Behold - a New Religion

[paolo]

No sooner was I made a moderator on the nineeleven forum than I got religion
http://westyorkshiretruth.aceboard.com/225988-8730-6014-0-Behold-religion.htm
Are you a believer?

[adimon]

They forgot number 11.

11. Thou should ignore commandments.

[paolo]

That's the veiled one.
Thankyou

[john white]

I'd happily join your Religion Paulo, but I'm already a Bollockist, so whats to do eh?

[woghd]

I'm a pseudoscientologist.

[lifeofbrian]

They forgot number 11.

11. Thou should ignore commandments.

:D

Touché.

[adimon]

GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special)

Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three:

I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS

This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5519239193881956619

[paolo]

Yes - a fair enough analysis of the well-known 10, Adimon.
I think those I have received are far more appropriate to this particular time and of more practical use, though you could no doubt conflate them to fewer in a similar fashion. Also they only pose as prohibitions whilst promoting outcomes that probably most people posting to this and similar truth-eeking boards would wish for.
I see nothing there that prohibit other empathic faiths or cults from joining. Bollocksists and pseudoscientists welcome

[adimon]

have commandments at all? Why not use one's judgement for each situation in isolation, whilst maintaining the values one holds dear? :)

[john white]

Yes - a fair enough analysis of the well-known 10, Adimon.
I think those I have received are far more appropriate to this particular time and of more practical use, though you could no doubt conflate them to fewer in a similar fashion. Also they only pose as prohibitions whilst promoting outcomes that probably most people posting to this and similar truth-eeking boards would wish for.
I see nothing there that prohibit other empathic faiths or cults from joining. Bollocksists and pseudoscientists welcome

I'm in then!

[adimon]

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx

[paolo]

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx
Precisely. I'll regard you as an anticult member.
Thankyou for counting yourself in.
I'll add you to the database

[adimon]

Precisely. I'll regard you as an anticult member.
Thankyou for counting yourself in.
I'll add you to the database

That wasn't my view, that's Groucho Marx's.

I'm a Republican. Doubt you'll want me in. :)

[paolo]

Don't give a damn what you call yourself.
You've rendered yourself and are in:D

[adimon]

Even if I was to say I like George Bush? :rolleyes:

[woghd]

Yes - a fair enough analysis of the well-known 10, Adimon.
I think those I have received are far more appropriate to this particular time and of more practical use, though you could no doubt conflate them to fewer in a similar fashion. Also they only pose as prohibitions whilst promoting outcomes that probably most people posting to this and similar truth-eeking boards would wish for.
I see nothing there that prohibit other empathic faiths or cults from joining. Bollocksists and pseudoscientists welcome

Not pseudoscientist...pseudoscienTOLOGIST.
as is "The Church of Pseudoscientology"
Still want us? We can repair your soul for only 30 bucks.

Archangel

[paolo]

Even if I was to say I like George Bush? :rolleyes:
I love George Bush - all the slanty close-together eyes signals.
He's such an open book who could not love him for himself
Thanks for your confirmation

[paolo]

Not pseudoscientist...pseudoscienTOLOGIST.
as is "The Church of Pseudoscientology"
Still want us? We can repair your soul for only 30 bucks.

Archangel
Sorry for the mistake. Yes, that's the best offer I've had all week.
Soul repair for 30 bucks?
How can I refuse

[adimon]

Paolo - Pearl Jam fan or just interested in astronomy?

[paolo]

Paolo - Pearl Jam fan or just interested in astronomy?
Neither. Well just a little of the latter Just so pleased you've joined us