
I feel no different after though, one way or the other.
I think marriage as an institution, or a promise of happiness is dangerous, but the essence of marriage, to stand together infront of "God" and everyone declaring your infinite love and devotion seems very powerfull to me (I just dont need a third party to do that) but maybe Im just too romantic?;)

Love and laughter
F

[i am all i am]

G 'day Pollock and Bigus Dickus,

I agree with what you have said 100%.

I had a friend going to a re-affirmation ceremony (the couple had been married overseas and wanted to say their vows in front of family here in Australia). I wrote a poem to be used for a gift (it was framed) for the couple, although I was not involved with the ceremony. Even though I disagree with the institution of marraige, live and let live, or each to their own, would describe my 'motto'. So when I read your post Pollock, it reminded me pf this poem and I thought that I would share it with you.


FRIENDS GATHERED

A MOMENT SHARED,
OUR HEARTS WE BARED,
WORDS SPOKEN TRUE,
I LOVE YOU.

THIS MOMENT NOW,
OUR LOVE TO AVOW,
FOREVER TO GIVE,
OUR LOVE TO LIVE.

OUR FRIENDS GATHERED,
THIS MOMENT REMEMBERED,
IT'S LOVE WE SHARE,
WE DO DECLARE.



With LOVE.
__________________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

[pollock]

Thank you, that was a very sweet poem, Ill see if I can find the one he read at the ceremoni!
I think it was by Piet Hein

F

[pollock]

No I couldn't find that one, but this is a classic:

Memento Vivere

Love while you've got
love to give.
Live while you've got
life to live.

Piet Hein

I think I'll post some more in the quotes thread!

Love
F

[i am all i am]

No I couldn't find that one, but this is a classic:

Memento Vivere

Love while you've got
love to give.
Live while you've got
life to live.

Piet Hein

I think I'll post some more in the quotes thread!

Love
F


Thank you for sharing Pollock.

Who wills,
Can.
Who tries,
Does.
Who loves,
Lives.

Dragonsong, by Anne McCaffrey.


Your quote of Piet Hein reminded me of the above.
I read the ones in the quotes thread and would add my thanks here for sharing them with all of us. Thank you.


With LOVE.
____________________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

[jagalman]

i was talking to a girl shes a friend of me, she was trying to convince me with marriage and how good it's, my response was i dont know if i want to get married, i am scared from marriage, maybe because it has responsibility or afraid from failure!! or maybe it's not for me!! :confused:

Dont know!!

[tinmenace]

Then don't do it dude. Listen to that voice inside of you. That is your higher conscience speaking to you. Maybe you are destined for something much greater. So, just don't do something because you feel pressured.

[i am all i am]

Then don't do it dude. Listen to that voice inside of you. That is your higher conscience speaking to you. Maybe you are destined for something much greater. So, just don't do something because you feel pressured.


This is excellent advice Jagalman.

Well done Tinmenace.


With LOVE.
________________________________

WHEN PAIRED OPPOSITES DEFINE YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR BELIEFS WILL IMPRISON YOU.

[tinmenace]

Thanks ;)

[demonsnare]

when thinking makes way
for feeling
and then feeling
makes way for
being
this
is
truth

[phoenixchilde]

Marriage is a great idea. I give props to the guys who came up with it in each and every civilization. I can think of nothing better than to find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and doing just that.

Engagement is the same thing as marriage. The whole point of engagement is to say "we're gonna get married." Why else bother?

That being said, if marriage is done for the wrong reason, it's a terrible idea. Marriage should only be done for love. Anything else is just stupid. I've seen people get married(or engaged) for all the wrong reason. Desperation, control, sex, status, money, boredom, even revenge. Ah hell, I could go on forever with this list, but it'll either bore or anger me.

In short, don't be afraid to get married, but don't get pressured into it. Think about it long and hard(that's what she said) before you ask someone to marry you.