kashmirz
14-01-2008, 09:42 AM
So here it is the 14th, and for the first time in a great deal of time i can say i have had a absolutely uplifting week, was my week filled with knowledge and study? did i have some divine experience? did i travel to mars?
no
What i did do however is have the fortune of being graced with guests every day of this week, now from a different perspective this was actually bad, because i had wished to study this week just gone, however making the best of a bad situation i allowed these guests to stay and we proceeded to relax, smoke some herbs, listen to music, very normal things.
I did not have a inch of worry, and it was like my entire mind had shut off, literally in the sense of the intoxicants of course, but in a more broad sense i found myself not overly concerning.
Usually i find myself preaching, fighting in my sleep, trying to spread awareness and just genuinely driving myself mad with that good old friendly voice in the back of my mind "knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, YOU DONT KNOW IT ALL YET, HURRY UP" ... and it really is like that :P which i find more amusing rather than concerning i assure you.
Now why is this of relevance? well for me personally, my problems are all derived from my desire to not be bound by the shackles of this reality, and to be once again free to roam the universe. And that .. in all honesty is about as simple as it gets.
However with my particular lust for knowledge, my ultimate desires and everything that undoubtedly will come after that, as ... i mean it is eternity were talking about, can you not all see how someone like myself literally tears themselves apart?
well if you need and conformation of this particular notion all you have to do is cast your mind back to what im now calling "arrogance hour staring kashmir_z" aka that film i made not long ago hahaha
And don't worry, im going somewhere with this ;)
So i guess you consider that a breaking point of sorts, i reflected on that situation for quite a deal of time, and the answers, although disappointing and frustrating, were quite simple indeed, however i will need to give you a ulta breif history of myself to help you see how i have joined these dots in particular.
In summary, i have never needed to actively go out and "learn" anything, knowledge has always come to me, and never the other way around, and most of everything i know, i either already know, or have remembered, or i have been bridged to from something i already knew...
Now this has not ever been a problem, because as bizzare as it will sound, truly bizzare, the notion of actually "learning/ searching" for knowledge, 12 months ago, was absolutely foreign to me. And the opportunity's to discover how to do so only came to me after i started finding out about these "figureheads" in the "truth movement"
I never even knew their was a "truth movement" i literally have spent at least 90% of my entire life in solitude, at my computer, thinking all the time. and through that thinking ive learned pretty much everything i do, as a side note this is why i ended up coming to this community as when i finally did find out about icke i was truly amazed that i seemed to have found out about most of what the man says through no outside contact at all, and simply my mind. however i digress.
So with understanding that breif information about myself, the answers are so simple it really has me astounded. I Have never needed to openly search for knowledge, it has always come to me, now considering when i look at my past , i can see that everything i had learned took me to the next point, and so on etc, and all my actions prior led me to this greater understanding.
So what ive done, is dismissed the way i had learned effectively and efficiently for 10 years through either beings or greater consciousness ( i truly dont know and your guess is as good as mine, however ive never really cared , i figured if i was ment to know i would be told .. so i dont ask) , and then started using my conscious mind to attempt to search for knowledge and completley disregard my heart, mind and previous ways of learning.
And right there, has been my ultimate problem. recently developed, and now swiftly fixed.
Now many varying lessons have been learned through this roller coaster ride of emotions, but the one that resounds above all else, is that all those actions, i was being guided towards, in some cases for a direct negative effect to teach me a lesson, however i had to become aware of the fact that to go against the grain, of whatever had guided me, be it my higher self, other beings, greater consciousness or a combination of all of the above up until now, was the exact opposite of what i should be doing.
So where did this conflict come from kashmir? you may be asking yourself, and thats a question that took me a great deal of time to answer honestly to myself... but for sake of ease, and because of the fact i really want to go make a coffee i will point form it :P
- age 8 - 18 , learning via no outside assistance or resources, regular advancement, revelations, learning constantly.
- 18 - 19 , to push my learning to a higher level i then must become aware of the truth movement because of the knowledge it links to.
