northernindigo
12-05-2010, 03:15 AM
I might be repeating some of the stuff i posted in other threads, but i am kind of disruptive of thought, so i have to share as thoughts pop up, so here i go.
These are the words of a self discovered indigo warrior from norway
i will try to explain my worl view and experience in this document, my way of speaking might seem arrogant, or otherwise disturbing to the regular mind, but please regard this as information only. Please tolerate grammatic errors, I am norwegian, and english is my second tounge
I was living in the dreamworld, I have been lied to all my life, and my life has been a turbulent one indeed. My growing up was never easy, a single mother, and imprisoned father, alternating between filthy rich and agonizing poverty all my life, I have always been able to relate to any one of any life situation and persuation.
Diagnosed with ADHD in an early age, I have always had a problem with authority.
My mother tells me that i manipulated others already from an early age, always getting my will in som way or another, this led me to believe that I was a psychopath, psychologists also suggested this, and i almost proved it to myself aswell.
In elementary school i was able to talk circles around my teachers, i was have always been able to do this but cannot remember how i did it at an early age.
I always felt different, smarter, more capable, but i realize, everyone does, maybe not, but that was my view at the time.
I never responded well to normal conditioning, noone but my mother has ever been able to control me, or affect my judgement or behavior. Although not showing it, i have always been quite emotional and empathic, but my wanting to project another view of myself, led me to project the "gangster" image often seen in youth today, with my father being a very sucsessful criminal, this was never a problem. I rode along his acomplishments and gathered respect from this, utilizing this fact to my favor, never having to do any physical crime to be accepted by older criminal elemts to be accepted, knowing the how to's and what to say's in the norwegian criminal world. My father taguht me alot, i observed mostly, and learned through obersvation. i have always been very independent and intuitive.
Then i experienced my fathers death in the an early age, probably causing severe emotional trauma i still deal with, but wouldnt admit at the time.
this led to an even more turbulent adolecense, and i started using THC as the drug of choice, alongside abundant amounts of alochol and nicotine.
Always the atheist i was convinced the universe was fully automatic, and lived by that creed.
i was the evil system incarnate, ever seen barney in the TV series How i met your mother? I was even worse
Working for a telemarketing company, i was manipulating others into giving me money, even though the product was cheap and effective, i felt kinda evil, even worse, i liked it, describing myself as a facist capitalist.
this went on for months, i was making 6-7000 $ a month, having a blast spending lots and lost having fun. Smoking weed, drinking, and doing cocaine.
It didnt last, i had a breakdown, tumbeling into depression and frustration.
I went into a state of drug abuse, and strengthening my ego, i inherited alot of money, so i could float freely on my ignorance. it lasted for a long time.
Then one day i tried LSD
I wont go into details, but my world was shattered, and i now see clearly but i am as confused as ever. There are so many new age theories and concepts, hustlers and truth speakers.
too me its seems that the new age/enlightened state of mind is as much bombareded as the norm, if not more, with bullshitters and pranksters.
So it was difficult for me to navigate this terrain.
Now i have learned to trust myself more, although i am still somewhat confused.
I see myself as being on the right path, just not there at the moment.
I have fallen in love with psychedelics, but opinions are divided within that subject as well.
So i am wanting to change my life, and state, I am meditating, sun-gazing, and mind opening regularly.
but i am also "in love" with drugs, i love cannabis and i love LSD, psychedelics are like my holy grail, but i am also divided, are psychedelics only a pointer? or a guide thorugh it all?
Can i reach enlightenment though them? or will they only send me on the right path?
Please advise
I also discovered that i am most probably an indigo child/adult, since i seem to fit the description, but lack the aquiantanced to confirm this, so i would appreciate any insight into this by people with indigo experience, or indigos themselves into this matter, Am I and indigo? what should i do? and so forth. Read my thread "what was written will come to pass" for further insight into my plans.
Peace and respect
These are the words of a self discovered indigo warrior from norway
i will try to explain my worl view and experience in this document, my way of speaking might seem arrogant, or otherwise disturbing to the regular mind, but please regard this as information only. Please tolerate grammatic errors, I am norwegian, and english is my second tounge
I was living in the dreamworld, I have been lied to all my life, and my life has been a turbulent one indeed. My growing up was never easy, a single mother, and imprisoned father, alternating between filthy rich and agonizing poverty all my life, I have always been able to relate to any one of any life situation and persuation.
Diagnosed with ADHD in an early age, I have always had a problem with authority.
My mother tells me that i manipulated others already from an early age, always getting my will in som way or another, this led me to believe that I was a psychopath, psychologists also suggested this, and i almost proved it to myself aswell.
In elementary school i was able to talk circles around my teachers, i was have always been able to do this but cannot remember how i did it at an early age.
I always felt different, smarter, more capable, but i realize, everyone does, maybe not, but that was my view at the time.
I never responded well to normal conditioning, noone but my mother has ever been able to control me, or affect my judgement or behavior. Although not showing it, i have always been quite emotional and empathic, but my wanting to project another view of myself, led me to project the "gangster" image often seen in youth today, with my father being a very sucsessful criminal, this was never a problem. I rode along his acomplishments and gathered respect from this, utilizing this fact to my favor, never having to do any physical crime to be accepted by older criminal elemts to be accepted, knowing the how to's and what to say's in the norwegian criminal world. My father taguht me alot, i observed mostly, and learned through obersvation. i have always been very independent and intuitive.
Then i experienced my fathers death in the an early age, probably causing severe emotional trauma i still deal with, but wouldnt admit at the time.
this led to an even more turbulent adolecense, and i started using THC as the drug of choice, alongside abundant amounts of alochol and nicotine.
Always the atheist i was convinced the universe was fully automatic, and lived by that creed.
i was the evil system incarnate, ever seen barney in the TV series How i met your mother? I was even worse
Working for a telemarketing company, i was manipulating others into giving me money, even though the product was cheap and effective, i felt kinda evil, even worse, i liked it, describing myself as a facist capitalist.
this went on for months, i was making 6-7000 $ a month, having a blast spending lots and lost having fun. Smoking weed, drinking, and doing cocaine.
It didnt last, i had a breakdown, tumbeling into depression and frustration.
I went into a state of drug abuse, and strengthening my ego, i inherited alot of money, so i could float freely on my ignorance. it lasted for a long time.
Then one day i tried LSD
I wont go into details, but my world was shattered, and i now see clearly but i am as confused as ever. There are so many new age theories and concepts, hustlers and truth speakers.
too me its seems that the new age/enlightened state of mind is as much bombareded as the norm, if not more, with bullshitters and pranksters.
So it was difficult for me to navigate this terrain.
Now i have learned to trust myself more, although i am still somewhat confused.
I see myself as being on the right path, just not there at the moment.
I have fallen in love with psychedelics, but opinions are divided within that subject as well.
So i am wanting to change my life, and state, I am meditating, sun-gazing, and mind opening regularly.
but i am also "in love" with drugs, i love cannabis and i love LSD, psychedelics are like my holy grail, but i am also divided, are psychedelics only a pointer? or a guide thorugh it all?
Can i reach enlightenment though them? or will they only send me on the right path?
Please advise
I also discovered that i am most probably an indigo child/adult, since i seem to fit the description, but lack the aquiantanced to confirm this, so i would appreciate any insight into this by people with indigo experience, or indigos themselves into this matter, Am I and indigo? what should i do? and so forth. Read my thread "what was written will come to pass" for further insight into my plans.
Peace and respect