- I then miss the point entirely, start to stop how i used to learn because my sub conscious begins to be bombarded with "you must have documented proof"
- Conscious then starts actively looking for knowledge, books, etc etc you name it, this then make everything i already did for recreation suddenly seem " wrong" i refer to computer games, relaxing on teamspeak with friends etc etc.
- All regular activities have now been disregarded and considered "heretic" and my mind then trys to actively search out information from the physical, the opposite from what i had always done and extremely in efficient compared to how i had been learning.
So what was the ultimate result? basically i had gotten to the point where i was literally trying to ram the knowledge of eternity into my head via books, resources, public figures etc etc, instead of simply letting it slowly flow into my mind, as it always had done.
The moment i started letting the active search consume me, instead of being patient and waiting for it to flow into me, was when all knowledge stopped entirely, and i feel the entire situation abroad, and i speak of from day 1, until now , has been to teach me to trust that flow.
So where does that leave me at this point? well im back to normal, and i feel well for it, im letting knowledge flow to me, instead of trying to flow to it once again, and slowly taking it all on board, recreation is at a all time high once again, and ive been communicating actively with my friends again.
Im following my heart, if i feel like recreation, i will, if i then start feeling i need to study , i will, but im no longer forcing myself in any direction, but rather being true to my heart.
Im still not having much luck with the whole money situation, as i still have yet not acquired a job, however i dare say it should not take to long to find something, im hopefully aiming to find something 2 - 3 days a week.
In terms of my studies, ive taken up tai chi to help co ordinate my energy better (although i still suck but daily practice makes perfect ;) ) and once i have mastered my own body's energy through this, i will then return to my pyrokinesis study s as im sure it shall make them far easier.
All in all everything is chugging along quite well, and im trying to keep calm, i understand i will be able to study to the degree i wish in the future, but right now ... with the planet as it is, its literally ... literally, not even possible, theirs so much dam suppressed knowledge, and after the light wins, when we save this planet and its all released, you can all fuck off because im taking ALL the books :P mwhahahaha
ay ... mr thinks im joking ... stop eyeing up my books ... YEAH im talking to you!
alrighty, well, i hope someone out their finds something helpfull in this personal insight post as i posted incase theirs others out their with a similar situation to me and i could help etc. but if not, thanks for reading :D
*dives out the window*
<3
~V~
no
What i did do however is have the fortune of being graced with guests every day of this week, now from a different perspective this was actually bad, because i had wished to study this week just gone, however making the best of a bad situation i allowed these guests to stay and we proceeded to relax, smoke some herbs, listen to music, very normal things.
I did not have a inch of worry, and it was like my entire mind had shut off, literally in the sense of the intoxicants of course, but in a more broad sense i found myself not overly concerning.
Usually i find myself preaching, fighting in my sleep, trying to spread awareness and just genuinely driving myself mad with that good old friendly voice in the back of my mind "knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, YOU DONT KNOW IT ALL YET, HURRY UP" ... and it really is like that :P which i find more amusing rather than concerning i assure you.
Now why is this of relevance? well for me personally, my problems are all derived from my desire to not be bound by the shackles of this reality, and to be once again free to roam the universe. And that .. in all honesty is about as simple as it gets.
However with my particular lust for knowledge, my ultimate desires and everything that undoubtedly will come after that, as ... i mean it is eternity were talking about, can you not all see how someone like myself literally tears themselves apart?
well if you need and conformation of this particular notion all you have to do is cast your mind back to what im now calling "arrogance hour staring kashmir_z" aka that film i made not long ago hahaha
And don't worry, im going somewhere with this ;)
So i guess you consider that a breaking point of sorts, i reflected on that situation for quite a deal of time, and the answers, although disappointing and frustrating, were quite simple indeed, however i will need to give you a ulta breif history of myself to help you see how i have joined these dots in particular.
In summary, i have never needed to actively go out and "learn" anything, knowledge has always come to me, and never the other way around, and most of everything i know, i either already know, or have remembered, or i have been bridged to from something i already knew...
Now this has not ever been a problem, because as bizzare as it will sound, truly bizzare, the notion of actually "learning/ searching" for knowledge, 12 months ago, was absolutely foreign to me. And the opportunity's to discover how to do so only came to me after i started finding out about these "figureheads" in the "truth movement"
I never even knew their was a "truth movement" i literally have spent at least 90% of my entire life in solitude, at my computer, thinking all the time. and through that thinking ive learned pretty much everything i do, as a side note this is why i ended up coming to this community as when i finally did find out about icke i was truly amazed that i seemed to have found out about most of what the man says through no outside contact at all, and simply my mind. however i digress.
So with understanding that breif information about myself, the answers are so simple it really has me astounded. I Have never needed to openly search for knowledge, it has always come to me, now considering when i look at my past , i can see that everything i had learned took me to the next point, and so on etc, and all my actions prior led me to this greater understanding.
So what ive done, is dismissed the way i had learned effectively and efficiently for 10 years through either beings or greater consciousness ( i truly dont know and your guess is as good as mine, however ive never really cared , i figured if i was ment to know i would be told .. so i dont ask) , and then started using my conscious mind to attempt to search for knowledge and completley disregard my heart, mind and previous ways of learning.
And right there, has been my ultimate problem. recently developed, and now swiftly fixed.
Now many varying lessons have been learned through this roller coaster ride of emotions, but the one that resounds above all else, is that all those actions, i was being guided towards, in some cases for a direct negative effect to teach me a lesson, however i had to become aware of the fact that to go against the grain, of whatever had guided me, be it my higher self, other beings, greater consciousness or a combination of all of the above up until now, was the exact opposite of what i should be doing.
So where did this conflict come from kashmir? you may be asking yourself, and thats a question that took me a great deal of time to answer honestly to myself... but for sake of ease, and because of the fact i really want to go make a coffee i will point form it :P
- age 8 - 18 , learning via no outside assistance or resources, regular advancement, revelations, learning constantly.
- 18 - 19 , to push my learning to a higher level i then must become aware of the truth movement because of the knowledge it links to.
- I then miss the point entirely, start to stop how i used to learn because my sub conscious begins to be bombarded with "you must have documented proof"
- Conscious then starts actively looking for knowledge, books, etc etc you name it, this then make everything i already did for recreation suddenly seem " wrong" i refer to computer games, relaxing on teamspeak with friends etc etc.
- All regular activities have now been disregarded and considered "heretic" and my mind then trys to actively search out information from the physical, the opposite from what i had always done and extremely in efficient compared to how i had been learning.
So what was the ultimate result? basically i had gotten to the point where i was literally trying to ram the knowledge of eternity into my head via books, resources, public figures etc etc, instead of simply letting it slowly flow into my mind, as it always had done.
The moment i started letting the active search consume me, instead of being patient and waiting for it to flow into me, was when all knowledge stopped entirely, and i feel the entire situation abroad, and i speak of from day 1, until now , has been to teach me to trust that flow.
So where does that leave me at this point? well im back to normal, and i feel well for it, im letting knowledge flow to me, instead of trying to flow to it once again, and slowly taking it all on board, recreation is at a all time high once again, and ive been communicating actively with my friends again.
Im following my heart, if i feel like recreation, i will, if i then start feeling i need to study , i will, but im no longer forcing myself in any direction, but rather being true to my heart.
Im still not having much luck with the whole money situation, as i still have yet not acquired a job, however i dare say it should not take to long to find something, im hopefully aiming to find something 2 - 3 days a week.
In terms of my studies, ive taken up tai chi to help co ordinate my energy better (although i still suck but daily practice makes perfect ;) ) and once i have mastered my own body's energy through this, i will then return to my pyrokinesis study s as im sure it shall make them far easier.
All in all everything is chugging along quite well, and im trying to keep calm, i understand i will be able to study to the degree i wish in the future, but right now ... with the planet as it is, its literally ... literally, not even possible, theirs so much dam suppressed knowledge, and after the light wins, when we save this planet and its all released, you can all fuck off because im taking ALL the books :P mwhahahaha
ay ... mr thinks im joking ... stop eyeing up my books ... YEAH im talking to you!
alrighty, well, i hope someone out their finds something helpfull in this personal insight post as i posted incase theirs others out their with a similar situation to me and i could help etc. but if not, thanks for reading :D
*dives out the window*
<3
~V~